A Smile in the Dark.
Chapter Five.
Once they reached her room, Remus couldn't help but notice how empty it seemed, how devoid of her own personal touches that she gave to everywhere else without intention. As if noticing his scrutiny, she swept her hand out to indicate the room and said "I don't spend more time than I have to here. I prefer to be working, doing something useful for the Order."
He returned this with a smile and stated easily "I can relate to that," noticing that despite the lack of most personal effects there was a stack of books on the bedside table, along with an alarm clock. There were several pairs of shoes peeking out from under the edge of the bed, but other than that there was little evidence that this room belonged to anyone in particular. Spotting the title on top of all the others, Remus's eyes lit up. She has good taste in books!
Tonks spotted his expression and questioned "what makes you smile, Mr. Lupin?" with one of her own.
"Observing the fact that you appear to share my own predilection for reading – I didn't know that you enjoyed these." Deciding to take a slight liberty, Remus walked over and picked up the first one that had caught his eye. "Most of the other Order members think me an odd one for enjoying Muggle literature – even the ones who have some influence of Muggle blood." His eyes shining, he quoted from the novel in his hand, wondering if she'd recognise it. "Gil-galad was an Elven king, of him the harpers sadly sing…"
A smile leapt to Tonks's features as he quoted the Lord of the Rings, continuing herself with aplomb and dexterity of tone, all the correct vocal inflections in the right places. "…the last whose realm was fair and free, between the mountains and the sea." A pause and she questioned "shall I go on?"
"If you like," he replied, privately thinking that she had a beautiful speaking voice. If I was asked to liken it to any spell or charm, I would say that none other could be quite as potent nor as lovely. He seated himself upon the edge of her bed, like a scholar attentive to the wisdom of every word of knowledge thrown his way.
"His sword was long, his lance was keen.
His shining helm afar was seen.
The many stars of heaven's field
Were mirrored in his silver shield."
Tonks spoke with a sonorous resonation on the vowels of her words, making it all the richer and lending it a very real quality. Remus could actually see the image that her voice painted in his mind's eye, and this only proved to him that she had a gift.
Suddenly her voice faltered and ceased, leaving him mourning at the loss of it inwardly. She seemed to come out of some sort of trance, and her cheeks went slightly pink as she returned to her normal way of speaking – though Remus now noticed the slight musical quality to it that he had never registered before. "I don't think I should continue. We don't need an echo of Mordor on top of what we already have here." His nod of agreement satisfied her, but it also made her more conscious of her current predicament.
The truth was; Tonks was embarrassed that she had let Remus see such a part of her, and a curtain of unmistakable shyness had fallen over her usually confident and cheerful demeanour. "Mum read them to me, before she…went away."
Remus, still partially spellbound by this that he had seen, spoke with a slight lump in his throat. "I understand." And he did – he had known Andromeda. He had been there when the notice came back she had fallen in battle as a member of the Order. Tonks would have only been about five, maybe a little older. This had to be one of the few memories of her mother that she could cling onto and appreciate. His heart hurt for her.
Tonks's eyes had reddened slightly around the edges, but this was removed with a swift use of her morphing abilities. Her footsteps took her over to the bedside cabinet, walking past him, and there she collected a stack of papers that had been concealed by the books. When she turned to him her face was calm, her voice detached. "I think I'd better work a bit. Can't have the Ministry finding reason to sack me."
Remus's heart sank at the tone of her voice now, any trace of familiarity apparently removed from it. "Tonks, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to intrude." His eyes gleamed blue with the briefest flash of gold, distress heightening their deep colour as he looked at her. He got to his feet and touched her shoulder, meeting her gaze without hesitation.
The touch to her arm made Tonks realise what she must have seemed like. "No, no! You didn't!" she exclaimed earnestly, suddenly noticing how tall he was. He's at least three inches taller than me. "It's always nice to know when someone shares an interest in the fantasy genre." This was accompanied by a smile, and she felt his hand burning through her clothes, into her skin. Oh no. Not now, not in front of him. You are not going to let him see you blush any more, Nymphadora.
Remus looked at her, noting how genuine her smile seemed, but then reminded himself that she was a Metamorphmagus. If she was the devious type, she could give Machiavelli a run for his money with regards to duplicity. Such as it is, she could easily fool me that she's all right. His other hand moving to touch her other arm now, his eyes were warm and slightly remorseful. "That's not what I meant, and you know it."
Oh good Merlin, how do I get out of this one? Unable to move despite the lightness of his touch, Tonks could only look up at him with emotion in her eyes that could not be veiled.
The look in her eyes made Remus wonder if she was truly concealing anything after all, if perhaps he had misread her actions. I sincerely hope that I have not made a gross misinterpretation. "Nonetheless, I am sorry. I didn't mean to bring up a painful memory."
He seemed so altogether worried that he had caused her any grief that Tonks knew she couldn't lie to him. "All memories are painful Remus, because that's all that they are – memories." A sad smile accompanied this; a sudden wisdom appearing that had not been there before, the smallest flash of her Black heritage slipping through. "Now, papers." Reluctant as she was to move from him, she was realising quickly that she was giving away too much. She stepped back and seated herself on the bed, spreading her reports out and beginning to skim one.
Remus was at a loss for what to do, knowing that there was much more to her thoughts than he had perhaps touched upon but also somehow knowing that it wasn't really his place to probe into them. "Have the Ministry been heaping you down with it again?" he questioned, returning to normality so quickly that he surprised himself.
"Yes, they're the height of all evil next to the one we're fighting," she joked lightly, a small grin coming over her features. "I'm expecting to be sent on a mission any day now. I don't know where I'll be, what I'll be doing or why I'll be doing it, but I suppose I'll just get on with it as I always do."
Concern was the emotion rushing through Remus now, concern and worry. "You mean, they're just going to order you off and you have to go without questioning them?"
Tonks looked at him, interrupting her perusal of her current report. "Well, yes. That's how it generally works – I have to take orders or I'll blow my cover."
Suddenly feeling rather ridiculous at questioning what should have been perfectly obvious, Remus blurted at random "You know; you have a lovely speaking voice. It's like music." Good Merlin Lupin, could you be any more cliché?
Tonks flushed then, and she knew that there was no hiding it this time. Bollocks. Her only real response was to dip her head shyly, in a way that Remus found charming, and reply softly "thank you," before her eyes dropped to the papers, her hair falling into her face.
This slight awkwardness was one that was unfamiliar to Remus, and so he attempted to continue speaking. "What do you think Kingsley has in mind for you today?"
Grateful for the diversion from the growing flutter in her stomach, Tonks replied "oh, most likely just patrolling – under cover, of course. I refuse to pull the old lady disguise today though."
This typically Tonks remark put Remus back at his ease and made him laugh heartily. "I'd imagine that's not exactly your favourite disguise."
"No, it irritates me to pretend to be old and at least partially infirm when I'm perfectly capable. I prefer it when I get to age myself up just a tiny bit, or not at all. It's simple to disguise yourself when you have an age group target in mind." Warming up to the subject and leaving the pretty much completed paperwork to one side, Tonks got to her feet again, her hands moving animatedly as she explained how her structure worked.
"For instance, if I'm going to be looking out for an older person, I'm going to want to be inconspicuous unless I actually want them to find me. That's mostly for trapping missions, if you put bait out though. And…you know all this, why am I still talking?"
"Because you're talking about something you love doing for the most part, and it shows." Remus's voice was warm at this, but he was careful in the way he showed it. Wouldn't do for her to be making any guesses, would it?
"Hm, I guess that perhaps you're right." Tonks frowned briefly in thought for a moment, before her expression cleared and she smiled brightly once more, an almost impish look coming to her features. "Breakfast will be ready in three, two, one…"
Though the comment had seemed random as she had said it, Molly shouted a moment later, confirming the statement and causing Remus to dissolve into laughter once again, hand resting over his stomach as he lay, helpless from it. "Tonks…don't do that. It's painful to laugh this much!" He was unaware of the difference in his features as he looked at her, unaware of the lines and pain that laughter removed from his face, lending it a more youthful aspect than it had previously possessed. This effect that she had on him didn't seem to be fading all that quickly, which was something that surprised Remus, but not unpleasantly so. Tonks is wonderful company, to be sure. Most certainly.
Rising to his feet, he extended his hand to her. "I'm going to presume that you might like breakfast. May I escort you downstairs?" The old-fashioned gallantry was entirely unintentional on his part, and he cringed at how silly she must think him, preparing himself to be laughed at. Tonks's reaction, on the other hand, was actually rather the opposite.
"I rather liked hearing you talk. And…you should laugh more often you know. It's a good sound to hear from you as well." Tonks paused, before placing her small, surprisingly delicate hand into Remus's and blushing the slightest bit, a response that seemed to be instantaneous around Remus of late. This man is very, very bad for my blood vessels…at least, the ones in my cheeks. They appear to be working overtime, and I've no idea why. How very unsettling…but it isn't unpleasant. Oh, far from it. A moment later, and the confident, almost sensual voice that emitted from her lips surprised even her. "I've no objection to being escorted by such a handsome and polite gentleman. You might say that it's my lucky day." With this, she was on her feet and standing next to him, gliding across the floor with smooth footsteps as they walked together, heading downstairs to sample the delight that always seemed to be Molly Weasley's cooking. Despite everything, both were so occupied with their own thoughts and each other that they failed to notice that they had talked together for a good hour or more without tiring of the other's company. In fact, the thoughts on both of their minds very much indicated that they couldn't wait to spend the afternoon together.
And so, it was with smiles and good humour that they entered the Grimmauld kitchen together, entirely ignorant of the eyes upon them as they continued their bantering and conversational flirtation.
Author's note: I'm aware that it's been a sinfully long time since my last update, and all readers have every right to wish to bash me upside the head for such…but please, have mercy. Real life gets in the way sometimes, you know. ;)