The Merc and the Ninja
Part 3: 'Cute Buns!'
By
RahneMan
Disclaimer- I don't own Deadpool, Psylocke OR Castle Doom, Marvel does. Well, Dr Doom owns Castle Doom actually!
Notes- For those of you who didn't know, Dr Doom got trapped in Hell in Fantastic 4 #500 and Skin died after the Church of Humanity attacked the X- Mansion and crucified everyone.
Latveria-
It is an unusually quiet day in the small Eastern European country of Latveria. Funnily enough, all the days in Latveria have been quiet since Dr Doom's disappearance. No noisy battles with miscellaneous super-powered heroes, nothing! Well, until toady, that is!
The townsfolk of Doomstadt, Latveria's capital, look up from their everyday business as the sky is illuminated by a flash of light nearby Castle Doom, the former home of Victor Von Doom, the former ruler of Latveria. As the light recedes, the townsfolk resume their everyday business. Occurrences such as this are commonplace in Latveria, whether it's a random would-be dictator trying to usurp Doom or another battle between Doom and the Fantastic 4.
The hills nearby Castle Doom-
Two figures step out of the receding light. They are, of course, our heroes, Deadpool and Psylocke!
'I never get tired of that!' Deadpool moans, clutching his stomach.
'Don't be such a pansy Deadpool!' Psylocke sighs. 'This must be our destination.' She finishes.
'Gee!' Deadpool quips. 'What gave you that idea? The huge castle or the sign saying 'Welcome to Latveria: Cosmic radiation powered super heroes get in free!'
Psylocke just shakes her head and walks towards the castle.
'Waitasec Bets!' Deadpool calls after her. 'We can't just waltz straight in, Doom's probably got some bobby-traps laying about!'
'Why don't you teleport us in Smart-Ass?'
'I think I might just do that Cute-Buns!' Deadpool smirks.
'How many times do I have to tell you?' Betsy hisses. 'Don't call me.' The Purple-haired telepath is unable to finish her sentence as they are enveloped by another flash of light.
Inside Castle Doom-
There is another flash of light and Wade and Betsy step out.
'.Cute buns!'
'Thankyou for noticing!' Wade smirks again.
'I hate you, a lot!' Betsy sighs.
'Where are we anyway?' Wade asks.
Betsy looks around at all the hi-tech doodads.
'It looks like we're in Doom's private lab.'
'Right.' Wade answers her. 'The staff thingy wouldn't be in hear would it?'
'I don't know.' Betsy says sarcastically. 'What do you think that is?' she finishes, pointing to a shining staff-type object hanging on the wall.
'By George I think we've got it!' Deadpool says, grabbing the staff.
'No wait!' Betsy yells. 'Don't grab it! There could be alarms!'
Sure enough, the quiet is split by a series of alarms going off.
'Oops!'
'Teleport us out of here!' Betsy yells. 'Before the Doom Bots get here!'
'Like I haven't tried that!' Deadpool yells back. 'My teleporter must've been short-circuited by that last teleport!'
'Can't you fix it?'
'Have you got a matter transporter spare?' Deadpool asks. 'I thought not!'
A nearby wall explodes as several robots smash through.
'Cheese it!' Deadpool yells, grabbing hold of Betsy's arm and ushering her along.
A random corridor-
Wade and Betsy stop to catch their breath.
'I think we lost them!' Wade gasps.
As if in answer, the wall beside him explodes outwards, knocking him to the floor.
'DEADPOOL!!' Betsy yells.
'I didn't think you cared!' Wade grunts, getting up and unsheathing a sword. 'That is the last straw!' he snarls. 'These robo-jerks are going down!' He then throws the staff to Betsy and proceeds to hack the robots to pieces. Betsy stows the staff in her backpack and takes out a disintegrator ray, which she swiped from Doom's lab. She lets rip with several blasts, disintegrating several DoomBots. Deadpool yelps as his sword hand is blasted, causing him to drop the sword.
'You're gonna pay for that you over-grown toaster ovens!' He hisses. 'I'm gonna turn you all into Swiss Cheese!' he then takes out his twin Uzis and blasts away, laughing wildly.
'BWAHAHAHAHAA!! DIE YOU ROBOTIC PICES OF POOP!! BWAHAHAAA!!'
'Uh Deadpool.' Betsy says. 'All the DoomBots are down!'
Deadpool stops shooting and looks around at the wreckage, disembodied heads, pices of torso, and all that.
'We ready to go?' He asks casually.
'As long as there aren't any more bloody DoomBots!' Betsy sighs.
'Let us depart then!' Deadpool smirks lecherously, before adding, 'Cute- Buns!'
'Don't call me Cute-Buns!' Betsy glares.
'What about Sexy Betsy?'
'I'm not even going to dignify that with answer!'
'You know you like it!'
Betsy turns and glares at Deadpool.
'Listen here you stupid little tosser!' She spits. 'I don't like it and I will NEVER like it!'
'No need to be mean about it!' Wade pouts. 'Tramp!' he mutters.
'Wanker!'
'Harpie!'
'Bollock Brain!'
'Stinky, stupid woman!'
'Shut up!' Betsy yells, running out of insults.
'No you!' Deadpool yells back, also out of insults.
Betsy just grabs Wade's head and kisses him passionately! Deadpool follows suit.
After a couple of seconds, they stop for air.
'What was that?' Betsy asks, not believing what happened.
'We just kissed!' Deadpool smirks again. 'Was it good for you too?'
Betsy just shakes her head and walks off.
Outside Castle Doom-
Deadpool finally catches up with Betsy.
'Wait up!' He yells after her. He catches up with her and grabs her hand. Betsy pulls her hand away.
'Get off me you idiot!' She yells. Much to her amazement Deadpool lets go.
'You just let go.' Betsy says.
'I know.' Deadpool also says. 'I'm kinda freaked out by these events too! Breaking into Castle Doom, stealing a random mystical doodad and then kissing a beautiful woman, not my typical work day!'
'Do you think I'm beautiful?' Betsy asks, slightly blushing.
'Hell yeah!' Deadpool answers her. 'I've got eyes and I see that you are indeed a beautiful woman!'
Betsy blushes again and turns her head away, embarrassed.
'You're not just saying that so you can kiss me again are you?'
'Give me some credit!' Wade says. 'You may question my integrity but don't question my lover of beautiful ladies!'
'You're not so bad yourself!' Betsy smiles, moving closer.
'Aren't you freaked out that I look like a giant scab?' Deadpool asks.
'You're forgetting something.' Betsy answers him. 'My last boyfriend had blue skin and wings!'
The two move in to kiss. Their lips hardly have time to brush against each other as they are lit up by another flash of light.
'WELL DONE!!' A voice booms. 'YOU HAVE FOUND THE STAFF OF SEKHMET!!'
'It was nothing!' Wade smirks. 'JUST THE FACT THAT WE ALMOST GOT OUR BUTTS FRIED!'
'What do you want us to do with it now?' Betsy asks.
As if in answer, there is yet another flash of light and a figure steps out of it.
'MEET YOUR NEW PARTNER, ANGELO ESPINOSA, ALSO KNOWN AS SKIN!!'
'Hola everbody!' Skin says. 'It's great to be back!'
'NOW ALL OF YOU MUST PLACE YOUR HANDS ON THE STAFF!!' The voice booms. It then begins to chant in an unknown language. Deadpool, Psylocke and skin listen in amazement. There is then a flash of light, knocking the three heroes off their feet.
'YOU HAVE NOW BEEN IMBUED BY THE STAFF'S POWERS!!'
'Do you mean that we're immortal?' Deadpool asks.
The mysterious voice chuckles.
'OF CORSE NOT!! THE STAFF'S POWER DOES NOT WORK LIKE THAT!! ANGELO ESPINOSA, YOU HAVE BEEN GRANTED ANOTHER CHANCE AT LIFE AND LOVE WITH JUBILEE. WADE WILSON, YOUR SCARS HAVE NOW HEALED!! AND ELIZABETH BRADDOCK, INSTEAD OF INHABITING THE BODY OF THE ASSASSIN KWANNON, YOU HAVE BEEN GRANTED YOUR OLD BODY BACK!!'
The three heroes look around in amazement. Deadpool takes off his mask and looks at his reflection in a nearby stream.
'Holy crap!' He gasps; looking at his now healed face. 'My scars have gone!'
He picks Betsy up and twirls her around in happiness. 'My scars have healed!'
'And I've got my old body back!' Betsy smiles.
'And I've got another chance with Jubilee!' Angelo also smiles.
The three heroes give each other high-fives.
'FAREWELL MY FRIENDS!!' The voice booms. 'CONGRATULATIONS WITH YOUR NEWFOUND VITALITY!! I MAY CALL UPON YOU AGAIN SOMEDAY!! UNTIL THEN, FAREWELL!!' And with that, the voice is gone!
'So what do you guys wand do next?' Angelo asks. 'I don't know about you but I always wanted my own detective agency! Uh, guys?'
He looks around and sees why Wade and Betsy haven't answered him. Wade sweeps Betsy off her feet and smiles. Betsy giggles giddily. Their faces then move closer as they kiss. Angelo just shakes his head and sits down on a log, facing away from them.
'Look out World!' Angelo says. 'The Skin Detective Agency is in town!'
END (For now, anyway!)
Part 3: 'Cute Buns!'
By
RahneMan
Disclaimer- I don't own Deadpool, Psylocke OR Castle Doom, Marvel does. Well, Dr Doom owns Castle Doom actually!
Notes- For those of you who didn't know, Dr Doom got trapped in Hell in Fantastic 4 #500 and Skin died after the Church of Humanity attacked the X- Mansion and crucified everyone.
Latveria-
It is an unusually quiet day in the small Eastern European country of Latveria. Funnily enough, all the days in Latveria have been quiet since Dr Doom's disappearance. No noisy battles with miscellaneous super-powered heroes, nothing! Well, until toady, that is!
The townsfolk of Doomstadt, Latveria's capital, look up from their everyday business as the sky is illuminated by a flash of light nearby Castle Doom, the former home of Victor Von Doom, the former ruler of Latveria. As the light recedes, the townsfolk resume their everyday business. Occurrences such as this are commonplace in Latveria, whether it's a random would-be dictator trying to usurp Doom or another battle between Doom and the Fantastic 4.
The hills nearby Castle Doom-
Two figures step out of the receding light. They are, of course, our heroes, Deadpool and Psylocke!
'I never get tired of that!' Deadpool moans, clutching his stomach.
'Don't be such a pansy Deadpool!' Psylocke sighs. 'This must be our destination.' She finishes.
'Gee!' Deadpool quips. 'What gave you that idea? The huge castle or the sign saying 'Welcome to Latveria: Cosmic radiation powered super heroes get in free!'
Psylocke just shakes her head and walks towards the castle.
'Waitasec Bets!' Deadpool calls after her. 'We can't just waltz straight in, Doom's probably got some bobby-traps laying about!'
'Why don't you teleport us in Smart-Ass?'
'I think I might just do that Cute-Buns!' Deadpool smirks.
'How many times do I have to tell you?' Betsy hisses. 'Don't call me.' The Purple-haired telepath is unable to finish her sentence as they are enveloped by another flash of light.
Inside Castle Doom-
There is another flash of light and Wade and Betsy step out.
'.Cute buns!'
'Thankyou for noticing!' Wade smirks again.
'I hate you, a lot!' Betsy sighs.
'Where are we anyway?' Wade asks.
Betsy looks around at all the hi-tech doodads.
'It looks like we're in Doom's private lab.'
'Right.' Wade answers her. 'The staff thingy wouldn't be in hear would it?'
'I don't know.' Betsy says sarcastically. 'What do you think that is?' she finishes, pointing to a shining staff-type object hanging on the wall.
'By George I think we've got it!' Deadpool says, grabbing the staff.
'No wait!' Betsy yells. 'Don't grab it! There could be alarms!'
Sure enough, the quiet is split by a series of alarms going off.
'Oops!'
'Teleport us out of here!' Betsy yells. 'Before the Doom Bots get here!'
'Like I haven't tried that!' Deadpool yells back. 'My teleporter must've been short-circuited by that last teleport!'
'Can't you fix it?'
'Have you got a matter transporter spare?' Deadpool asks. 'I thought not!'
A nearby wall explodes as several robots smash through.
'Cheese it!' Deadpool yells, grabbing hold of Betsy's arm and ushering her along.
A random corridor-
Wade and Betsy stop to catch their breath.
'I think we lost them!' Wade gasps.
As if in answer, the wall beside him explodes outwards, knocking him to the floor.
'DEADPOOL!!' Betsy yells.
'I didn't think you cared!' Wade grunts, getting up and unsheathing a sword. 'That is the last straw!' he snarls. 'These robo-jerks are going down!' He then throws the staff to Betsy and proceeds to hack the robots to pieces. Betsy stows the staff in her backpack and takes out a disintegrator ray, which she swiped from Doom's lab. She lets rip with several blasts, disintegrating several DoomBots. Deadpool yelps as his sword hand is blasted, causing him to drop the sword.
'You're gonna pay for that you over-grown toaster ovens!' He hisses. 'I'm gonna turn you all into Swiss Cheese!' he then takes out his twin Uzis and blasts away, laughing wildly.
'BWAHAHAHAHAA!! DIE YOU ROBOTIC PICES OF POOP!! BWAHAHAAA!!'
'Uh Deadpool.' Betsy says. 'All the DoomBots are down!'
Deadpool stops shooting and looks around at the wreckage, disembodied heads, pices of torso, and all that.
'We ready to go?' He asks casually.
'As long as there aren't any more bloody DoomBots!' Betsy sighs.
'Let us depart then!' Deadpool smirks lecherously, before adding, 'Cute- Buns!'
'Don't call me Cute-Buns!' Betsy glares.
'What about Sexy Betsy?'
'I'm not even going to dignify that with answer!'
'You know you like it!'
Betsy turns and glares at Deadpool.
'Listen here you stupid little tosser!' She spits. 'I don't like it and I will NEVER like it!'
'No need to be mean about it!' Wade pouts. 'Tramp!' he mutters.
'Wanker!'
'Harpie!'
'Bollock Brain!'
'Stinky, stupid woman!'
'Shut up!' Betsy yells, running out of insults.
'No you!' Deadpool yells back, also out of insults.
Betsy just grabs Wade's head and kisses him passionately! Deadpool follows suit.
After a couple of seconds, they stop for air.
'What was that?' Betsy asks, not believing what happened.
'We just kissed!' Deadpool smirks again. 'Was it good for you too?'
Betsy just shakes her head and walks off.
Outside Castle Doom-
Deadpool finally catches up with Betsy.
'Wait up!' He yells after her. He catches up with her and grabs her hand. Betsy pulls her hand away.
'Get off me you idiot!' She yells. Much to her amazement Deadpool lets go.
'You just let go.' Betsy says.
'I know.' Deadpool also says. 'I'm kinda freaked out by these events too! Breaking into Castle Doom, stealing a random mystical doodad and then kissing a beautiful woman, not my typical work day!'
'Do you think I'm beautiful?' Betsy asks, slightly blushing.
'Hell yeah!' Deadpool answers her. 'I've got eyes and I see that you are indeed a beautiful woman!'
Betsy blushes again and turns her head away, embarrassed.
'You're not just saying that so you can kiss me again are you?'
'Give me some credit!' Wade says. 'You may question my integrity but don't question my lover of beautiful ladies!'
'You're not so bad yourself!' Betsy smiles, moving closer.
'Aren't you freaked out that I look like a giant scab?' Deadpool asks.
'You're forgetting something.' Betsy answers him. 'My last boyfriend had blue skin and wings!'
The two move in to kiss. Their lips hardly have time to brush against each other as they are lit up by another flash of light.
'WELL DONE!!' A voice booms. 'YOU HAVE FOUND THE STAFF OF SEKHMET!!'
'It was nothing!' Wade smirks. 'JUST THE FACT THAT WE ALMOST GOT OUR BUTTS FRIED!'
'What do you want us to do with it now?' Betsy asks.
As if in answer, there is yet another flash of light and a figure steps out of it.
'MEET YOUR NEW PARTNER, ANGELO ESPINOSA, ALSO KNOWN AS SKIN!!'
'Hola everbody!' Skin says. 'It's great to be back!'
'NOW ALL OF YOU MUST PLACE YOUR HANDS ON THE STAFF!!' The voice booms. It then begins to chant in an unknown language. Deadpool, Psylocke and skin listen in amazement. There is then a flash of light, knocking the three heroes off their feet.
'YOU HAVE NOW BEEN IMBUED BY THE STAFF'S POWERS!!'
'Do you mean that we're immortal?' Deadpool asks.
The mysterious voice chuckles.
'OF CORSE NOT!! THE STAFF'S POWER DOES NOT WORK LIKE THAT!! ANGELO ESPINOSA, YOU HAVE BEEN GRANTED ANOTHER CHANCE AT LIFE AND LOVE WITH JUBILEE. WADE WILSON, YOUR SCARS HAVE NOW HEALED!! AND ELIZABETH BRADDOCK, INSTEAD OF INHABITING THE BODY OF THE ASSASSIN KWANNON, YOU HAVE BEEN GRANTED YOUR OLD BODY BACK!!'
The three heroes look around in amazement. Deadpool takes off his mask and looks at his reflection in a nearby stream.
'Holy crap!' He gasps; looking at his now healed face. 'My scars have gone!'
He picks Betsy up and twirls her around in happiness. 'My scars have healed!'
'And I've got my old body back!' Betsy smiles.
'And I've got another chance with Jubilee!' Angelo also smiles.
The three heroes give each other high-fives.
'FAREWELL MY FRIENDS!!' The voice booms. 'CONGRATULATIONS WITH YOUR NEWFOUND VITALITY!! I MAY CALL UPON YOU AGAIN SOMEDAY!! UNTIL THEN, FAREWELL!!' And with that, the voice is gone!
'So what do you guys wand do next?' Angelo asks. 'I don't know about you but I always wanted my own detective agency! Uh, guys?'
He looks around and sees why Wade and Betsy haven't answered him. Wade sweeps Betsy off her feet and smiles. Betsy giggles giddily. Their faces then move closer as they kiss. Angelo just shakes his head and sits down on a log, facing away from them.
'Look out World!' Angelo says. 'The Skin Detective Agency is in town!'
END (For now, anyway!)