The Merc and the Ninja
Part 12: 'Blew My Hat Off...'
By
The Uncanny R-Man
Disclaimer- I don't own anything, it ALL belongs to Marvel!
Shout Outs-
Risty- You like cricket? Are you quite mad? Glad you liked the Kitty cameo! More cameos up next! Siryn is going to make an appearance in a couple of chapters' time, no three-way catfight with Betsy and Typhoid though, sorry! A shiny new billy club if you can guess all of the references in today's chapter!
Dark Jaded Rose- Heh! Typhoid and Pyro make such a cool couple don't they! I've just found my new gimmick, random pairings! Thanks for the review! * Kiss * ^_~
***
A Gas Station several miles outside Valle Soleada: California-
Wade, Jubilee, Angelo, Typhoid and Pyro are waiting outside the gas station for Betsy, who's buying random snacks for the rest of the journey. Wade is asleep in the passenger seat while Angelo, Typhoid and Pyro play an impromptu game of poker for M&Ms. Jubilee meanwhile is alternating from rooting for Angelo to trying to see how far she can stick a pencil up Wade's nose without him waking up. Jubilee freezes as Wade shifts in his sleep.
'Snake!' (1) Wade mumbles, then he resumes snoring and drooling on his shoulder. Jubilee sticks her tongue out in concentration as she continues sliding the pencil up Wade's nose. 'Six breasts!' (2) Wade mumbles again.
Jubilee looks up as Betsy opens up the car door and dumps a grocery bag full of chips and soda onto Wade's lap. Wade sits up with a shout. 'BLEW MY HAT OFF!' (3)
Betsy raises an eyebrow at Wade's random bouts of insanity.
'Was I asleep?' Wade asks, as he mops up the drool from his chin.
'You were snoring.' Jubilee answers.
'I could here you from inside!' Betsy adds.
'You were drooling too!' Angelo adds, not looking up from his poker game.
'And spouting random crap!' Typhoid joins.
'What was it this time?' Wade asks.
'Somthin about a snake with six breasts that blew yer hat off!' Pyro adds, picking up a card.
'Sometimes I dread to think what goes on in that mind of yours Wade!' Betsy grins.
'Why don't you take a look, Cute Buns?' Wade asks with a lecherous glint in his eye.
Betsy sighs and uses her telepathy to read Wade's thoughts.
* We want chicken, we want liver, Meow Mix, Meow Mix, please deliver... * (4)
Betsy just shakes her head and starts up the car, driving off.
***
The town of Valle Soleada: Later-
The DeadMobile cruises along the Valle Soleada coastline with the roof down so its occupants can enjoy the Californian sunshine. Well, Betsy, Typhoid and Jubilee are enjoying the sunshine; the guys are ogling the scantily clad beach babes strolling past.
'Silicon... mountains and mountains of silicon... The horror... The horror...' (5) Wade squeaks.
Betsy sends a telepathic slap his way as she pulls up outside a swanky looking beach house.
'Are you sure this is the place Bets?' Jubilee asks.
Betsy looks at the address written on a piece of paper.
'This is the address Hank gave me.' She answers.
'Doesn't look like anybody's in.' Typhoid comments.
'I know how to get some attention!' Wade says, leaning over and pressing the horn repeatedly. 'YO! ANYBODY HOME?' He yells. 'SERVICE!!'
In response, a figure walks out the door, wiping her hands on a dishrag.
'Yeah, yeah, alraght, ah'm comin!'
The figure halts as she sees the car.
'Oh mah Gawd!' The figure gasps. 'Betsy! Why aren't yah dead?'
'I got better!' (6) Betsy grins.
The figure (who just happens to have a white stripe running through her hair) runs up to the car and grabs Betsy in a huge bear hug.
'Oh mah Gawd! It's great to see yah Bets!' Rogue grins, still hugging Betsy.
Betsy doesn't answer as she is staring in amazement at Rogue who's wearing teeny-tiny shorts and a T-Shirt tied around her chest, oh, and the huge tribal style tattoo that's running all the way down her left arm.
'Uh, Rogue, not that I'm not glad to see you or anything but, why am I still conscious?'
'Ah lost mah powers a while ago.' Rogue grins. 'So me an' Remy decided to take a leave of absence.'
'Ahem!' Someone clears their throat back in the car. Rogue lets go of Betsy and stares in amazement at the assembled gang in the car.
'G'day Rogue.' Pyro grins. 'Long time no see Sheila!'
'Pyro? But... How... You're dead!'
'Long story!'
Then Rogue gapes at the sight of Typhoid Mary with her arm around him.
'An you're getting' snugly with Typhoid Mary, lovely!'
'What about us?' Jubilee asks.
'Oh raght, hi Jubes, and Angelo. Why don't y'all come on inside, Remy an' the others'll be back soon.
'What others?' Angelo asks.
'Why Storm, Bishop, Sage, Sam an' Amara of course!'
***
Wade and co are now sat on Rogue's gazebo overlooking the beach. Rogue gets up and runs to the door as someone walks in.
'Chere, we're back!'
Rogue plants a smacker on Remy's lips as he walks in.
'We've only been gone a few hours, petite!'
'Ah can kiss yah can't ah?'
'You din' hear me complain!' Remy answers with lecherous grin.
'We've got guests sugah!'
The Cajun's eyes pop open as he sees the assembled guests sat on the gazebo.
'What up, Gumbo?' Wade grins, holding up a beer. 'Cool place ya got!
'What... who... huh?'
Rogue takes Remy's arm and leads him outside. 'Ah'll explain in a sec.'
***
After Storm, Bishop and the others have brought in the groceries, they join Rogue and Remy outside. It was quite a warm welcome, Storm gave Betsy a huge hug while Sam and Amara stood politely by, Sage just observed proceedings, as usual. Then it came to Bishop. Jubilee and Wade took one look at him and burst out laughing.
'AHAHAHAHAHAA! Bishop in a * snort * Hawaiian shirt! BWAHAHAA! Too *gasp * much!'
The homicide cop from the future just grits his teeth and looks at his shirt.
'I find that neon orange and ice blue suits me.'
Even an ever stoic Sage had to admit that Bishop looked pretty funny dressed like that!
'So Sage.' Wade grins, looking her over, in her tight leather pants and vest combo. 'You look... radiant as ever!'
'Thankyou Wade.' Sage deadpans.
Wade walks up to get another beer from the cooler. Sage lets out a squeak as Wade pinches her on the backside. Before you can say 'Ow, I've been kneed in the groin by an irate Sage', Wade is in a pile on the floor, having been kneed in the groin by an irate Sage!
After Wade's pride and joy has recovered from it's pummelling, the party then gets started.
***
It is now nighttime and everyone is on the beach, around a campfire. Wade, and Betsy are downing beers with Rogue, Remy and Bishop while Jubilee and Angelo dance around a stereo with Amara and Sam. Storm and Sage meanwhile observe Pyro, not entirely trustingly, on the barbeque. The Typhoid arrives with more beer!
'Beer's here if you want it!'
There is a mad rush as everyone (even Sage!) tries to grab the last cold bottle of beer.
'So, Typhoid.' Storm asks. 'How did you join?'
Typhoid gulps down some beer before she begins.
'Well, I employed Wade and Betsy to help me get some money that was owed to me. An then the rest is history and now I'm having sex with Pyro!'
Sam spits his beer out in surprise. Everyone looks at him in curiosity.
'Sorry, phlegm, too much beer!'
'Who wants a burger?' Pyro yells from the barbeque.
'Ooh! Ooh! Mememe!' A slightly drunk rogue yells, standing up and waving her hands about.
'Heads up Sheila!' Pyro yells back, grabbing a bun and throwing it to her. Rogue jumps up into the air and grabs the burger, then falls back down, onto Remy's lap.
'Remy din' know dat you cared chere!'
Rogue just grins drunkenly and breaks off a piece of burger and shoves it in his mouth.
Betsy turns to Rogue with a serious expression on her face.
'So what happened when Vargas killed me? (7) Did he turn up any time after that?'
'Oh yeah!' Rogue answers. 'He turned up during this alien invasion thingy.' (8)
'And what happened then?' Wade asks, enthralled.
'Ah kicked his butt!' Rogue grins. (9)
Betsy grins back and gives Rogue a High Five.
'You go girl!'
'Ah will!' Rogue grins again, before tripping over her feet and landing on Remy's lap again.
'Whoop! Ah'm sorry sugah!'
'Don' mention it!'
***
It's now the morning after and wade and co are in the DeadMobile, waving goodbye to Rogue and co.
'Nest time yah see Hank, tell him ah said hi, kay?' Rogue yells.
'I'll tell him alight!' Betsy yells back.
'Don' be strangers, y'hear?' Remy adds.
'We'll be back!' Betsy responds.
'Ah'm counting on it!'
Betsy gives them one last wave goodbye before she drives off.
'So where are we goin' next?' Jubilee asks.
Wade taps his chin in thought.
'I'm thinking... LAS VEGAS!'
That elicits a whoop from Jubilee and the others.
'Viva Las Vegas, Viva Las Vegas, Viva, Viva, Vi...' (10)
'Wade?'
'Yes Cute Buns?'
'Shut up!'
TBC...
NOTES-
(1)- Fast Show Rowley Birkin reference #1!
(2)- Rowley Birkin reference #2!
(3)- And Rowley Birkin reference #3!!!
(4)- Yes, it's that song from Austin Powers! Which I don't own, if you were wondering!
(5)- As said by Spidey in The Amazing Spider-Man #42 after his astral form floats through the changing room of a YWCA!
(6)- From Monty Python and the Holy Grail of course! ('She turned me into a newt! I got better...')
(7)- As seen in X-Treme X-Men #2
(8)- As seen in X-Treme X-Men #10-18
(9)- Rogue kicked Vargas's ass in X-Treme X-Men #9
(10)- As sung by Elvis. Guess what, I don't own this song! It belongs to... Elvis, I presume!
NEXT: The gang go to Las Vegas. Who should be there to meet them? Daredevil! Bad news for Typhoid!
Part 12: 'Blew My Hat Off...'
By
The Uncanny R-Man
Disclaimer- I don't own anything, it ALL belongs to Marvel!
Shout Outs-
Risty- You like cricket? Are you quite mad? Glad you liked the Kitty cameo! More cameos up next! Siryn is going to make an appearance in a couple of chapters' time, no three-way catfight with Betsy and Typhoid though, sorry! A shiny new billy club if you can guess all of the references in today's chapter!
Dark Jaded Rose- Heh! Typhoid and Pyro make such a cool couple don't they! I've just found my new gimmick, random pairings! Thanks for the review! * Kiss * ^_~
***
A Gas Station several miles outside Valle Soleada: California-
Wade, Jubilee, Angelo, Typhoid and Pyro are waiting outside the gas station for Betsy, who's buying random snacks for the rest of the journey. Wade is asleep in the passenger seat while Angelo, Typhoid and Pyro play an impromptu game of poker for M&Ms. Jubilee meanwhile is alternating from rooting for Angelo to trying to see how far she can stick a pencil up Wade's nose without him waking up. Jubilee freezes as Wade shifts in his sleep.
'Snake!' (1) Wade mumbles, then he resumes snoring and drooling on his shoulder. Jubilee sticks her tongue out in concentration as she continues sliding the pencil up Wade's nose. 'Six breasts!' (2) Wade mumbles again.
Jubilee looks up as Betsy opens up the car door and dumps a grocery bag full of chips and soda onto Wade's lap. Wade sits up with a shout. 'BLEW MY HAT OFF!' (3)
Betsy raises an eyebrow at Wade's random bouts of insanity.
'Was I asleep?' Wade asks, as he mops up the drool from his chin.
'You were snoring.' Jubilee answers.
'I could here you from inside!' Betsy adds.
'You were drooling too!' Angelo adds, not looking up from his poker game.
'And spouting random crap!' Typhoid joins.
'What was it this time?' Wade asks.
'Somthin about a snake with six breasts that blew yer hat off!' Pyro adds, picking up a card.
'Sometimes I dread to think what goes on in that mind of yours Wade!' Betsy grins.
'Why don't you take a look, Cute Buns?' Wade asks with a lecherous glint in his eye.
Betsy sighs and uses her telepathy to read Wade's thoughts.
* We want chicken, we want liver, Meow Mix, Meow Mix, please deliver... * (4)
Betsy just shakes her head and starts up the car, driving off.
***
The town of Valle Soleada: Later-
The DeadMobile cruises along the Valle Soleada coastline with the roof down so its occupants can enjoy the Californian sunshine. Well, Betsy, Typhoid and Jubilee are enjoying the sunshine; the guys are ogling the scantily clad beach babes strolling past.
'Silicon... mountains and mountains of silicon... The horror... The horror...' (5) Wade squeaks.
Betsy sends a telepathic slap his way as she pulls up outside a swanky looking beach house.
'Are you sure this is the place Bets?' Jubilee asks.
Betsy looks at the address written on a piece of paper.
'This is the address Hank gave me.' She answers.
'Doesn't look like anybody's in.' Typhoid comments.
'I know how to get some attention!' Wade says, leaning over and pressing the horn repeatedly. 'YO! ANYBODY HOME?' He yells. 'SERVICE!!'
In response, a figure walks out the door, wiping her hands on a dishrag.
'Yeah, yeah, alraght, ah'm comin!'
The figure halts as she sees the car.
'Oh mah Gawd!' The figure gasps. 'Betsy! Why aren't yah dead?'
'I got better!' (6) Betsy grins.
The figure (who just happens to have a white stripe running through her hair) runs up to the car and grabs Betsy in a huge bear hug.
'Oh mah Gawd! It's great to see yah Bets!' Rogue grins, still hugging Betsy.
Betsy doesn't answer as she is staring in amazement at Rogue who's wearing teeny-tiny shorts and a T-Shirt tied around her chest, oh, and the huge tribal style tattoo that's running all the way down her left arm.
'Uh, Rogue, not that I'm not glad to see you or anything but, why am I still conscious?'
'Ah lost mah powers a while ago.' Rogue grins. 'So me an' Remy decided to take a leave of absence.'
'Ahem!' Someone clears their throat back in the car. Rogue lets go of Betsy and stares in amazement at the assembled gang in the car.
'G'day Rogue.' Pyro grins. 'Long time no see Sheila!'
'Pyro? But... How... You're dead!'
'Long story!'
Then Rogue gapes at the sight of Typhoid Mary with her arm around him.
'An you're getting' snugly with Typhoid Mary, lovely!'
'What about us?' Jubilee asks.
'Oh raght, hi Jubes, and Angelo. Why don't y'all come on inside, Remy an' the others'll be back soon.
'What others?' Angelo asks.
'Why Storm, Bishop, Sage, Sam an' Amara of course!'
***
Wade and co are now sat on Rogue's gazebo overlooking the beach. Rogue gets up and runs to the door as someone walks in.
'Chere, we're back!'
Rogue plants a smacker on Remy's lips as he walks in.
'We've only been gone a few hours, petite!'
'Ah can kiss yah can't ah?'
'You din' hear me complain!' Remy answers with lecherous grin.
'We've got guests sugah!'
The Cajun's eyes pop open as he sees the assembled guests sat on the gazebo.
'What up, Gumbo?' Wade grins, holding up a beer. 'Cool place ya got!
'What... who... huh?'
Rogue takes Remy's arm and leads him outside. 'Ah'll explain in a sec.'
***
After Storm, Bishop and the others have brought in the groceries, they join Rogue and Remy outside. It was quite a warm welcome, Storm gave Betsy a huge hug while Sam and Amara stood politely by, Sage just observed proceedings, as usual. Then it came to Bishop. Jubilee and Wade took one look at him and burst out laughing.
'AHAHAHAHAHAA! Bishop in a * snort * Hawaiian shirt! BWAHAHAA! Too *gasp * much!'
The homicide cop from the future just grits his teeth and looks at his shirt.
'I find that neon orange and ice blue suits me.'
Even an ever stoic Sage had to admit that Bishop looked pretty funny dressed like that!
'So Sage.' Wade grins, looking her over, in her tight leather pants and vest combo. 'You look... radiant as ever!'
'Thankyou Wade.' Sage deadpans.
Wade walks up to get another beer from the cooler. Sage lets out a squeak as Wade pinches her on the backside. Before you can say 'Ow, I've been kneed in the groin by an irate Sage', Wade is in a pile on the floor, having been kneed in the groin by an irate Sage!
After Wade's pride and joy has recovered from it's pummelling, the party then gets started.
***
It is now nighttime and everyone is on the beach, around a campfire. Wade, and Betsy are downing beers with Rogue, Remy and Bishop while Jubilee and Angelo dance around a stereo with Amara and Sam. Storm and Sage meanwhile observe Pyro, not entirely trustingly, on the barbeque. The Typhoid arrives with more beer!
'Beer's here if you want it!'
There is a mad rush as everyone (even Sage!) tries to grab the last cold bottle of beer.
'So, Typhoid.' Storm asks. 'How did you join?'
Typhoid gulps down some beer before she begins.
'Well, I employed Wade and Betsy to help me get some money that was owed to me. An then the rest is history and now I'm having sex with Pyro!'
Sam spits his beer out in surprise. Everyone looks at him in curiosity.
'Sorry, phlegm, too much beer!'
'Who wants a burger?' Pyro yells from the barbeque.
'Ooh! Ooh! Mememe!' A slightly drunk rogue yells, standing up and waving her hands about.
'Heads up Sheila!' Pyro yells back, grabbing a bun and throwing it to her. Rogue jumps up into the air and grabs the burger, then falls back down, onto Remy's lap.
'Remy din' know dat you cared chere!'
Rogue just grins drunkenly and breaks off a piece of burger and shoves it in his mouth.
Betsy turns to Rogue with a serious expression on her face.
'So what happened when Vargas killed me? (7) Did he turn up any time after that?'
'Oh yeah!' Rogue answers. 'He turned up during this alien invasion thingy.' (8)
'And what happened then?' Wade asks, enthralled.
'Ah kicked his butt!' Rogue grins. (9)
Betsy grins back and gives Rogue a High Five.
'You go girl!'
'Ah will!' Rogue grins again, before tripping over her feet and landing on Remy's lap again.
'Whoop! Ah'm sorry sugah!'
'Don' mention it!'
***
It's now the morning after and wade and co are in the DeadMobile, waving goodbye to Rogue and co.
'Nest time yah see Hank, tell him ah said hi, kay?' Rogue yells.
'I'll tell him alight!' Betsy yells back.
'Don' be strangers, y'hear?' Remy adds.
'We'll be back!' Betsy responds.
'Ah'm counting on it!'
Betsy gives them one last wave goodbye before she drives off.
'So where are we goin' next?' Jubilee asks.
Wade taps his chin in thought.
'I'm thinking... LAS VEGAS!'
That elicits a whoop from Jubilee and the others.
'Viva Las Vegas, Viva Las Vegas, Viva, Viva, Vi...' (10)
'Wade?'
'Yes Cute Buns?'
'Shut up!'
TBC...
NOTES-
(1)- Fast Show Rowley Birkin reference #1!
(2)- Rowley Birkin reference #2!
(3)- And Rowley Birkin reference #3!!!
(4)- Yes, it's that song from Austin Powers! Which I don't own, if you were wondering!
(5)- As said by Spidey in The Amazing Spider-Man #42 after his astral form floats through the changing room of a YWCA!
(6)- From Monty Python and the Holy Grail of course! ('She turned me into a newt! I got better...')
(7)- As seen in X-Treme X-Men #2
(8)- As seen in X-Treme X-Men #10-18
(9)- Rogue kicked Vargas's ass in X-Treme X-Men #9
(10)- As sung by Elvis. Guess what, I don't own this song! It belongs to... Elvis, I presume!
NEXT: The gang go to Las Vegas. Who should be there to meet them? Daredevil! Bad news for Typhoid!