Chapter 2
Author's Note: I definitely do NOT own Harry Potter the marvellous J.K Rowling does. No offence to whoever owns the trademark "bunnykins" you also rock. (Note this was written way before book 5 was published.)
"As you know the order…." Dumbledore would begin. Of course we all know that this stands for the "Order of the Phoenix". Some authors even try to write the entire fifth book unfortunately it normally turns into a steamy Lavender/Ron romance, with the order mentioned on page 5 along with a description of Harry's charms homework.
"Yes?" Snape asks keen to learn extra information. This comment was merely added so people wouldn't forget Snape was there and to drag the conversation out for longer.
"Well. Arabella Figg has been kidnapped by Voldemort." Oh God No, not Arabella Fig, the poor reader is meant to cry. However as she is not even remotely important they are more likely to press the "Back" button and read a Lupin/Sirius slash fic.
"I know. Voldemort has tortured her she is worse than dead." Said Snape in a caring voice no one knew he had. Hermione suddenly realises he is Dumbledore's spy. Which was of course visible to the reader since chapter 1. Then because the author was worried that the reader was loosing interest and playing minesweeper instead they let out plot device 2.
Suddenly Hermione sneezed. Ever noticed no one in fanfic ever has a cold but they always sneeze at the most plot convenient intervals?
"Who's there?" Calls Snape, and blushing furiously Hermione steps out of the invisibility section Before Dumbledore speaks again, Snape has time to notice how nice Hermione looks in her bunnykins PJs much to the poor readers terror.
"Never mind miss Granger I will let you off this time, but don't let me catch you wandering the Hogwarts Halls at night again." Says Dumbledore using a speech cut and pasted from a previous fanfic. Totally ignoring the fact that she was roaming the library not the corridors.
"Please escort her back to Gryffindaw tower Severus." Says Dumbledore; despite the fact Hermione is completely capable of finding her own dormitory, without the aid of a sarcastic potions teacher.
So they set off deep in conversation about Voldemort. Ever noticed that these conversations are never described? Lazy authors. And sometimes sentences just trail…..
Suddenly for a deep and meaningful reason they kissed passionately in the middle of the deserted charms corridor. Before Snape grimaced and turned and ran back to his office. Leaving the author with a useful if completely boring cliffhanger.