Disclaimer: Not mine.
Notes: This was a birthday gift for a friend of mine.
Love. It's such a stupid word. I mean, it's like you're pledging your whole life in a four little letters and most people don't even mean it. They're just like 'Well, I kinda like you, but I'll say I love you so you'll like me more than I like you and I'll be safe, then I'll leave you when I get bored, because you don't really matter,' and then you're all alone and it never mattered anyway, so who cares, right?
Love's not soft and fuzzy and pink, it's a battle and you get hurt. Sorry, but I don't feel like giving my life away when I barely have any of it left that's mine. I get a few months, and then nothing. I can't give that away. Love hurts, and I can't let yo-- Me. I can't let myself get hurt. I don't need it. I don't need you. I just need to win. Then I'll be free and it really won't matter.
If I win-- When I win. After I win, I can fall in love. Then I can give up my life. I can't now. Not yet. I have to wait a little longer, and then I can tell you.
Nothing, tell you nothing. I can't ever tell you. You won't love me. You can't. I'm a monster. Even you were scared when--
No, I don't want to think about that. I shouldn't think about that.
Even if I win -- I'm running of time, there's time for 'what if's and being indecisive, I have to act! -- but still, even if I win, I lose. You can't stand us fighting. You can't stand to see either of us go. I don't know what happens to the rat if I win, but this is Akito's idea… It can't be good.
You can't love me. Everyone loves the rat. You'll fall for him and I won't be able to beat him because of it. I can't love you. Love hurts. I don't want you to get hurt.
I can't let you get hurt.
Can't, can't, can't. Isn't there anything I can do?
Not fight. Give up on freedom. Watch you smile.
I love you.
And I have to let you go.
Goodbye, Tohru.