Hiya!
Thanks everyone who has been waiting patiently for this chapter. I am now back in Stockholm and back to my computer. :P I tried to make this chapter a little bit longer than the others as a thank you to those who have been waiting.. lol Umm.. well, I am not going to change this story because of the Half-blood Prince, so it's still like it was before. Hopefully my writing will be a little bit better than before, since I have spent the last three weeks in England, learning English..
My Beta-reader, my e-mail broke down, or at least my inbox did, so please write your e-mail again for me. I'm sorry.
Have fun! Love, Andrea
Chapter 23 – Destruction
Tears entered Hermione's eyes when she read the letter from Severus. She could kill herself for what she'd done. Of course she must have done something wrong, she thought. But what?
She felt like she was being eaten up from within by moths. Unlike most others, this wasn't a new feeling to Hermione. She was well used to it and unfortunately she only saw one solution to it. Self-destruction.
"Your Professor…" The young woman mused. "See, he thinks he's only a professor to me. Who does he think he can fool?" She continued, now in a harsh voice much unlike her own.
Hermione entered her room and went to the bottom of her lingerie in the drawer. She fumbled for a couple of seconds and then found what she was looking for. A razor-blade. Only seconds later she found herself on the floor in the bathroom, ready to hurt herself. She hesitated with the blade and then rose. When she returned to the bathroom she had a notebook and a pencil with her. Without thinking twice she wrote down her favourite muggle-song – Welcome to my life by Simple Plan.
Do you ever feel like breaking down? Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong, and no one understands you.
Do you ever want to run away? Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud, that no one hears you screaming
No, you don't know what it's like, when nothing feels alright.
You don't know what it's like to be like me.
To be hurt, to feel lost. To be left out in the dark.
To be kicked when you're down. To feel like you've been pushed around.
To be on the edge of breaking down and no one's there to save you
No, you don't know what it's like. Welcome to my life
Do you wanna be somebody else? Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more before your life is over?
Are you stuck inside a world you hate? Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies, while deep inside you're bleeding.
No, you don't know what it's like, when nothing feels alright.
You don't know what it's like to be like me.
To be hurt, to feel lost. To be left out in the dark.
To be kicked when you're down. To feel like you've been pushed around.
To be on the edge of breaking down and no one's there to save you
No, you don't know what it's like. Welcome to my life.
No one ever lied straight to your face and no one ever stabbed you in the back.
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be ok.
Everybody always gave you what you wanted, you never had to work
It was always there. You don't know what it's like…
To be hurt, to feel lost. To be left out in the dark.
To be kicked when you're down. To feel like you've been pushed around.
To be on the edge of breaking down and no one's there to save you
No, you don't know what it's like. Welcome to my life
Tears landed silently at the paper as she wrote. When she'd finished, she undressed her t-shirt and raised the razor blade. Without blinking she cut herself four times in her left arm and watched the blood land on the floor. Her eyelashes were soaked of tears and she closed her eyes and lay down on the floor. Everything was just spinning around in her head, spinning faster and faster.
The worst of it was that she knew she just did it to get attention. Hermione didn't want to die. She just wanted to escape. Escape from the world she hated and despised.
Severus arrived in the living room and called immediately for Hermione. No answer. His breath became more and more stressed and his steps became longer for each step. He didn't find her in her room, nor in any other of the rooms. The bathroom.
"Hermione, it's me, are you in there?" Severus called. He knocked on the door with his tenses fists. The voice in his head kept telling him that something was terribly wrong. "Hermione? Please answer me." He panted and knocked again.
Suddenly he heard a low moan from the bath room and he sighed relieved.
"Can I come in?" He called through the closed door.
When she didn't answer, he made up his mind and opened the door. The view was terrible. Hermione lay in the middle of the room on her left side and held a razorblade in her right hand. The whole room smelled blood and she could see where it was from. Next to her, there was a paper with something written on it. In two quick seconds he was next to her, taking her pulse. Thankfully, she breathed regularly. Severus lifted her up and carried her to the living room and placed her in the coach. He placed his hands on the injury and concentrated hard. Suddenly his hands started glowing in a golden shade and sparkles travelled from his hands to her wounds and placed it selves in the open wounds. After a couple of minutes, the wounds were healed thanks to Severus' healing powers.
Hermione started to breath normally and she opened her eyes. The room bathed in light and everything seemed just so easy for a couple of seconds. She found Severus reading the text she'd written down earlier that day. Her eyes filled with tears as she saw his sad reaction. She buried her head in her lap and tried to shut out her feelings.
Severus frowned at the text, he didn't really get it. Was it a poem? Or maybe some kind of lyrics… He approached Hermione and sat down next to her in the sofa. Carefully he struck her hair and pulled her into a friendly hug which she answered.
"Are you ok?" He whispered into her ear.
"Physically, yes. Mentally, no." She murmured.
"I know…" He pulled her even closer. "That thing you wrote, is it a poem?"
"No, it's a song. I love it. That's what I feel like."
"Well, it describes me pretty well too. At least how I used to be."
"Yeah, I guess." She sighed of fatigue.
"You know, it cannot continue like this, we cannot continue like this. Some happenings have changed everything." He tried to stay calm, but his eyes betrayed him.
"What are you talking about?" She whispered worriedly.
"Hermione, you've lived in a world of lies. Mr and Mrs Granger are not your parents. You are not muggleborn. You are one of the two living heirs of Salazar Slytherin. I didn't know, I swear. Lucius told me. The Dark Lord wants you, but he wants you married. You could even be forced to marry someone." Severus spoke very fast, as though he hoped that Hermione wouldn't understand.
"Are you kidding me?" Hermione spat out. "For fuck's sake, why didn't anyone tell me? How the hell could they lie to me all these years?" She pulled away from Severus and curled up with her arms around her legs.
"I'm sorry for you, I really am. I don't know if Albus knows. Probably he does… We have to go to his office now, because we really need to discuss this." He rose and went out of his quarters with Hermione behind him.
"Come in my dears, have a seat." The Headmaster greeted them with his normal cheery voice. The atmosphere in his office was dull and the air felt very old, which wasn't normal.
"Albus, we have some serious matters to discuss." Severus began and waited for Albus' to say something.
"Go on, son."
"Did you know that Hermione is one of the two living heirs of Salazar Slytherin?"
Albus thought for a couple of seconds and then frowned. "Who told you?"
"Lucius Malfoy. The Dark Lord knows, which means she's in greater danger than we ever thought. Lucius invited me over for breakfast today, mainly to discuss her. The Dark Lord wants her, but he wants her married."
"Don't talk about me like I'm not here. So you knew…" Hermione said and glared at the headmaster, her eyes were furious. "I just can't believe it. That no one ever told me."
"I apologize, but I thought it was better that no one knew. It would be so dangerous if Voldemort found out, which he apparently has. I am truly sorry if it made you upset, but I did what I thought was the best for you." The Headmaster looked very tired and his eyes very sad, it was obvious that he didn't like the situation.
"Who are my parents? Are they alive?" Normally the young woman looked at the old man with admire, but now it was replaced with despise.
Severus remained silent, he didn't want to be involved in the situation but he felt truly sad for Hermione. He didn't want anyone to experience what she was going through right now.
"You are the heir of an ancient wizard family, which is descent of Salazar Slytherin's second wife's child. Your true family name is Beaumont since Salazar Slytherin's child chose to take the name of his mother Christina Beaumont. Your parents were Mary and Jonathan Beaumont. All relatives of your family were servants of Voldemort for 14 years ago, except for your mother, Mary. She refused to give in to Voldemort, although her husband, your father wanted her to. Once, when you were about two years old, you were visiting your grandparents while Jonathan brought your mother to Voldemort. She still refused and she killed herself in front of Voldemort. Your father was later killed by Voldemort, after he'd done some grave mistakes. What's even stranger is that Voldemort didn't know of your existence. A friend of mine knew your grandparents; she knew Mr and Mrs Granger too and knew how dearly they wanted a child, so they adopted you. I think that they reason that Voldemort found out about your true origin is because you've proved to be such a great witch. I am sorry to say that all your true relatives were killed by aurors during the war." Albus glanced at Hermione with his blue eyes.
"Mary Beaumont, the great potions mistress? Was she my mother? She's mentioned in quite a few books I've read." Hermione's eyes were big of surprise.
"Yes, that's correct." Severus chipped in.
Hermione eyed both Albus and Severus and suddenly burst into tears. "I just can't believe that no one told me." She mumbled over and over again through the tears. The man sitting next to her mumbled something and then put his arm around her shoulders and caressed her hair.
"Now, you're in more danger than I ever thought you were. We need to think of something drastically. It's no good that he knows… no good…" Albus said and watched the two people in front of him.
"Shut up, you old man!" Severus hissed. "Can't you understand what you have just told her? I wouldn't think you would've liked to be told something like this at her age. You don't care about anyone, just your own honour. I'm sick of being used by you. Do you have any idea of what you've been putting me through for years? Do you know what's happening to your students straight under your nose? Do you even care? No, I don't think so. Why would you? You don't care about anyone!"
Hermione had never seen Severus this angry with anyone, not even with Harry. The Headmaster looked slightly shocked as he took in the words.
"I am sorry if that is how you feel about me. I have been trying to ask you how you feel and what you have to do during the meetings but you refuse to tell me. About the students, is there any special student you are pointing at? If you think that I don't care about you, then I've obviously failed you more than I thought. You are and have always been like the son I've never had, but during the last years you've been hiding more than ever. I am not blaming you for anything, I understand that you don't like your life, but please don't think that I don't care about you because I do." Albus voice shook slightly and he looked as he spoke from his heart.
"Don't lie to me, I told you what I've been through, once you even forced it out of me by Veritaserum. Yes, I'm thinking of one special student, she's sitting right in front of you. This morning, she almost killed herself. She has been fainting quite a lot of times lately; don't you see how she feels? You even think she would handle this as well as anything. She's not a girl anymore, but that doesn't mean that she can handle everything. Look at her; do you think she's happy?" Severus looked at Hermione with affection. Suddenly he rose and bent down and kissed Hermione in front of the headmaster's surprised face. To the headmaster's even greater surprise, the young woman rose and embraced her teacher. Severus grabbed her hand and together they walked out of the headmaster's office with their heads held high.