Chapter 14: Reflections

A/N: Thanks to everyone who's been reading, especially Innogen and angw for all your comments. This last chapter is a little long, but should wrap up a few things. Innogen, I hope Kyte is strong enough for you, even when she's emotional. Angw, the last bit is for you. The scientific community is pretty small, right? Oh yeah, and an obligatory Johnny Cash reference.

I'm not quite sure how long I stood on the balcony, although I knew I wasn't alone. Someone stood inside the doorway. At the moment, I didn't care who or why. I felt like all the doors I my life had suddenly slammed shut and I didn't see any windows in sight. I was a potential killer, who had nowhere to go, my last actions making sure of that. "Oh, Michael, where are you when I need you?" I knew he'd certainly scold me for feeling sorry for myself and tell me to put things in perspective. Maybe I hadn't asked for this talent, this inheritance, but weren't the heroes of old, William Wallace, Rob Roy, reluctant in their quests, men and women pushed to action? Who knew how'd I respond when the time came, but I'd know what I'd have to do. I smiled with a grim determination. Well even heroes could wait a little, before learning what their fate was.

He watched from the shadows as Kyte seemed to have come to some internal resolution. She had propped herself up on her arms and was staring out over the water. As he drew near, he realized she was singing.

"Love, is a burning thing, and makes a fiery ring. I fell for you, like a child," I sang softly, until I heard him directly behind me. "Colonel Sheppard? Come to bring me in?"

"Didn't know you liked the man in black, Kyte."

I nodded, ever so slightly. "Sounds stupid, but that was our song."

"Our, meaning you and Michael?"

"Yes. I didn't know he was in love with me at first. He was my older brother James' best friend, so he was always over at the house. I finally realized he wasn't coming over to see James or for my mom's cooking. I was fifteen, he was eighteen and about to join the army." I stared out at the water for a long time, not sure if I wanted to continue. Colonel Sheppard had the sense to remain quiet. "He told me to study hard, run hard, and we'd both get out that little town. Well, I followed his orders, wound up in California. A week after I turned eighteen, he got posted in San Francisco. We decided to get married, total spur of the moment thing." I shook my head laughing at the sheer craziness of those days, the absolute bliss.

I saw a mix of skepticism, amusement and concern play out across his features. Sometimes he looked so much like Michael, I'd almost forget it wasn't him. I wanted to make a further mess of his hair and kiss him until I had to come up for air. "Have you ever been truly in love? Some people say its like fireworks going off. For us, I think it's like the world falls silent. You just know that that person standing before you is someone you will love today, tomorrow and fifty years for now. That was us, for six months, twenty-five delirious weeks. You know what I mean?" I searched his features and realized there was someone here he cared about very much.

"We didn't tell our families for about two months. My da and his were delighted. Best friends' kids getting hitched and all. His mom understood that I was The One, but my mom was upset. At first, I thought it was because she didn't get to plan the wedding, but then I found out it was because I had picked Michael. I think she had planned for me to marry someone else." I sighed. "Michael's chopper was shot down. When I went home for the funeral, people whispered I had been too young to be a bride, much too young to be a widow. Made things a little awkward, especially when my mom started to tell me when it's be ok to date, like Michael was a pet I needed to replace. Da understood though. That was ten years ago and I still feel guilty every time I think about falling in love. I don't know if I can give my heart away again. I don't know if I have a heart to give away…" I trailed off, finding an interesting speck on the horizon. "I guess though, I have some actions to answer for," I said, needing to change the subject and heading for the door.

"I'm here if you need me," was all the Colonel could say.

"Putting her in stasis is not an option," countered Dr. Weir as she looked at the small figure suddenly appearing in the doorway. Kyte was still barefoot and had the sword case strapped to her back, making her look like a character from some sci-fi apocalyptic tale. For the last hour she and Colonel Caldwell had been debating what to do with Dr. Randall, with occasional opinions from Major Lorne, Dr. Beckett and Dr. McKay. Teyla had mostly been silent, but Ronon had stomped out a little while ago, in disbelief that the ability to wield a sword, break 23 bones and leave a man alive was not a desired skill. Teyla had spoken to Holling who assured her that Kyte was welcome on the mainland. Dr. McKay and Dr. Beckett had tried to piece together what Kyte had told them for Dr. Weir and the Colonel, along with what Lt. Browning had reported from Kyte's conversation with Dr. Lowell.

"Please have a seat, Dr. Randall," said Dr. Weir, nodding to Colonel Sheppard to do the same.

"Let me take those," said Major Lorne, reaching for the sword, while guiding the scientist to a chair. He was slightly miffed at missing the fight, and hoped it was on videotape. Zelenka probably had something off the security feed.

"You should probably have Dr. Beckett take a look at your hand, " continued Dr. Weir.

I opened my balled fist. Crusted blood held fingers to palm and I realized how much I hurt, both physically and emotionally. "I want to apologize for my actions. I know what I did was wrong. It was very out of character and I realize it didn't help the situation any," I fumbled, knowing how inadequate those words must sound. "I'm willing to accept any consequences or punishment."

"I talked with Dr. Heightmeyer, she says you've been through a lot. I think I'd be more worried about you if you hadn't come back. That shows strength of character, not that I'd had any doubts from what I've seen you do."

I blushed slightly. She knew I'd carry guilt for some time for my actions, even if she knew I knew what I felt I had to do.

"The more pressing matter is what happened to you in that temple. I need to hear from you what happened, all the details," said Dr. Weir, in a softer tone. So I told them about how I could access the Ancient archives, in a limited capacity.

"I was told I could access the archives, once, maybe twice without risking my health. I know that I have some data already, I just can't access it, at least not yet." I paused. "I don't want to sound ungrateful, but I didn't ask for any of this. I know I can't exactly go back to Earth, especially with this ability, but it's not like I was given a choice. If I just had the gene, I'm sure it would be different, but…"

"You are very valuable to Atlantis and to Stargate Command," interrupted Colonel Caldwell. "We need to protect you," his tone softened slightly. "You may be all that stands between Atlantis, Earth and the Wraith. We don't need you tangling with the Genii or their kind. We need to keep you out of harm's way."

"I think Kyte has demonstrated she can take of herself," snapped Dr. McKay, meeting Caldwell's glare. "I'd be more worried about someone else being in her way. She's definitely not some figurine or piece of property you can put away when you don't need it. Besides she tends to be useful in the lab, and with that extra sequence she may provide more insight and be better able to activate any Ancient devices we find here or on another planet. I know I need her."

I glanced at the astrophysicist, amazed at his argument.

"I think that settles things, then," said Dr. Weir interrupting the staring contest. "Dr. Randall, I'm going to have Dr. Beckett escort you back to the infirmary. You are confined there until he's satisfied you are cleared for duty. Dr. Beckett, you will make any of Dr. Randall's medical records pertaining to what happened available to Colonel Caldwell to share with the Asgard. We didn't hear from them earlier, maybe now they can shed some light on the situation.

"Yes ma'am," I acknowledged what could have happened as Dr. Beckett led me out of the office. I had gotten off pretty lightly, except for the prospect of being a pincushion for the next few days.

"What, no lecture on the dangers of playing with sharp objects while on medications?" I jokingly asked Dr. Beckett. He gave me an odd look and I realized I'd probably kept him busy setting the bones of Dr. Lowell and he probably didn't find the whole situation too funny. I noticed there were a few more marines in the infirmary, probably extra security given what had happened, but the question was for whom. I saw Major Andrews propped up on a bed in a corner and walked over.

"Hey," he coughed.

"Hey yourself," I responded sitting next to him.

"Heard you went all avenging fury on Dr. Lowell."

"Yeah, maybe not my most brilliant move, but I swore I'd do what I had to do. They tell me they're shipping you home in a few days. I'll have to give you a list of stuff to send me from the Bay Area, keep me from getting too homesick."

"Gotta stick around here?"

"Yeah. Something like that."

"Sorry."

"Don't be. None of this is your fault." I shrugged. "Life happens when you're making other plans. Can't change the past, and I'm guessing this sequence business is all the distant past. I'll get used to it. Anyhow, get better." I slid off his bed and walked over to an empty bed in another corner by where Dr. Beckett was standing.

"Sit. Scrubs," he snapped. He drew a curtain to let me change. I could tell by his tone I was not on his Christmas card list right now. The curtain was abruptly yanked back as I saw Dr. Beckett pushing over a small trolley, loaded with supplies.

"Let me see what you did to yourself, lass," he said setting out gauze and saline solution. I unfurled my fist apologetically as I heard him tsk. "Well, you didn't do too much damage."

"Maybe I should have cut deeper, it would certainly solve some problems." Worried blue eyes suddenly met mine as he ceased wiping off the dried blood around the wound. "Sorry, don't worry, I'm just trying to sort some things out. Guess this place is home now." We were both silent until Dr. McKay appeared.

"Where you'd learn to swing a sword like that?" he asked.

"School."

"Didn't think that was standard curriculum."

"Not most places, no. But it is nice to learn some traditions. And before you say it, there's nothing wrong with teaching girls how to handle weapons. Someone has to defend the home. I could teach you, if you want, never know when you might have to defend a girl's honor. Speaking of a girl's honor, thanks for what you said earlier. I mean it. What I've been through, what I've learned, it was worth it to save a life."

"Well, no more sword fighting today," interrupted Dr. Beckett. "Your hand's done. Should heal nicely. I'm going to add a broad spectrum antibiotic to your IV to prevent any infection from the wound or your previous adventures. I rolled my eyes as I saw him hanging the bag, and turning his attention to my other hand, feeling for a vein. "What was your comment about, getting used to things, this place is home now?" he asked inserting the needle.

'Still not totally used to the idea someone messed with my DNA, or probably more precisely, some ancestor's DNA. Most of my life I've felt driven towards something. Knew I couldn't stay in the town I grew up, just knew something was waiting for me. My da and Michael understood. I think Michael might have been the same way. I just don't know if I'm comfortable with the idea I was fated to be here. I could accept the idea of just having the gene, like you and Major Sheppard, but the implications of what was done to my genetic code and why," I shuddered slightly. "I guess you could say I wonder if I'm really me, or who I was designed to be,"

"That's a lot to consider. There are, however, plenty of people here to talk to,'' Dr. Beckett nodded. "I'm going to give you something to help you sleep, lass, you've been pretty keyed up."

I was asleep on my own before he returned. I awoke several days later. Apparently I had slept one way or another through the departure of the Daedalus. I'd miss Major Andrews and I had a lot to ponder. I pulled my knees to my chest and started doodling on a laptop someone had left for me. "If love is a labor, I'll slave to the end," I sang softly.

"The Colonel told me about you and Michael. I'm sorry." Dr. Beckett startled me with his sudden appearance. "You must have really loved him."

"I did." There was an awkward silence for a few minutes. "I can't change what happened, but since it seems like I'll be here awhile and I have a new life to build, maybe there's one more chapter to add."

"I've been thinking the same thing Kyte," said Dr. Beckett. "I just didn't quite know how to bring it up."

"You and Lt. Cadman?"

"Didn't quite work out."

"I'm a little rusty at this. I don't usually let people get too close," I started.

"I know."

"This also means that you can't be my doctor."

'I know that too."

"Does that mean I can get out of here?"

"Not so fast, besides I thought you wanted to take it slow," he joked.

I returned a small, shy, guilty smile.

Dr. Weir noticed that Dr. Randall was quiet when she returned to duty, walking on eggshells around colleagues, trying to readjust to life that had taken a new turn. She did, however, catch flashes of her original personality, laughing and joking. She could definitely surf as well, and there seemed to be something growing between her and Carson. One day, Dr. Weir received some unexpected news from Stargate Command, which would not wait, and was too important for the radio. She went looking for Dr. Randall and found her in one of the gyms. She appeared to be trying to explain the finer points of fighting as she and Teyla slowly faced off, Kyte with a long staff, Teyla with her sticks.

"It's all basic physics, Dr. McKay," Kyte said, while Colonel Sheppard leaned against a wall, a small smile on his face. Rodney looked skeptical.

"Dr. Randall, I hate to interrupt, but I have some news I need to share."

"Yes," concern written across my face.

"Stargate Command has just informed me, that they'd like senior staff to return to Earth, briefly. They also extended an invitation to you. Some people would like to meet you, as well as the Asgard. I think I could also wrangle a quick visit to San Francisco for you, with appropriate measures.

I was silent for a minute, letting the impact of her words was over me like a ten footer. I grinned, already making a mental list of what I wanted to do. "Hey, Dr. McKay, you'll have to come to San Francisco, see my friend Stacey." He gave me a puzzled look. "You don't remember my friend Stacey from the conference in Helsinki a few years ago. I was just a mouse in the corner, but you got drunk and kept hitting on her. Kept calling her Sam for some reason." The look on Dr. McKay's face was priceless, and Colonel Sheppard and Dr. Weir were trying not to laugh. I'd have to find out who this Sam was.

Fin

A/N2: Yes, the next part of the story will be a crossover with SG-1, along a few of my other favorite things. I also have a couple short stories to post in the meantime.