My real name is Thomas Anderson.
But in the virtual world, I am known as…………
>
>>
>
>>
>
>>
>
Bippy The Monkey.
I am well known for hacking stealing a nuclear bomb that was sold online (although I don't understand why they would sell that in the first place), hacking every bank account from all my neighbors in a 5 mile radius around my house, I successfully scammed 14 kids of all their virtual money on world of warcraft before breakfast time, managed to add all those annoying pop-ups for "FREE XBOX OR PS2 with 400$ shipping fee" to your computer (yes that was me), and stole 2 shopping carts from Wal-Mart (hehehe those suckers didn't know what hit 'em). Now you know the truth about me, so feel free to scream in fright at the sight of BIPPY THE MONKEY!
Back to the story, some weirdo named Morpheus kidnapped me and brought me to his mansion. Now, this is where the real story begins . . .
>
>>
>
At The Mansion
"You are special Bippy," said Morpheus, lowering down his spectacles knowingly.
"First you kidnap me, and next you make fun of me by calling me special?" I replied, now quite undignified.
"No no Bippy, I didn't mean it that way, I meant that you are the One Who Lived!" Morpheus said, with a voice that sounded like he had just said something very impressive, and expected a gasp of astonishment from me. However, that was not the case.
"Dude, you so stole that from Harry Potter, just cut the crap and tell me why you shoved me into a car."
Lowering his spectacles further, he nodded towards me slowly and said, "How deep does the rabbit hole really go...
>
>>
not very." Ok, by now I was thoroughly spooked. There's a strange man who calls me special, thinks I'm Harry Potter, and checks out rabbit holes?This guy must be from the Axe Gang in Kung-Fu Hustle.
"Look man, just bring me back home alright?" I said shakily.
"No Bippy, you must learn the truth tonight. Now, which one will you take? The bluepill, or the Red pill?" Morpheus said, lowering his voice for extra melodramatic effect.
My mother always told me not to take food from scary bald men… but I was spared for the moment. Suddenly, a gust of wind blew from the window, where it knocked off both pills onto the floor. From there, they bounced into the fireplace."DAMMIT! STUPID WINDOW!" Morpheus cried. Then he drew from his pocket a bag of Mike Ike's, and took out two more pieces. "Ahum," he coughed, "Back to the topic. Now, which pill do you want?"
"Um I guess the red one, cause I like cherry flavor." So, I took the red pill, chewed it for a second or two, and then……. I swallowed.
>
>>
>
>>
>
"Psyche!" said a blurred voice somewhere behind me. When I swallowed, I could feel the cherry flavor sink into my tongue……
>
>>
>
>>
>
>>
Or that's what would happen, had it been cherry flavored…….
From the moment it touched my tongue, I could tell it wasn't cherry at all like I expected.
"I'm extremely sensitive to spicy candy you idiot!" I said weakly before I collapsed.
"I'm sorry, I thought it would be a good joke to give you one that was flaming hot instead of cherry flavor. Are you all right? Would you like a glass of milk?" said Morpheus worriedly.
"Yes. .. . …. …. . Please," I answered before my mouth felt like it was being stabbed by knives that burned with the flames of hell…………. Or something like that.
After I got my cup of milk, Morpheus offered me another Mike Ike, this time assuring me it was indeed cherry flavored, and we sat down on the two chairs conveniently set up on either side of the fireplace and talked about our jobs and how life was going. It turns out he used to be a gangster in the Axe Gang (Just as I thought!) until they were disbanded and he became a janitor.
"I wish I could be in a cool job like that," I told him.
"Oh, but you can. Come with me to the real world, where you can do cooler stuff than mopping, you can drink soup on a tray," said Morpheus, eyes wide with excitement. I would be lying if I said mine weren't just as wide as his.
"Soup………… on a tray?" I confirmed, now bouncing up and down my seat from trying to suppress my excitement.
"Bring me to the real world Morpheus!" I demanded hotly.
"Alright, you see that mirror? Well, you must jump into it at the count of three. When I say three, I will press the dimension key here, and you will be transported to the real world," Morpheus explained. It seemed easy enough, provided my math teacher had taught me the right way to count.
"Ready? One," said Morpheus. I stepped a few feet backwards for a run.
>
>>
"Two." By this time I started running, getting ready to spring.
>
>>
>
>>
"THREE!" I flew the likes of which would have shamed an Olympian long jumper.
>
>>
>
>>
>
>>
>
>>
WHAMM!
The force from my head hitting a solid mirror struck as hard as when twenty women had slapped the sad sad man named Joe Millionaire when he told them he had only 5 Ferraris, not 10. Now for those of you player-haters out there, Yes, that's pretty dam hard.
Back to the present, while I was clumped up in a ball with my hands on my face, Morpheus here was also clumped up in a ball, but with his hands on his stomach and his face redder than a tomato. While he cackled, I managed to limp towards him, and took out my gun and shot him.
>
>>
>
>>
>
Well, that's what I wanted to do, if I had a gun. Instead, I grabbed his coat and yelled,
"Dude just get me to the real world already!"
"Ok, Ok, keep your pants on man," said Morpheus, wiping a tear from the corner of his eye.
Enraged from the constant practical jokes from a bald old man, I retorted,
"I WILL NOT KEEP MY PANTS ON!"
Oh wait, that came out wrong. From then on I learned to think before speaking.
Meanwhile, Morpheus lifted me on my feet, tutted about how I make the worst
comebacks, and brought me to a telephone.
"Just put the phone to your ear and you'll be transported," Morpheus sighed, rolling his eyes in a way that said 'god-it's-so-obvious-you-need-to-go-to-a-random-portable-telephone-to-teleport.'
>
>>
>
>>
>
>>
Well, that ends my first chapter, before I transport to the real world. There will be another come coming soon. plz review!