A/N This story is set in modern times and the reference to fighting and such point to the 'mob'. This is a AU. but it has some similarities to the series, if you look at it the right way you can see it. This fic is more serious but I hope you still like it, so read and review, and yes it is a one shot...one day in the far future I may write a sequel. (Its short i know!)

Thanks stephers once again for betaing, even in her computer grounding fiasco.

Shadows in the sun

They say when you die your life flashes before your eyes. It was different with me. Very different. My life didn't flash, it was the memories, ideas, and dreams of the people I loved that flashed. That may seem weird to you, especially since my life was far from boring, but in the last moments when death is on your door step and life is about to close that door, you don't care what seems logical anymore. It also may seem weird that I'm speaking seeing as I'm already dead, (and thus that's why I used 'was' instead of 'is') but when you had a cold heartless piece of metal pierce your chest, there's no point in lying to yourself. Everyone falls away, and only the people you care about remain.

I had the options of a million choices, every single word I said judged by a million critics, and many mistakes made. Everyone does in their life. I myself, got trapped in a world of fighting, a personal hell in my eyes. Where your actions of evil were praised and no one could hold you accountable for them. I regret a lot of things about my life, the main one being getting Van involved in such a life. One of pain and death. A life part of the streets where I lay dying now.

Everyone in the world has a opinion, and as I lay here memories, ideas, and dreams flashing threw my head, I think of what my parents thought of streets the city, maybe even the world and life in general. My father would tell me :

"The city is a cold concrete tomb, crushing the innocent and life of its inhabitants with a cold calculative hand. The laughter of children just a facade that under lays the true reality, one of perceptual death and despair, brought to life on the killing planes. Lost souls wander here. Pain and death cry out and bounce off earless walls and shut eyes. Here, one wrong move leaves you drowning in your life, never to be heard from again."

I thought those were the words of a cynic, but now I realize that even cynics can be poetic in describing the truth. He would also say:

"Life is fragile like a rose amidst a cold spell. A single harsh touch could shatter its life. But like every rose, it has thorns. The only way to survive in a cruel world is to be crueller then cruelty itself."

The dying words of a cynic. But then, my mother

"The city is a forest of trees stretching out and caressing the moon and sun with its broad loving branches. The creatures living in its shade bask in its glory, soaking up the life, and joy radiating from it. The fears washed away by the rain it shelters them from. Time moves fast, but the memories are locked and sealed away available to re-visit and live again and again. The previous moments in your life living on in this way. Love thriving and multiplying in a haven, where the kindness of people lift you up and move you on, forward in your life, and the purpose you set for yourself. Life may be a rose, fragile and easy to break, but the most fragile things in the world are considered to be the most beautiful."

The living words of a Optimist. My mother the optimistic, I would sometimes wonder if she even knew evil existed in the world, but in her words you see that she knew, yet still sees the light, even through the dark. I sometimes wished I was more like her, and less like my father in that aspect of life. I had a piece of both, but the light has been overshadowed by the darkness.

Van has that light I could see it I know. I wish he could live happily. I wish he could come to see and understand the good in the world that I wasn't able to. I won't be able to see him live out his life, but I hope that something good will come from my death. I know It rarely does, like shadows in the sun, but I would like to know that I died for a reason, and not some stupid mistake. He needs to realize that fighting is pointless, and live in peace ,before my fate befalls him. How long will we all keep guessing? Guessing about life, love, everything?

Van has so much to live for. There's so much to live for in life.

The end.