Chapter 12- Safety Spells and Sitting For Satan
Ron arrived home from work that evening in a very bad humour and with an incredibly loud rumble in his stomach. He stormed into the kitchen angrily, flopped down into his chair and stewed over the nightmare that had been his day. He had just discovered that Hillary, the stupid bimbo who worked across the hall from him, was getting a promotion even though he had worked at least twice as hard as her, everyone kept nagging him about some stupid report (as if he didn't get enough of that at home!), and to top it all off he had picked up Hermione's lunch that morning by accident and there was no way in hell that he was going to eat her weird garlic-filled sandwiches!
His stomach gave another angry growl. Ron sighed, stood up, and removed a loaf of crusty white bread from the cupboard above the sink. He walked over and tried to open the cutlery drawer, but it appeared to be stuck. He gave several harder tugs, but the drawer remained steadfastly closed. Ron pulled out his wand and began yelling angry curses at the drawer, punctuated by a few angry thwacks. He was just about to give up when Hermione came through, wearing a scowl.
"What on earth are you doing?" she cried in alarm.
"This stupid-" thump "-drawer-" thump "-won't-" thump "-bloody-" thump "-OPEN!"
"Will you please calm down, Ron?" Hermione said, her eyebrows raised. "Don't be such a drama queen! I just put a Stay-Shut Spell on it- we're babysitting tonight and I didn't want Joey getting into the knives. All you have to do to get it open is to say the counter charm."
"Hermione, we are looking after a ten month old baby!" Ron yelled irritably. " What is the likelihood that this child, who, may I remind you, can't even walk yet, is going to stand up, reach the top drawer, pull it open and remove a knife?"
"You can't be too cautious!" Hermione said, opening the drawer and handing him a knife. "After all-"
She was interrupted by a loud thumping sound coming from the living room. They ran through to find their owl, Morwen, lying on the outside windowsill, clutching a letter and looking dazed.
"Oh no!" Hermione cried, running over. "I put a Stay Shut Spell on the window too." She muttered the counter charm before looking over at Ron. "You know-"
"-just in case!" Ron said mockingly. "Hermione, don't you think you're going a little over the top?"
"You won't be saying that when we have to take a trip to St Mungo's because our baby's fallen out of the window!" Hermione said accusingly. At that moment, the doorbell rang. "That'll be Tiffany!" Hermione said. She began to head towards the door before turning back to look at Ron. "Just try not to say anything stupid this time!"
When Ginny Apparated into Ron and Hermione's living room several hours after Tiffany's departure she could see that she had picked a bad moment to show up for a chat. Ron was splayed out on the couch, fast asleep, surrounded by a vast array of soft toys. The room looked as though it had been hit by a tornado. Several chairs were lying forlornly on the floor, and a light dusting of baby powder coated most of the surfaces in the room, including her brother. Ginny turned to see Hermione tiptoeing out of the spare bedroom.
"He's asleep!" she whispered at Ron, who gave a grunt in reply. "Oh hi, Ginny!" she added, noticing her sister-in-law standing next to the door. "Sorry about the mess- we've been babysitting!"
Ron woke up with a start. "Where am I?" he said confusedly. "Oh, hey Gin!" he said, waving at his sister before adding, "By the way, are you interested in buying a baby? Brand new, still in the womb, and we'll even throw in a cot free!"
"Was it really that bad?" Ginny said, although she had a feeling she already knew the answer.
"That child is the Devil!" Ron said emphatically. "It is actually Satan! And it is really, really fast! I've never seen anything move so quickly on four legs!"
"Except Crookshanks," Hermione cut in. "That little brat pulled his tail, and now I can't find him anywhere!"
"Yeah, you're really going to have fun when ours comes!" Ron joked. "All day with a noisy, screaming little poopmeister! For once, I'm going to be glad I'm at work!"
"Yeah," Hermione said, "but it's only for three months…"
"…and the rest!" Ron said. Both girls shot him a confused look. "Well, you'll be giving up work, won't you?"
"Say again?" Hermione said, looking bewildered.
"Well, someone has to look after the baby all day!"
"I thought we were just going to get a nanny, or a child minder or something."
"No way," Ron said firmly. "I'm not having a stranger raising my child. The parents should look after the children."
"Well, then it should be you!" Hermione shot back. "After all, I earn twice as much as you, plus I really love my job!"
"But raising kids is woman's work!" Ron argued. "I'm the man. I should be earning the money. You're the woman! It's your job to stay home and look after the baby."
Ginny winced. She could feel Hermione tensing up with rage.
"Woman's work?" she said in a dangerously calm voice.
"Guys, how about I look after the-" Ginny stuttered, trying to calm down the situation.
"WOMAN'S WORK?"" Hermione shrieked again.
"It's really no problem. I mean, I work from ho-"
"YOU BLOODY MALE CHAUVANISTIC PIG!" Hermione yelled. Ginny decided it was time to leave.
"I'll see you later, ok, bye!" she muttered, before retreating out of the front door. She could hear the baby screeching in the spare room, mingled with Hermione's furious yelling. She had a funny feeling that Ron would be doing a lot more sleeping on the couch…