Hermione Granger and Severus Snape
Chapter 5
The next morning Hermione left Snape's room before he woke up. Probably because the author couldn't be bothered writing a conversation between them. She had made a stupid mistake. The author either is about to quote a pop song, or this fic is finally about to make sense.
She decided to run away and leave Hogwarts forever. Oh no, why do I sense nine-zillion chapters of overly dramatic angst, heading this way quicker than a speeding bullet?
Meanwhile, lets find out what happened to Ron. That sounds like a good idea, at least he isn't sleeping with Severus Snape.
Ron rubbed his newly dyed blonde hair, his redhead days were gone. But that means he's lost the pink-eared, redhead weasley award! It was time he found himself a girlfriend. I think that's probably good news. And some new friends. Not such a good idea Ron. And a new name he quite liked "Renaldo, Ingram, Repartee, Philippe, Edward Resputin." Or "Ripper" for short. Good grief, how can any good cynic begin to criticise that name, its made up of randomly selected historical characters and malicious intent to make Ron "trendy" for Heaven's sake.
But Ron's big change was just around the corner…Tell me it doesn't involve pixies; tell me it doesn't involve pixies.
Ron Weasley and Harry Potter were sat together in charms the following day. Harry was doing his freaky "Voldemort want to kill me, so I will stare into space continuously" routine. He even failed to notice Ron's newly dyed blond hair, and the fact that Hermione had run away "never" to come back.
The rest of the class however were not quite so unobservant, and had spent the morning making witty comments that the imaginary author could not be bothered writing. We pick up now, (unfortunately) with the main fic. I know, its worse that the Star Wars holiday special isn't it?
Ron looked cool! Only in his mind. Loads of girls had been checking him out. That's not fair, perhaps they just couldn't believe the ugliness of his new image. He barely even noticed that Hermione was missing. Oh that's normal! His best friend is freakin missing and he hasn't even noticed? He spent the entire lesson making sexy eye gestures at Lavender Brown…. Who promptly vomited all over her charms homework.
Meanwhile Severus Snape had fallen into manic depression. He saw the final Matrix film. He could not live without Hermione, Why? Does she have control over his vital internal organs? His heart was breaking. Suddenly I'm strangely reminded of Jane Eyre. It was time for him to die, this does not sound good.