Uncanny Deadpool

Chapter 35: All Good Things…

By

The Uncanny R-Man

Disclaimer- All familiar characters belong to Marvel.

Shout Outs-

Doza- Yup, Deadpool's gonna join the X-Men. Man, Wolverine's gonna love that. Not!

Todd fan- Like a glove!

Agent-G- I'm finishing this cuz I'm running out of ideas. I'd rather this fic goes out on a high rather than fading into obscurity.

Quote of the day- 'You think you're all that, but you're not!'

The offices of Deadpool Inc.: The Baxter Building-

It as a day of change in the offices of Deadpool Inc. It was an end of an era, Wade and Betsy were moving out. After a spate of successful and very rewarding cases, it was decided that the pair could retire from the private detective business and enjoy their money. Lyja had been the first to leave as she was on maternity leave. Felicia had gone off to start her own agency. That just left Wade, Betsy and Theresa. After a brief discussion, it was decided that the trio should move to Westchester and join the X-Men. Theresa's father, the X-Man known as Banshee, was part of the X-Men so that added an extra incentive.

Wade leant against the wall with a heavy sigh as he surveyed the fully packed boxes almost filling the room.

'Y'know, I'll miss this place…' The Former-Merc-With-The-Mouth sighed. 'I'll miss the sofa, where we had sex. I'll miss the dining table, where we had sex. I'll miss the sink, where we had sex…'

'I think we get the point, luv.' Betsy sighed as she patted her partner on the back. 'I'll miss this place too.'

'At least when we join the X-Men we'll be able to do it in the X-Jet.' Wade chuckled.

'Is that the only thing you think about?' Betsy rolled her eyes. 'On second thoughts, don't answer that.'

'No really, think about it, Cute Buns…' Wade smirked as he held Betsy close. 'Having done it in the X-Jet will make us real X-Men! Hell, I bet that thing has had more randy couples doing it in there than it has been in the air.'

'I guess we've got the Westchester water to thank for that.' Betsy shook her head. 'Legend has it that the water in Westchester has aphrodisiac properties.'

'Not that we need it, right?' Wade grinned as he kissed Betsy on the top of her head.

'No, I guess not.' Betsy smiled as she nuzzled against her lover. 'What do you say that we try the couch out one last time, for old time's sake?'

'Okay, you've twisted my arm.' Wade laughed as he led Betsy towards the sofa.

Professor Xavier's office, the Xavier Institute for Higher Learning-

Professor Charles Xavier looked at the trio sitting on the opposite side of his desk. Wade, Betsy and Theresa were being given a welcome speech.

Standing on opposite sides to the professor were Scott Summers and Emma Frost, the Institute's co-head teachers.

'It is a pleasure to see you, Betsy.' Xavier smiled. 'It is a pity that I wasn't present for your return.'

'That's not a problem, Charles.' Betsy smiled back. 'You had your thing in Genosha.'

'You could not have come at a more opportune time.' Xavier continued. 'The influx of new students and the shortage of X-Men willing to teach has meant that we are a little short on teachers.'

'No offence, Prof…' Wade piped up. 'But, I'm not exactly well known for my patience with kids. What makes you think I'd make a good teacher?'

'Logan certainly seems to manage.' Emma responded. 'The man is a natural. Don't let him know that I said that though…'

'An' just how is my da'?' Theresa asked. 'Is he okay? I heard that Moira's back as well.'

'Sean is as well as could be expected.' Scott replied. 'As a matter of fact, we hardly see anything from himself or Moira.'

'That's a wee bit too much information, thank ye.' Theresa winced.

'Guess you were right about the water, Betts.' Wade whispered.

'Just you wait and see what it's really like in the X-Mansion, Wade.' Betsy whispered back. 'It's always non-stop sex, attack by Magneto, Sentinels and/or Apocalypse.'

'Yes, I do believe that the mansion is long due being destroyed.' Xavier nodded.

'Why Prof, was that a joke?' Wade mock gasped. 'I never knew you had it in you.'

'People change, Wade my friend. Mostly for the better.' Xavier smiled.

'The Professor's smiling, Cute Buns. I'm scared.' Wade whimpered. 'Hold me…'

Later-

Once everybody's belongings had been unpacked, the three former members of Deadpool Inc. decided to split up and explore their new home. Betsy was catching up with Jean and Ororo while Theresa was hanging out with her father and Moira. Wade was left to his own devices.

Wade admired the gallery of pictures across the walls that displayed various incarnations of the X-Men and New Mutants. What caught Wade's attention the most was an old picture in which Betsy was wearing her skimpy ninja bikini. Also in the picture were Wolverine in his orange and tan uniform, a young Jubilee, Storm with short hair and her white uniform, Rogue with big hair and her old green and yellow uniform complete with jacket and an unshaven Gambit. By the looks of the picture, it was taken shortly before the time when the Shadow King took over Muir Island.

'Mmm-mm…' Wade smiled to himself. 'Betsy sure looked fine then. Hell, she still looks fine now. I wonder if she's still got that ninja bikini…?'

Wade was so immersed in the picture that he didn't notice three identical blonde figures approach him.

'Hello Mister Wilson…' The three Stepford Cuckoos chimed in their usual eerie monotone.

Wade jumped up with a shout.

'Greta Merciful Hera!' Wade yelped as he clutched his heart.

'You talk funny.' Fiona giggled.

'Deadpool is funny.' Eve corrected her sister. 'He's also as mad as a brush.'

'Do brushes suffer from insanity?' Fiona blinked.

'It doesn't matter…' Phoebe rolled her eyes. 'Stop being such an airhead, Fiona. You know Ms Frost doesn't like it when you act like that. She taught us better.'

'Yes Phoebe…' Fiona pouted.

'W-what do you want with me, evil Children of the Corn…?' Wade whimpered. The three blonde girls were starting to scare the bejesus out of him.

'We are your welcoming committee, Mister Wilson.' Eve explained. 'Perhaps in hindsight, it isn't such a good idea for three scary identical blondes to welcome new teachers. How many have we scared away so far, girls?'

Phoebe counted them off on her fingers.

'I make it about fifteen.' Phoebe replied. 'I think it's about time Penny did the welcoming.'

'I'm not so sure…' Eve shook her head. 'Remember that time she leapt down on that new Home Ec teacher?'

'Oh yes…' Phoebe remembered with a smile. 'The poor woman's screams could be heard all the way to Madripoor.'

Eve turned back to the frightened Wade.

'So, Mister Wilson, what do you want to see first?'

'I want my Cute Buns…' Wade chewed on his nails like a frightened child.

'Cute Buns?' Fiona blinked. 'What in the name of all that is blonde is he talking about?'

'Elizabeth Braddock.' Phoebe explained as she rolled her eyes. 'Also known as Psylocke. You should really read the file son the X-Men sometimes, Fi.'

'And we mean not just Gambit.' Eve added. 'His photo file's almost been worn out thanks to you.'

'But he's so cute…' Fiona pouted. 'Can I help it if I find Cajuns so sexy?'

'You're shameless, Fiona.' Phoebe grumbled, rubbing the bridge of her nose. 'You'll have to excuse our sister, Mister Wilson…'

'Uhh, Pheebs?' Eve hissed. 'Mister Wilson's gone.'

'Oh, for the love of Gambit!' Phoebe groaned. 'You've gone and scared him off, Fiona.'

'Did not!' Fiona glared.

'Oh, shut up.' Eve shook her head. 'You're giving us a headache.'

Elsewhere-

Betsy was having a girl talk with her two bestest gal pals Jean and Ororo when Wade burst into the kitchen.

'Talk of the devil.' Jean chuckled. 'Betsy has told us so much about you, Wade. Why don't you come sit with us?'

'Blonde… So blonde…' Wade whimpered as he shrunk down in a corner. He started to rock back and forth, his knees up against his chest. 'Blonde… So blonde…'

'You've met the Cuckoos, I see.' Ororo nodded in sympathy. 'Just think yourself lucky that you're not Gambit.'

'Poor Remy.' Jean shook her head. 'Those girls have been stalking him ever since he set foot back in the X-Mansion.'

'I'm surprised that Rogue even puts up with it.' Betsy added. 'She also seemed so protective.'

'I guess she thinks of it more as a joke.' Ororo suggested. 'Besides, we all know where Remy's heart truly lies.'

'The bloke knows which side his bread's buttered, alright.' Betsy nodded.

'I think you'd better check on Wade, Betsy.' Jean said, indicating the traumatised Former-Merc-With-The-Mouth.

Betsy got up off her stool with a sigh.

'Oh, come here you stupid bugger…' Betsy sighed, holding her arms wide.

Wade didn't need any more encouragement as he ran into Betsy's embrace.

'There, there. I've got you…' Betsy cooed. 'Betsy's here. Nobody's going to hurt you now…'

Jean and Ororo looked at each other with bemused expressions.

'That… is the most disturbing thing I have ever seen…' Jean shivered.

'More disturbing than Scott in his underwear?' Ororo teased.

'That was a low blow, 'Ro.' Jean glared. 'And you know it.'

'Isn't it just?' Ororo chuckled.

END…

Well, that's the end of 'Uncanny Deadpool'. It's been a long and wacky road, but enjoyable non-the-less. I hope you have all enjoyed it as much as I have writing it. This isn't the end for Wade, Betsy and Theresa however. Watch out for more wackiness from the Former Merc-With-The-Mouth and Betsy in 'Uncanny New X-Men' and more from Siryn in 'Uncanny X-Men.'