The Merc and the Ninja
Part 18: Mole...
By
The Uncanny R-Man
Disclaimer- I don't own anything. Wade, Betsy and co belong to Marvel. As do the Fantastic 4 and the Mole Man.
Shout Outs-
Risty- Wade and Betsy are at it a lot, aren't they? There must be something in the water, cuz Typhoid, John, Jubilee and Angelo are at it a lot as well!
Agent-G- Aw nuts! I forgot about the whole Marvel/DC thing with Jubilee and Robin in Venice! Then again, I think that Jubilee mentioning that would have spoilt the mood somewhat. Sorry, no plans for the Silver Samurai or Sunfire in Japan, I was thinking of something along the lines of Kill Bill style insanity with Betsy and Elektra! Plus, the Silver Samurai isn't really a bad guy and Sunfire is dead (I think!)
Cairo, Egypt-
Several bedraggled and sweaty figures walk into an Egyptian hotel. They are, of course, the members of the Braddock, Lee, Espinosa and Wilson detective agency.
Jubilee plops down onto a nearby chair and opens up a bottle of water.
'Why did we have to come to Egypt?' She moans. 'It's too damn hot!'
'Betsy wanted to go see the pyramids.' Angelo replies.
'You woulda thought that she'd seen them enough after all that crap with Apocalypse and the Twelve!' (1) Jubilee sighs.
As usual, everybody splits up for the night to get some sleep.
The next morning-
Everybody is sat around the table discussing how to spend their first day in Egypt.
'I say we go shopping.' Jubilee says.
'In Egypt?' Typhoid replies. 'Good luck with finding anything worth buying!'
'Why don't we hit the bars?' Wade asks.
'At this time of the day?' Betsy replies. 'I don't think so.'
'Why don't we go see the pyramids?' John pipes up. 'I've always wanted to see them.'
'I have to agree with John here.' Betsy says. 'It would do us all good to go see some culture.'
A chorus of groans and sounds of general complaints rises from the group.
'I don't want any fuss from any of you, okay?' Betsy asks. 'Now go and get ready, it's going to be a long day.'
The pyramids-
Betsy, Wade and co are now dressed in clothes suitable for the desert. Wade is lagging behind, moaning about the choice of venue.
'Don't see why have to come here.' He pouts. 'I wanted to hang around the pool, where it's nice and cool but nooo, we have to come see some crappy stone monuments!'
Betsy turns around and fixes him with a glare. Wade sticks his tongue out in retaliation.
Jubilee and Angelo meanwhile, are standing by a stall that sells bottled water.
'Gah! So hot!' Jubilee moans, pouring some of her water on her face. 'I don't see why any sane person would come out here in the middle of the day!'
'Just think how the nomads have it, chica!' Angelo adds. 'They have to live here!'
'Tell me about it!' A voice says beside them. 'I wanted to go to Barbados but nooo, Reed dragged us all to Egypt to come see the pyramids!'
Jubilee and Angelo turn around to see who the person is.
'Holy crap! It's Johnny Storm!' Jubilee gasps. 'Dude, can I have your autograph?'
'Only if you give me a swig of that water.' Johnny replies. 'I'm parched!'
'Sure!' Jubilee says, passing him the bottle. Johnny takes a swig and signs the book that Jubilee conveniently has in her bag.
'So where are the others?' Angelo asks.
'Reed and Sue are showing Franklin around. Ben should be around here somewhere. Oh wait, there he is, he's looking after Val in the shade! C'mon I'll go introduce you!'
Wade and Betsy-
Typhoid and John have now joined Betsy and Wade on their tour around the pyramids.
'You know what?' Typhoid says. 'I never knew how interesting this place could be!'
'It gets more interesting by the second Sheila!' John replies. 'You should read how they used to mummify the bodies! They poked their brains out with rusty hooks and put them in pottery jars!'
'Now that sounds cool!' Typhoid grins.
'I still say we should have stayed around the pool.' Wade pouts.
'Excuse me.' A voice says behind them. 'I can't help but overhear that you're talking about the process of mummification and I thought that I might explain about it a little more.'
Betsy and co look behind them at the speaker. It's Reed Richards, Mr Fantastic of the Fantastic 4, and general know it all. His wife Sue and son Franklin are there too.
'Hello Reed.' Betsy says. 'Nice to see you again. You too Sue!'
'What brings you to Egypt?' Sue asks.
'Vacation.' Betsy replies. 'We're having a kind of world tour!'
'That sounds magnificent!' Sue says. 'You've got to tell me all about it over a nice cold drink!'
Reed turns to Typhoid and John.
'I heard that you two had reformed.' Reed says. 'But I thought that it was just idle gossip.'
'What can I say?' John replies. 'I'm a good boy!'
While the others are absorbed in their respective conversations, Wade takes the moment to make his exit and walk outside. He heads over to a shaded are where Jubilee and Angelo are talking to Johnny and Ben.
'Not enjoying the tour Wade?' Jubilee asks.
'Dusty old ruins just don't grab me like they used to.' Wade sighs.
'I've gotta agree with yer there.' Ben adds. 'Their nice an' all but goin' on a tour with Stretcho in yer ear all the time kind gets borin', y'know?'
Wade sits down and pops open a bottle of water.
'I could be laying back in a pool of nice cool water right now.' Wade sighs. 'But Betsy wanted to come here of all places.'
'Betsy Braddock?' Johnny asks. 'I thought she was dead! You too as a matter of fact!'
'We got better.' Wade replies.
'Uh guys?' Jubilee says. 'Do you feel that?'
'Yeah.' Angelo replies. 'The ground's rumbling!'
'That had better not be one of yours Ben!' Johnny says.
'Oh stow it ya overgrown Zippo!' Ben retorts. 'I'd better go get Stretcho!'
'There's no need for that, Ben.' Reed says. 'We came running as soon as we felt the ground shake.'
'Any idea what it is Mr F?' Jubilee asks.
'I'd say that a very large monster is just about to burst out of the ground.' Reed replies.
'How did you guess that mate?' John asks.
'Quite simple really.' Reed replies. 'There is one standing right behind you!'
John spins around and lets out a girlish shriek at the sigh of the giant monster in front of him.
'It looks like one of the Mole Man's monsters!' Sue says. 'But there's no sign of the Mole Man himself!'
'Like that matters Suzie.' Ben replies. 'Moley don't have to be here for it to be... CLOBBERIN' TIME!'
With that, the assembled members of the Fantastic 4 and the BLEW detective agency leap into action. Johnny is enveloped in flames as she shouts 'FLAME ON!' Reed stretched himself around the monsters body, trying to bind it. Sue batters it with invisible force fields. Ben beats on it with his stony fists. Wade whips out a gun and shoots at it. Jubilee blasts it with a couple of Paffs. Angelo follows Reed's example and stretches his arms around the monster's legs. John pops open his lighter and blasts the monster with a burst of flame while Typhoid uses her telekinesis to levitate a stone block above the monster's head. That only leaves Betsy to look after Franklin and Val. Telepathy isn't of much use when you're fighting a non-sentient being.
'Heads up!' Typhoid yells as she drops the large stone block. Everybody else dives out of the way as the stone block falls onto the monster's head, forcing it back down beneath the ground. Johnny and Pyro then blast the ground with jets of flame, melting the sand to block the hole, preventing the monster from escaping again.
'Well that was a nice way to spend our vacation.' Jubilee says, dusting herself off. 'Way better than a tour of the boring old pyramids!'
'Good work everybody.' Reed says. 'Especially you Typhoid and John. It's nice to see that former villains can be rehabilitated back into...'
'Yeah, yeah.' Ben interrupts. 'You're only kissing butt so that yer can get a discount whenever we need to go ter them fer whutever.'
'Well it's been nice meeting you.' Sue says. 'And Betsy, whenever you're near the Baxter Building, come up for some coffee.'
'I might take you up on that Sue.' Betsy replies.
And with that, the Fantastic 4 take their leave.
Wade turns to Betsy with a begging look on his face.
'Now can we pleeease go back to the pool?' he asks.
'I suppose.' Betsy sighs.
Wade jumps into the air with a 'Booyah!' and high fives Jubilee.
'Last one into the pool is an anally retentive X-Man!' Wade grins, running off in the direction of the nearest way home.
'You mean Cyclops right?' Jubilee asks, setting off behind him.
'Same thing!'
END...
NEXT: Russia. BLEW gets another new member, a formerly dead New Mutant and member of the Exiles in: 'From Moscow With Great Affection!'
Part 18: Mole...
By
The Uncanny R-Man
Disclaimer- I don't own anything. Wade, Betsy and co belong to Marvel. As do the Fantastic 4 and the Mole Man.
Shout Outs-
Risty- Wade and Betsy are at it a lot, aren't they? There must be something in the water, cuz Typhoid, John, Jubilee and Angelo are at it a lot as well!
Agent-G- Aw nuts! I forgot about the whole Marvel/DC thing with Jubilee and Robin in Venice! Then again, I think that Jubilee mentioning that would have spoilt the mood somewhat. Sorry, no plans for the Silver Samurai or Sunfire in Japan, I was thinking of something along the lines of Kill Bill style insanity with Betsy and Elektra! Plus, the Silver Samurai isn't really a bad guy and Sunfire is dead (I think!)
Cairo, Egypt-
Several bedraggled and sweaty figures walk into an Egyptian hotel. They are, of course, the members of the Braddock, Lee, Espinosa and Wilson detective agency.
Jubilee plops down onto a nearby chair and opens up a bottle of water.
'Why did we have to come to Egypt?' She moans. 'It's too damn hot!'
'Betsy wanted to go see the pyramids.' Angelo replies.
'You woulda thought that she'd seen them enough after all that crap with Apocalypse and the Twelve!' (1) Jubilee sighs.
As usual, everybody splits up for the night to get some sleep.
The next morning-
Everybody is sat around the table discussing how to spend their first day in Egypt.
'I say we go shopping.' Jubilee says.
'In Egypt?' Typhoid replies. 'Good luck with finding anything worth buying!'
'Why don't we hit the bars?' Wade asks.
'At this time of the day?' Betsy replies. 'I don't think so.'
'Why don't we go see the pyramids?' John pipes up. 'I've always wanted to see them.'
'I have to agree with John here.' Betsy says. 'It would do us all good to go see some culture.'
A chorus of groans and sounds of general complaints rises from the group.
'I don't want any fuss from any of you, okay?' Betsy asks. 'Now go and get ready, it's going to be a long day.'
The pyramids-
Betsy, Wade and co are now dressed in clothes suitable for the desert. Wade is lagging behind, moaning about the choice of venue.
'Don't see why have to come here.' He pouts. 'I wanted to hang around the pool, where it's nice and cool but nooo, we have to come see some crappy stone monuments!'
Betsy turns around and fixes him with a glare. Wade sticks his tongue out in retaliation.
Jubilee and Angelo meanwhile, are standing by a stall that sells bottled water.
'Gah! So hot!' Jubilee moans, pouring some of her water on her face. 'I don't see why any sane person would come out here in the middle of the day!'
'Just think how the nomads have it, chica!' Angelo adds. 'They have to live here!'
'Tell me about it!' A voice says beside them. 'I wanted to go to Barbados but nooo, Reed dragged us all to Egypt to come see the pyramids!'
Jubilee and Angelo turn around to see who the person is.
'Holy crap! It's Johnny Storm!' Jubilee gasps. 'Dude, can I have your autograph?'
'Only if you give me a swig of that water.' Johnny replies. 'I'm parched!'
'Sure!' Jubilee says, passing him the bottle. Johnny takes a swig and signs the book that Jubilee conveniently has in her bag.
'So where are the others?' Angelo asks.
'Reed and Sue are showing Franklin around. Ben should be around here somewhere. Oh wait, there he is, he's looking after Val in the shade! C'mon I'll go introduce you!'
Wade and Betsy-
Typhoid and John have now joined Betsy and Wade on their tour around the pyramids.
'You know what?' Typhoid says. 'I never knew how interesting this place could be!'
'It gets more interesting by the second Sheila!' John replies. 'You should read how they used to mummify the bodies! They poked their brains out with rusty hooks and put them in pottery jars!'
'Now that sounds cool!' Typhoid grins.
'I still say we should have stayed around the pool.' Wade pouts.
'Excuse me.' A voice says behind them. 'I can't help but overhear that you're talking about the process of mummification and I thought that I might explain about it a little more.'
Betsy and co look behind them at the speaker. It's Reed Richards, Mr Fantastic of the Fantastic 4, and general know it all. His wife Sue and son Franklin are there too.
'Hello Reed.' Betsy says. 'Nice to see you again. You too Sue!'
'What brings you to Egypt?' Sue asks.
'Vacation.' Betsy replies. 'We're having a kind of world tour!'
'That sounds magnificent!' Sue says. 'You've got to tell me all about it over a nice cold drink!'
Reed turns to Typhoid and John.
'I heard that you two had reformed.' Reed says. 'But I thought that it was just idle gossip.'
'What can I say?' John replies. 'I'm a good boy!'
While the others are absorbed in their respective conversations, Wade takes the moment to make his exit and walk outside. He heads over to a shaded are where Jubilee and Angelo are talking to Johnny and Ben.
'Not enjoying the tour Wade?' Jubilee asks.
'Dusty old ruins just don't grab me like they used to.' Wade sighs.
'I've gotta agree with yer there.' Ben adds. 'Their nice an' all but goin' on a tour with Stretcho in yer ear all the time kind gets borin', y'know?'
Wade sits down and pops open a bottle of water.
'I could be laying back in a pool of nice cool water right now.' Wade sighs. 'But Betsy wanted to come here of all places.'
'Betsy Braddock?' Johnny asks. 'I thought she was dead! You too as a matter of fact!'
'We got better.' Wade replies.
'Uh guys?' Jubilee says. 'Do you feel that?'
'Yeah.' Angelo replies. 'The ground's rumbling!'
'That had better not be one of yours Ben!' Johnny says.
'Oh stow it ya overgrown Zippo!' Ben retorts. 'I'd better go get Stretcho!'
'There's no need for that, Ben.' Reed says. 'We came running as soon as we felt the ground shake.'
'Any idea what it is Mr F?' Jubilee asks.
'I'd say that a very large monster is just about to burst out of the ground.' Reed replies.
'How did you guess that mate?' John asks.
'Quite simple really.' Reed replies. 'There is one standing right behind you!'
John spins around and lets out a girlish shriek at the sigh of the giant monster in front of him.
'It looks like one of the Mole Man's monsters!' Sue says. 'But there's no sign of the Mole Man himself!'
'Like that matters Suzie.' Ben replies. 'Moley don't have to be here for it to be... CLOBBERIN' TIME!'
With that, the assembled members of the Fantastic 4 and the BLEW detective agency leap into action. Johnny is enveloped in flames as she shouts 'FLAME ON!' Reed stretched himself around the monsters body, trying to bind it. Sue batters it with invisible force fields. Ben beats on it with his stony fists. Wade whips out a gun and shoots at it. Jubilee blasts it with a couple of Paffs. Angelo follows Reed's example and stretches his arms around the monster's legs. John pops open his lighter and blasts the monster with a burst of flame while Typhoid uses her telekinesis to levitate a stone block above the monster's head. That only leaves Betsy to look after Franklin and Val. Telepathy isn't of much use when you're fighting a non-sentient being.
'Heads up!' Typhoid yells as she drops the large stone block. Everybody else dives out of the way as the stone block falls onto the monster's head, forcing it back down beneath the ground. Johnny and Pyro then blast the ground with jets of flame, melting the sand to block the hole, preventing the monster from escaping again.
'Well that was a nice way to spend our vacation.' Jubilee says, dusting herself off. 'Way better than a tour of the boring old pyramids!'
'Good work everybody.' Reed says. 'Especially you Typhoid and John. It's nice to see that former villains can be rehabilitated back into...'
'Yeah, yeah.' Ben interrupts. 'You're only kissing butt so that yer can get a discount whenever we need to go ter them fer whutever.'
'Well it's been nice meeting you.' Sue says. 'And Betsy, whenever you're near the Baxter Building, come up for some coffee.'
'I might take you up on that Sue.' Betsy replies.
And with that, the Fantastic 4 take their leave.
Wade turns to Betsy with a begging look on his face.
'Now can we pleeease go back to the pool?' he asks.
'I suppose.' Betsy sighs.
Wade jumps into the air with a 'Booyah!' and high fives Jubilee.
'Last one into the pool is an anally retentive X-Man!' Wade grins, running off in the direction of the nearest way home.
'You mean Cyclops right?' Jubilee asks, setting off behind him.
'Same thing!'
END...
NEXT: Russia. BLEW gets another new member, a formerly dead New Mutant and member of the Exiles in: 'From Moscow With Great Affection!'