13 Shifted Winds

Would the mere slide of fingertips upon her skin change her mind? Would his mere touch bring the memories back to the surface? And just as he touched her hand with his own, he imagined that it could – could bring his Chloe – their Chloe back to them. He could almost see her shudder and a strange light dawn her eyes as she looked at him; a reawakening that occurs in a thousandth of a second. Then tears would slide freely down her cheeks – beautiful crystalline droplets that would cleanse his soul as it fell.

But the vision was merely such… and as their hands bobbed in a unison greeting, her eyes stayed rather vacant and confused. It took all his willpower to keep him from falling apart; keep that smile upon his lips. He looked down at where their bodies were joined; thought how cold it looked – this distant handshake.

A plastic smile was still upon his lips as he looked back up at her. Know me; say something, the words sat in the back of his mouth, eager to leave his mouth, but what good would they do? She would not understand; she would not remember. Instead, she gave a nervous smile and stuttered, "It's, erm, nice to meet you… and you can just – ah – call me Cari."

Once again there was that urge to just go down on his knees – beg before her to remember him, her love; her husband. But what good would such an act do? Perhaps it would only scare her away – leave him and his son empty-handed once again.

Just smile for her – smile as if you haven't a care in the world. Later when she remembers… that will be the time for desperate holds and free tears.

And so he waited. And just smiled.

o0o

It's been weeks since her new landlord had come… and every single night as she lies in her bed alone – it feels like agony. Her eyes close and a chaotic bombardment of images flit through her mind – every single one with him in it… or the little boy named Takeshi.

Why – why, why? She doesn't understand why she is thrilled when she sees them and feels empty at the same time. She doesn't understand why she expects more – a kiss, a hug, maybe… she searches her memories constantly for answers – and all she finds is physical pain and nothing. She is sure there is something there… but doesn't know what it can be.

As she sits at the dinner table with both of them close-by, she takes the time to watch them eat and interact with one another. She knows they're aware of her eyes upon the both of their forms, but they don't seem bothered with it whatsoever. So she keeps looking… looking at Alex's hands as they grip the fork and knife and cut every piece of food upon his son's plate into a smaller size.

"Would you like me to do the same to your food?" the older man asks suddenly, snapping her from her trance-like state.

She jumps and a blush forms upon her cheeks. "No, it's okay, Lex. I'm –" then she stops.

The other two freeze as well and stare at her – are their eyes shining hope? The room is spinning around her and she can't understand and yet she understands perfectly. Lex – Lex Lex Lex Lex

The name keeps turning and turning and repeating in her head just as the room seems strange now. She stands up, gripping the edge of the table, eyes wide and focused on – Lex – and then on – Remy.

And she does the only thing she can think of doing.

She runs.

o0o

Carina Sheldon-Lewis

The moon – one half clear and bright in the night sky while the other has been plunged into the sea of darkness surrounding it. A faint outline of it can be seen by a scrutinizing eye, though… No matter how much you try to hide what is there, its existence shall always be present – no matter how hard one tries to ignore it…

I feel somewhat similar to it at this moment – I know I am alive – I know I have a present and a future – but my past is oddly absent. With Kaoru and the others, I never felt the need to think of what has past. Everyone had preoccupied me with so many different things – and all the sights seemed new and exciting. Each discovery I made on the island – small things like a shell with lovely purple interior or trying to learn the Japanese spoken amongst my housemates – seemed far more significant and important.

Now, though… now, everything seems plain in comparison to the entire truth of my existence. I am doubtful nowadays… doubtful that the truths I was fed – this name I have, the reasons of my living in Fiji is all a fallacy – something fabricated to assure me and not have me ask questions. My blurting out something that I am sure is a pet name of theirs is evidence of this fabricated life of mine.

God, but the harder I try to remember, the hazier everything gets. I feel the tears stinging my eyelids; the world suddenly blurs and the warmth of fresh tears upon my cheeks has me groaning and tilting my head back. I am sick of crying – ever since I had met the man that is all I feel like doing. Either that or lean into him so that our lips just barely touched – a feather-light kiss…

I heave a sigh and shake my head in frustration. These feelings – it is both unfamiliar and so welcoming; as if I was meant to feel that way, but –

"Ano…" a little voice said meekly by me.

My heart jumps in both surprise and something a little – deeper than I can fathom. I turn my head to the child of an intruder. Upon his lips is a sheepish smile, but his eyes are deep oceans – secrets are buried there – secrets that he seems to want to reveal but is hesitant about doing.

"Hey, sweetie," I greet him in a whisper.

His pupils dilate slightly in reaction to my endearment, but it is quickly squelched by a front and his chest puffs up as if he's trying to look strong. Putting on what I assume is his most serious face, he marches down the steps towards the sandy expanse of the beach to where I am seated. He doesn't say anything for a while – just stares out into the crashing waves and then up at the sky. I watch him quietly – marvelling his strange grown-up air to him – much like Le – Alex…

I look away from him in consternation – these names; their names had been conjured up in thin air – as if they had been imprinted somewhere in my head a long time ago… I close my eyes and breath in and out slowly, hoping it would calm my palpitating heart – fool it to think that everything's okay. But it is rebellious and beats quickly, causing me to breath heavier and faster.

"Daijoubu desuka – Cari-san?" Takeshi's voice is halting and unsure, but worried nonetheless. The name he utters sounds almost foreign to my ears – as if he wasn't supposed to say that, but something else, something that sounded --

I try to smile casually to the boy – a feat that I could not do successfully. "Sort of," I answer in a half-lie, unsure whether to say anything further… after all, he is still a child.

"Neesan," he says in a low voice. Sister. It tears into my heart and embeds itself there. "You can tell me, neesan."

And that breaks me apart. I haul him close to me – feel the strange familiarity of the action – and a release the true torrents that have been hiding there all along… torrents that I still don't comprehend, but it feels good to at least have someone there to hug me back.