Uncanny Wade and Betsy

(Formerly know as: The Merc and the Ninja)

Chapter 24: Pushing Sheep, Squashing Parrots

By

The Uncanny R-Man

Disclaimer- I don't own anything, all familiar characters belong to Marvel.

Shout Outs-

Risty- That bit in the last chapter about the dancing was taken from an episode of the Simpsons. I forget which, but it was the one when Marge went Thelma and Louise-ing it with her neighbour.

L1701E- I'm afraid that I've stopped writing Bandage Face and Wolfgirl and as such he won't be making an appearance. I will however try to fit him in elsewhere.

Agent-G- You should know by now that I'm not going to tell you what I've got planned. Well Kang and Zemo definitely aren't going to make an appearance I'll tell you that much.

New Zealand-

New Zealand, probably the only place in the World where sheep outnumber the people and the home of an amusingly named flightless green parrot. One such amusingly named flightless parrot hopped across the ground searching for a meal. It had just sighted some particularly succulent-looking root and was about to tuck in when its attention was caught by a white disc appearing above its head. Before it could hop away in fear, several people dropped out on top of it.

'Aww crap!' Wade winced. 'I think I trod in something.'

'It's most probably a lump of sheep poo.' Betsy replied. 'There are a lot of them around here.'

'Yeah, as a matter of fact, this particular part of New Zealand is home to one of the rarest birds in the word.' Jubilee added. 'The kakapo, I think.'

Typhoid snorted in laughter but Jubilee just ignored it and carried on.

'It's a flightless green land parrot. As a matter of fact, there are only like, five breeding pairs left.' Jubilee continued.

Wade looked down at his foot and noticed a green smudge.

'Whoops.'

'Why whoops, Wade?' Betsy asked.

'Umm... No reason...' Wade replied as he brushed the kakapo remains off his foot. 'Just sheep poo...'

Later-

The gang were still walking across the hills of New Zealand admiring the view. They hadn't sighted any people yet, just sheep, lots of sheep.

'Do you ever get the feeling you're being watched?' Wade asked as he eyed the sheep in suspicion. 'Those sheep are up to something, I can smell it.'

'Don't be so stupid, Wade.' Betsy replied. 'They're just sheep, what possible harm could they do?'

Wade juts muttered under his breath and continued walking on. That was until he found that a sheep was barring his way.

'C'mon, you dumb piece of Sunday dinner, get out of my way.'

'Wade, just walk around the bloody thing.' Betsy sighed.

'No way Cute Buns, I'm higher up the food chain, I've got the right of way.' Wade replied.

'Yeah, sure, whatever...' Betsy sighed again as she walked off again, leaving Wade and the sheep together.

'I've never even been to New Zealand before.' Angelo said. 'And I must say, I'm impressed.'

'Johnny don't seem to impressed.' Jubilee replied. 'As a matter of fact, he looks damn well pissed off!'

'His only Australian.' Angelo shrugged. 'Nothing too bad.'

As the others walked off, Wade was still arguing with the sheep.

'Get out of my way or I won't be held responsible for what I do next.'

The sheep just ignored Wade and continued munching on the grass.

'Okay, that's it. You leave me no choice!' Wade hissed as he rubbed his hands together and chuckled in glee. He took one step forward and... pushed the sheep over.

'Heehee. That was fun.' Wade giggled childishly as he looked around for other sheep to push over.

A little further on, Betsy and co looked back and watched as Wade continued to push over a load of sheep, giggling like an insane little schoolgirl.

'And I thought I used to be nuts.' Typhoid muttered.

Later still-

The gang had grown tired of walking and decided to take a stepping disc to the nearest city. The people of Auckland didn't even look up as our heroes stepped out of said disc.

'All all that sheep pushing's made me mighty thirsty.' Wade said. 'Anybody wanna join me for a drink?'

'I remember the last time you had a drink.' Betsy replied. 'You ended up drunk, naked and singing a song about a goblin named Norman.' (1)

'So that's a no then.' Wade sighed. 'Guys? You wanna come have a drink with me?'

'No thanks Wade.' Jubilee replied. 'I'm gonna hit the shops.'

'And I suppose I'd better tag along to be your pack mule.' Angelo sighed.

'You know it buster.' Jubilee replied with a smirk.

'I'm gonna see if this place has got anything half-decent to burn.' Pyro said.

The others looked at him in amazement.

'I meant look at the sights... Yeah, the sights...'

'I'll come for a drink.' Illyana sighed. 'Show these pansies how to drink.'

'That's my girl.' Wade grinned as he put an arm around the blonde sorceress's shoulder.

'Take it off or I'll take it off.' Illyana growled menacingly.

Wade knew better than to argue so he did as he was told.

'So, drinks...'

The nearest bar-

Wade and Illyana walked into a random bar, which also happened to be the nearest and grabbed a seat in a corner booth.

While Illyana went to the ladies', Wade looked around at the people in the bar. It was mostly full of non-descript men and women. All apart from a tall muscular blonde guy who Wade thought looked suspiciously familiar.

Illyana came back from the ladies' and sat down.

'Are you gonna buy these drinks or what?' She asked.

Wade ignored the comment and continued staring at the blonde guy.

'Hey 'Yana, does that guy look familiar to you?' He asked.

'I should think so.' Illyana replied, not even looking up from her seat. 'That's captain America.'

'How did you know?' Wade asked.

'Well the big-honking shield was kind of a giveaway.'

'Let's go.' Wade said as he jumped up form his seat and started to pull Illyana out of the bar.

'What's the rush?' The blonde sorceress asked. 'Aren't we gonna have anything to drink?'

'No time.' Wade replied as he continued to pull Illyana towards the exit.

'Aww, you're embarrassed.' Illyana cooed. 'Hey I know, I'll call him over... HEY CAP! YOO-HOO! OVER HERE! HEY!'

Wade clamped his hand over Illyana's mouth and dragged her out of the exit.

'What the hell did you do that for?' He hissed. 'Didn't I tell you me and cap have history? I punched him in the throat for God's sake!'

Back inside, She-Hulk and the Scarlet Witch walked up to the table where Captain America and Hawkeye were sitting.

'There you are guys, root beer for Cap and proper beer for Clint.' She-Hulk said. 'Martini for Wanda and triple JD for me.'

'Correct me if I'm wrong Steve.' Wanda said. 'But wasn't that Deadpool over there trying to catch your attention?'

'If it was he soon disappeared quick.' Clint added. 'I wonder what spooked him.'

'Most probably ran off cuz he once punched cap in the throat, right?' She-Hulk asked.

'Yes, Deadpool did once punch me in the throat.' Cap sighed. 'And I've never heard the end of it...'

The New York Head Quarters of the BLEW Detective Agency-

Wade and co stepped out of yet another stepping disc and breathed in the air of their home.

'Well it's certainly good to be back.' Wade breathed. 'I don't know about you guys but I'm thirsty.'

'Didn't you just go to a bar?' Betsy asked.

'Yeah.' Illyana replied. 'He chickened out because Captain America was there.'

'Oh right.' Betsy nodded. 'The punch-in-the-throat thing.'

Everybody was brought to attention as they heard a scream coming form the kitchen.

'That sounded like Wade.' Betsy said as she dashed off in the direction of the scream. The others followed suit and saw Wade pointed at a purple-cloaked figure with a horrified look on his face.

'What is it Wade?' Betsy asked. 'What's the matter?'

TBC...

Notes-

(1)- Get it? A goblin named Norman? Sort it out for yourself...

Next: Ahhh! Death!