seven.
It's been easier to ignore the reality of the clones when they aren't underfoot than Jack thought it would be. Fraiser's clone says in the infirmary and out of sight, and Jack hasn't really had much cause to be in the infirmary since he got back – Thor fixed him up pretty good this time.
"I want them to go with us," Elizabeth says quietly.
"What?"
"The clones. I want them to go to Atlantis with us."
"They can't," Jack says immediately.
"Why not?"
A million reasons spin through his mind, but he finds he can't exactly grab hold of one. It slips and slithers through his fingers and keeps spinning around.
"Jack, you can't avoid them forever," Elizabeth says quietly. "And they can't hide away in Antarctica for the rest of their lives either."
He likes Elizabeth. She makes him feel comfortable in a way very few people do these days. In some ways she reminds him of Carter with her intelligence and her smile and her generosity. She's the only person these days, who reins him in and makes him face the facts the way they really are. She doesn't let him hide from his demons, and even though he wants to tell her to mind her own business, he's secretly grateful for her interference.
"What will they do in Atlantis, Liz?" he asks her. "Would they even want to go?"
"Janet does."
"She does?"
Liz nodded. "She feels awkward here, and I can't say I blame her for feeling that way. I imagine it's the reason the others haven't insisted on returning to the SGC yet, even though I know for a fact Teal'c and the younger Jack are both bored."
"I thought my clone was firing up the Ancient's toys for them all," Jack pointed out.
"He was, until we found Major Sheppard. That's another reason why I want them to come along – the more people we have with the Ancient's gene, the better our chance of success is. Carson Beckett has the gene, but I'm sure you've worked out what's he like based on the reports you've been getting."
"Yes," Jack agrees, hiding a smile. "I'm sure trying to shoot Hammond out of the sky with a drone went down really well."
He can see Liz fighting to hide her mirth too. "Well, I think Carson is quite happy to be leaving this galaxy fairly soon."
Jack grins broadly at the image of Hammond dressing down the Scottish doctor.
"If I asked them, and they agree, will you authorize their being a part of this mission?"
"Daniel would sell his soul to go," Jack murmurs, studying the wood of his new desk. "You've already got McKay, and I know Carter and McKay don't get along well."
"McKay doesn't get along well with most people."
"Teal'c won't go."
"He won't?"
"He's loyal to the Jaffa. If Teal'c won't go, I can't see my clone going."
"But if they say yes?"
Jack stands up and moves over to the star chart, letting his eyes rest on it. "They're not technically a part of the SGC anymore," Jack points out.
"They're not really a part of anything anymore. Let them go, Jack. This way they at least have a chance of having their own lives again."
"If they agree, yes."
"Thank you, Jack."
Liz lets herself out, leaving him staring at the star chart. It was easy to ignore the clones when he didn't have to see them or acknowledge their existence. But Elizabeth is right, he thinks, they deserve a choice about what they want to do and where they want to go.
Jack tries not to think about why the thought of them going to another galaxy without him hurts as much as it does; they're not really his team, they're copies. Fakes.
Jack stands alone before the star chart, and tries to remember all the planets they visited together before he was the last one left. He's a General now, and it's unlikely he'll do a lot of traveling anymore. Jack doesn't mind, he doesn't particularly want to go off-world anymore.
---
Jack wakes up early, much earlier than he needs to. He hasn't had much sleep, but he doesn't think he could sleep anymore. He rolls out of bed, wincing as his bad knee sends tongues of pain licking up his leg, and dresses slowly, trying not to antagonize the pain.
The halls of the SGC are deceptively calm and quiet – Jack knows in a few hours time this place will see more activity than it's ever seen before. He walks along the halls aimlessly; the SF's on watch nod as he passes, but other than the sound of his boots on the concrete it's quiet.
He finds himself outside Carter's lab by accident. He hovers at her door indecisively for several seconds, rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet, before he jams his hands into his pockets and turns away. He almost starts walking away before he realizes there's a thin crack of light beneath the door.
His palms feel sweaty and his heart thumps uncomfortably in his chest for several long seconds before he comes to his senses. Carter's been dead for almost a year. This isn't Carter's lab anymore, and she isn't in there working on some piece of technology when she should be sleeping.
Jack's fists clench in his pockets, and he turns away abruptly, marching for the elevators. Outside the air is frigid, but the sky is clear and he can see the stars mapped on his star chart. He walks through the car park and onto a snow-covered track leading to a look out offering a view of the valley. He's not interested in the valley though; he wants to see the stars tonight.
And apparently, he realizes as the look-out appears in sight, he's not the only one with that desire. Long blond hair is pulled back into a messy knot at the base of her skull, and she looks a lot smaller and frailer than he'd thought possible. Jack's almost tempted to turn around and leave – he doesn't particularly want to deal with a fake Carter under starlight.
"It's very clear out here tonight," she says, and he knows he's been discovered.
"Roads will be icy tomorrow," he says, hesitating on the track.
"Do you regret anything?" she asks him.
"What do you mean?"
"She died. I died. Are there things you regret?"
Yes, he thinks, trying to ignore the fist of pain ramming him in his gut. Yes, there are lots of things he regrets. He regrets leaving things unsaid in a room. He regrets letting her die. He regrets not telling her about the time he kissed her. Most of all, he regrets never really knowing Sam the woman. He wonders what she would have been like without the military and ranks and rules between them.
"I regret this," she says quietly. She still hasn't looked at him, or pulled her gaze from the sky.
"What?"
"Allowing myself to be cloned. Convincing Hammond, against his better judgment, that cloning us was a good idea."
"Why did you do it?" he asks.
She laughs, the sound like broken glass between them. "I'm egocentric like that," she says quietly. "And I thought maybe you would be happy."
"Am I?"
"No."
Jack watches her as she pulls her arms tighter around her waist. "I never was very smart, Carter," he says quietly.
"Apparently, neither was I."
"He's lucky," Jack whispers, fighting the sudden burning in his eyes.
"How can you say that?" she demands. "How can you say being a clone is lucky?"
"Because he still has you. All of you."
Finally she turns to face him; he's amazed to see her cheeks are as wet as his own. "Did she ever tell you?" she asks hoarsely, her voice too old to be hers.
Jack doesn't pretend ignorance; now is not the time. "No."
"She should have. I regret that."
"How did she feel?" he whispers, his voice carrying over the crystal stillness of the night air.
"She loved you. She loved you enough to give everything up for you."
Jack didn't think it was possible to hurt anymore, or to feel anymore broken inside, but he was wrong. Her words stab him with a hundred thousand more regrets, and he shuts his eyes to try and hide from her.
"I still love you," she whispers, suddenly in front of him and close to him. "I think I always will, even when I try to pretend I don't."
She's so much smaller than he remembers, when he takes her into his arms, but she still smells the same. He buries his nose in her hair and breathes her in like perfume, closing his eyes until he's surrounded by her scent and the warmth of her body in his arms. "You should tell him that some time," Jack tells her, tangling his fingers in her hair. "He doesn't really believe it."
"I'm sorry." She's crying against him, her tears hot against his neck. "I'm so sorry, Jack. I'm sorry.'
"Me too," he murmurs, rocking her.
He's holding the woman he loves in his arms but she's not his anymore. He missed his chance, but maybe in another lifetime in another galaxy he'll get another shot at it. He presses his lips against hers, once, and tastes the saltiness of her tears and the bitterness of her regret. She rests small fingers against his rough cheeks, her forehead presses tightly against his. Her breath is sweet and minty, and Jack wishes that this was real.
"Tell him," he says. "Don't regret it a second time."
She kisses his cheek gently, and wipes a tear from his cheek with her thumb. "You take care of yourself," she tells him. "I'm not here to look after you now."
"I will," he promises.
"And take care of my Dad too," she whispers.
"You take care of me," he says, smiling. "And don't let me walk all over you."
She smiles, smug, despite her tears. "I never did, sir, I never did."
He watches her walk back to the SGC, blond hair glinting silver in the moonlight like a ghost, and things maybe he doesn't regret quite as much as he did before.