Imakoo- Okey dokey! Yes, I'm sure everyone can imagine that skimpy bunny outfit that owns us all..
Jadedea- Thanks! And Robin shall get his revenge...right after Cy butters Robin's head to get him out of the turkey...
Lil-cloudiekins- I know a "hott" goth too but I don't really like him. It's kinda hard to be around someone who's always talking about life's little misfits...
Emmery- Thank you! I will definitely continue! Hah, I'm not surprised from your friend's reaction.
Meeeeeeeeeeee- (I put in all the e's!) I'm updating! Soon!
RaidesruleXI- I like the new username! And for Robin's insaneness, you should seen him go nuts with the chainsaw! They have a movie about...Chainsaw Massacre ;)
hidden smile- YaY! Thanks for the review! Psst...water rules!
Mephisto2022- Zeek will be demolished shortly after this chapter. I'm a BB/Rae supporter too! Luv that couple...
Raven of the night 676- YES! ONE DOWN! MUAHAHAHAHAAAA! My plan is coming together slowly...
Taia, Mistress of the Corn Muffins- Thanks! I have cast in your vote in the wheel-barrel thingie! I always do both chapters. Just the one that got the most votes first. -big, innocent smile-
Shadow12002- TWO DOWN! INSANENESS SHALL RULE-ahem- thak you for that pleasant review
gothic goddess 14- Thanks! Daddy Dearest leads 7 to zip. Hah...wonder why...
romantic-raven- Thanks! Well, aren't we rolling in the welcome wagon for Zeek... As I said before, I will be getting rid of him. Hint, Hint: Eerbody In Da Club Gettin' Tipsy.. ;)
The-InFamous-Bounty-Hunter - Thanks. Your vote has been put in the spinny-barrel-thingy! I thought Citizen Kane was soooo boring. No offense to anyone who likes it!
Evil donut man- I kinda figured that it was dark... or that you just have REALLY bad typing skills :p Thanks for liking, ahem, seriously loving my story:)
theflamehat- Thanks! I got an ice-pack! Your welcome! Who wants the other half of the cookie?
ROFL- Of course Daddy Dearest.. Lol. Wow! Thanks! I want to be a comedian too! Guess I'm doing a good job for starters.
greg- EXACTLY what I was gonna say! There will be moments in here, that's a fact!
Element Mage- Ha, thanks! I scared a LOT of people w/ the Robin-homo thingy.. But it's funny and that's all that counts! I should've made her slaughter Star... but hey, their friends..Ah, forget about friendship! Slaughter Slaughter SLAUGHTER! Haha.. CHOW!
Danny- Thank you for your long, thought-out review. Lol. Vote has been placed.
YinxYang- I always will add Cy and BB yelling perverted, horny, inappropriate things! ;) Haha, they actually believed that? HA! Well...they're kind of gullible, aren't they?
Thanks for all of the reviews guys! Daddy Dearest is the next chapter! Oh what a surprise:rolls eyes: I've been getting a lot of requests for a BB/RAE relationship. It will happen, I swear! But, there are some hints of them being a couple in here. You just have to have an eye for it. ;)
Here's your perverted, horny, inappropriate chappie!
Putting The 'I-N' Into Insanity
Chapter 9: Daddy Dearest
It was a typical normal day at Titans Tower. See, this is how MOST stories and chapters start out. Well, you all know that this isn't your "typical" story, riiiiight? So, none of you would be surprised when I say that... –takes big, huge breath–
Robin was locked up in a straight-jacket and was giggling insanely ((how ironic)), that Starfire was locking up all the drawers of silverware and kitchen stuff and other things with baby-proofing items, that Cyborg was going on a complete rampage that his car keys were missing and he was pointing the finger at BB, that BB was hiding in the cupboard dialing a number for another "insane-o" jacket but was now trapped because Starfire had put a lock on it and that Raven was trying to figure out how to take off the baby-proof toilet clamp in the bathroom.
– takes another breath of air–
Yes, it has been quite busy since Raven's date, Starfire's make-over mania, BB and Cy's questionable sexuality and Robin's insane moments... But hey, no day is the same. Let's check in on our hero's, shall we?
Raven stood there with her mouth in a firm "no nonsense" line, hands straight at her side and her violet eyes staring dumbfounded at the toilet. How could such a simple task become a fight for life or death? Ok, that's an exaggeration.. Let me try again, "answering nature's call".
A toilet clamp thing was clamping the toilet seat shut; a sign that Star had been there. Raven sighed annoyed, "Why, oh why would Robin be doing something in the toilet? Why can't Robin wait to go insane after my bathroom break?"
Raven sighed once again and placed both hands on the top of the clamp.
"One...two...THREE!"
She heaved and pulled on that clamp until the top of her feet left the ground, leaving her only on the heels of her little booties. Raven's eyes shut tight, teeth grinding, a nerve throbbing dangerously on her temple.
Raven relaxed her muscles and let go. She stamped her foot with anger and paced around the bathroom.
What to do, oh what to do?
With quick thinking, Raven swung open the medicine cabinet, hoping for a tool to use on that dreadful clamp. Powder, ointment, tweezers... TWEEZERS! She could use the sharpened end of them to twist off the stubborn screws!
With relief, she grabbed them and made a one-way trip to the toilet once more. Savagely, Raven plummeted the tweezer into one of the clamp's screws'. She jiggled, jangled and struck the tweezer on the screw. After a few good whacks, the tweezer snapped in half...
"DAMMIT!"
Raven got up with a huff from the floor where she was previously kneeling. She kicked the toilet, "Dammit, dammit, DAMMIT!"
Desperately, Raven flung herself onto the stubborn toilet and just pulled with all her might. Anyone who would've came into that room at that moment...well...some nasty thoughts would flow into their mind...
With a last heave Raven gave up. She got up and went over to the bathroom mirror and banged her head on it, "All. I wanted. Was. To go. To. The bathroom!"
Then, out of the corner of her eye, she saw her solution. Behind the toilet, on the clamp, was a little knob. It said "Open this way" with an arrow swerving to the right.
Raven calmly, and quietly walked over to it and turn the knob. In a second, no less, the clamp was off.
Raven stood there, no words or actions coming from her. She dropped the clamp on the ground and sighed.
"I really don't see the point of putting a clamp on a toilet when a child of two could just...turn the knob..."
Raven balled her fists and grinded her teeth, "A CHILD OF TWO!"
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"Hello? Insane-O-Rama? Yes, I'd like to order a straight jacket. Hmm? Yes, for Cyborg.. H-how did you know that? Oh My GOD! Are you, like...WATCHING us?"
Yes, Beast Boy got a hold of the phone again. There he was, tucked tight into the little space in the cabinet. Why, you ask? To make a long story short, it involved Cyborg losing his keys and macaroni 'n cheese.
BB pressed the phone tightly to his pointy ear and tucked up his knees.
"What? The bad reception? Ha, I know why! It's 'cause I'm in the kitchen cabinet," Beast Boy answered with full confidence and a huge smile.
It suddenly dropped, "A jacket for me? Why no sir it's for- Well... I could use one.." Beast Boy twirled the phone cord in and out of his fingers.
"Does it come in burgundy? Ok, then. Two Insane-O jackets please. Where to? Um...hold on a second let me ask my...um...assistant! Yes sir, I have an assistant! Who'd you think I was gonna go get? Cyborg? Ehehehe..."
Beast Boy placed the phone on it's side and pushed the cabinet door open. Well, TRIED to.
"Huh?" Beast Boy pushed again with more force. Nothing. Beast Boy backed up in the back of the cabinet in fear. Claustrophobia was settling in. To top it off, he was in a CABINET OF ALL PLACES! The suffering teen began to sweat profusely, not liking the situation at all.
In desperation ((a source our fellow Raven had used)), he threw himself onto the locked door. He scratched, he banged, he punched, he kicked...he cried.
"OH MY GOD! I'M GONNA RUN OUT OF AIR! I'll be all alone and they find me one day with my body rotting and my nose falling off!"
Then a truly frightening thought occurred to him, which made the boy's voice quiver," I'll look just l-like...MICHAEL JACKSON! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhHHHHhhhHHH!"
Beast Boy picked up the idle phone and screamed into it, "Help me, God DAMMIT! I'm gonna DAIIIII!"
The man on the other line who was unfortunately a new employee, screamed too.
"THERE'S A CRAZY GUY ON THE PHONE!" No one really cared for it was, ironically, an Insane-O-Rama store.
With quick action, the new employee threw the phone into the fancy fish tank and backed away slowly.
In the cabinet, Beast Boy was hyperventilating. He couldn't breathe, couldn't see, couldn't...BREATHE!
Back to the employee and his fish tank, he scratched the back of his head questionably and then walked slowly toward the fish tank.
"Um, sir? Will that be in cash or check?"
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Starfire floated joyfully around the kitchen, preparing a special dish for Robin. Our alien friend had no idea that our becoming-insane friend was in the cabinet, trapped. His petrified screams were unheard.
She twirled and loop-de-looped, making ham and eggs, Robin's new favorite dish. The fact that her close friend, whom she had nights in paradise with, was becoming insane was oblivious to her. Just another way of these strange earthlings.
Starfire joyfully bounded out of the kitchen toward our insane-o hero Robin. He was in a straight-jacket, locked up in secure bindings on a metal slab that stood up so he could watch the tube. The TV buzzed with action as a Spanish soap opera was playing. Robin stood intently watching it, dazzled by Lucilla's current activity–stabbing her ex-boyfriend Ricardo in the back.
"Tú cabrón! Tú dormir con Jessica! MORIR!"
((translation: "You bastard! You slept with Jessica! DIE!" Might not be exact translation so sorry for that))
Starfire paled as the blood began to circle around man's body.
"Um...Robin? Shouldn't you be watching a nicer televised show? Perhaps.. Care Bears?"
Robin snapped his head toward Starfire, "WHAT! Can't you see? Ricardo cheated on Lucilla! Naomi is having a baby with the school janitor, Frances is having an affair with Lucilla, but Lucilla just wants the sex and no relationship, Canina died from a serial killer that wanted her pantyhose and it ALL ties together in who will be Nina's father! How can I stop watching it at a time like this?"
Starfire's eyes were big as saucers. She quietly placed the plate in front of Robin. He sniffed it and said gravely, "Where's... the applesauce.."
Starfire wrung her hands together in a worried manner, "I did not think that you would enjoy consuming the apple–"
"WHERE'S THE SAUCE THAT CONSUMES THE APPLE!"
Starfire ran out of the room and came back with a enormous jar of cinnamon apple sauce. She eyed Robin meekly, "The apple sauce you desire Robin."
Robin sniffed it and then cried.
"Robin? Oh, Robin what is wrong?"
Robin sniffed pathetically. Tears streamed down his insane face, "It's-it's cinnamon... the dark little specks of sugar... Cinnamon was Canina's favorite food...until...her pantyhose got the best of her..."
His facial expression immediately changed. His eyebrows furrowed, mouth in firm line, eyes narrowed at the helpless Starfire.
"You... YOU were the serial killer all along, WEREN'T YOU? You were so jealous of Canina! Of her pantyhose that smelled of banana's in the springtime! Tú cabrón!"
((translation: "...You bastard!"))
Starfire backed away from the masked psychotic. Her only choices were to call in one of her teammates or get applesauce WITHOUT the cinnamon. But, when she ran down to the kitchen and looked in the fridge, it was all cinnamon! No applesauce..
She checked in the blender, the fruit basket, the toaster, under the tiled floor, then to the cabinets.
Top–none. Left–none. Middle–none. As she reached out to the last of the cabinets, her hope soared. She imagined pulling the applesauce WITHOUT the cinnamon out of the cabinet and hand-feeding it to the content Robin. She smiled broadly as she untangled the baby-proof items from the handle.
Her hand stretched out to open it, her hand grazed the handle, bundled it in her slender hand and opened it.
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKK!"
"OH MY GOD OF CHEESE! SANDRINE IS KILLING LUCILLA FOR KILLING RICARDO! OH THE HUMANITY!"
Starfire placed her hands on her shocked expression, speechless. Beast Boy got out of the cabinet like it was any other day. He brushed off the dust bunnies, pulled his pants up and placed the phone back on the receiver...Oh Lordy...
Out of the room he walked. On the floor was Starfire. And sleeping with his eyes still watching Sandrine killing Lucilla was Robin.
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"WHERE THE MOTHER OF CRAP IS IT?"
Oh God... Another insane reaction from our heros. Desperate is he as the others. He is in such pity, such pathetic-ness... Let us watch with popcorn!
Cyborg tore up the garage, screw by screw; yet, no luck. He searched the car engine, the tub of gasoline...
"WHERE...IS...ITTTTTTTT?"
Raven stepped into the garage quietly, not being taken aback by her friend's actions. Nope, just another day in T-Tower...
"What is it now?"
Cyborg whirled his face around to Raven's and wore a darken expression, "Keys are missing...macaroni and cheese is everywhere..."
Raven peered inside the T-Car– yep.. There was mac n' cheese spread throughout the leather interior..
Raven returned to Cyborg with an expressionless face, "And this means...?"
"Only ONE of TWO things.. One," Cyborg held up one finger, "Macaroni-eating aliens have trashed my car to find the cheesy substance, came up empty handed and out of SPITE, left the macaroni and cheese for ME to clean up!"
Raven's deadpan voice was immediately transferred to a sarcastic smirk, "And the other LOGICAL explanation..?"
Cyborg began another tale, not picking up on Raven's sarcastic ways, "That BB came down here, stole my keys WHILST eating mac n' cheese. And him being an idiot most of the time, didn't realize and didn't clean up the cheesy path of deception and left all fingers pointing to his grass stain self!"
To sum up, he went into an Olympic stance– arms raised, feet together.
Raven crossed her arms, rejecting Cyborg's explanations, which were CLEARLY logical..
"So..the macaroni and cheese that is sitting over by that table and covered in your hands has absolutely NO part of this dilemma..."
Cyborg slowly turned to the working table, where mac n' cheese was clearly protruding from the table's surface. Then, slowly to his hands, which were covered and slathered in cheese and rubber noodles.
And slowly, he met Raven's smirking face.
"Heh.."
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Raven walked down the hall to the den area with Cyborg dogging her heels. She was to prove that BB did not take Cyborg's keys.
Once in the room, she saw the scene before her.
Starfire lay sprawled out on the floor ((Raven considered she passed out)), applesauce with cinnamon was dripping from the wall next to the TV, Robin (who had clearly thrown the sauce) was watching a man and woman going at it on a bucket in a janitor's closet and an axe was laying in the middle of the floor...which she did NOT remember buying..
With all of this before her, only one name came to mind...
"BEAST BOY!"
Hearing his name shouted by Raven, Beast Boy ran quickly into the room, only to be stopped at the site.
"Woah..dude, Raven...What'd you two do? And..is that apple sauce on the wall?"
Raven was about to protest and say that he had done this mess, when the phone ringed.
Her hand reached out to it, but another beat her to it.
Starfire had woken up from her unconsciousness to do her duty of answering the Titan's phone.
"Hello and welcome to the phone of Titans Tower!"
The guys shrugged and went into the den and sat down next to Robin and watched the soap.
Starfire continued her chat with the person on the other line who hadn't even spoken yet, "I hope you have had a WONDERFUL day and that everything is going well for you. Everyone deserves a smile of happiness!"
Raven slapped her hand to her forehead, seeing her friend have a one-person conversation with herself.
"May I ask who is calling? Oh? Really! Yay! How are you, where do you live and who is your lawyer? Uh-huh..yes..yes she is right next to me..."
At this comment, Raven perked up.
"Oh surly you can speak with her. What? Oh no sir, she only does one naughty thing. She wears thongs sir and watched Playboy once and–"
Raven dove for the phone and pushed Star out of the way.
"Hello? Oh my God...Um..hi...Daddy.."
Everybody in the room lent an ear to this fascinating conversation.
"What? The-the thong thing? Oh that was just a dare..By who? Um...Beast Boy!"
Beast Boy paled, seeing the image of Raven's father beating the crap out of him for daring Raven to wear a thong when he really didn't.
Beast Boy sank into the couch, "Oh my God..he's gonna beat the shit out of me..."
Cyborg placed a hand on his friend's shoulder, "Yep.."
Robin perked up with a huge smile on his face, "Hey! Maybe you'll die!"
Beast Boy slowly turned around to Robin's eager face. His eyes went wide and his green skin turned an unnatural color, "Cy-cyborg..I'm scared..."
Robin continued with a beaming look on his smiling face, "Yeah! But, the good thing is you'll get to meet Ricardo! Oh my God and LUCILLA!"
Cyborg ignored Robin, "You know what you can do, man? You can get back at her! You can shout something that will really get her in trouble loudly so her Dad can hear!"
Beast Boy nodded enthusiastically, "Yeah!"
Back to Raven..
"No..no Daddy really..I'm not a pole stripper!"
Beast boy saw his chance..
Beast Boy's voice came from the other room, "Hey Rae! You lookin' fine in that skimpy bunny outfit! You gonna bring me a carrot?"
Raven turned back to her father on the phone, petrified...
Beast Boy smiled broadly at Cyborg who looked petrified as well, "See? Everything is solved!"
Cyborg smacked him upside the head, "Are you a complete IDIOT? He'll now think that you're out to get with Raven! He's gonna beat the crap out of Raven AND YOU!"
Beast Boy sank into the couch once again, "Ah crap..."
Raven tried convincing her father, "No Daddy...that's just one of my friends..No not that kind of friend! Drinking? What? Umm...uh..."
Starfire, determined to help out her friend seized the phone, "No, Mr. Raven's Father.. That only happened once and it was an exterminator my friends called over to exterminate vermin. But it was really me and Robin in my room that were making such loud and frequent noises."
Raven paled and grabbed the phone, "NO! That didn't happen at all! Star's just..um..."
Starfire shouted into the phone, "It was because Robin loved the hue of pink! But now he's in a 'straight-jacket' watching a gruesome epic of a soap.. And not the ones you clean yourself with Mr. Raven's Father!"
Raven turned away from Starfire so she couldn't say anymore damaging things, "Dad, I promise you that everything is fine here. You don't need to come over and settle things! No! No...no sex or anything...Everyone respects each other... No really, Dad, there's no sex!"
Starfire ran to Raven side, "Raven! Do not lie to your father! Yes Mr. Raven's Dad, there was a sexual night here. It was accidentally taped by Cyborg and Beast boy but only to prove that Robin was not gay so a gang that hung out at the Publix called Gay Guy Ness would not stalk him no longer!"
In the den, Cyborg paled along with BB, "Now he's gonna beat the crap out of Raven, you AND me..."
Back in the dramatized kitchen Raven slowly regained her composure and spoke quietly into the receiver, "Yeah..I'll see you in ten minutes then, right?"
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The following events that took place were yelling and screaming at a confused Starfire, understanding that BB did NOT take Cy's keys, that Robin was not allowed to have anymore apple sauce and an escape plan to escape from Raven's father if he decided it was pounding time...
BAM BAM BAM!
"That's my father, if you didn't notice already..."
Raven went reluctantly to the door and let her Father in.
BB and Cy and Starfire had to look up to see him. He was a big man with a business suit on with a briefcase and glasses. Something was different about his reddish skin but that went unalarmed. It was the expression on his face that made BB and Cy already see stars.
Raven's father put down his briefcase and stomped over to BB and Cy, "I hear you two have been messing around with my daughter. Dares with thongs, taping sex, watching her undress-"
Beast Boy pointed a finger at him angrily, "Hey! That is the only thing we did NOT do!"
The father angrily stared at the green boy, making BB quiver under his gaze, "And the other things?"
Beast Boy tapped his index fingers together and looked down to the floor with shame, "Yeah, we did all the other things.."
Raven could not bear to watch those imbeciles fight for their lives.
Her father breathed heavily with anger and began to crack his knuckles.
Starfire took this moment to ask a question, "Um...Mr. Raven's Father? We all know that you are a demon and dwell in hell so...why are you wearing that suit of business."
Raven's father looked down to Starfire with pride, "When I'm not torturing souls, I balance others' checkbooks. It's really a part-time job. Pays good."
Starfire smiled and nodded, "Ah, I see."
Raven's father smiled at Starfire, then turned to Bb and Cy with an expression that would make Bin Laden run into a rabbit hole, "Now to get back to business..."
The shadow loomed, no TOWERED over Beast Boy and Cy's shaking and quivering bodies.
"Cy? Hold me.."
A/N: I had sooooo much fun with this chapter! I love doing phone conversations as you can see..
Sorry it took me awhile. I had Social Studies mid-terms that lasted three days ((weds. Thurs. And fri.)). Also, I had to figure out what mini-stories would be in here. Everything has to tie together!
Next chapter is " What the F—?" Moments with Cy . Here's the sound clip for anyone who forgot:
"What the F—?" Moments with Cy
Sound Clip: Cyborg sat down in a black, leather recliner in a snazzy suit, "We all know that we, the Teen Titans, have such interesting adventures. So, here's a show where we can actually get paid to do stuff that we regularly do. And– STARFIRE! STOP! DON'T PRESS THAT BUTTON!" Cyborg ran out of the room to the kitchen where an explosion occurred. He returned a few seconds later, covered in cake batter, "Anyway..."
Please RnR! See you in the next chapter!