The Merc and the Ninja
Part 8: The Return of Sweet Cheeks: Part 2

By
The Uncanny R-Man

Disclaimer- I don't own Deadpool, Psylocke, Jubilee, Skin, and Bullseye OR Typhoid Mary. It's all Marvel's, damn them! I also don't own Austin Powers OR Futurama. They belong to whoever owns them.

Shout Outs-

Dark Jaded Rose- The Queen of Strawberry Cheesecake? Oookay...Here's your update. Please don't stalk me! Come to think of it, I'd be happy to have a stalker as good-looking as you! * wink * ^_~

Risty- You've read New Mutants #9 then? Damn them! *shakes fist angrily * They've got rid of Rahne's accent! Without it she's just another hot redhead! Liked the Austin Powers joke huh? More up next! Grr baby! Very grr!

The car containing Wade, Betsy and Typhoid Mary has just pulled up in the parking garage of Bullseye's apartment. Betsy and Typhoid are once again arguing. It's starting to wear a little thin.

'At least I don't walk around in what looks like football shoulder pads!'

'At least I don't walk around in a skanky old purple ninja bikini!'

Betsy snarls and makes a fist, making a psychic knife. Wade jumps in before there can be bloodshed, well more of it anyway!

'You two stop it!'

'She insulted by fashion sense!' Betsy pouts.

'Betsy, zip it!'

'Bu...'

'Zip it!'

'Bu...'

'Zip!'

'Bu...'

'Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, exZIPit A!'

'This isn't...'

'Would you like a zupple of my ZIPle?'

'Oh come on!'

'When a proud man comes along, you must... ZIP IT!'

'Sham about that Bets.' Typhoid smirks. 'Wade's got you good!'

Wade turns to the red haired schizo.

'Typhoid?'

'Yeah?'

'DON'T!'

'What's that supposed to mean?'

'TYPHOID DON'T!'

'This is getting old!'

'Typhoid n'est pas. Subtitle- TYPHOID DON'T!'

'I don't have to stand for this crap!'

***

Upstairs, in his 'rented' apartment, Bullseye is zonked out asleep in front of the TV. There is a knock on the door.

'Zznort... I want a bloody costume...'

There's another knock, this time louder. Bullseye rubs his eyes, mutters various curses and gets up to open it.

'Who is it?'

'Pizza delivery for Mister I. C. Weiner?'

'I didn't order no pizza!' Bullseye shouts through the door. 'An' besides, my name ain't I. C. Weiner!'

'Pity.' The 'pizza delivery guy' says. Then, the door is shot to pieces as someone blasts through it with a pair of twin Uzis.

'Honey, I'm hooome!' Yup! It's Deadpool!

Bullseye runs over to the window and leaps outside onto the fire escape.

'Quick!' Wade yells. 'He's heading for the window!'

Wade, Betsy and Typhoid follow him out onto the fire escape. They run up to the roof. On the roof Bullseye turns around and looks for a way off. Too late, Wade and co reach the top of the fire escape.

'Give it up Bullseye!' Betsy yells. 'There's no where to run!'

'That's what you think 'luv'!' Bullseye grins as he reaches behind his back. He pulls out two sharpened paperclips.

'Ooh! Look at me!' Wade taunts. 'I'm the big bad assassin! I've got two paperclips and I'm gonna kill you with them! I'm Sooo scared!'

Bullseye throws the paperclips at wade. They fly through the air and stick in Wade's throat.

'Ow!'

Bullseye then runs to the roof ledge. He looks down and prepares to jump. Then Typhoid shouts something out.

'Hey, Target-Head!'

Bullseye turns around. Typhoid grins at him evilly.

'BURN!'

Bullseye screams as he bursts into flames.

'Typhoid no!' Betsy yells. 'You're going to kill him!'

'Don't worry my pretty, pretty, pretty!' Typhoid grins again. 'He'll be alright!'

Oh no he won'! In the process of trying to pat out the flames with his hands, Bullseye loses his flooring on the roof ledge and falls.

'NO!' Wade and Betsy simultaneously yell.

Several floors down, Bullseye can be heard landing on a nearby dumpster with a PANG! Wade and co runs over to the roof ledge and look down.

'Ooh! That musta hurt!' Wade winces.

'I'd better make sure that he stays there!' Typhoid snarls, taking out one of her machetes. Betsy grabs her arm, preventing her from doing so.

'Don't do it!' She warns.

'Oh chill out 'luv.' I'm not gonna kill him. Just hurt him, a lot!'

Betsy lets go of Typhoid's arm. Typhoid then drops her machete down the building. It sticks into Bullseye's hand, stapling him to the dumpster.

'So what're we gonna do now?' Wade asks.

'I dunno about you.' Typhoid says. 'But I'm gonna get my money!'

'I've got an idea where we can leave Bullseye!' Betsy smiles.

'Got an idea Bets?' Wade asks. 'Sha-are!'

***

The law offices of Murdock and Nelson-

Matt Murdock and Foggy Nelson, the lawyers in question, look up from their work as they hear a knock on the door.

'Special delivery!' Someone calls.

'You expecting a package Matt?' Foggy asks.

'I don't think so.' Matt says as he opens the door. 'Huh. Nobody's here!'

Foggy walks up to see what's the what. Sitting in the hallway to their law firm is a large gift-wrapped box.

'DD-Sense tingling?' Foggy asks his friend.

Matt walks up to the parcel and places his ear to it.

'Oh my God! There's someone inside!'

Foggy runs up and helps him shred the wrapping away. As soon as they open it, they jump away as an unconscious body falls out.

'Oh no!' Foggy gasps. 'Bullseye!'

Matt picks up a piece of paper.

'There's a note! It says 'Hope you enjoy this present, best wishes, your friendly Neighbourhood Merc-With-A-Mouth!'

'What does that mean?' Foggy asks.

Matt sniffs the note to see if he can catch a familiar scent.

'Deadpool.' He says with a slight smile. 'I heard you were alive!' He then sniffs it again. This time his face blanches at the familiar smell. 'Oh no!'

'What is it?' A concerned Foggy asks.

'Typhoid Mary!'

***

BLEW HQ-

Wade, Betsy and Typhoid are now joined by Jubilee and Angelo. Typhoid is now searching through the suitcase of money, counting it.

'How much do I owe you?' She asks.

Wade gets a cheeky smile on his face. 'I wouldn't mind... one meeelion dollars!'

'Why not have five?' Typhoid asks, handing Wade a wad of cash.

Wade clutches his heart, makes several gurgling noises, foams at the mouth and faints!

'Yoink!' Betsy grins, snatching the wad away from Typhoid.

'So.' Typhoid grins, sitting down. 'You guys looking for an intern or something?'

Betsy, Jubilee and Angelo get a worried look on their faces.

'You don't mean...?'

'Yup! Can I join your gang?'

Now it's Betsy, Jubilee and Angelo's turn to clutch their chest, make gurgling noises and faint!

'Heh!' Typhoid chuckles. 'I'll take that as a guess then shall I?'

END! (For now, anyway!)