romantic-raven- -big, cheesy smile- thank you!

Emmery- Aw, no internet huh? God I hate when my parents do that to me! Glad you liked the chappie!

Lauren- I will think about that suggestion. It sounds like something I could write, ya know? Sometimes I get suggestions that I just can't write out. But enuff of my rambling! Thanks! Gotta love the random!

raven-rocks-the-dark- THANK YOU SO MUCH! THAT'S THE NICEST REVIEW! EVER!

Well, here is chapter three! I decided to lay off Robin for a bit..keyword: a BIT. I have other chapters where I'll hit on him again!

Warning to everyone! This may beoffensive to FAT-FREE MAYONNAISE LOVERS! -beware sign flashes-

Putting The 'I-N' Into Insanity

Chapter 3: Low-Fat Mayo!!

Mayonnaise. A thick, cream-like substance that is used to spread on sandwiches (or hotdogs..) to add moisture and flavor. Low-Fat Mayonnaise. An evil and sworn enemy to the Mayonnaise. It lacks the fat that Fat-Filled Mayonnaise...people..love. A war has gone on for ETERNITIES! Just to find out which mayo is IN FACT the best...of the best...

"Star!! Where's the mustard!?"

Beast Boy stuck his green head in the fridge and moved canned items around to find the tangy substance.

Starfire appeared innocently behind him, " The delightful and refreshing beverage? Oh.. Um.. There is another beverage in the fridge. I believe it is called..Mayo-naise?"

Beast Boy's face lit up, "Mayo? Sweet!"

Cyborg entered the kitchen, "Hey man, whatcha makin?"

"Sandwich. You want..?"

Cyborg peered over Beast Boy's shoulder, "If it's that tofu crap, I ain't having spit."

Beast Boy's face darken a bit as he handed Cy the real bologna.

Cyborg smiled sweetly, "One day man, you will just be skin n' bones like the little ol' woman who lived in a shoe if you keep eating tofu."

"The little ol' lady who lived in a shoe?"

Cyborg reached for the Mayo, "Yeah. There was an old lady who lived in a shoe. Just skin n' bones, face white as glue..."

Beast Boy tried to comprehend the twisted nursery rhyme.

Cyborg started to glomp the Mayo onto his sandwich when he screamed in recognition.

"Aw MAN! It's fat-FREE mayo! Ugh that's disgusting! Everyone knows that fat-free mayonnaise is not real mayo!"

"Let me see that!" Beast Boy snatched the jar out of Cy's hands and scanned the label. He looked over to Starfire, "Star! Why the hell did you buy this?!"

Starfire smiled cheerfully, "Beast Boy my friend, I have watched station of Dr. Phil and he has said to an overweight woman that mayonnaise is a dangerous product. I believe he eats it himself, actually.."

Beast Boy whispered to Cy, "Explains a lot..."

Starfire continued, "So my friend, I have purchased the less dangerous fat-free mayonnaise. I believe it is my duty to protect and prevent my friends to becoming obese."

Cy and BB stared at the alien. Cyborg spoke up, "It is your job to buy REGULAR, FATTY, UNHEALTHY, DANGEROUS MAYO!!!!"

Starfire seemed to shrink under Cyborg's massive voice, "May I suggest you -gulp- try it?"

Beast Boy and Cy eyed one another and sighed, "Fine. Me and Cy will try it. But only to prove that this is crap, okay?"

Cyborg huffed and muttered, "Cyborg and I..."

Beast Boy glared at him.

Starfire smiled brightly, "Then go on my glonkas! Do the process of engulfing nutrients into your mouths!"

Beast Boy and Cyborg lifted their sandwiches up to their mouths, tension filling the room.

And the bite was taken...

"DAMN!"

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1 hour later..(dear lord)

Raven walked sulkily into the kitchen. She had not gotten any sleep last night from seeing the horrific scene of bathtubs and bubbles. A good cup of herbal tea would fix that right away.

Or so she thought...

Raven opened up the kitchen door, triggering a blast of sounds.

"Oh my GOD! Low-fat man!"

"Oh man! This stuff is great!"

Beast Boy, his lips covered in an off-white goo, came up to Cyborg and Robin and stretched out his pants, "Tastes the same and my pants feel looser!"

The boys made a fist and shot their arms up in the air, chanting, "Low-fat, low-fat, low-fat, low-fat, low-fat....!!!"

Starfire was in the back round smiling, a goo-covered smile..

Raven thought she had been asking this question too much lately, "What the hell is going on.."

Beast Boy jumped in front of her, "Raven!! Star bought low-fat mayo!!! It's great!!"

Cyborg jumped next to him, sticking a foul-smelling jar of the goo right in Raven's face, "C'mon Rae! You have GOT to try it!!!"

Raven calmly pushed back the jar, "No."

Robin stopped eating, "You know guys... Now that I think of it, low-fat isn't actually better than the fat mayo.."

Cyborg and Beast Boy gasped strongly, "GASP!!!111!!"

They ran to Robin, facing him down, "Oh! So you think your too GOOD for low-fat?? Huh? Huh? Or do you think it's too good for YOU!?"

Robin narrowed his eyes, "I'm too good for it."

"GASP!!!"

Beast Boy pointed at Robin with a shaky arm, "You..take..that..back.."

Robin crossed his arms stubbornly, "No. It's icky and nasty and doesn't deserve it's own label."

Cyborg started to cry.

"Somehow I am not surprised by these events.." Raven walked across the room to stand next to Starfire. She was the only normal one besides Raven in the room.

Or so the author and Raven and the reviewers thought...

Starfire came into the middle of the argument, "There is only one way! One way to declare which mayonnaise holds all power, all goodness, all goo. A match-off!"

Beast Boy stood from consoling Cy on the ground, "Yeah!"

Cy sniffed happily in response.

Robin pointed to the door out of the Tower in his leader stance, "Titans! To the GROCERY STORE!"

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The sounds of grocery cart-wheels and jars falling over was all anyone could hear in Publix when the Titans arrived.

Beast Boy and Cy were on the hunt for low-fat mayonnaise while Robin and Star were set out to find fat mayonnaise.

Raven was somewhere in the mist of all of this. Not really sure of where to go. There's only so much places you can go to in a Publix store...

"I GOT 'EM!"

"US TOO!"

Raven covered her eyes as the two groups seemed to be meeting in the middle of the store, right where she was. When the dust settled, Raven looked up to see one side where a cart was full of low-fat mayo and one side where a cart was filled with fat mayo.

Robin narrowed his eyes at Cy and BB. BB and Cy narrowed their eyes at Robin.

"Let the war of Low-fat and Fat be ended once and for all. Let the true Mayo win."

Robin put a hand on the lid of one of his jars, "Gentlemen, you know the rules. First side to throw-up loses. On your lids! Twist! Open! EAT!!"

Raven glanced nervously at Starfire, "They're doing this right in the middle of the STORE!?"

And the war was on. Who would win? Who would lose their dignity? Who will toss their cookies first? When will I get tired of writing Mayonnaise and Fat-Free!?

Robin was alone but seemed to have more will-power than the others. His stomach was hard as stone and could take the pressure of goo building up inside it.

He seemed to take on animal characteristics as he savagely tore open all of the jars, put the Mayo in a pile and glomp down on it.

Beast Boy and Cyborg seemed to have the advantage here. They had two men and they were digesting less fat so it was almost like less food. Cyborg took the liberty of getting a straw and sucking the mayo as BB took piles of it in his hands and stuffed it in his face.

Ew..

The battle continued for 45 minutes when at last..a surrender was shouted out.

No one could see who it was from the big, huge pile of mayonnaise that covered half the store.

"QUITTING...oh..oh God..I feel a hurl coming on.."

A victory shout was let out. And this concluded who was the winner.

"I DID IT!! I DID IT!! I- oh..oh...sweet mother of batman..."

Raven cover her mouth as her face turned green, "This is so sick.."

Starfire nodded, "Yes.. And just imagine, we will have to clean them up!"

Raven fell down comically with swirly eyes.

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' "Oh my sweet Robin... Where does it hurt?"

Robin rubbed his swollen stomach, "Do I need to answer that question??"

Well, it was recovery day at T Tower. The Mayo-Match-Off was in the paper, including a nice snap-shot of Robin and Dr. Phil together.

But the war was over! No more fights and outbreaks of mobs and riots fighting over fat-free and fat. The eternity war...is over.'

The news reporter turned to a pale Robin, "Sir! How does it feel to win the match off of Mayo and cause the dignity loss of your friends?"

Robin looked straight into the camera, "Fat-Free Mayo...is not REAL mayonnaise... FATTYNESS RULES AND PWNS YOU ALLLLLLLLLL!!!!!"

A/N; Eh...not one of my better chapters. Sorry for the suckiness. I had loads of hw and that can take the funny right out of you.

I have a longer and funnier chapter coming up though! It will make up for this!

Jock-Strap Wonders!

Sound clip: "Robin? What is this piece of material with a big..cup-looking shape?" Starfire takes the jock-strap and ties it around her nose, "Perhaps it is a...nose hat?"

Please read and review. My jar of mayo will glomp you all if you don't!! j/p!