Uncanny Deadpool

Chapter 28: A Temp, a Temp, my Kingdom for a Temp

By

The Uncanny R-Man

Disclaimer- I don't own anything, all familiar characters belong to Marvel.

Shout Outs-

TheLegendaryManHimself- Yup, you can always bet that a story with Wade in will be full of wackiness.

Agent-G- Yup, Deadpool Inc. is moving house over to the Baxter Building. Yup, Siryn and Multiple have broken up, I'll go into more detail in The Uncanny Madrox. Lyja was the Skrull that impersonated Alicia Masters and ended up marrying Johnny Storm.

Thanks to- Shawn Provoncha

Deadpool Inc. HQ, Manhattan-

It was a time of change at the headquarters of the detective agency formerly known as BLEW. The agency was now called Deadpool Inc. Betsy wasn't all that happy about the name but seeing that Wade kept on going on about the name, she had to agree with him just to shut him up.

'Now I'm only going to ask you this one last time, okay?' Betsy asked as she put a cardboard box down on to her desk. 'Are you sure we have everything packed up?'

'Yes, everything is all packed up ready for the move, Cute Buns.' Wade replied. 'C'mon, give me a break here I'm not that forgetful. I might be… I forget.'

Betsy just rolled her eyes and carried her box into the waiting car.

'Pity Brian and Meggan couldn't help us.' Wade said as he followed Betsy outside. 'Where did you say they were again?'

'I didn't.' Betsy replied. 'I tried phoning them but all I got was their answer-phone.' (1)

'Buncha slackers.' Wade muttered as he dumped a box haphazardly into the trunk.

'Watch it!' Betsy hissed. 'That box has got all the glassware in!'

'Oh God, my novelty JD bottle!' Wade gasped a she began to rifle through the box. 'Please be in one piece!'

Wade sighed in relief as he found his novelty JD bottle in the shape of the Thing in one piece.

'Oh thank God you're alive!' Wade sighed. 'Daddy promises that he'll never be mean to you again. Never ever, ever!'

Betsy shook her head at the sight of her boyfriend hugging a JD bottle and went back inside to get more boxes.

The Baxter Building, later-

Wade and Betsy had moved their stuff into the new office and without too much trouble and were taking a break.

'Man, I never knew we had so much junk.' Wade said as he sipped his coffee.

'It would help if you threw some of it out.' Betsy replied.

'Hey, you can never have too many… Stark Enterprises complimentary shoehorns if you ask me.' Wade replied as he picked one of them up and placed it in the back of his shoe. 'See? Shoe goes on, shoe goes off. Shoe goes on, shoe goes off. Shoe goes on…'

Betsy tried to tune out Wade's blathering as she started to unpack the rest of her stuff.

'Knock, knock. Is it alright to come in?'

Betsy looked up as Susan Storm poker her head around the door.

'Oh hello Susan, come right in.' Betsy replied. 'I would offer you coffee but… I can't find the pot. We got these form the Starbuck's down the street.'

'That's alright, thank you Betsy.' Sue replied. 'I can't stay all that long. Umm, is he alright?'

Betsy looked at Wade, who was still entertaining himself with the shoehorn.

'Shoe goes on, shoe goes off. Shoe goes on…'

'Don't mind him.' Betsy said. 'He recently had a nasty blow to the back of the head?'

'Really?' Sue asked. 'How did that happen?'

Betsy picked up a book and flung a book at wade, hitting him upside the head.

'That.' She said.

'Right…' Sue said. 'Any way, I came here to welcome you both to the Baxter Building. The rent is due on the third of every month and the tenants have a meeting on the fifteenth of every month.'

'Well thanks for that Sue.' Betsy said as she shook the Invisible Woman's hand. 'We've already got a job sorted (2) so we'll get you the rent ASAP, okay?'

'Whenever you're ready.' Sue replied. 'I'd better get back, Johnny's been at the Pixie Sticks again.'

'The Human Torch on a sugar high.' Betsy chuckled. 'Now there's a scary sight.'

'You have no idea.' Sue replied.

Several days later-

The office was fully decorated now and Wade and Betsy were just waiting for their temps to arrive for an interview.

'Who's first on the list, Cute Buns?' Wade asked.

'Laura Greene.' Betsy replied. 'Says here she's from Queens and used to do temp work for Stark Enterprises.'

'Nice.' Wade nodded.

The two waited for their first temp to enter. A slim redheaded woman wearing a simple white blouse and grey business suit walked into the room.

'Hello, I'm Laura, I'm here for the temp interview?'

'Sure, take a seat Laura.' Betsy replied.

Laura did as she was told and sat opposite Betsy's desk.

'Your resume is pretty impressive.' Betsy said as she flicked through it. 'You worked for Stark Enterprises, the Daily Bugle and SHIELD. Don't take this the wrong way or anything but, why apply for temp work here? It's a significant step down from working for SHIELD.'

'I didn't feel like I was being treated as an equal when I was working at any of those places.' Laura replied. 'I know we're supposed to be living in more liberated times but there are still sexist pigs out there.'

'Right on sister!' Wade said, giving Laura two thumbs up.

'Well, here in Deadpool Inc., you'll hopefully be doing all the usual temp things, filing, typing reports, and so on. Nothing too strenuous. You will however occasionally be called on to do field work. Is that alright with you?'

'A job's a job as far as I'm concerned.' Laura replied. 'I have to earn money somehow.'

'Well I guess that the only thing left to do is welcome you to Deadpool Inc.' Betsy grinned as she shook Laura's hand. 'We'll contact you with the details, okay?'

'Thank you very much.' Laura grinned. 'You shan't regret this.'

Wade and Betsy bade Laura farewell and waited for their next temp.

Later-

Wade and Betsy were interviewing another temp. This time it was a hot-looking woman with white-blonde hair.

'So Ms Hardy, it says here that you used to own your own detective agency.' Betsy said. 'Tell me about that…'

'Nothing really went on all that much. Just a few minor jobs, missing spouses and whatnot.' Felicia Hardy replied. 'In the end I had to close the place down due to lack of work.'

'Yeah, work sucks…' Wade mumbled, too occupied with staring at Ms Hardy's cleavage.

Betsy elbowed him in the gut and he snapped out of it.

'I-I mean lack of work sucks. Yeah, that…'

'Please excuse my partner.' Betsy said. 'He recently had a rather nasty blow to the back of the head.'

'That's alright.' Felicia replied. 'I get that a lot from guys. You wear a slinky fur-lined leather catsuit and they drool all over you.'

'Excuse me?' Betsy asked.

Felicia's eyes darted about as she tried to search for an answer.

'Umm, last Halloween. I dressed in a leather catsuit and loads of guys started to drool over me.'

'I see…' Betsy replied sceptically. 'Okay, thanks for coming Ms Hardy, welcome to Deadpool Inc.'

'Wow, was that it?' Felicia asked. 'No going through my criminal record? Not that I have one…'

'I somehow think that anything you did would be as bad as what I used to do.' Wade replied. 'Hello? Merc-with-the-mouth here!'

'We'll get in contact with you once we've settled in, okay?' Betsy asked.

'Okay, be seeing you.' Felicia nodded.

Wade picked up the list of prospective temps to see who was next. His eyes widened as he saw who it was.

'Man, what are the chances?'

Betsy peered over at the list.

'Theresa Cassidy.' She read. 'Doesn't she work for the Paris branch of X-Corp?'

'I guess she quit.' Wade shrugged. 'Who in their right mind would want to live in France?'

'The French?' Betsy replied.

'Buncha cheese-eating-surrender-monkeys if you ask me.' Wade sniffed.

'Preaching to the choir.' Betsy replied. 'I'm English, we're expected to hate the French.'

'What do you say we bring her in?' Wade asked. 'Might as well get down to why she quit X-Corp.'

'Terry, you can come in now.' Betsy said, via her telepathy.

The mutant known as Siryn walked into the room and held up her hand in greeting.

'I just thought that I'd come here an' see if ye kept yuirself out o' trouble Wilson.' The redhead said.

'That's the old me, Terry.' Wade replied. 'The new me is a good boy.'

'And I'm glad that ye believe that.' Terry snorted.

'Not that we're not glad to see you or anything.' Betsy said. 'But what happened to your cushy job in Paris? What happened to you and Madrox?'

'Umm, that's kind of a touchy subject.' Terry replied. 'Jamie and I arenae taegether any more. Jamie wanted tae commit but I jus' wasnae ready f'r that yet.'

'Hunh, it's usually the guy that freaks out at the thought of commitment.' Wade snorted.

Betsy just ignored Wade's comments and carried on chatting to Terry.

'I'm afraid that if you're looking for work, we've already filled out most of our positions.'

Terry's face fell at that, ever since she and Jamie broke up she had been at a loss for anything to do; she was hoping that Wade could help her.

'Now that Skin's gone back to the X-Men with Jubilee we still need somebody to get the coffee.' Wade said.

Betsy shot him with a glare.

'You have got somewhere to stay, haven't you?' She asked.

'Aye, a wee apartment not tae far from here.' Terry replied.

'We've got a spare room, any time you wanna crash, don't hesitate to ask, 'kay?'

Betsy didn't like what Wade was insinuating.

'I hope you're not planning on there being any chances of a threesome.' Betsy said telepathically.

'Oh please.' Wade replied. 'I am so over Terry.'

'You damn well better be.' Betsy glared.

'We'll call you with the details, 'kay Terry?' Wade said.

'D'ye mean that I'm in?' Terry replied. 'Jus' like that?'

'Meh, not many peopl've turned up.' Wade shrugged. 'We need all the temps we get.'

'That's real grand o' ye.' Terry grinned as she gave Wade a big hug. 'Ye wilnae regret this.'

'Methinks I won't…' Wade thought to himself.

TBC…

Next: The Return of Strip Twister… Or Not

To celebrate the grand re-opening of their detective agency, Wade and Betsy take Felicia, Terry and Laura out for a getting-to-know-you drink. Once there, they find out that somebody may not be who them seem…

Notes-

(1)- For the whereabouts of Meggan and Brian, check out Uncanny Excalibur.

(2)- See The Uncanny Spider-Man for details.