Note: I do not own Love Hina, or any other intellectual properties. They are all copyrights of their respectful owners. The rest, however, is MINE, BEE-YOTCHES!
NefCanuck – He's not the only one.
mdizzle – What would happen if Motoko met the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Apocalypse, my friend. Apocalypse. :p
Necromonger – Thanks, I appreciate it.
Sion R. Strife – I have an idea or two in mind.
Keitaro+Motoko 4ever – I know I have Shinji's forums in mind.
CSENTIMENTAL VALYOU – Yeah, it is.
TornadoReviewer – Thanks for the comment.
Keikun – I'm glad it intrigued you.
Shy Girl1988 – Does Keitaro like Naru in this story? It all depends. Take Carez to you, too.
Drgnmastr-Alex of the Dark Icon Writers – Thanks, buddy.
tomdj1701 – Thanks.
GYRAX Presents…
I Love You. (Just Don't Tell Anyone.)
Chapter 2: Let the Festivities Begin!
Second Mission: Go on another date, but at the movies. The catch is the two of you must pretend to be the opposite sex. Are you up for it?
Ever since this reality show ordeal, Keitaro's bedroom was now also a confession room, where Keitaro can pour out his opinion about what happened before, in the hallowed traditions of The Real World.
"Motoko's theory that all men are vile creatures or whatever she says just irritates the hell out of me." Keitaro said. Then he thought that over for a second. "But it's not like I'm doing a damn thing to disprove it. I was horrible at last night's date; I mean I started a war between the sexes at that restaurant. I even had the gall to forget my damn credit card!" He paused for a moment. "At least I have a way for a girl to actually pay for half of the bill for dinner, now." He stopped when he heard footsteps approaching his room.
Naru heard Keitaro's voice come out of his room and went to check up on him. Perhaps he was talking to himself. Was he at wit's end?
Keitaro heard the footsteps coming closer, so he began to freak a little. He had to think fast, before Naru would have a chance to jump to conclusions. He shouted, "FORGIVE ME FATHER, FOR I HAVE SINNED!"
Naru stopped right in her tracks after hearing that. After a second pause, the girl slowly stepped away and left.
"What's with you, Naru?" Kitsune asked, taking notice to Naru's strange behavior.
"Kitsune," Naru replied. "I think Keitaro found Jesus."
"Wait, he did?" Kitsune said, starting to figure out that maybe that would mean trouble for her little scamming-the-dork-out-of-his-cash-for-sake business. "Damn." She left, with Naru following her.
After a moment of silence in Keitaro's room, the ronin sighed in relief. "Thank God." His little out of the blue plan worked nicely. Suddenly, the door swung open with the greatest of might. The ronin quickly reacted by violently swinging his head to see who it was. He turned to see Su standing there with another smile on her face. Suddenly, a robot sprang out of nowhere and dragged the poor manager to her room.
(O)
Keitaro landed on the floor on Su's jungle room, flat on his face too. He looked around, and then he stood up. He looked at Su, and saw Motoko was also here. "What the hell do you want now, Su?"
"I'm here to give you the next task!" Su said. "You have to go on another date, but this time at the movies. The catch is the two of you must pretend to be the opposite sex. Are you up for it?"
"YOU WANT ME TO BE A MAN?" Motoko screamed.
"Don't be so loud, or the others will catch on." Keitaro said.
Motoko only growled.
Su then began to rummage around in her nightstand drawer, while Keitaro and Motoko began to wonder how a nightstand got there in the first place, perhaps a gift from Kugashira-san. She pulled out what looked like two pills; one was red and one was blue. "You're not just to dress like the opposite sex, but you are to sound like the opposite sex; falsetto doesn't cover it anymore."
"So what are those pills for?" Motoko asked.
"They change your voice," Su answered. "So you would better sound the part. The red one makes you sound more masculine, while the blue one makes you more feminine."
"I'm supposed to take this?" Motoko complained.
"You don't want any suspicion form the public, do you?" Su replied. "If you don't sound the part well, I believe you'd be laughed at for being cross-dressers. You'll need these pills."
"Well, ok." Keitaro said. He took the blue pill. "We'll need a glass of water."
"One step ahead of you." Su replied. She gave each of them a glass of water. They put the pills in their mouths, and drank the water to help them swallow. A long silence filled the room, as the supposed couple was eagerly awaiting the results.
Nothing happened.
"Gee, that was a waste of time." Keitaro said. He turned to Su. "Are you sure those weren't sugar pills?"
"They were supposed to work." Su replied. "I worked all night making those."
"Well, congratulations." Keitaro said, note the sarcasm. "You invented a Placebo." All of a sudden, something happened; he felt a rumble in his vocal chords. "What was that…Ah!" He knew instantly that his voice was changing. "My voice. My voice!" As he spoke, his voice was slowly morphing into something else; it was getting…deeper!
"Su!' Keitaro exclaimed. "What did you do to my voice? This ain't feminine!"
"Oops." Su replied nervously, with a bead of sweat on her head. "I guess I had it wrong. The blue one makes you sound MASCULINE, and the red one makes you sound FEMININE."
"So I now sound like Barry White!" Keitaro retorted.
"You think you're the only one?" Motoko added, sounding like a California valley girl. "My voice is too HIGH!"
"At least Keitaro's voice is sexy, now." Su remarked, in attempt to make up for this little mix-up.
"Well have to seclude ourselves until this wears off," Motoko suggested. "Which is…" She turned to Su. "How long does this last, Su?"
"Umm…" Su replied. "I'm thinking somewhere in the neighborhood of three hours. That's just a wild guess."
The supposed-to-be couple looked at one another in utter disbelief.
(O)
After that, Keitaro had secluded himself in his room. He was ready for another "Talk to the Camera" moment. "Leave it to Su to screw it all frickin' up. If Naru finds out, how am I supposed to face her? My butt itches." Keitaro paused for a moment to think about what benefits could come out of a voice like this. He took out his boombox.
As Kitsune was walking down the halls, she was hearing someone sing. To further investigate, she put her ear up to Keitaro's door, and then she heard someone sing what sounded like "Love Gravy" from South Park from the other side of the door. Without a trace of second thought, she threw the door open and took Keitaro down, not even knowing where the voice came from.
By the time Motoko came to Keitaro's room to check on what that ruckus was, she already saw Kitsune with hr arms all over him. Crimson with embarrassment, she drew out her sword. "You disgusting, lecherous slime ball!"
Kitsune turned to her. "Motoko? What happened to your voice-WAAAAAAAAAAGH!" Before she could finish, a ki attack sent her clear out of the house and into the ionosphere. Motoko now turned her glaring her eyes to Keitaro.
Keitaro knew that unless he did something, he was pretty much screwed. He had to think fast. Then, a light bulb turned on in his head. He pointed directly forward and screamed, "OH MY GOD!"
Motoko turned her head, but saw nothing. By the time she turned back to Keitaro, he was gone, out of thin air. Her face now grew red in frustration. "Damn you!"
(O)
Keitaro hurried to the bottom of the Hinata House's endless flight of steps. After he took his marathon to the streets, he tried to catch his breath. "Whew. Thank God she can't find me here. Dammit! This wasn't even my fault! Kitsune was the one all over me, and Su was the one who goofed up, giving me the wrong damn pill!"
He noticed someone at the corner of his eye and turned to see a girl staring at him with sparkles in her eyes.
"Crap." Keitaro said to himself. "I don't think I was supposed to be in public while I still have this voice." As he spoke, more girls gathered to listen to him in awe. Keitaro saw the growing gaggle of women and panicked. "CRAP!" He ran back towards the Hinata house, with the ladies chasing him.
(O)
Just as Naru went outside to catch some fresh air, she noticed Keitaro running up the steps with a frightened look on his face. He ran around the front porch, with a trail of overzealous girls chasing him. This definitely brought attention to Naru, who was watching this unfold in sheer flabbergast.
Then, she saw Keitaro run towards her. Now was the time to sock him! "You lecherous slime ball! How dare you woo over those girls behind my back! TAKE THIS!" She punched him clear into the sky. The newfound fan club watched in horror as he flew up until he was completely out of sight. Then, they turned to Naru with evil glares in their eyes. What they did next was they beat the living shit out of her!
(O)
After his trip around the world, Keitaro forced himself to reside in Su's room for his hiding place. "You know, Su, this was all your fault for mixing up those damn pills."
"They should be wearing off now." Su replies. "What gives?"
"You said it was only a wild guess, didn't you?" Keitaro said. Suddenly, he felt a rumble in his vocal chords. This is it; his voice is changing back to normal. "Whoa! That feels funny!" Keitaro's voice slowly changes, until it's back to the normal dorky voice we're all familiar with. "Well, whaddya know? I'm back to normal!"
Just then, Motoko rushed into the room and threw the door open. Su turned around and smiled.
"Well, shall we start this again?" Su's smile grew.
"Better not screw up this time." Motoko answered, her voice also back to normal.
"Don't worry," Su replied. "I copied down the exact formula right down to the last drop." She took out two more pills, one red and one blue. "All right. The red one makes your voice feminine and the blue one makes your voice masculine."
"I hope so." Keitaro said cautiously, as he took the red one, and Motoko took the blue one.
"Before you swallow them," Su interrupted. "You have to do it outside. Out there, each of you has a bush to hid under, and there will be a glass of water to help you swallow your pills and a bag of clothes to change into."
"Is that so?" Motoko inquired.
"Yup!" Su said in a cheerful tone. "You just have to find a way to get out of the house without Naru and the others suspecting a thing."
"Then, I have a plan." Motoko said.
(O)
"COME BACK HERE, URASHIMA!" Motoko shouted as she was chasing Keitaro down the hall, swinging her bokken about. Keitaro frantically ran as Motoko was gaining on him.
Naru watched this and smiled, knowing that whatever he did, he'll have hell to pay.
They both ran out of the house and into the front porch, and then they ran down the steps, where they see bushes on both sides. They stopped and tried to catch their breath.
"You think they fell for it?" Keitaro asked.
"I'm sure they did." Motoko answered. "Living with them as long as I have, even Naru's gullible as hell."
"It figures." Keitaro replied.
"Well, let's get this over with." Motoko said. They both found their respective bushes to hide behind. They swallowed their pills and they each opened a bag of clothes and changed. They both hesitated to come out, but when they did, their faces were redder than a brick.
Motoko was dressed in a three piece suit and what looked like a Zorro hat, where her long hair was hidden to give off the illusion that she was a man; the fact that she's tall didn't hurt, either.
Keitaro, on the other hand, was dressed in a strapless red silk dress, his curves surprisingly feminine. He wore a sleeker pair of glasses so his dorky ones didn't ruin the look. Also, he was wearing a velvet jacket. They were a bit formally dressed for a trip to the movies, but they didn't care much about that. They held hands and snuck away from the premises of the Hinata Sou.
(O)
As they waited in line to get tickets, Keitaro turned to Motoko with a smirk on his face. "Remember." He said, now in a feminine voice. "I'M the woman, so YOU have to pay for tickets, as well as concessions."
"Sure…" Motoko said, now in a male voice. She could only look away as she thought, Cheap bastard.
Eventually, it was their turn to get tickets. Keitaro looked around for what looked like a romance film, or a chick flick. Though he was tempted to see the next Ghost in the Shell movie, he didn't want anyone around them to suspect. So, instead he chose a movie called Healing Vision, something about a guy who wound up in a terrible car accident, forcing his otherwise selfish girlfriend to change for the better; sounded romantic enough. They both bought a ticket and went in.
(O)
Into the movie, Keitaro couldn't mask his male self, anymore; he was getting bored to the max. Then again, he was never into romance dramas anyway. His head fell on Motoko's right shoulder. The samurai cringed for a minute, but thought it over and just let it pass, and hope no one goes over to ridicule her for this. Keitaro was drooling on her now, which sucked for her. Luckily, there's the fact that not all girls are the same.
Keitaro suddenly felt a rumble in his vocal chords; this woke him up. He tapped Motoko's shoulders. "Motoko…" He stopped to realize that his voice was changing back to normal. "Oh, crap, my voice! It's changing!" What the poor man didn't notice, was that when his voice was changing back to normal, he kind of sounded like a demon, and that a priest and a deacon were sitting in front of them.
"Oh, crap! Crap! Crap! Crap! Crap!" He kept saying. Motoko was tapping on his shoulders, trying to signal him to stop talking but to no avail.
The priest heard it all and stood up, along with his deacon friend. He turned to the deacon. "Bring me the Holy water."
"Father?" The deacon said.
"I need to do some exorcising." The priest replied. The deacon gave him a bottle. The priest opened it, lightly poured the contents on his hand, and started sprinkling it all over him. The contents actually started burning his eyes.
"Oh…my fucking…God!" Keitaro screamed. "It fucking hurts!" Motoko tried to signal him to stop talking, but his eyes just hurt too damn much not to scream.
"Father?" The deacon said. "That's not Holy Water. It's acid."
"Well," The priest replied. "It's still working, right?"
"Good point." The deacon responded. The priest started sprinkling it on Keitaro again.
The cross dressing manager ran out of the theater, with Motoko following him. The priest felt that his work was done.
(O)
"DAMMIT! WHAT THE FUCK WAS HE THINKING!" Keitaro screamed, running out of the building, his voice back to normal.
"First of all, you need to watch your language, Urashima." Motoko answered, her voice also back to normal. "Second, you sounded like a specter whenever the pill changed your voice.
"Well, there was another date of disaster." Keitaro replied. "Now what?"
"Let's just go home, change behind the bush, and pretend we were still job hunting." Motoko responded.
(O)
"They still haven't found a job yet." Haruka said to herself, sitting at a table in her teahouse. "It makes me wonder what they're really doing. I need to talk with them when they get back here." She put her cigarette back in her mouth and stood up, looking towards the teahouse's exit. "They're running out of time, by the way."
To be continued.
Please review.
On the next chapter…
All My Samurai (Part I)
Motoko and Keitaro are in a dilemma when they try to look for a job and make money before their time is up. Luckily, or maybe not if you're Motoko, Kugashira-san offered them a chance to audition for a hot new teen drama. They haven't a clue of what they get themselves into next.
Also be sure to read my other fics Awe of She, and Tokyo Myuh Myuh. You can find them in my profile.
Until next time, Ciao!
-GYRAX of the Dark Icon Writers