Part 3
Mac smiled to herself when she thought about her phone conversation with Bud. It was puzzling, though, that somebody was sending he and Harriet a check for the cost of the boy's school uniforms…but she didn't know how it worked here. Maybe the military helped to meet the cost of school uniforms. AJ was in grade school now and Jimmy went to kindergarten at the same school and they both required uniforms. It must get pretty costly, paying for summer and winter uniforms, especially since kids of this age grew out of them so quickly. And when your younger kids went to a child-minder's twice a week when you were on part-time duty as Harriet was. Yes, Mac knew that they needed the money that Harriet's wage brought in, she and Bud had said so before.
"Well," Mac decided that that must be it, "it sounds as if they've got everything in hand."
"Wow, looks like you've had a busy day, today," Harm commented, as he arrived home.
And so Mac had, she had painted the entire kitchen, the last room in the house that really needed some work.
"I have," Mac looked up from the newspaper.
"Oh and Bud says tomorrow is fine, just not in the morning, because he and Harriet are taking the kids out to get their blazers for school…Funny, I thought they'd taken care of AJ and Jimmy's school uniforms already."
"Many schools here have uniform coats and jackets," Mac told him, "They don't need anything that warm in September, but once the cold weather starts to set in…"
"Oh, okay," Harm nodded, getting a drink from the fridge and sitting down beside her.
"Oh!" Harm glanced over as Mac exclaimed, "Did you read about this article about the house in Potter's Green that burnt down. It was a foster home and now thirteen kids have had to be quickly fitted into other care homes. What a shame!"
"Yeah," Harm nodded, "Jen was telling me about it when I returned from lunch."
They decided to stay in that night and Mac was glad because she had something to talk to Harm about and she'd rather do it in the privacy and comfort of their own home.
"Is it okay if we have a serious talk after dinner, Harm?" she asked as she dished the dinner out for the two of them.
"Of course it is," Harm told her, nodding, "Nothing's wrong, is it?"
"Not wrong, no," Mac assured him, "But it's not exactly something great, either."
Harm patiently waited until they were done with dinner. Finally, they had both cleared their plates.
"Well…I know that we said we'd wait a while before we discussed this again properly," Mac was finding trouble knowing how to explain, "But, well, I got my period again today…"
With a regretful purse of his lips, Harm nodded in sympathy. Well, not quite sympathy, but at least empathy, for he did feel the hurt as much as Mac did.
They had decided that, while they weren't going to let it get too serious, they were not going to use protection, as they knew that their chances of conceiving would decrease as time went by. This had been over ten months before and still their greatest wish was banished every month.
"I'm sorry, baby," Harm told his wife sincerely, "I know how hard this is for you…"
"As hard as it is," Mac admitted, "I know that the reality of having children is going to be harder, once we choose to really embrace that."
Again Harm nodded in understanding.
"Yeah, I know," he sighed, softly, "While we did agree that we weren't going to take everything too serious, part of me thinks that maybe we have been trying to put of what inevitably lies ahead of us. But, and I don't think that I'm the only one, I feel that no matter what we agreed, I have been taking this seriously, getting my hopes up. This has always been at the forefront of my mind, all the time…"
By the look on Mac's face, she had been feeling just the same way.
"I'm so glad I'm not the only one!" she managed to choke out, trying to keep back the tears.
Mac rose from her place at the table and when she crossed to him, Harm automatically pulled her down to sit on his lap and hugged her. They spent a few minutes consoling each other with cuddles, soft touches and kisses.
"I don't think we should panic," Mac finally spoke up again, "But I think we need to accept that 'this' isn't going to happen the way we'd hoped it would. And I do think that we should discuss our options and decide what direction we're going to go in…"
She was glad when Harm agreed.
Nearly eleven months earlier, when they had decided to 'let nature take it's course' and 'see what happened,' they had still been holding onto a great deal of hope that they would somehow beat the odds. A child of their own was a dream, though there were other ways to go about it than 'the natural way.' There was IVF, but both Harm and Mac had expressed doubts. It seemed that with Mac's endometriosis that the problem would not be just conceiving, but carrying a child to full term, due to the scarring on her uterus. The procedure was also an expensive option not just in terms of money (though Harm's Mom and Stepdad had offered help to overcome this) but also physically and emotionally.
"I don't want to put you through that if I don't have to," Harm told Mac, as they discussed it.
They both discussed surrogacy, though they both knew from prior discussions that this option did kind of scare them both. They weren't sure what protection they would have in the event that the surrogate mother changed her mind. They weren't sure if they could deal with that, it would be like losing a child whom they had already come to love. It was a truly personal decision, but they both knew that they weren't completely comfortable with the idea.
"It still feels as invasive as the IVF," Mac shook her head, gently, "If not physically, then emotionally. I think the stress would be too much."
Harm nodded in understanding.
"So…"
"So, that leads us to the option of adoption," Harm finished, "Well, like we've both acknowledged before, technically, deciding on this option would technically mean that the child wouldn't actually be ours."
Mac just shrugged and pointed out, "It depends on your definition of 'ours.' Mattie's 'ours,' though she isn't biologically related to us…And you know that doesn't make any difference to me…"
Harm just smiled, proud of the 'two women in his life.'
"Go on," he prompted, sensing that Mac had more she wanted to say on the matter.
"Well, I know that adoption can take years, sometimes and if anything, it would limit our time for consideration more than our other two 'avenues.' We would have to decide if we wanted to give up on the idea of having our own biological children and go down the road of having children who weren't born to us, but loving them as if they were."
"I know we could, Mac. But I am nearer to forty than when we last talked about this," Harm pointed out, "I'm not sure what limits adoptive candidates have upon them."
"There's that, too," Mac accepted, then added, "I think we're in a good position to offer a stable home to a child who needs one. I'm only working part-time, you've got your captaincy, we've got a good wage coming in and Mattie's continuing to make fantastic progress."
"She would play just as big a part in our decisions about adding to our family," Harm nodded.
"And I know how much Mattie means to you, Harm," Mac told him, "So it seems like a viable option, in my mind, at least. Of course, I think we should both think about it and our other options seriously, before we discard any in favor of another."
"I promise," Harm pulled Mac in for a hug as he promised, "I'll give this some personal thought and we can discuss it with each other again. And of course, with Mattie, once we've come to some agreement…As for now, what do you say to getting an early night? This week's been manic and I could use some beauty sleep."
Okay, but you're looking just fine from where I'm standing," Mac joked as she playfully nipped at Harm's chin, playfully.
Mac couldn't hold in the very un-marine-like giggle that rose from her throat as Harm grabbed her around the waist and playfully tugged her towards the bedroom.
"Mmmm…" he growled out. From where he was kissing her neck, "Nobody likes a suck-up, MacKenzie!"