5 Her Story
C. S.-L. (Lex flipped to another entry…)
November 28
Lex tinted the windows to one of his cars today. He wants to drive me to school – though I told him it was too much of a hassle for him – when I have class. He, being brought up like a Luthor, had insisted (and didn't stop insisting) on bringing me and just so that we wouldn't be under the close eye of the press, he brought up the option of adding tint to the windows… That's what I lo like about him; even though he's so damn stubborn, he finds a way to make both parties win.
Remy has asked if he, too, could come and drop me off, so on certain days, when Lex has time and it's not too early for Remy, we will all drive together to Met University and I'll get dropped off by my boys… hmm… what good did I do in my past to deserve such wonderful people?
I think I'll go check on Remy… and then on Lex… my boys… :)
December 16
It is nine days until Christmas. Lex has been gone on a business-trip in Paris for the past week. Remy is anxious for him to come back and makes it a point to voice his sentiments when his father calls… which is basically every morning and evening. I never say anything, but I know my voice carries the same wishes as the young boy… Lex promises that he'll be back in time for Christmas Eve. He never said when and I don't bother asking as his tired voice prevents me from doing so.
For the meantime, it is just Misao, Remy and I along with the wonderful Luthor staff that I have befriended. We're a merry bunch, making it a habit to play random games – sometimes with the cards, or Twister… hah; it was fun to have everyone joining in the fun. I wonder what Lex's mother would think if they saw them goofing off like this…
Daddy would be rather amused by the situation… I'm sure he is laughing somewhere…
Edited to add:
Lex came back tonight. I was just sitting in the study listening to a George Gershwin CD, attempting to read "Obras Completas" by Gustavo Becquer when the track changed and "Home Blues" began to play. Again, words seem lacking in describing the joy and relief I felt when I heard Lex speak and I saw him there at the doorway holding the remote. Who cares if he looked haggard? He was home and he was damn happy about it… or at least I made sure of it… oh yeah… Right now he's checking up on Remy and by the way that things are taking a while, the child's probably wide awake now and glad that his daddy's home.
The whole family is home for Christmas… and Lex told me that this would actually be the first holiday that he was sure he would enjoy…
But I can't help but see a slightly hidden strain in his expression when he says it… as if he's almost sure something would come along and ruin it. But I know that nothing will… That moment of pain… it isn't on a holiday…
I know it is coming. I hear it in whispers as I dream of the field of sunflowers and the dark corridors; of the raining blood and mountain of corpses… I haven't told Lex that I have been having that dream over and over again. Where I used to wake up fearful and cold, I only wake up with a deep feeling of sadness.
Ugh! Change of subject! No more tears or dark thoughts today. Lex is back and he'll be here for Christmas and I'm making sure that he'll also be here for New Year's… though that may be asking for much from a businessman… we'll see…
Lex is back and Remy's with him… holding – ooh, my saviours; they brought a lovely cup of coffee and one mug of chocolate milk for Remy! (No height-stunting drinks for my little boy!) Long night ahead of us, I guess! Not a problem for me… not at all…
(Kal-El)
"I considered Chloe a good friend of mine – a best friend… but apparently my idea of a best friend was different than hers… and I have to admit that my version was way more warped than hers. I now regret the way I treated her – hell, most people would feel that way when they lose that particular thing that they've been mistreating… only now… I owe her a lot – for her loyalty, her strength of character and the belief that I was capable of being a good friend in return… I think she saw more than I was capable of at the time… I have many regrets when it comes to the relationship I had with Chloe… but let's not go into that.
"The thing is that Chloe found out I was confiding mostly in Pete and – Lana – at the time and only went to her when I needed help getting information on whatever it was that was occupying me at the time. That was, in effect, the last straw. After all, I trusted people who weren't even present in Smallville with my dilemmas – Pete was in Wichita with his mother because his parents were – well, having trouble in their marriage and… Lana… was in Paris – and she was always there, sticking up for me, seeing the good person I really wasn't at the time. When we graduated, she stopped talking to me in total – didn't even look at me when the graduation ceremony was over – or even when she was leaving for Metropolis.
"I knew that when she cut someone off like that, it was basically final, but I denied it for a long time, believing that I was still somehow on her good side and a friend of hers. But when I tried to speak to her or see her, I'd always miss her – in short, she was avoiding me. Being the dense idiot I was, I thought perhaps luck wasn't on our side. So I left it to chance that we would meet.
"Two years – that's how long it took before chance finally considered our situation. I was just supposed to help Lex with a problem – a particularly big problem that involved a gang that was out to kill him and those related to him. I went to his mansion, expecting to see a cold Luthor, but instead I come face to face with an angry Sullivan and a cold Luthor… double-edged knife really.
"There were two things that I found out that day – one was that I didn't have a friend in Lex or Chloe anymore and another was that they had gotten into a relationship with one another. At first I was shocked. Then they kissed in front off me and I was basically furious… I felt as if they betrayed me… but I know now that was such selfish things to think… You don't have to tell me that, Lois… I left the mansion that day with that mindset, though. I never really wanted to see them again… maybe if I was really drunk and not myself at all I'd be willing to see them, but in that mindset that I was in, I didn't want to.
"As it turned out I ended up seeing her – a few months later and clear-headed. I was just visiting Pete – he was still fine with me and transferred back to Metropolis for university… I – I didn't know what happened to Lana after the first year… she just suddenly stopped communicating altogether… Anyway, I was there at his apartment, just talking to him about a few things when someone knocked on his door. Pete answered and it was Chloe… or Chloe, a little boy and another woman. I later found out that the boy was Lex's son, Chloe's adoptive brother and the nephew to the woman that accompanied the two.
"When I saw Chloe that time, there was something different about her already – she still had her usual zest for life and was still rather snarky about everything, but she was a lot more forgiving… it was a wonder, but she actually started talking to me as if I – as if nothing bad had happened between us. She surprised me further when she gave me a hug and a smile before she left.
"I can't say that the other two – Remy (that's Lex's son by the way) and Misao (the boy's aunt) – showed the same sentiments. They were actually very wary of me…" I shake my head and take a sip at my now cold drink. "I don't blame them though. I did a few things that are worth… Sorry, going off course again.
"Well, that was the day that Chloe and I reconciled… sort of… it was the second week of December and Lex was in Paris dealing with business. After that, I didn't see her until… until I found out that she was kidnapped over four months later by the people that I tried to warn them about… and at that time, they were just newlyweds and fresh from their honeymoon…"
He proposed in January – the twenty-first to be exact – when the rain fell quietly in the awakening day. Remy was wedged between them, deep in slumber and with a light smile upon his little face. Chloe, too, had been sleeping, but Lex's light but insistent shake had woken her up. It was there, with the rain pattering lightly against the window and the family that mattered in his arms that he proposed to Chloe… In a state of shock, the blonde was presented with a beautiful but not too gaudy white gold and diamond ring and his very first 'I love you'. Remy didn't miss any of the action as he was jarred awake by Chloe's sobs and the unaccustomed sound of his father's close to hysterical laughter.
Remy pulled back from the hugs and cheer to see the two adults give a heartfelt kiss upon each other's lips. The young child had grown used to the emotions that hadn't been familiar to him before – this kind of love that was just as intense but different from that he shared with Lexie and Chloe. He had no reason to feel left out for he knew that he fit in the picture, too… after all, where would they be without him?
(Separate but happy and alive. Chloe would have become the person she wanted to be and Gabe would be alive and Lex would be safe from Shishio and monsters that were never satisfied until their target was absolutely ripped into small pieces. They would be separate, but happy and alive. Mommy would be alive and the family wouldn't have fallen apart. Kaoru-san would have been here with Aoshi-san and Yahiko-san… Without you, that's how they would have been.)
Remy's blue eyes snapped open and he screamed and screamed – the sound ripping through the silent night like the katana that was driven into an innocent. "Iie!" A high-pitched, piercing cry filled with so much denial. "Iie!" He scrambled on all fours to the window and searched the cherry tree's appearance desperately… panting he saw accusing limbs pointing menacingly at him but when he blinked, it was gone… all that was left was the slumped arms of defeat and that same deep-seated sadness he had seen since he began watching it.
When Misao came in frantic fear for her nephew, she held him close to her body and felt the boy's tears stain her silk robe… little tributes to his Loss… as well as Lexie's. The woman held the boy; rocking them back and forth while the hollow bamboo hit the rock in a slow sad rhythm, releasing streams of blue liquid at each beat.
C. S.-L. (Last entry)
May 6
Beirut is beautiful – this place reconstructed from ruin; the architecture a reminder of what had been destroyed, but with new life generating through its buildings and streets. The crowds come out mostly at night and the lights and life never go out until the dawning sun comes up… the people are reluctant to leave, too consumed in the joy of being in the moment – being around so many exuberant faces; faces of old couples seated in the street cafes lining both sides of the stone-paved streets; faces of the young children on skates or on bicycles going round and round the clock at the centre of the city square.
How ironic that it would stand amongst all this life – this place which seems to float above all the harsh reality that hides within the reconstructed pillars. The timepiece – positioned where life in this city converges – seems to hold it all down and ground it; a constant reminder that they must go back to ploughing the fields, the business deals, the harsh realities of battling nations and the struggle to live. I wonder at times how they can keep going like this… and yet the manner in which they live seems balanced in some strange way.
It makes me wonder… and then understand… I share this kind of lifestyle they have; no matter what is ahead of me, I know that there has been a balance between harsh reality and blissful fantasy. This is my field of sunflowers and Lex is the man in white who saves me from the Voice…
God, I'm afraid for Lex… it is probably wrong, given that this is our honeymoon, but… I walked through the square with the joyous and loud crowd and that image of that clock haunts me still… how it reminds me of how limited of a time we have… and it reminds me of the rain of blood… rain of blood – rain – reign – reign of blood and death.
But I don't want him to succumb to this… he must be like the ones who come here every night with the intention of enjoying whatever time they have, no matter what is to come in the light of morning… for they always have another chance for happiness and joy… but will he see that? Can he see that? The end is coming, but shall he see beyond this landmark and find the life in this devastation? Only time will tell… and I hope – God, I hope so much that he will…
But he didn't; hasn't. Six months since his Loss, he was still trapped in the harshness of life – night and day – trapped in the nightmare of the mountain of corpses and the
(reign)
rain of blood that marred his purity…
For a moment he blamed the boy that brought them together… but then again, Lex had started this cycle – of life… death… and life after this death… Only now he was stuck – stuck between death and the life after this death… he had only himself to blame – this man that destroyed everything; everything that destroyed this man. Back and forth it goes, in a small circle in the bigger cycle. Slipping under the black covers and closing the lamps – the clicks definitive – Lex gave up consciousness and finally slept with tear stains on his cheeks and eyes rimmed red.
(to be continued...)