I need to end this story. I have no where to take it. So, this is how I'm ending it. Sorry if you don't like, but it's the way I want it to end.
Chapter Twelve
Painters
55 Years Later
Emma, an old woman now, sat in a chair in a hospital. She was sitting next to a bed. Laying in the bed, was her husband of over 60 years, Jay. A few months ago he was admitted to the hospital because he had a stroke. Emma was out with her grandchildren when she got the call from his doctor. They had told her that he wasn't doing too well, and this was probably his last day alive. She rushed over as quick as she could, calling her children and her friends as she drove. She knew this day was coming, she just didn't want to believe it.
She held his hand, not speaking. She didn't want to say goodbye. He once told her, that he would never leave her. Now, here he was. Closer to death then ever. She wiped away a falling tear with her free hand. She looked down at her hands, so wrinkly. When had they got so old? It seemed like yesterday they were still in high school. When she was still the unbroken Emma. Degrassi's Cause Girl. And Jay...he was Degrassi's resident bad ass. He did whatever he wanted and she despised him. He was the reason Sean broke up with her the second time they were together. He was the one who pulled the prank on Rick. He was the one who broke her. Yet, now, here she was, more in love with him than she ever was. He was her life, her heart, her soul. And she was his everything.
Emma started to cry now. She put her head down and a few blonde-ish white strands of hair fell from it's hair clip. She quickly picked her head up and looked at her love, "Jay, you can't leave. You can't. I won't be able to live with out you. I love you so much."
She remembered the year and a half she left him. She still didn't know why she had been gone for so long. Every day was harder than the one before. She longed for him. For Alex. Most of all, she longed for Lilly. After Julia was born, she would sit with her daughter, and wonder what it would be like to have all three of them. She quickly realized if Lilly hadn't passed, she wouldn't have Julia. She felt that Julia wasn't a replacement daughter for the one they lost, but in away, their savior. Having her made Emma realize that no matter what happens, she belongs with Jay. And she belongs with Alex.
Emma felt Jay's hand tighten on hers. Her gaze shot up to his face, "Jay?"
He coughed lightly and his eyes flickered open, "Emma..."
Emma started crying again and stood up, getting closer to him, "Yes, baby it's me."
He smiled slightly, "I love you, Em. Always."
"I know you do and I love you. Always, always."
Jay sighed, "I know what you're thinking..."
"And what is that?"
"You're thinking 'How can he leave me? It's not fair.'"
"You're right."
"That's how I felt when you left."
Emma began to cry even harder, "I know, Jay. I know. And I'm so sorry for that. I wish I could have that year and a half back! We would have had more time together."
He laughed, "We've had over 60 years together."
"It's not enough! I know I'm being selfish, but I don't care. You're my husband. You can't go."
"Listen, Em. I need you to give those letters," he pointed to the table on the side of his bed, "to whoever's name is on it. There's one for you, too. I don't want you reading it until..." he sighed, "until I'm gone."
Emma wiped her tears away, "Ok."
He squeezed her hand with his last bit of strength, "I love you, Emma Hogart."
"I love you Jay Hogart."
His lipped trembled as tears fell from his eyes, "I'm going to get to see Lilly, Em. And Alex."
Emma sighed, "I know. Wait for me."
"I'll wait forever."
"You better."
"It's time to say goodbye." He whispered.
Emma shook her head, "No. No. Not now. Please. Hold on."
"Em, I can't. You know I can't." His eyes slowly closed.
"Goodbye, my husband."
Jay didn't answer. The machine monitoring his heart did. She didn't bother calling for a nurse. She knew there was nothing anyone could do. She kissed his forehead, "I'll see you soon."
She picked up the letters on the table and walked out. She walked over to the nurses desk. She cleared her throat and wiped her tears, "He's gone." She walked away, not waiting for the nurse to say anything.
1 Month Later
Emma was staying at a cottage in the country for the weekend. She sat on a rocking chair, holding up a poster board, reading it. It was a family tree. Hers to be exact. It started with her parents and ended with the last child born in her family.
She placed down the family tree and picked up a letter. Jay's letter. She knew it by heart now. She looked at it every second she had the chance. She recited it in her mind, hearing Jay's voice echo her thoughts.
Dearest Emma,
If you're reading this, then I have passed away. I'm sorry to have left you. It was my time to go. I'm writing this in the hospital. You just fell asleep on the chair next to my bed. You're so beautiful. You always have been. I'm glad we grew old together. If someone was to tell me 55 years ago, I would be married to Emma Nelson, I would have laughed in their face. So many things led to us being together. Most of my bad mistakes were the reasons fate pushed us together. I love you more now than when we married. You have become my everything. You have become my life. Now, as I watch you sleep, I realize that I'm scared. What happens after this? What happens to you? Will you live long after me? Will you find someone else? Will you forget me? I know I'm being stupid for thinking this, but I just can't see you living without me. That's selfish, I know. I just don't want to leave you alone. I'm afraid what will happen. You're starting to wake up, I have to end this letter.
Love you, always,
Jay
Emma put the letter in her lap and picked up a drink she had made almost an hour ago. She had taken all of Jay's old medicine and crushed up the pills. She filled her glass with water and poured the powder of the pills into it. She couldn't go on living. She had told her children why she wanted to get away. She couldn't survive and she didn't want them going through the pain of seeing her sick. After Jay had died, her doctor told her she had a tumor growing in her brain and there was nothing they could do. She left the doctors that day, and went to her house. Everyone was there, waiting to find out why the doctor called. Sean and Ellie were there. Manny and Spinner were there. All the children and grandchildren were there.
She put the drink to her lips and tears fell from her eyes. She was going to be able to see Jay again. And her daughter. She knew, in time, her family would be together again. She drank the contents of the glass in one sip. She picked up the letter and reread it. Crying even more now, she could feel the drugs take effect. She whispered into the wind, "I love you, Jay. Always, always."
Her eyes closed and the letter fell from her hand. It flew away from her. She was now with her love.
Eighty years, an old lady now, sitting on the front porch
Watching the clouds roll by
They remind her of her lover, how he left her, and of times long ago.
When she used to color carelessly painted his portrait
A thousand times-or maybe just his smile-
And she and her canvas would follow him wherever he would go
'Cause they were painters and they were painting themselves
A lovely world.
Oil streaked daisies covered the living room wall
He put water-colored roses in her hair
He said, "Love, I love you, I want to give you mountains, the sunshine,
the sunset too
I just want to give you everything as beautiful as you are to me
'Cause they were painters and they were painting themselves
A lovely world.
So they sat down and made a drawing of their love, an art to live by
They painted every, passion every home, created every beautiful child
in the winter they were weavers of warmth,
in summer they were carpenters of love
They thought blue prints were too sad so they made them yellow
'Cause they were painters and they were painting themselves
A lovely world.
Until one day the rain fell as thick as black oilAnd in her heart she knew something was wrong
She went running
through the orchard screaming,
'No God, don't take him from me,'
But buy the time she got there, she feared he already had gone
She got to where he lay, water-colored roses in his hands for her
She threw them down screaming, 'Damn you man, don't leave me
with nothing left behind but these cold paintings, these cold portraits
to remind me!
He said, 'Love I leave, but only a little, try to understand
I put my soul in this life we created with these four hands
Love, I leave, but only a little this world holds me still
My body may die now, but these paintings are real.'
So many seasons came and many seasons went
and many times she saw her loves face watering the flowers,
talking tot he trees and singing to his children
And when the wind blew, she knew he was listening,
and how he seamed to laugh along, and how he seemed to hold her
when she was crying
'Cause they were painters and they were painting themselves
A lovely world.
Eighty years, an old lady now, sitting on the front porch
Watching the clouds roll by, they remind her of her lover
how he left her and of times long ago, when she used to color carelessly,
Painted his portrait a thousand times, or maybe just his smile,
and she and her canvas would follow him wherever he would go
Yes, she and her canvas still follow
Because they are painters and they are painting themselves
A lovely world
Song is by Jewel. It's called Painters.
To see the family tree I made follow these steps (can't post the link in here, won't let me>
go to photobucket . com ((take out the spaces though..)> type in bongwhore > hit search > click the link that says "fanfic art > it's the picture with the tag above it saying "Family Tree."