Okay people. This story is totally by random…so whatever.

Disclaimer: I don't own Alex Rider or Yu-Gi-Oh. Or I wouldn't be writing this. Someone else would be typing it up while I dictate.

This is my policy:

You read my story.

If you like it, review.

If you love it, review.

If you hate it, review.

If you think it should be chopped into pieces, fed to piranhas, then the piranhas fed to a great white shark, then the great white shark chopped up and fed to fancy diners, then the fancy diners chopped up and fed to cannibals, who get chopped up and boiled in their own huge cauldron, then the story, piranha, shark, diner and cannibal soup fed to my worst enemy Cameron (In case you're wondering, no, Howard and Cameron aren't related.)

Flamers. If you want to flame me, do it. Give me a good flame. You wanna flame, actually do it. Don't be nice about it. I'm bored these days, so I might just decide to send my evil army of mushrooms with faces over the Internet to kidnap you, then get you to be chopped into pieces, fed to piranhas, then the piranhas fed to a great white shark, then the great white shark chopped up and fed to fancy diners, then the fancy diners chopped up and fed to cannibals, who get chopped up and boiled in their own huge cauldron, then the story, piranha, shark, diner and cannibal soup fed to my worst enemy Cameron Chan, then drop him into a vat of boiling oil and sheep dip, then chopped up and fed to the boys of my class (especially Mr Hungry) leave a review.

Location: M16

"We're sending you on another mission Alex. This time, the man Anthony Horowitz who was writing your biography…he was…" Alan Blunt checked his file, and frowned. "He was kidnapped by an evil army of mushrooms with faces. The went over the Internet, then got Horowitz. He was chopped into pieces, fed to piranhas, then the piranhas fed to a great white shark, then the great white shark chopped up and fed to fancy diners, then the fancy diners chopped up and fed to cannibals, who get chopped up and boiled in their own huge cauldron, then the Anthony Horowitz, piranha, shark, diner and cannibal soup fed to someone called Cameron Chan, who was dumped in a cauldron of boiling oil and boiling sheep dip- what the fu-" Mrs Jones smacked Blunt. "Not so loud! Alex is too young to hear that sort of language!"

"Um…you're right…that's not important. The thing is, your author is now someone called…Anne Onymus? Hey, that's not a real name! Mrs Jones, check that, and our sources." Mrs Jones tapped away at a Powerbook for about thirty seconds, then said, "Anne Onymus is actually someone who calls herself Via…"

"How d'you spell that? V-E-E-Y-A?"

"No, like how you spell via."

"Oh. I knew that." Blunt scribbled in his file for a moment, then looked up at Alex, who was blowing bubbles with his spit. "Um…Alex?"

A big bubble of spit exploded, wetting Alex's face and Blunt's new suit. "Hey!" he exclaimed. "This is an Armani suit! And it was a present from Artemis Fowl!"

"Big deal," Alex said. "Artemis Fowl doesn't even have any muscles." He started flexing his biceps, and struck an Arnold Schwarzenegger (N/A Yes, I spelt that correctly) pose.

"Aren't you supposed to be pretending to be James Bond?" Mrs Jones asked quizzically.

"Yeah, but now he's boring. Arnold Schwarzenegger rules! Well, I rule over him."

"Um. Yes." Blunt coughed. "Your mission is to observe the movements of some person called Anne Onymus…Mrs Jones, check that!"

"Actually, that's her real name," she said.

"Oh. Right. I knew that. Well, this 'Anne Onymus' (Blunt wiggled his fingers around in that sarcastic fashion) has bought the company of Yu-Gi-Oh. And we've detected odd activity, so you're going undercover as a Yu-Gi-Oh fan called Paris of Troy. You've got a partner, who's Helen of Sparta, and just for backup, there's your 'brother' Hector of Troy."

"Oh goody," Alex said, and blew another spit-bubble.

Location: Flight 747 to Tokyo, Japan.

"Whee!" Alex said happily, colouring in Cookie Monster in a toddler's colouring-in book. "Hey, Helen of Sparta, what colour is Big Bird again?"

"He's rainbow," the girl beside him groaned. Her real name was actually Tea. The crazy 'Paris of Troy' beside him was currently annoying her and his older 'brother', Hector of Troy. Hector's real name was Joey Wheeler, because he was the only one with blonde hair around.

Location: Asakusa Gardens, home of Anne Onymus

Anne herself was there to greet them. "Good day," she said, bowing in typical Japanese fashion. "My name is Anne Onymus-"

"Hi, we're three spies and we're supposed to be spying on you, and my name is supposed to be Paris of Troy, but it's really Alex, and this is my girlfriend Helen of Sparta, only her real name is Tea, and this is my big bro, Hector of Troy, but his real name is Joey Wheeler, only you aren't supposed to know that, so yeah!"

Anne raised an eyebrow. "Well, in that case…"

She whipped out a funny looking laser gun. "I get to try out my new invention."

"Really?" Alex grinned. "Can I be a test subject? You know, because I'm such a good spy and I'm even cooler than Arnold Schwarzenegger and Bond, James Bond 007?"

"Of course," Anne said smoothly, and shot him. There was a little pop noise, like when you fire off a puny popgun, and a stick shoots out of one end of the puny popgun, and has a flag on it that says BANG.

Alex disappeared. Then Anne stared at Helen and Hector. "Hey, you're from that show, um…what's it called again…?"

"Yu-Gi-Oh," Tea supplied. "Now, I want to go back."

"Oh. Right. Oh, I remember now! I took you two out of the show! But now…I can't seem to remember how to get you out…or how to get you in…"

"You just pull da trigger," Joey said impatiently with his odd accent that sounds like Arnold Schwarzenegger's.

"What's a trigger?"

Joey sighed, took the funny gun and shot himself. Then Tea picked it up and shot herself.

Anne looked around, confused. "Was there anyone around here? I seem to remember talking to someone…or some people…oh well. I must be hallucinating. Wait a minute. What does hallucinating mean? Oh well…" There was some indistinct muttering.

Location: The world of Yu-Gi-Oh

Alex looked around him. Helen was here, and so was his big bro Hector. There was also some shortie that was about as tall as Holly the elf…now where did that come from? Alex frowned. Well, shortie had spiky red, yellow and black hair, and there was also some dude with a demented Mohawk.

"Who are you?" Shortie with the Spiky Red, Yellow and Black Hair asked, at the same time as Alex.

"I'm Alex, a spy," Alex answered at the same time as Shortie with the Spiky Red, Yellow and Black Hair said, "I'm Yami." Then there was a sort of shimmer, and the Shortie with the Spiky Red Yellow and Black Hair got even shorter and his hair a bit less demented…and was that less mascara? Alex leaned closer for a look at the shortie, as the shortie said, in a girly voice, "I'm Yugi."

"What are you looking for, dude, fleas?" the guy with the demented Mohawk asked.

"Nothing," Alex said innocently. "Who are you?"

"I'm Tristan."

"I'm hungry," Hector said.

"You're always hungry, Joey," Helen said.

"No, I'm just singing da parody of 'Lonely' by Akon. Haha, Akon sounds like acorn…well, here we go:

Hungry, I'm so hungry,

I have no hamburger to call me own." Joey paused. "What comes after dat? Oh well." He started again, even louder.

"Where are we?" Alex asked.

Location: Egyptian Desert.

Alex squinted. "Am I seeing things, or did I just see the words Location: Egyptian Desert appear?"

"You're seeing things," Tea said automatically. "Or maybe the author just made those words appear."

"Oh. That's okay, then."

"Of course it is," Tristan yelled over the sound of Joey singing off-tune. He wasn't singing the parody 'Hungry' anymore. Instead, it was 'I'm Henry the Eighth.' Everytime he got to the part where it goes 'Second verse same as the first, a little bit louder and a little bit worse,' Joey's singing got a little bit louder and a little bit worse.

Location: MI6

"We've lost him," Mrs Jones said, staring at the screen of her Powerbook in shock. "He's gone right off the map."

"What? What happened to the tracer we stuck in his bloodstream?" Blunt asked.

"It's disappeared."

"What the fu-" Mrs Jones picked up her Powerbook, closed it, and smashed it over Blunt's head.

"Hey! Hey!" he protested. "It's not my fault. The stupid author's doing it."

Just then, the lock on the door to his office was blasted away from the door. There was the sound of a shotgun being reloaded. "Oops." Blunt gulped. "Um- sorry!" he yelled at the door.

"Good!" came the answer, and sounds of footsteps going away.

Blunt sighed. "Well, there you go."

"I'm going to get some more peppermints," Mrs Jones said. Blunt stared at her suspiciously.

"Don't you already have a packet in your pocket?"

"What?" Mrs Jones looked down at her jacket. "How the fu-"

Blunt grabbed the remains of her Powerbook and smashed them over her head. "Owee!" Mrs Jones yelled. "That hurt!"

"Not my fault!" Blunt pouted, his lower lips starting to tremble. "The mean author-" The door opened, and the muzzle of an AK-47 poked through. "I mean, the extremely wonderful-" the gun withdrew.

"The new author's dangerous. Do you think she was the one who organized for the old author to be kidnapped by an evil army of mushrooms with faces over the Internet, then was chopped into pieces, fed to piranhas, then the piranhas fed to a great white shark, then the great white shark chopped up and fed to fancy diners, then the fancy diners chopped up and fed to cannibals, who get chopped up and boiled in their own huge cauldron, then the Anthony Horowitz, piranha, shark, diner and cannibal soup fed to someone called Cameron Chan, who was dumped in a cauldron of boiling oil and boiling sheep dip, chopped up and fed to the boys of class 6L?"

"6L?" Blunt asked, looking confused.

"I'm just reading it off the file. Apparently, it's this class in Australia, in some teeny weeny town-"

"Normal-sized city!" the author yelled from outside the door. Mrs Jones gulped. "Called Hurstville," she finished. "I think we should check 6L out. Maybe they could be responsible for the deaths of Anthony Horowitz, some piranhas, a great white shark, some fancy diners, some cannibals, and a person called Cameron Chan?"

"Well, the great white shark fits in," Blunt said. "You can find them all around Australia."

"I'll check up Cameron Chan." Mrs Jones opened a file cabinet, and pulled out a file labelled 'TOP SECRET' and a laser scanned her eyeball and took a sample of fingernail and hair. Then, the drawer of the file cabinet shot back in, and a hidden drawer shot out. Mrs Jones picked up a Powerbook from it, and searched up 'Cameron Chan' using a secret search engine. "Yup, he's been reported missing…and apparently his little sister is in a madhouse because she's ranting about digital mushrooms with cute little anime faces coming out of the Internet and kidnapping her older brother…"

There was a burst of evil laughter from outside the office. Mrs Jones and Blunt stared at it, anime sweatdrops gathering at their heads. The author poked her head in. or I poked my head in. whatever. "No telling," I/she said, waving around the AK-47 and shotgun. There was also a sniper rifle and a series of other dangerous explosive weapons sitting outside in the corridor.

"Um…ok…"

"Thank you. Bye bye!" the door slammed closed and there was the sound of evil laughter again.

"I say we check out 6L," Mrs Jones said.

"No way," Blunt said.

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes. Hey you! Author! Can I borrow one of the guns? I need to erm…do something with it…"

"Sure." The shotgun was squeezed in from under the door. Mrs Jones stared at it. "How the hell did you get a shotgun to get in from under the door? oh well."

She picked it up and aimed it at Blunt.

What will happen? Will Mrs Jones shoot poor Meester Blunt? What will happen to Alex and the Yu-Gi-Oh gang? Will the crazy author stop butting in and threatening people? Is she going to stop insulting herself because she is in fact not crazy but majorly eccentric? Find out in the next episode of Yu-Gi-Oh, or the next book of Alex Rider.

Okay people. That was completely stupid, I know. But I hope you like it. In case you're wondering, I'm NOT a terrorist because of my knowledge of guns…it's because of…erm…I'M SMART! Starts doing victory dance Well, actually, I picked it up in therapy. No, seriously. Actually, REALLY seriously, I picked it up from the Tomorrow series by John Marsden. Anyway.