Uncanny Deadpool

Chapter 29: The Return of Strip Twister… Or Not

By

The Uncanny R-Man

Disclaimer- All familiar characters belong to Marvel.

Shout Outs-

Agent-G- Don't worry, there will be many more chances for Wade and co to meet the FF.

Thanks to- Shawn Provoncha.

The Baxter Building-

It was nearing eight o'clock in the evening when Betsy stepped out of the shower and pulled on a fluffy blue bathrobe. She then stepped up to the mirror and began to brush her teeth. Tonight was a special night; to celebrate the grand re-opening of Deadpool Inc., Betsy and Wade were taking their new staff out for a night on the town. Even though Betsy knew that the days of wade lusting over Theresa were over, she made a note to keep an eye out just in case he got any untoward thoughts.

Betsy spat the remainders of her toothpaste into the sink and went out to get dressed. On the way to the bedroom, she was almost knocked over by a desperate Wade racing towards the bathroom.

'Outta my way!' The former mercenary ordered. 'I've gotta pee…'

Betsy just rolled her eyes as she stepped into her bedroom. Even through the bedroom door she could hear Wade's relieved groan.

'Oh yeah, that's the stuff…'

Later-

Betsy and Wade were fully dressed and were waiting for Theresa, Felicia and Laura.

Betsy was wearing a black vest top with a cartoon ninja on the front with a matching skirt and shoes. Wade meanwhile, was just dressed in a plain black shirt and pants.

'You guys ready to party?' Felicia asked as she walked up with Theresa and Laura in tow.

'Ready and raring, baby!' Wade grinned as he slipped an arm around her. 'I hope you guys are up for a game of Strip twister.'

'Strip Twister?' Theresa asked incredulously. 'Ye cannae be serious Wade!'

'I'm afraid he is, Terry.' Betsy sighed. 'Wade's got this kind of tradition that whenever we go out with work colleagues, we always have to play Strip Twister.'

'How do you ever play that?' Laura asked. 'I've know how to play regular Twister but Strip Twister?'

'It's easy.' Wade said, looking at Laura as if she had sprouted another head. 'You lose an item of clothing whenever you fall down.'

'Won't things… get in the way?' Laura asked.

'What if somebody, i.e. you, gets… excited?' Felicia asked. 'That won't be very comfortable for us.'

'Therein lies the fun.' Wade said, a cheeky smile spreading under his mask. 'Well, fun for me anyway…'

'Ye didnae really play that with him, did ye?' Terry asked.

'It's all true.' Betsy sighed. 'Just ask Jubilee or Skin if you want proof.'

'They were in on it too?' Terry gasped. 'How did ye convince 'em?'

'Well we were drunk.' Wade replied. 'I get very weak-minded when I'm drunk. I take orders from anybody.'

'Just shut up, Wade.' Betsy groaned.

'Yes dear…'

Later still-

The quintet soon reached a bar and sauntered inside. It was one of those mutant-friendly places where mutants and flat-scans could hang out in peace. Not seeing anybody familiar, Wade headed straight to the bar.

'Wow, the guy sure knows his priorities.' Felicia snickered.

'I'm gonna grab a table, you girls want to join me?' Betsy asked.

'I'm gonna see if I can find any decent man-flesh.' Felicia replied as she slunk off.

'Might as well get them in.' Terry said as she followed Betsy to a table.

'I could do with a drink.' Laura added.

Betsy found a vacant table and led Terry and Laura over. Once everybody sat down the small talk began.

'You and Wade seem pretty cosy.' Terry said. 'Doesn't he annoy you?'

'Sometimes.' Betsy replied honestly. 'But then again, Wade is a surprisingly attentive lover. He knows the perfect way to make me…'

'Okay, too much information!' Terry winced. 'I didnae ask for yuir bloody life story!'

Further embarrassment was prevented as Wade walked up with the drinks.

'I bring alcoholic goodness!' Wade grinned. 'Drink up ladies!'

There was a small stampede as the trio of women leapt onto the unguarded booze. Wade merely managed to escape unscathed as he ducked under the table. Once he peeked back over the table, he saw that all the drinks had been consumed and the three women just sat back with satisfied looks on their faces.

'Aww man, now I'll have to get more.' Wade groaned.

'Well don't stand there, Wade.' Betsy replied. 'Get your arse into gear and buy more booze.'

Wade opened his mouth to retort but thought better of it and slunk back to the bar.

'Wow Betsy, you sure have Wade trained well.' Laura nodded in appreciation.

'It's nothing really.' Betsy replied. 'All I do is threaten to hit him over the head with a rolled up newspaper.'

'You treat your boyfriend like a pet dog?' Laura asked, unsure whether Betsy was joking or not.

'Wade acts like a dog sometimes too.' Betsy replied. 'Sometimes he even gets excited and pisses on the floor.'

Laura and Terry just looked at the purple-haired telepath aghast.

'Kidding!' Betsy laughed. 'God, you should've seen your faces. Priceless. Ha!'

Several hours and several more drinkie-poos later-

Wade watched in horror as the four women all linked arms and swayed about, singing raucously.

'There's no place like home, there's no place like home…' Wade groaned into his hands.

'Why so glum, chum?' Betsy slurred drunkenly. 'W-we're jus' havin' a li'l bit o' fun…'

'Betsy, you're making a scene…' Wade hissed.

'Oh bugger of you… bugger.' Betsy snorted. 'You're no fun.'

Wade just banged his head on the table and wished he were somewhere else.

Fortunately for him, the four women soon grew tired of that and slumped back in their seats.

'Y'know, I-I haven't had this much fun since I teamed-up with Spider-Man.' Felicia said.

'Y-you teamed up wi' Spider-Man?' Terry asked. 'Thas' s cool, so did I!'

Felicia squealed in glee and grabbed Terry in a hug.

'We can be team-up buddies!' Felicia squealed.

'How did you get to know Spider-Man, anyway?' Betsy asked.

Felicia put a hand to her mouth in embarrassment.

'Eep, I've said too much…'

'Yeah, yeah, you're the Black Cat.' Wade sighed. 'Big deal, we read your file.'

'Oh, that's… disappointing.' Felicia said. 'I was expecting a whole thing.'

'A thing?' Terry asked.

'Aww, whadda ya expect?' Felicia muttered. 'I'm drunk!'

'Well if we're going to be telling tales, I might as well tell you something…' Laura said.

Wade, Betsy and the others watched as Laura's skin began to turn green, and her ears began to become pointed.

'Huh, look at that.' Wade said nonchalantly. 'She's a Skrull.'

'You're not freaked out?' 'Laura' asked. 'But I'm a Skrull.'

'And we should care because…?' Betsy replied. 'I used to be a trained ninja assassin for God's sake.'

'Mercenary.' Wade shrugged.

'Cat-burglar.' Felicia added.

'Ex-terrorist.' Terry said. 'Just ask m' wacky uncle f'r that. Well, ye could if he wasnae turned intae mush…'

'Well that was… easy.' The Skrull formerly known as Laura said. 'My real name's Lyja by the way.'

'Nice to meet you, Lyja.' Betsy replied. 'Now, excuse me while I'm violently sick.'

Everybody leapt back as Betsy put her hand to her mouth and raced towards the ladies' room.

'Man, she really can't hold her booze.' Wade sighed. 'Pff, lightweight.'

TBC…

Next: Crisis of Infinite Deadpools

Deadpool Inc. is dragged into a conflict of infinite scale as alternate versions of Wade flood their reality. Introducing, Hellpool, Superpool, Batpool, Spider-Pool, Ninja Wade, Jedi Wade and the big bad, Dark Phoenix 'Pool!