Keep Your Hand at the Level of Your Eyes

Disclaimer: Okay, lets go over this one more time. I do not own the rights to Phantom of the opera or Gunsmoke. Um, by the way, who does own Gunsmoke?

"Joseph, go to your room," the Count growled, leaving no room for argument.

"Yes, Daddy," Joseph replied, meekly. He looked up at his sister and said, "I love you Danni. Vicomte, I love your cufflinks."

Joseph quickly walked out, passing by a very irate Father.

Derek eyed Erik, trying not to shown his intimidation. Oh my God, the man is huge, does he have stilts underneath his britches. If he glares at me any harder he will burn a hole through my head. The Vicomte finally let go of Danielle's arm, she, at the same time stopped shaking.

Danielle looked at the two men, trying to get the theme from Gunsmoke out of her head. Her Father just stood there, letting his eyes do all the talking.

"Danielle, why isn't he saying anything," Derek said under his breath, trying not to move his lips in the process.

"He's just doing that to intimidate you," she replied, smiling up at her father innocently.

"It's working," Derek whispered, twisting his hair.

"Just remember," Danielle said, continuing with their ventriloquist act, "we're on his territory now. So, don't make any sudden movements, he may charge."

"Ah, I see we have more than one ventriloquist in the family," the Count said, cracking his knuckles to emphasize his words.

"Now, Daddy, before you get angry..."

"Darling, what makes you think you're Father's angry," Erik replied, looking at his daughter innocently. "I am happy to see you keeping this insolent boy's company."

Derek, not knowing what insolent meant, started to relax at Erik's congenial tone. But, then pulled a 180 when he saw the Count rummaging in his drawers, desk drawers that is.

Danielle looked on, suddenly grabbing Derek's hand to stroke the back of it. The intent was to soothe, but only made Derek more startled.

Erik found what he was looking for and sat down behind his desk, hiding whatever it was he had underneath it.

"So, what have you two crazy kids been up too?" Erik clenched the object in his hands, dying to use it. Derek, wanting to quench his curiosity, bent down to look under the desk. At the same exact time, Erik's hands moved above the desk. Derek shot up just as Erik's hands went below the desk. After the fourth try, a light bulb went above Derek's head once again.

"Danielle, did you see what your Father was holding," he whispered.

Danielle, humming The Point of No Return while filing her nails, looked up guiltily. "Sorry honey, I didn't notice."

Derek, fighting the impulse to strangle her, finally answered her Father's question. "Well, Danielle was just showing me around your amazing pad, I mean, home." Derek scratched his head, wondering where that God awful slang came from.

"What's slang?" Derek asked.

"Yes, what is slang," the rest of the group asked the voice. Okay, moving right along.

"Well, thank you my boy, I designed and built it myself."

Derek walked toward the Phantom and "Get Out," Derek excitedly pushed Erik over in his chair.

Derek prattled on as Erik stood up, all the while trying to hide his lasso behind him.

"I am fascinated with architecture. In fact, my Father owns Legitimate Structures. Everyone says he's the Davinci of building and design."

Derek turned around to look at Danielle as she pointed behind him, her eyes large and round. The Count slowly stalked behind the Vicomte, lasso in hand.

"Darling please, don't distract me, let me finish," Derek scolded. "Anyway Sir, you are good, but if you wish to excel you must..."

In a fit of blinding rage the Count raised his magical lasso.

"Darling!"

Erik quickly dropped the rope as his wife entered.

"Hello, my dear." The Phantom put an arm around Derek in a convivial manner. "I was just welcoming the boy to the family."

"Mother!" Danielle rushed to the Countess, sobbing into her arms. "Mother, it was so terrible, Daddy was going to. Wait, Father, did you just say you are welcoming Derek to the family?"

"Of course, sweetheart. I can't get enough of David."

"Count, I can't breath," Derek rasped, trying to get out of the friendly headlock Erik had him in.

"Oh, sorry son." The Count unhooked his arm from Derek's neck and moved toward his daughter.

"Danni, I just want you to be happy." Danielle's Father brought his arms around her in a warm hug, as his wife looked on suspiciously.

"Darius seems like a nice, simple, boy to me."

"Oh Daddy, thank you. That means so much to me. "Oh Mother," Danni started as she turned to give her a hug. "Isn't Father sweet?"

"Quite," her Mother answered, raising an eyebrow.

"Come Derek, we must make wedding plans." Danielle dragged Derek out of the room.

"Wedding Plans," her new fiancee replied nervously.

"What are you up to Erik," Christine pressed, when they were out of ear shot.

"Nothing Darling, trust me, nothing is going to happen." He hooked his arm around his wife's waist, caressing it.

"Erik, the last time you said that I ended up pregnant."

The Count smiled as he pressed his lips against Christine's neck, trailing his way down to her collarbone.

"Erik," the Countess giggled, "stop." Christine tried to sound forceful and failed.

"Come my love, help me make the music of the night."

He drug her toward the secret passage, both knowing where they were headed.

"Do I get to play with your organ this time," Christine whispered seductively.

"Only if you let me play with your drums," Erik growled.

"Ooh, I love it when you talk instruments."

Erik grinned from ear to ear as he drug his wife to his lair, while two other lovers made plans for the future.

Six Months Later

Danielle sauntered over to the bed in black negligee, looking at her groom like he was a rare, sirloin steak smothered in barbecue sauce.

Derek looked at his Bride like, she was a hot chick in a sexy nighty.

Danielle leapt on top of him, only to loose her balance and fall off the bed.

"Ha, how do you like it," Derek howled as he looked down at Danielle. Derek pleased with himself, leaned back and hit his head on the headboard. "Ow, oh," Derek rubbed his head as Danielle got off the floor and smirked.

"Well, I guess now we're even," she said. Danielle got back into bed and held Derek's gaze.

He laughed, "I guess so."

He caressed his wife's shoulder, pulling the strap of her lingerie down in the process.

"You are so beautiful, my love. Now, let's make this bed rock."

"Oh honey, you are so deep."

Derek plundered her mouth, drinking every last drop of her. Their tongues danced to a song as old as time, and then, the music stopped.

"Hey kids!" Erik strolled into the room, carrying a deck of cards, a game of checkers, jacks, and a violin.

"I thought you might get bored on your first night together, so I brought some entertainment."

Erik ignored their stunned expressions as he crawled into the bed, between his daughter and son in law.

"Hi, honey," he said, kissing her cheek. "Hello, Damien."

"Well, since no one spoke up, how about a game of cards."

Derek didn't answer, he just kept mumbling to himself, "All I wanted to do was neck with a pretty girl. All I did was accept an invitation up to her room."

Erik looked at his daughter. "Honey, your eye is twitching."

"What's troubling you, Danni. You know you can tell Daddy anything."

Danielle laughed hysterically, reaching her hand underneath the mattress for something. Erik watched his daughter curiously. Danielle's hand shot up toward her Father, throwing the lasso around his neck. As she tightened the noose Derek glanced over.

"Oh, Danielle, I just had an epiphany." Danielle grunted as Derek continued. " You keep your hand at the level of your eyes to keep from getting strangled. I never understood that before. I think I am getting smarter."

Derek glanced down at the Phantom, her Father,who was now struggling to breath.

"Monsieur, if you don't mind me saying so, you need to get out in the sun more. You're face is so pale it is beginning to look blue."

Erik grunted in response.

"Well, fine, don't take my advise. Oh, by the way, your architecture sucks."

The End

Author's Note: I know, what you are probably thinking. What in the Phantom's Lair just happened? Well, the beauty about this story is that, there is no logic. This was a fun story and I loved writing it. As you probably are aware this story was based more on Andrew Lloyd Webber's Phantom than Leroux's. Though I like his too. Well, I must give a final big thank you to all my faithful reviewers and readers. You are the ones that keep me going. Hasta!