The Merc and the Ninja
Part 9: Merc in a Tutu
By
The Uncanny R-Man
Disclaimer- I own nothing. All Marvel characters belong to uh... Marvel. This chapter is based on the Angel episode 'Waiting in the Wings' which I also don't own. That belongs to Joss Whedon and Fox. I don't own The Darkness either. I own a Darkness CD, but that's about it!
Shout outs-
Dark Jaded rose- Yup, Typhoid is going to join BLEW. And I STILL think you're good-looking! Rrowr! *kiss* ^_~
Risty- I like money too! You didn't comment on the 'zip it' and 'Typhoid don't' things! I put them in just for you! You liked the DD cameo, huh? More from the Man Without Fear soon! I don't know why Typhoid Mary is called what she is, maybe because she's evil and a psycho?
***
It's midmorning in the offices of the Braddock, Lee, Espinosa and Wilson detective agency. Unusually, everyone is up and ready for work. Everyone except Wade that is!
'Jubes, have you seen Wade?' Betsy asks.
Jubilee looks up from her random gossip magazine and pops her gum.
'He said that he had to go out and get some tickets.'
'What for?' Betsy asks again.
This time it is Angelo's turn to answer. His head pops up from behind his computer.
'We're goin' top a rock concert!' He grins.
'Who are we going to see?' Typhoid Mary asks, her head popping around the corner.
'We're going to see... The Darkness!' Angelo grins again.
'Oh... My... God!' Typhoid, Betsy and Jubilee say simultaneously. 'They are SO cool!'
'Damn straight!'
Jubilee starts to panic.
'Holy crap! I haven't got anything to wear!'
'Neither have I!' Betsy joins in.
'ARGH!' They both scream. 'SHOPPING TRIP!'
'I'm just going as I am.' Typhoid sniffs.
'What?' Angelo asks. 'Fishnet stockings, high-heeled boots and spiky football shoulder pads?'
'Yup!' Typhoid answers. 'I'll fit in just great! What with the lead singer prancing about in spandex pants!'
At that moment, Wade walks in from his ticket quest.
'DOOOM!' He yells.
'What was that all in aid of?' Betsy asks.
'I was my Magneto impression.' Wade grins. 'You like?'
Betsy just rolls her eyes and returns to adding up the bills.
'Whoa! Tough crowd!'
Angelo gets up off his chair and walks up to Wade.
'Let's see the tickets then!'
Wade hands the tickets to Angelo.
'I've got tickets to something WAAAY better than a Darkness concert!' He grins.
'Ballet?' Angelo asks. 'You got tickets to the BALLET?'
'Yup!'
'Dude! You SO Need a testosterone replacement!'
'I don't know.' Betsy says. 'I used to love the ballet as a child. It might be fun! Get ourselves dolled up, have a night out!'
'You know what that means.' Jubilee grins.
'SHOPPING TRIP!' Betsy joins.
***
Later, everyone is dressed and waiting in the main foyer. Betsy is wearing a slinky purple cocktail dress. Typhoid is wearing a dress in the same style but black, and several degrees sluttier. Tangelo is wearing a tuxedo and Jubilee is wearing a sparkly green dress. She's attempting to tie Angelo's bowtie for him.
'You're a grown man and you tell me that you've never tied a bowtie before?' She asks her boyfriend.
'There wasn't much need for one when you lived in the Barrio, chica!' Angelo answers.
'Everybody ready?' Wade asks.
'Uh... Wade...' Betsy says, pointing to Wade's clothes. 'Hadn't you better get changed?'
Wade looks down at his clothes. He's wearing a pink tutu over his usual red and black costume.
'What?' he asks. 'Too much?'
***
The gang are now sat in their private box in the theatre.
'I just wanna say.' Angelo moans. 'I didn't want to come here, to see some guys prancing about like girly-men!'
'Oh shut up Angelo!' Jubilee sighs. 'Sit down and enjoy it!'
Typhoid is reading the program.
'I don't believe it!' She grins. 'I saw this same troupe ten years ago! They were doing Swan Lake! It made me cry like a girl, and I was evil!'
The music for the beginning starts and a hush descends as the show starts. A guy comes prancing onto the stage.
'Jeez!' Angelo winces. 'You can see that guy's package... OW!' He winces as Jubilee elbows him in the ribs and shushes him.
***
It is now time for the interval and the gang are gathered in the foyer.
'Excuse me everyone.' Betsy says. 'Gotta go to the little girls' room!'
'Yeah, I've gotta go for a pee too!' Wade agrees.
'Don't be gone for too long!' Jubilee says. 'The second half begins soon!'
'We'll be fine!' Wade grins as he and Betsy walk off in the direction of the bathrooms.
Several minutes later-
Wade and Betsy turn a corner and find themselves at a dead end.
'Okay that's great!' Betsy groans. 'We're lost!'
'Don't worry Cute Buns!' Wade grins. 'We'll find our way out soon!'
'Famous lasts words.' Betsy mumbles under her breath. 'We're gonna end up wandering about backstage like Spinal Tap at that concert, or Angel and Cordelia in that episode of Angel when they go to the ballet!'
***
Back upstairs, Jubilee, Angelo and Typhoid wait impatiently.
'I wish they would hurry up!' Angelo sighs. 'I wanna go back in and watch the rest of the show! The way the dancers move it almost like it's...'
He looks at Jubilee and Typhoid as they smirk at his newfound love of ballet.
'Okay.' He sighs. 'Not a word of this to anyone, I've got a rep to maintain!'
The announcement for the beginning of the second half then goes out over the PA system.
'It doesn't look like they're coming back.' Typhoid says. 'Do you think we should go look for them?'
'Yeah.' Jubilee agrees. 'They might be in trouble!'
***
Back downstairs, Wade and Betsy are still lost! Wade opens a random door and they walk into a room. They look around.
'Oh my God!' Wade gasps. 'This must be the Prima Ballerina's dressing room!' he then looks around some more. 'Betsy. Betsy? Where are you? Cute Buns?'
Suddenly, Wade is knocked to the floor as Betsy pounces on him and mashes his mouth with hers.
'Whoa there Cute Buns!' Wade wheezes. 'Getting a little eager aren't we?'
'Just shut and kiss me!' Betsy says, her eyes glimmering with a predatory gleam.
'Okay!' Wade grins. 'You don't need to tell me twice!'
Betsy straddles him and tears off his tuxedo jacket and shirt. She mashes his mouth with hers again.
'ARGH! Cold hands!' Wade winces.
***
Angelo, Jubilee and Typhoid are now searching backstage for their friends. Typhoid spots someone moving around. She runs to catch up. Jubilee and Angelo follow. They round a corner and see what seems to be a ballerina fade through a door.
'I knew I recognised the ballerina on stage!' Typhoid says. 'She was the same on in the show that I saw ten years ago!'
'Whoa!' Jubilee says. 'Déjà vu! This reminds me of that episode of Angel when...'
'Everyone gets trapped backstage and the leader of the troupe is this evil sorcerer guy who has the Prima Ballerina under his thrall!' Angelo finishes.
'You go and find Wade and Betsy.' Typhoid says. 'I'll go get the sorcerer guy!' And with that they split up.
***
Typhoid approaches the entrance to the troupe leader's private box. Luckily there isn't any guards about. She quietly sneaks in the door and is about to grab him when...
'Hello!' The troupe leader grins evilly. 'How may I help you?'
'You can start by giving me your wacky amulet thing!' Typhoid hisses.
'I don't think so!' Sorcerer Guy grins. 'This is the source of my power and with it I keep my beloved Prima Ballerina under my thrall, forev... OW!'
Typhoid gets bored with the guys blathering and punches him on the nose. She then snatches his amulet away.
'HA! Got ya amulet!'
SMASH! She crushes it under her foot.
'NOOOO!' Sorcerer guy moans. 'I loved her! She will be mine forever!'
'Oh get over it you loser!' Typhoid sighs. 'Sleep!'
Sorcerer Guy passes out.
'And now to find the others!'
***
Wade and Betsy-
Wade and Betsy are now well and truly uh... *ahem* under the amulets power.
'We can't do this.' Wade wheezes. 'We're being possessed some how! It must be the Prima Ballerina and her lover's spirits!'
'You've seen that episode too huh?' Betsy asks.
'Yup!' Wade answers.
'So you wanna stop?'
'Hell no!'
Betsy then traces kisses down Wade's chest until... WHAM! Jubilee kicks the dressing room door open.
'Don't worry you to! We're here to rescue... HOLY CRAP! Put some clothes on for Flonq's sake!'
***
The gang are now assembled outside BLEW HQ.
'And you saw them COMPLETELY naked and... doing it?' Typhoid asks.
'Uh-Huh!'
'You didn't happen to get photos did you?'
'Please stop talking anytime you want!' Betsy groans.
They walk into the door and an unusual sight greets them.
'PYRO?' Betsy gasps, not believing her eyes at the sight of the formerly dead member of the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants. 'What are you doing here?'
'Some guy with a deep booming voice brought me back from the dead an. Said that I had you come help you blokes!'
'The more the merrier I suppose.' Wade sighs. 'Welcome aboard buddy!'
Pyro takes Wade's hand and shakes it. Then he sees Typhoid Mary.
'Well g'day Sheila! What's a sexy thing like you doin' here?'
All Typhoid can do is mumble and blush deeply.
'Oh great!' Betsy whispers to Jubilee. 'Now we've got TWO psychos on the team!'
'Uh, Betsy...' Jubilee says. 'I think you'd better make that THREE!'
Betsy looks behind her and sees wade. He's now back in his pink tutu and blonde wig and is prancing about!
'Oh bloody 'ell!'
END!
Part 9: Merc in a Tutu
By
The Uncanny R-Man
Disclaimer- I own nothing. All Marvel characters belong to uh... Marvel. This chapter is based on the Angel episode 'Waiting in the Wings' which I also don't own. That belongs to Joss Whedon and Fox. I don't own The Darkness either. I own a Darkness CD, but that's about it!
Shout outs-
Dark Jaded rose- Yup, Typhoid is going to join BLEW. And I STILL think you're good-looking! Rrowr! *kiss* ^_~
Risty- I like money too! You didn't comment on the 'zip it' and 'Typhoid don't' things! I put them in just for you! You liked the DD cameo, huh? More from the Man Without Fear soon! I don't know why Typhoid Mary is called what she is, maybe because she's evil and a psycho?
***
It's midmorning in the offices of the Braddock, Lee, Espinosa and Wilson detective agency. Unusually, everyone is up and ready for work. Everyone except Wade that is!
'Jubes, have you seen Wade?' Betsy asks.
Jubilee looks up from her random gossip magazine and pops her gum.
'He said that he had to go out and get some tickets.'
'What for?' Betsy asks again.
This time it is Angelo's turn to answer. His head pops up from behind his computer.
'We're goin' top a rock concert!' He grins.
'Who are we going to see?' Typhoid Mary asks, her head popping around the corner.
'We're going to see... The Darkness!' Angelo grins again.
'Oh... My... God!' Typhoid, Betsy and Jubilee say simultaneously. 'They are SO cool!'
'Damn straight!'
Jubilee starts to panic.
'Holy crap! I haven't got anything to wear!'
'Neither have I!' Betsy joins in.
'ARGH!' They both scream. 'SHOPPING TRIP!'
'I'm just going as I am.' Typhoid sniffs.
'What?' Angelo asks. 'Fishnet stockings, high-heeled boots and spiky football shoulder pads?'
'Yup!' Typhoid answers. 'I'll fit in just great! What with the lead singer prancing about in spandex pants!'
At that moment, Wade walks in from his ticket quest.
'DOOOM!' He yells.
'What was that all in aid of?' Betsy asks.
'I was my Magneto impression.' Wade grins. 'You like?'
Betsy just rolls her eyes and returns to adding up the bills.
'Whoa! Tough crowd!'
Angelo gets up off his chair and walks up to Wade.
'Let's see the tickets then!'
Wade hands the tickets to Angelo.
'I've got tickets to something WAAAY better than a Darkness concert!' He grins.
'Ballet?' Angelo asks. 'You got tickets to the BALLET?'
'Yup!'
'Dude! You SO Need a testosterone replacement!'
'I don't know.' Betsy says. 'I used to love the ballet as a child. It might be fun! Get ourselves dolled up, have a night out!'
'You know what that means.' Jubilee grins.
'SHOPPING TRIP!' Betsy joins.
***
Later, everyone is dressed and waiting in the main foyer. Betsy is wearing a slinky purple cocktail dress. Typhoid is wearing a dress in the same style but black, and several degrees sluttier. Tangelo is wearing a tuxedo and Jubilee is wearing a sparkly green dress. She's attempting to tie Angelo's bowtie for him.
'You're a grown man and you tell me that you've never tied a bowtie before?' She asks her boyfriend.
'There wasn't much need for one when you lived in the Barrio, chica!' Angelo answers.
'Everybody ready?' Wade asks.
'Uh... Wade...' Betsy says, pointing to Wade's clothes. 'Hadn't you better get changed?'
Wade looks down at his clothes. He's wearing a pink tutu over his usual red and black costume.
'What?' he asks. 'Too much?'
***
The gang are now sat in their private box in the theatre.
'I just wanna say.' Angelo moans. 'I didn't want to come here, to see some guys prancing about like girly-men!'
'Oh shut up Angelo!' Jubilee sighs. 'Sit down and enjoy it!'
Typhoid is reading the program.
'I don't believe it!' She grins. 'I saw this same troupe ten years ago! They were doing Swan Lake! It made me cry like a girl, and I was evil!'
The music for the beginning starts and a hush descends as the show starts. A guy comes prancing onto the stage.
'Jeez!' Angelo winces. 'You can see that guy's package... OW!' He winces as Jubilee elbows him in the ribs and shushes him.
***
It is now time for the interval and the gang are gathered in the foyer.
'Excuse me everyone.' Betsy says. 'Gotta go to the little girls' room!'
'Yeah, I've gotta go for a pee too!' Wade agrees.
'Don't be gone for too long!' Jubilee says. 'The second half begins soon!'
'We'll be fine!' Wade grins as he and Betsy walk off in the direction of the bathrooms.
Several minutes later-
Wade and Betsy turn a corner and find themselves at a dead end.
'Okay that's great!' Betsy groans. 'We're lost!'
'Don't worry Cute Buns!' Wade grins. 'We'll find our way out soon!'
'Famous lasts words.' Betsy mumbles under her breath. 'We're gonna end up wandering about backstage like Spinal Tap at that concert, or Angel and Cordelia in that episode of Angel when they go to the ballet!'
***
Back upstairs, Jubilee, Angelo and Typhoid wait impatiently.
'I wish they would hurry up!' Angelo sighs. 'I wanna go back in and watch the rest of the show! The way the dancers move it almost like it's...'
He looks at Jubilee and Typhoid as they smirk at his newfound love of ballet.
'Okay.' He sighs. 'Not a word of this to anyone, I've got a rep to maintain!'
The announcement for the beginning of the second half then goes out over the PA system.
'It doesn't look like they're coming back.' Typhoid says. 'Do you think we should go look for them?'
'Yeah.' Jubilee agrees. 'They might be in trouble!'
***
Back downstairs, Wade and Betsy are still lost! Wade opens a random door and they walk into a room. They look around.
'Oh my God!' Wade gasps. 'This must be the Prima Ballerina's dressing room!' he then looks around some more. 'Betsy. Betsy? Where are you? Cute Buns?'
Suddenly, Wade is knocked to the floor as Betsy pounces on him and mashes his mouth with hers.
'Whoa there Cute Buns!' Wade wheezes. 'Getting a little eager aren't we?'
'Just shut and kiss me!' Betsy says, her eyes glimmering with a predatory gleam.
'Okay!' Wade grins. 'You don't need to tell me twice!'
Betsy straddles him and tears off his tuxedo jacket and shirt. She mashes his mouth with hers again.
'ARGH! Cold hands!' Wade winces.
***
Angelo, Jubilee and Typhoid are now searching backstage for their friends. Typhoid spots someone moving around. She runs to catch up. Jubilee and Angelo follow. They round a corner and see what seems to be a ballerina fade through a door.
'I knew I recognised the ballerina on stage!' Typhoid says. 'She was the same on in the show that I saw ten years ago!'
'Whoa!' Jubilee says. 'Déjà vu! This reminds me of that episode of Angel when...'
'Everyone gets trapped backstage and the leader of the troupe is this evil sorcerer guy who has the Prima Ballerina under his thrall!' Angelo finishes.
'You go and find Wade and Betsy.' Typhoid says. 'I'll go get the sorcerer guy!' And with that they split up.
***
Typhoid approaches the entrance to the troupe leader's private box. Luckily there isn't any guards about. She quietly sneaks in the door and is about to grab him when...
'Hello!' The troupe leader grins evilly. 'How may I help you?'
'You can start by giving me your wacky amulet thing!' Typhoid hisses.
'I don't think so!' Sorcerer Guy grins. 'This is the source of my power and with it I keep my beloved Prima Ballerina under my thrall, forev... OW!'
Typhoid gets bored with the guys blathering and punches him on the nose. She then snatches his amulet away.
'HA! Got ya amulet!'
SMASH! She crushes it under her foot.
'NOOOO!' Sorcerer guy moans. 'I loved her! She will be mine forever!'
'Oh get over it you loser!' Typhoid sighs. 'Sleep!'
Sorcerer Guy passes out.
'And now to find the others!'
***
Wade and Betsy-
Wade and Betsy are now well and truly uh... *ahem* under the amulets power.
'We can't do this.' Wade wheezes. 'We're being possessed some how! It must be the Prima Ballerina and her lover's spirits!'
'You've seen that episode too huh?' Betsy asks.
'Yup!' Wade answers.
'So you wanna stop?'
'Hell no!'
Betsy then traces kisses down Wade's chest until... WHAM! Jubilee kicks the dressing room door open.
'Don't worry you to! We're here to rescue... HOLY CRAP! Put some clothes on for Flonq's sake!'
***
The gang are now assembled outside BLEW HQ.
'And you saw them COMPLETELY naked and... doing it?' Typhoid asks.
'Uh-Huh!'
'You didn't happen to get photos did you?'
'Please stop talking anytime you want!' Betsy groans.
They walk into the door and an unusual sight greets them.
'PYRO?' Betsy gasps, not believing her eyes at the sight of the formerly dead member of the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants. 'What are you doing here?'
'Some guy with a deep booming voice brought me back from the dead an. Said that I had you come help you blokes!'
'The more the merrier I suppose.' Wade sighs. 'Welcome aboard buddy!'
Pyro takes Wade's hand and shakes it. Then he sees Typhoid Mary.
'Well g'day Sheila! What's a sexy thing like you doin' here?'
All Typhoid can do is mumble and blush deeply.
'Oh great!' Betsy whispers to Jubilee. 'Now we've got TWO psychos on the team!'
'Uh, Betsy...' Jubilee says. 'I think you'd better make that THREE!'
Betsy looks behind her and sees wade. He's now back in his pink tutu and blonde wig and is prancing about!
'Oh bloody 'ell!'
END!