The Merc and the Ninja
Part 15: Chim-Chimminy and All That
By
The Uncanny R-Man
Disclaimer- I don't own anything, all the characters in this fic belong to Marvel.
Shout Outs-
Agent-G- Yeah, I know what you mean, I hated that ride too! Fortunately enough, the last time I went to Disney, the ride was closed for refurbishment, thank God! And yes, BLEW has finished their tour of the US and now they're going international!
Dark Jaded Rose- Hee, Betsy burping was funny wasn't it? If you liked that, why don't you read X-Men Unlimited #47, that's where I got the idea!
Risty- Kiwi Flight? Yeah, I got the joke. I'm afraid that BLEW won't go to NZ for a fair while yet; they have to get through Europe and Asia first. Just in advance, I'd like to apologise for this chapter, you'll see why I'm apologising soon. I guess that Cable is a l'il uptight but he's waaay better than his parents, Rachel too! Maybe Nate inherited the cool gene from his REAL mother, Madelyne Pryor! Cuz she's better than Jean anyway! The coolness gene must have skipped a generation there! Either that or Alex Summers got both cool genes! Cuz admit it, he is sooo much better than Scott!
***
Quote of the day- 'Smeeee Heeeee...'- Kryten (Red Dwarf)
***
Several miles above the Atlantic Ocean-
Wade Wilson leans back in his first class seat aboard the jet liner heading towards England. He turns to his girlfriend Betsy Braddock.
'You lookin' forward to getting home Cute Buns?' He asks.
'It would be nice to see what's been happening since I've been... gone.' Betsy replies.
Jubilee pops her head over the back of Betsy's seat.
'You mean when you were dead right?'
'Yes, thanks for that Jubilation.' Betsy groans. 'Shouldn't you be snuggling with Angelo?'
'He's asleep.' Jubilee replies.
'Tired out from all the non-stop sex I suppose.' Typhoid Mary smirks from behind.
'The guy hasn't got any stamina.' Jubilee sighs. 'You'd think that he'd be up for red-hot sex with a smouldering hot chick like me!'
Angelo snorts something in his sleep.
'Time to kick it up a notch, BAM!'
'Riiiiight...' Jubilee says, turning back to her random gossip magazine.
'Omigod!' She gasps. 'Did you know that Emma Frost isn't a real blonde?'
'Yeah I did.' Wade replies.
'And how did you know?' Betsy asks, glaring at her boyfriend.
Wade stays silent and hides his head behind a book.
***
A random airport: Somewhere in Britain: Later-
Wade finishes loading up the DeadMobile with everybody's luggage. He gets in the front and starts up the engine.
'I still can't believe how we got all your guns and Typhoid's machetes through customs.' Betsy says.
'It's always good to have a poker buddy that's head of SHIELD and stuff!' Wade grins.
'Does Brian know that we're gonna visit him?' Jubilee asks.
'I thought that we'd surprise him.' Betsy replies.
'I just hope that he's over the threats of bodily harm!' Wade says.
'Oh Brian isn't one to hold a grudge.' Betsy replies. 'Not often.'
'So who exactly is your brother?' Typhoid asks.
'You ever hear of Brain Braddock?' Wade asks.
Typhoid just shrugs her head.
'Captain Britain?'
Still nothing.
'Forget it!' Betsy sighs.
***
Braddock Manor: Later still-
The DeadMobile pulls up outside the swanky looking family home of the Braddocks.
'Nice digs your brother's got!' Wade says. 'D'ya think we can scab some money off him?'
Betsy just shakes her head and walks up to the door. Before she can knock however, the door is swung open and she is grabbed in a hugs hug.
'Nice to see you to Meggan!' Betsy winces.
'It's great to see you Betsy!' Meggan, Betsy's sister-in-law grins. 'You're just in time, dinner's almost ready!'
Meggan opens the door wide to lets everyone in.
'And you've brought friends!' Meggan continues. 'How nice! Even if it is a former member of the Brotherhood and a psychotic schizophrenic!'
'Gee, don't I feel welcome.' Typhoid whispers in Pyro's ear.
Meggan then leads them into the kitchen.
Brian Braddock walks over from the oven and holds his twin sister in a huge hug.
'I'm glad to see you Betts!' Brain grins.
'Uh, Bri.' Betsy says. 'I do need to breath y'know!'
Brian lets his sister go and looks at the guests.
'Lo Wade.' He says.
'BRIAN!' Wade grins, scooping him up into a big hug. 'Nice to see ya bro!'
'You can let me down any time you want Wade.' Brian says.
'Oh right, sorry!'
Betsy then looks over at Meggan and notices a rather large bulge in her belly.
'Meggan you're...'
'Yup.'
'Pregnant!'
'Fraid so!'
Betsy then turns to Brian and points an accusing finger at him.
'How the Hell did this happen?'
Brian just looks aback at his sister, part scared, part amused.
'Are you responsible for this?' Betsy asks.
'What kind of stupid bloody question is that?' Brian shoots back.
'Haven't you ever heard of protection?'
There is an awkward silence in the air as everyone waits for Betsy to go mental. Fortunately enough, it doesn't happen as the purple haired telepath grabs her sister-in-law in a hug.
'This is such great news! Any ideas for a name yet?'
'I was thinking of calling her Betsy.' Meggan replies.
'What do you mean her?' Brian asks. 'It could be a boy!'
'Excuse me dear.' Meggan replies. 'But who's the empathic metamorph?'
Brian quickly changes the subject.
'So who's ready for dinner?'
***
After dinner-
Everybody has now split up for the night. Betsy and Brian are showing Jubilee the British clothes stores. Angelo went along because Jubilee press- ganged him into carrying her bags while Typhoid and Pyro hit the pubs. That only leaves Wade who volunteered to look after the heavily pregnant Meggan.
Wade walks in with a bowl of soapy water and a peanut butter and strawberry sandwich for Meggan.
'There ya go Meg.' Wade says, fluffing up Meggan's pillow. 'Your sandwich and a nice bowl of soapy water to soak your feet in.'
'You're too kind Wade.' Meggan replies. 'But there's really no need for all this, I can cope for myself1'
'Aw pish!' Wade grins. 'I volunteered to look after you so I'm gonna look after you!'
Wade then turns to turn on the TV. He turns as he hears the sound of a plate breaking.
'Wade.' Meggan says, with a somewhat urgent tone in her voice. 'The baby's here!'
'Yeah I know it is.' Wade replies. 'It's in your tummy!'
'I don't mean it like that!' Meggan winces. 'The baby's coming!'
'Omigod!' Wade shrieks. 'The baby's coming! What am I gonna do? I don't even know first aid!' he then proceeds to runs around like a headless chicken. 'Omigodomigodomigod!' He stops as he hears Meggan yell in pain.
'It's aright. I'm here. I'll get you to a doctor!'
'No time!' Meggan winces again through another contraction. 'It'll have to be born here!'
Wade gulps nervously as he bends down to tend to the baby.
***
Meanwhile-
Betsy and Brain have just finished showing Jubilee and Angelo around the clothes stores. Jubilee gets out of the car with Angelo close behind her laden with bags. Betsy and Brian follow. Then they hear the sound of a woman screaming.
'Meggan!' Brain gasps. 'The baby's here!'
'Waitasec!' Jubilee says. 'We only saw you guys a month or two ago, how can Meggan be giving birth already?'
'The maternity cycle of Meggan's people is faster than ours.' Betsy answers. 'The baby is ready to be born in nine weeks instead of months!'
They all look as Brian drops what he is doing and runs towards the house. They all follow behind.
***
The living room-
Brian runs through the door just in time to see an exhausted Meggan lying in the couch with a weary smile on her face while Wade stands beside her with a blanket-wrapped package in his arms.
'Is everything alright?' Brian asks, running to his wife's side.
'Everything's wonderful darling!' Meggan replies. 'Betsy's perfectly healthy!'
'How can you know?' Brian asks.
'Don't mess with an empath!' Meggan smiles weakly. 'I just know!'
'Here's your daughter.' Wade whispers. 'Be careful, she's sleeping.' He then passes Baby Betsy who hold her in their arms and look lovingly at their newly born daughter. Then there is a dull thump as wade passes out.
***
Much later-
Meggan is now laid up in bed asleep with Baby Betsy sleeps beside her in her crib. Hank McCoy, who has just flown in from Westchester has just finished checking up on the baby. He packs away his things and turns to the proud father.
'I may not be an expert on Otherworld babies but I would say that your daughter is perfectly healthy!'
'Thankyou Henry.' Brian says, shaking the fuzzy blue doctor's hand.
'Maybe you should be thanking Mister Wilson.' Hank replies. 'He was the one that did all the work!'
'Thankyou Wade.' Brian says. 'Meggan and I thankyou with all our hearts!'
'Aw shucks!' wade blushes. 'Twas nothing!'
Wade then turns to the window as he wipes a tear away from his eye.
'Now if you'll excuse me, I have something in my eye!'
***
Later still-
After saying a goodnight to the happy parents, Betsy and Wade retire to their rooms. Betsy rolls over in bed and places her chin on Wade's shoulder.
'That was a wonderful thing you did Wade.' Betsy says. 'I'm sure that you'll be a wonderful father!'
'Really?' Wade asks, rolling around so he is face to face with his girlfriend.
'Oh yeah.' Betsy answers. 'As a matter of fact, why don't we get started on making a baby of our own?'
'You're incorrigible!' Wade grins.
'You know you like it Cute Buns!' Betsy replies, leaping onto him.
END...
NOTE- if you hadn't guessed, the title comes from one of the songs in Mary Poppins. The Chimney Sweep Song if I'm not mistaken. I hate Mary Poppins, the sole cause of all of the British stereotypes in American TV and films today! They're either working class 'Cor blimey guv'na' or exceedingly upper class 'tally-ho, pip-pip and all that, ey wot?' Damn them!
NEXT: Paris and more special guest stars!
Part 15: Chim-Chimminy and All That
By
The Uncanny R-Man
Disclaimer- I don't own anything, all the characters in this fic belong to Marvel.
Shout Outs-
Agent-G- Yeah, I know what you mean, I hated that ride too! Fortunately enough, the last time I went to Disney, the ride was closed for refurbishment, thank God! And yes, BLEW has finished their tour of the US and now they're going international!
Dark Jaded Rose- Hee, Betsy burping was funny wasn't it? If you liked that, why don't you read X-Men Unlimited #47, that's where I got the idea!
Risty- Kiwi Flight? Yeah, I got the joke. I'm afraid that BLEW won't go to NZ for a fair while yet; they have to get through Europe and Asia first. Just in advance, I'd like to apologise for this chapter, you'll see why I'm apologising soon. I guess that Cable is a l'il uptight but he's waaay better than his parents, Rachel too! Maybe Nate inherited the cool gene from his REAL mother, Madelyne Pryor! Cuz she's better than Jean anyway! The coolness gene must have skipped a generation there! Either that or Alex Summers got both cool genes! Cuz admit it, he is sooo much better than Scott!
***
Quote of the day- 'Smeeee Heeeee...'- Kryten (Red Dwarf)
***
Several miles above the Atlantic Ocean-
Wade Wilson leans back in his first class seat aboard the jet liner heading towards England. He turns to his girlfriend Betsy Braddock.
'You lookin' forward to getting home Cute Buns?' He asks.
'It would be nice to see what's been happening since I've been... gone.' Betsy replies.
Jubilee pops her head over the back of Betsy's seat.
'You mean when you were dead right?'
'Yes, thanks for that Jubilation.' Betsy groans. 'Shouldn't you be snuggling with Angelo?'
'He's asleep.' Jubilee replies.
'Tired out from all the non-stop sex I suppose.' Typhoid Mary smirks from behind.
'The guy hasn't got any stamina.' Jubilee sighs. 'You'd think that he'd be up for red-hot sex with a smouldering hot chick like me!'
Angelo snorts something in his sleep.
'Time to kick it up a notch, BAM!'
'Riiiiight...' Jubilee says, turning back to her random gossip magazine.
'Omigod!' She gasps. 'Did you know that Emma Frost isn't a real blonde?'
'Yeah I did.' Wade replies.
'And how did you know?' Betsy asks, glaring at her boyfriend.
Wade stays silent and hides his head behind a book.
***
A random airport: Somewhere in Britain: Later-
Wade finishes loading up the DeadMobile with everybody's luggage. He gets in the front and starts up the engine.
'I still can't believe how we got all your guns and Typhoid's machetes through customs.' Betsy says.
'It's always good to have a poker buddy that's head of SHIELD and stuff!' Wade grins.
'Does Brian know that we're gonna visit him?' Jubilee asks.
'I thought that we'd surprise him.' Betsy replies.
'I just hope that he's over the threats of bodily harm!' Wade says.
'Oh Brian isn't one to hold a grudge.' Betsy replies. 'Not often.'
'So who exactly is your brother?' Typhoid asks.
'You ever hear of Brain Braddock?' Wade asks.
Typhoid just shrugs her head.
'Captain Britain?'
Still nothing.
'Forget it!' Betsy sighs.
***
Braddock Manor: Later still-
The DeadMobile pulls up outside the swanky looking family home of the Braddocks.
'Nice digs your brother's got!' Wade says. 'D'ya think we can scab some money off him?'
Betsy just shakes her head and walks up to the door. Before she can knock however, the door is swung open and she is grabbed in a hugs hug.
'Nice to see you to Meggan!' Betsy winces.
'It's great to see you Betsy!' Meggan, Betsy's sister-in-law grins. 'You're just in time, dinner's almost ready!'
Meggan opens the door wide to lets everyone in.
'And you've brought friends!' Meggan continues. 'How nice! Even if it is a former member of the Brotherhood and a psychotic schizophrenic!'
'Gee, don't I feel welcome.' Typhoid whispers in Pyro's ear.
Meggan then leads them into the kitchen.
Brian Braddock walks over from the oven and holds his twin sister in a huge hug.
'I'm glad to see you Betts!' Brain grins.
'Uh, Bri.' Betsy says. 'I do need to breath y'know!'
Brian lets his sister go and looks at the guests.
'Lo Wade.' He says.
'BRIAN!' Wade grins, scooping him up into a big hug. 'Nice to see ya bro!'
'You can let me down any time you want Wade.' Brian says.
'Oh right, sorry!'
Betsy then looks over at Meggan and notices a rather large bulge in her belly.
'Meggan you're...'
'Yup.'
'Pregnant!'
'Fraid so!'
Betsy then turns to Brian and points an accusing finger at him.
'How the Hell did this happen?'
Brian just looks aback at his sister, part scared, part amused.
'Are you responsible for this?' Betsy asks.
'What kind of stupid bloody question is that?' Brian shoots back.
'Haven't you ever heard of protection?'
There is an awkward silence in the air as everyone waits for Betsy to go mental. Fortunately enough, it doesn't happen as the purple haired telepath grabs her sister-in-law in a hug.
'This is such great news! Any ideas for a name yet?'
'I was thinking of calling her Betsy.' Meggan replies.
'What do you mean her?' Brian asks. 'It could be a boy!'
'Excuse me dear.' Meggan replies. 'But who's the empathic metamorph?'
Brian quickly changes the subject.
'So who's ready for dinner?'
***
After dinner-
Everybody has now split up for the night. Betsy and Brian are showing Jubilee the British clothes stores. Angelo went along because Jubilee press- ganged him into carrying her bags while Typhoid and Pyro hit the pubs. That only leaves Wade who volunteered to look after the heavily pregnant Meggan.
Wade walks in with a bowl of soapy water and a peanut butter and strawberry sandwich for Meggan.
'There ya go Meg.' Wade says, fluffing up Meggan's pillow. 'Your sandwich and a nice bowl of soapy water to soak your feet in.'
'You're too kind Wade.' Meggan replies. 'But there's really no need for all this, I can cope for myself1'
'Aw pish!' Wade grins. 'I volunteered to look after you so I'm gonna look after you!'
Wade then turns to turn on the TV. He turns as he hears the sound of a plate breaking.
'Wade.' Meggan says, with a somewhat urgent tone in her voice. 'The baby's here!'
'Yeah I know it is.' Wade replies. 'It's in your tummy!'
'I don't mean it like that!' Meggan winces. 'The baby's coming!'
'Omigod!' Wade shrieks. 'The baby's coming! What am I gonna do? I don't even know first aid!' he then proceeds to runs around like a headless chicken. 'Omigodomigodomigod!' He stops as he hears Meggan yell in pain.
'It's aright. I'm here. I'll get you to a doctor!'
'No time!' Meggan winces again through another contraction. 'It'll have to be born here!'
Wade gulps nervously as he bends down to tend to the baby.
***
Meanwhile-
Betsy and Brain have just finished showing Jubilee and Angelo around the clothes stores. Jubilee gets out of the car with Angelo close behind her laden with bags. Betsy and Brian follow. Then they hear the sound of a woman screaming.
'Meggan!' Brain gasps. 'The baby's here!'
'Waitasec!' Jubilee says. 'We only saw you guys a month or two ago, how can Meggan be giving birth already?'
'The maternity cycle of Meggan's people is faster than ours.' Betsy answers. 'The baby is ready to be born in nine weeks instead of months!'
They all look as Brian drops what he is doing and runs towards the house. They all follow behind.
***
The living room-
Brian runs through the door just in time to see an exhausted Meggan lying in the couch with a weary smile on her face while Wade stands beside her with a blanket-wrapped package in his arms.
'Is everything alright?' Brian asks, running to his wife's side.
'Everything's wonderful darling!' Meggan replies. 'Betsy's perfectly healthy!'
'How can you know?' Brian asks.
'Don't mess with an empath!' Meggan smiles weakly. 'I just know!'
'Here's your daughter.' Wade whispers. 'Be careful, she's sleeping.' He then passes Baby Betsy who hold her in their arms and look lovingly at their newly born daughter. Then there is a dull thump as wade passes out.
***
Much later-
Meggan is now laid up in bed asleep with Baby Betsy sleeps beside her in her crib. Hank McCoy, who has just flown in from Westchester has just finished checking up on the baby. He packs away his things and turns to the proud father.
'I may not be an expert on Otherworld babies but I would say that your daughter is perfectly healthy!'
'Thankyou Henry.' Brian says, shaking the fuzzy blue doctor's hand.
'Maybe you should be thanking Mister Wilson.' Hank replies. 'He was the one that did all the work!'
'Thankyou Wade.' Brian says. 'Meggan and I thankyou with all our hearts!'
'Aw shucks!' wade blushes. 'Twas nothing!'
Wade then turns to the window as he wipes a tear away from his eye.
'Now if you'll excuse me, I have something in my eye!'
***
Later still-
After saying a goodnight to the happy parents, Betsy and Wade retire to their rooms. Betsy rolls over in bed and places her chin on Wade's shoulder.
'That was a wonderful thing you did Wade.' Betsy says. 'I'm sure that you'll be a wonderful father!'
'Really?' Wade asks, rolling around so he is face to face with his girlfriend.
'Oh yeah.' Betsy answers. 'As a matter of fact, why don't we get started on making a baby of our own?'
'You're incorrigible!' Wade grins.
'You know you like it Cute Buns!' Betsy replies, leaping onto him.
END...
NOTE- if you hadn't guessed, the title comes from one of the songs in Mary Poppins. The Chimney Sweep Song if I'm not mistaken. I hate Mary Poppins, the sole cause of all of the British stereotypes in American TV and films today! They're either working class 'Cor blimey guv'na' or exceedingly upper class 'tally-ho, pip-pip and all that, ey wot?' Damn them!
NEXT: Paris and more special guest stars!