to Kitala: glad you like it! Sirius is just something that popped into my
head. I might have heard it somewhere. I never did read much of Harry
Potter actually, so I don't know who Sirius is in that.
Man, with all this talking I'm doing, I'm really gonna turn into a main character. Oh well.
!!Chapter Five: More Stuff Happens Involving Neil M. Belmont!! mais en ce moment il y a des hommes de fleuve!!! zut alors!! allons-y! why is this in French?!!
Neil sighed, sitting down and wiping his brow. It was a hot day, and he was tired. Fortunately, the sun was nearing the end of its travels, and a cool evening breeze was starting to blow.
"You know what else blows?" Neil said. "This half-assed imagery. Bust out the big guns, auth, or else just shut up and get along with it." Neil suddenly felt a terrible, searing pain in his stomach and fell to the ground in agony.
"I'm sorry!! I'm sorry!! Talk about the pretty flowers or whatever, I don't care! Just stop the whole deus ex stomach-ache thing!!"
Neil suddenly got up and felt better. He looked around, indulging the scenery deeply. He was stepping out of a forest, and now before him stood a river he would have to cross. Fortunately, there were platforms he could jump onto. They looked like old Roman pillars and various mysteriously floating white platforms.
"Not even gonna ask how this works," he commented, hopping onto the first platform. To his dismay it began to rumble and collapse under him.
"Eep!" he squealed and jumped onto the next platform. This one wasn't giving way, which made NO sense, but was a relief.
SPLOOSH!! Out from the water jumped a merman. It spiraled through the air and landed on the platform with Neil.
Neil's jaw dropped. "Hey, idiot! Don't jump on these things, they'll fall!"
It gradually dawned on Neil that this wouldn't concern a fish-man. He drew his Excalipur and struck the merman valiantly. Unharmed, the merman spat a fireball at him. Neil barely managed to jump out of the way. As he landed, he put away his worthless sword and drew the dreaded French bread. "Eat this!" he exclaimed, swinging the bread. The merman jumped back into the water just in time.
"What, you gonna fight or not?!" Neil shouted. He was tempted to dive in, but he knew that all Belmonts were completely incapable of swimming, or even splashing desperately and washing up on the surface. They just... DIED. He sighed and carefully kept jumping from platform to platform.
Out of nowhere, another merman hopped up, and the two almost collided midair. "WhoawhoaWHOA WATCH IT, IDIOT!" he screamed, shoving the merman away. "You got a death wish? Why can't you just watch where you're going?"
"You forget that enemies hurt you upon contact," a voice said. "Yet you have to strike them for the same effect."
"Yeah, great," Neil answered. "It's a million to one and I'M the one with the disadvantage in each individual fight. Real fair."
"Don't blame me," said the voice. "It's not my fault."
"Who are you anyway?" Neil asked, still staring down a merman.
"It's me, Sirius. I'm talking to you... through... TELEPATHY!!!!"
"WHOA."
...
"Yeah, that's what I'm doing."
"THAT'S COOL."
Neil just stood there, wide-eyed.
"...Neil? What is wrong with you? Get back to your fight!"
"...Who's talking to me?"
"We just went over this, Neil. It's Sirius."
"But you're not here."
"It's Telepathy."
"OH... MY.... GOD!!! You have TELEPATHY?!! That is so awesome!"
"...You are an IDIOT, Neil! Kill the merman!!"
"Who are you talking to?" the merman suddenly asked.
"Oh, it's my friend Sirius."
The merman looked back and forth curiously. "Is that... telepathy?"
Neil nodded proudly. "Yep."
"Holy crap, man! That's awesome!! Hold on, I'll be right back. I want to tell my buddies about this!" His eyes bulged with a sudden emphasis of urgency. "Don't go away!!"
He hopped into the water. Neil stood around for about a minute.
"Neil? You just gonna stand there and wait?"
"Yeah, I think so."
"Why? You've got a quest."
"Yeah? Well YOU've got telepathy."
"......Your point?"
"Look, just hold on a minute, he said he'd be back. Just chill out. Geez."
"...Okay."
Out of the river water hopped several mermen.
"Hey man! It's me!" the leading merman greeted.
"Sup," said another merman gruffly.
"Yo," Neil said waving.
"Is he cool?" asked a merman.
"Yeah, yeah, he's down," the lead merman said. "I'm MerMike, sorry for not introducing myself earlier. You're Neil, right?"
"Yeah, I'm Neil."
"Ok, so check this out. This is MerMelvin, and that's MerMatt. MerMark and MerMelinda said they were gonna come up soon too."
"Cool man, cool."
"So what's up with this telepathy shiz?" asked MerMatt.
MerMike turned to MerMatt excitedly. "It's dope, man! You gotta see this."
MerMelvin spoke up as well. "Show us!!"
"Okay, check this out," Neil said. "Sirius? You there man?"
"*Sigh* Yes, I'm here, Neil."
"Woaaah..." all the mermen said in unison.
"That's sick man," MerMelvin said.
"True," Neil agreed.
"Do more!" MerMike requested.
"Yo my man Sirius, what else you got!" Neil asked.
"This isn't a show," Sirius groaned.
"This is whack," MerMelvin said bluntly. "You get any other stations man?"
"Yeah, hold up." Neil adjusted an imaginary dial. "Kay, let's get some rap goin!"
"Rap?!" Sirius replied. "Ignoring the logical discrepancy of me even understanding what rap IS, I sure as hell am not cultured or versed enough to produce sufficient verses for-"
"MAN this is whack," MerMelvin groaned, hopping back into the water.
Neil slapped his forehead. "Good job you ass! You chased MerMelvin outta this hizzy! He was gonna score me up some chicks tonight!!"
"Why are you doing this to me?" Sirius sighed.
Neil looked to the other two mermen. He still had their attention. Another merman came climbing out of the river.
"Sup MerMindy!!!" MerMatt said in a deep voice.
"Sup," MerMindy said in a cool, laid-back tone. Neil winked at her. She looked away.
"Damn she be fine," Neil said.
"My GOD you're pathetic," Sirius muttered.
Neil growled. "Hey, shut up! You're gonna do some rap and you're gonna do it now!!"
"Yea, yea, let's hear somma that," MerMike insisted.
"Aight, hold up, give a brotha a second to get ready," Neil said, staring off into space impatiently, waiting for Sirius to start, but keeping his cool; always keeping cool.
"Ok check this," Sirius said in a totally uncharacteristic tone. MerMatt started tapping his webbed, moist foot.
"My name is Sirius, that is no lie
I like to tell fortunes and philosophize
Yeah, uh-huh,
I am a wand'ring messenger
I travel all the time
But jus' cuz that's my job don't mean
that I can't keep a rhyme.
I like to read poetry, and literature and books
I... er... ...what rhymes with books... HOOKS!
when I'm holding something down I usually use hooks!"
MerMindy stared disappointedly at MerMike, who shrugged. Neil frowned at this sight.
"Sirius!!" he whispered. "You're DYIN' all up in here!"
"No kidding," Sirius glumly answered. "I told you I'm not a rapper."
"Well do SOMETHIN' good, my posse's gonna ditch me 'cause you're so square!!"
Sirius cleared his throat. "Okay, can you say Hey?"
"Hey."
"Say Ho!"
"Ho...."
"Hey?"
"...He..."
"..Ho?!"
"...."
"Okay check it. Y'all keep it real, I'm out!!" Sirius said, panicking but trying to sound cool.
"WOOOOOOO!!!" Neil cheered, clapping. "Let's hear it for See-Ree-Usss!! Make some noise!!"
The mermen all stared at Neil in shock.
"You are a JOKE," MerMindy said, getting all up in his face, "and I do NOT appreciate you getting me to come here and waste my time! Do you understand me?!"
"Um, yeah, I guess."
She hopped into the water.
"I'm gone," MerMatt said, quickly hopping in the big drink as well.
"Sorry man," MerMike said.
"Naw it's cool, it's cool," Neil assured him. "So you wanna hang out sometime? Like--"
"No. Sorry, I uh, I'm busy. Bye..."
Splash. MerMike was gone too.
"NOOO!!!" Neil screamed. "Fuggin' NOOOOOOOO!!!!" He fell to his knees and sobbed against the cold marble platform. "I was on top of it all... king of the world... I was a playa, a homie and a representer. And now it's all taken from me! I just can't believe this.... SIRIUS!!! This is your fault!! Why didn't you tell me... why didn't you... tell me you... were so... whack..."
"I... I'm sorry, Neil. I never was 'down' with the G's, if you dig me."
"No. I was wrong," Neil said, starting to rise again. "I was overly presumptious. I just assumed I could build this empire of coolness based on YOUR powers. I didn't even stop to think about how I was USING you. I'm sorry, Sirius. I only hope you can forgive me."
"Neil... I'm sorry your dreams have been shattered. I just want you to know that... that I was like you once. Young and hopeful, wanting to be praised and accepted by all the popular cats. I did some things I regretted. You just gotta get up and move on, and know that somewhere, someone will respect you for who you really are."
Neil sniffed. "Sirius...?"
"Yes Neil?"
"I... respect you for who you are, Sirius..."
"Thanks, Neil. I respect you too."
Neil gasped. "R-really?"
"No, I'm lying. I forgot to say, people lie a lot. That's something else you should always remember."
"Okay. I'll remember that. Thank you, Sirius."
"You're welcome, Neil."
It was at that time, sitting on that marble platform strangely floating above the monster-infested river, that Neil cried, not the tears of a boy, or an adolescent, but those of a man; a stupid, pathetic sort of a man.
Neil started to stand. He took a deep breath and felt strong, renewed. Life would go on. Everything would be okay. It was funny, how fast dreams could be made. How fast dreams could be broken.
Broken......
Crack. Crack-crack.
"Could that be the... platform I'm standing on?!!"
*SPLOOSH*
"AAAAUUUUUHHHH!!!"
Did Neil DIE? Naw. I think he's okay. Let's just say at this rate it'll take him awhile to cross the river. A LOOONG while.
Man, with all this talking I'm doing, I'm really gonna turn into a main character. Oh well.
!!Chapter Five: More Stuff Happens Involving Neil M. Belmont!! mais en ce moment il y a des hommes de fleuve!!! zut alors!! allons-y! why is this in French?!!
Neil sighed, sitting down and wiping his brow. It was a hot day, and he was tired. Fortunately, the sun was nearing the end of its travels, and a cool evening breeze was starting to blow.
"You know what else blows?" Neil said. "This half-assed imagery. Bust out the big guns, auth, or else just shut up and get along with it." Neil suddenly felt a terrible, searing pain in his stomach and fell to the ground in agony.
"I'm sorry!! I'm sorry!! Talk about the pretty flowers or whatever, I don't care! Just stop the whole deus ex stomach-ache thing!!"
Neil suddenly got up and felt better. He looked around, indulging the scenery deeply. He was stepping out of a forest, and now before him stood a river he would have to cross. Fortunately, there were platforms he could jump onto. They looked like old Roman pillars and various mysteriously floating white platforms.
"Not even gonna ask how this works," he commented, hopping onto the first platform. To his dismay it began to rumble and collapse under him.
"Eep!" he squealed and jumped onto the next platform. This one wasn't giving way, which made NO sense, but was a relief.
SPLOOSH!! Out from the water jumped a merman. It spiraled through the air and landed on the platform with Neil.
Neil's jaw dropped. "Hey, idiot! Don't jump on these things, they'll fall!"
It gradually dawned on Neil that this wouldn't concern a fish-man. He drew his Excalipur and struck the merman valiantly. Unharmed, the merman spat a fireball at him. Neil barely managed to jump out of the way. As he landed, he put away his worthless sword and drew the dreaded French bread. "Eat this!" he exclaimed, swinging the bread. The merman jumped back into the water just in time.
"What, you gonna fight or not?!" Neil shouted. He was tempted to dive in, but he knew that all Belmonts were completely incapable of swimming, or even splashing desperately and washing up on the surface. They just... DIED. He sighed and carefully kept jumping from platform to platform.
Out of nowhere, another merman hopped up, and the two almost collided midair. "WhoawhoaWHOA WATCH IT, IDIOT!" he screamed, shoving the merman away. "You got a death wish? Why can't you just watch where you're going?"
"You forget that enemies hurt you upon contact," a voice said. "Yet you have to strike them for the same effect."
"Yeah, great," Neil answered. "It's a million to one and I'M the one with the disadvantage in each individual fight. Real fair."
"Don't blame me," said the voice. "It's not my fault."
"Who are you anyway?" Neil asked, still staring down a merman.
"It's me, Sirius. I'm talking to you... through... TELEPATHY!!!!"
"WHOA."
...
"Yeah, that's what I'm doing."
"THAT'S COOL."
Neil just stood there, wide-eyed.
"...Neil? What is wrong with you? Get back to your fight!"
"...Who's talking to me?"
"We just went over this, Neil. It's Sirius."
"But you're not here."
"It's Telepathy."
"OH... MY.... GOD!!! You have TELEPATHY?!! That is so awesome!"
"...You are an IDIOT, Neil! Kill the merman!!"
"Who are you talking to?" the merman suddenly asked.
"Oh, it's my friend Sirius."
The merman looked back and forth curiously. "Is that... telepathy?"
Neil nodded proudly. "Yep."
"Holy crap, man! That's awesome!! Hold on, I'll be right back. I want to tell my buddies about this!" His eyes bulged with a sudden emphasis of urgency. "Don't go away!!"
He hopped into the water. Neil stood around for about a minute.
"Neil? You just gonna stand there and wait?"
"Yeah, I think so."
"Why? You've got a quest."
"Yeah? Well YOU've got telepathy."
"......Your point?"
"Look, just hold on a minute, he said he'd be back. Just chill out. Geez."
"...Okay."
Out of the river water hopped several mermen.
"Hey man! It's me!" the leading merman greeted.
"Sup," said another merman gruffly.
"Yo," Neil said waving.
"Is he cool?" asked a merman.
"Yeah, yeah, he's down," the lead merman said. "I'm MerMike, sorry for not introducing myself earlier. You're Neil, right?"
"Yeah, I'm Neil."
"Ok, so check this out. This is MerMelvin, and that's MerMatt. MerMark and MerMelinda said they were gonna come up soon too."
"Cool man, cool."
"So what's up with this telepathy shiz?" asked MerMatt.
MerMike turned to MerMatt excitedly. "It's dope, man! You gotta see this."
MerMelvin spoke up as well. "Show us!!"
"Okay, check this out," Neil said. "Sirius? You there man?"
"*Sigh* Yes, I'm here, Neil."
"Woaaah..." all the mermen said in unison.
"That's sick man," MerMelvin said.
"True," Neil agreed.
"Do more!" MerMike requested.
"Yo my man Sirius, what else you got!" Neil asked.
"This isn't a show," Sirius groaned.
"This is whack," MerMelvin said bluntly. "You get any other stations man?"
"Yeah, hold up." Neil adjusted an imaginary dial. "Kay, let's get some rap goin!"
"Rap?!" Sirius replied. "Ignoring the logical discrepancy of me even understanding what rap IS, I sure as hell am not cultured or versed enough to produce sufficient verses for-"
"MAN this is whack," MerMelvin groaned, hopping back into the water.
Neil slapped his forehead. "Good job you ass! You chased MerMelvin outta this hizzy! He was gonna score me up some chicks tonight!!"
"Why are you doing this to me?" Sirius sighed.
Neil looked to the other two mermen. He still had their attention. Another merman came climbing out of the river.
"Sup MerMindy!!!" MerMatt said in a deep voice.
"Sup," MerMindy said in a cool, laid-back tone. Neil winked at her. She looked away.
"Damn she be fine," Neil said.
"My GOD you're pathetic," Sirius muttered.
Neil growled. "Hey, shut up! You're gonna do some rap and you're gonna do it now!!"
"Yea, yea, let's hear somma that," MerMike insisted.
"Aight, hold up, give a brotha a second to get ready," Neil said, staring off into space impatiently, waiting for Sirius to start, but keeping his cool; always keeping cool.
"Ok check this," Sirius said in a totally uncharacteristic tone. MerMatt started tapping his webbed, moist foot.
"My name is Sirius, that is no lie
I like to tell fortunes and philosophize
Yeah, uh-huh,
I am a wand'ring messenger
I travel all the time
But jus' cuz that's my job don't mean
that I can't keep a rhyme.
I like to read poetry, and literature and books
I... er... ...what rhymes with books... HOOKS!
when I'm holding something down I usually use hooks!"
MerMindy stared disappointedly at MerMike, who shrugged. Neil frowned at this sight.
"Sirius!!" he whispered. "You're DYIN' all up in here!"
"No kidding," Sirius glumly answered. "I told you I'm not a rapper."
"Well do SOMETHIN' good, my posse's gonna ditch me 'cause you're so square!!"
Sirius cleared his throat. "Okay, can you say Hey?"
"Hey."
"Say Ho!"
"Ho...."
"Hey?"
"...He..."
"..Ho?!"
"...."
"Okay check it. Y'all keep it real, I'm out!!" Sirius said, panicking but trying to sound cool.
"WOOOOOOO!!!" Neil cheered, clapping. "Let's hear it for See-Ree-Usss!! Make some noise!!"
The mermen all stared at Neil in shock.
"You are a JOKE," MerMindy said, getting all up in his face, "and I do NOT appreciate you getting me to come here and waste my time! Do you understand me?!"
"Um, yeah, I guess."
She hopped into the water.
"I'm gone," MerMatt said, quickly hopping in the big drink as well.
"Sorry man," MerMike said.
"Naw it's cool, it's cool," Neil assured him. "So you wanna hang out sometime? Like--"
"No. Sorry, I uh, I'm busy. Bye..."
Splash. MerMike was gone too.
"NOOO!!!" Neil screamed. "Fuggin' NOOOOOOOO!!!!" He fell to his knees and sobbed against the cold marble platform. "I was on top of it all... king of the world... I was a playa, a homie and a representer. And now it's all taken from me! I just can't believe this.... SIRIUS!!! This is your fault!! Why didn't you tell me... why didn't you... tell me you... were so... whack..."
"I... I'm sorry, Neil. I never was 'down' with the G's, if you dig me."
"No. I was wrong," Neil said, starting to rise again. "I was overly presumptious. I just assumed I could build this empire of coolness based on YOUR powers. I didn't even stop to think about how I was USING you. I'm sorry, Sirius. I only hope you can forgive me."
"Neil... I'm sorry your dreams have been shattered. I just want you to know that... that I was like you once. Young and hopeful, wanting to be praised and accepted by all the popular cats. I did some things I regretted. You just gotta get up and move on, and know that somewhere, someone will respect you for who you really are."
Neil sniffed. "Sirius...?"
"Yes Neil?"
"I... respect you for who you are, Sirius..."
"Thanks, Neil. I respect you too."
Neil gasped. "R-really?"
"No, I'm lying. I forgot to say, people lie a lot. That's something else you should always remember."
"Okay. I'll remember that. Thank you, Sirius."
"You're welcome, Neil."
It was at that time, sitting on that marble platform strangely floating above the monster-infested river, that Neil cried, not the tears of a boy, or an adolescent, but those of a man; a stupid, pathetic sort of a man.
Neil started to stand. He took a deep breath and felt strong, renewed. Life would go on. Everything would be okay. It was funny, how fast dreams could be made. How fast dreams could be broken.
Broken......
Crack. Crack-crack.
"Could that be the... platform I'm standing on?!!"
*SPLOOSH*
"AAAAUUUUUHHHH!!!"
Did Neil DIE? Naw. I think he's okay. Let's just say at this rate it'll take him awhile to cross the river. A LOOONG while.