After a hard day of working his way through a forest, Neil M. Belmont found
himself to be mighty tired. So mighty tired, he could go for an X-Treme
Sports Drink! Unfortunately those don't exist, and therefore he would have
to endure with a reduced electrolyte supply. Will he survive? Find out in
the epic, the incredible:
Chapter Six: Chapter Seven Part 1
A blue-furred werewolf marched towards Neil swiftly, but before it could reach him, it jumped into the air. Neil defended and prepared for the worst, but the wolf just landed again and kept walking back and forth.
"Uh... nice day for a jump, eh chester?"
"Don't talk to me. I'm jumping."
"Kay."
With the skill and precision of a true hero, Neil drew his stale piece of French bread and struck down the wolf in one move.
"That'll learn ya to jump."
Continuing onwards, he felled various other foes with little difficulty. "Gee, they should call this the Forest of Easy! But I guess that would mean YOUR MOM lived here!! Ha, insulted the reader."
But the daytime was quickly waning, and the sky was starting to shift between several darker colors of pink and purple. Then, about four seconds later, it was night.
"WHAT A TERRIBLE NIGHT FOR A CURSE."
Neil looked around, but couldn't see anyone. "Who said that??"
"DON'T ASK QUESTIONS."
"Crap."
In the haze of night, Neil wandered forward, only to be attacked by a werewolf.
"Another one? This will be easy."
The werewolf jumped at Neil, bumped into him, and sent Neil reeling backwards in some degree of pain. "AuH!!! That hurt! I thought you guys just jumped."
"Now I'm jumping AND I'm pissed. At you. For breathing."
"Oh. Hell." Neil reached for his bread, but before he knew it, the wolf was moving in on him, swatting the bread away. "Ouch!" it hissed, rubbing its wrist. "That, that's pretty hard."
"Yeah, it's stale."
"Were you gonna eat it or something? I mean, sorry to get it dirty if you were."
"No. No I wasn't. That's okay. Did you want some?"
"Of the stale bread? Or of your flesh?"
"Um, I was kinda talking about the bread."
"Oh. My bad. I was thinking about your flesh. I eat that kind of thing."
"Oh, okay. That makes sense."
"It's okay?"
"No, it's not!"
"You said 'okay', right?"
"I meant okay like, okay I know what you mean, not okay you can do what you want."
"I see... so it's not okay, if I eat your flesh?"
"No, I'd really rather you didn't, it's most useful for housing my organs and all in all, summing up my being as a living physical entity."
"Yeah, I know. I'm alive too."
"Then why? Why must it come to this? Why would you want to eat me?"
"It's part of nature... I eat to survive."
"But you're NOT part of nature. You're a werewolf. You are the fruit of dark and forbidden magicks."
"But, those are the creations of man!"
"Exactly. Not natural."
"I'm afraid I disagree on that one. Man is part of nature, therefore anything he can create is natural in its own sense."
"No, it's synthetic. Man-made."
"But man is another part of the planet! Honey is natural, isn't it? Bees make it. Cows make milk. Humans make technology and tools, creations and expressions, designs and methods."
"But it's not the same!!"
"MUST you humans elevate your self-worth by placing yourself above animals, in a different part of natural order? Can't all beings that produce and create just be following their own instinctive designs? Why are humans special?"
"Because we got swords. Guns, swords, fire. Medicine. Uh... politics. Money. We wear freakin' PANTS for crying out loud."
"You know, now that I think of it, the lycanthropic curse of the werewolf surely must be too primitive or ancient and archaic to be the work of man, but rather ancient spirits, or the magic of nature itself. So I'm not really the fruit of man, I don't think."
"Yeah, that's true. I wasn't thinking about that."
"Oh wait. Oh man, I'm so dumb."
"Huh, what?"
"No, you'll laugh."
"No I won't. Tell me."
"No... okay. I just remembered I'm not a werewolf anyway. I'm a wolf man. I wasn't bit or anything, I'm just a monster of sorts, like a merman."
"Oh, you are?"
"Yeah, so the werewolf thing is out the window entirely."
"Well I guess in light of that, you could probably eat me with no real justification on my part for condemning it as improper between humans."
"Ooh... hmm... 'cause, I am fairly hungry. And I tend to eat flesh and not anything else."
"But, uh, just because I have lesser grounds for my attempts to convince you to stop, that doesn't mean I can't or won't still object and resist physically."
"Oh. Oh, yeah, I suppose."
"So you gonna jump at me, then?"
"Jump? Yeah, I can do that."
"I mean, I'm not saying I'm partial to it or anything, it's just-"
"You aren't? You're sure?"
"I mean, it seems like YOU like it, so I figured-"
"Figured I wouldn't mind?"
"No, I just figured it's what you'd want to do."
"Well, I can if you want."
"I told you, I'm impartial! You can do what you want."
"Well I don't think I want to jump anymore then."
"Yes you do, I can tell by looking at you."
"But, but, you were saying you wanted it, then you didn't want it, and you're just trying to make me get upset over all this stuff and-"
"No. No. Listen. You're the only one making you upset. Not me. Don't you blame your personal problems on me."
"What?! I don't have problems... You know what? I think I'm going to jump."
"You do that."
"Yeah, I will! And YOU can't make me feel bad about it anymore."
"I'm not even going to comment on that."
"Well I'm gonna jump."
"Alright. Go ahead."
"...Okay."
The wolfman jumped upwards, powered by the night's curse, and came down to strike Neil with the full force of the moonlight... but Neil wasn't there anymore.
"Hey! Vampire hunter! Where'd you go?!" The wolfman turned around to see... Neil! "HUH?!"
"Oh... I, uh, walked under you when you jumped."
"You WHAT?!"
"Yeah, you left it open like that, so I went ahead and took it."
"You..."
Neil nodded and turned away, walking off down the path.
"You know what? You're, you're an ass." The wolfman stood tall on his padded toes and tilted his neck a bit. "Yeah that's right! I said it! Ass! Get back here! I mean, uh, get outta here! Keep walkin'! Heh, yeah, I'm all that."
And so, Neil continues his quest... but night has fallen, and apparently there's some curse or something that makes monsters stronger and makes strange voices announce that it's a bad night for a curse. Will Neil survive? I bet he will. Who cares?
Chapter Six: Chapter Seven Part 1
A blue-furred werewolf marched towards Neil swiftly, but before it could reach him, it jumped into the air. Neil defended and prepared for the worst, but the wolf just landed again and kept walking back and forth.
"Uh... nice day for a jump, eh chester?"
"Don't talk to me. I'm jumping."
"Kay."
With the skill and precision of a true hero, Neil drew his stale piece of French bread and struck down the wolf in one move.
"That'll learn ya to jump."
Continuing onwards, he felled various other foes with little difficulty. "Gee, they should call this the Forest of Easy! But I guess that would mean YOUR MOM lived here!! Ha, insulted the reader."
But the daytime was quickly waning, and the sky was starting to shift between several darker colors of pink and purple. Then, about four seconds later, it was night.
"WHAT A TERRIBLE NIGHT FOR A CURSE."
Neil looked around, but couldn't see anyone. "Who said that??"
"DON'T ASK QUESTIONS."
"Crap."
In the haze of night, Neil wandered forward, only to be attacked by a werewolf.
"Another one? This will be easy."
The werewolf jumped at Neil, bumped into him, and sent Neil reeling backwards in some degree of pain. "AuH!!! That hurt! I thought you guys just jumped."
"Now I'm jumping AND I'm pissed. At you. For breathing."
"Oh. Hell." Neil reached for his bread, but before he knew it, the wolf was moving in on him, swatting the bread away. "Ouch!" it hissed, rubbing its wrist. "That, that's pretty hard."
"Yeah, it's stale."
"Were you gonna eat it or something? I mean, sorry to get it dirty if you were."
"No. No I wasn't. That's okay. Did you want some?"
"Of the stale bread? Or of your flesh?"
"Um, I was kinda talking about the bread."
"Oh. My bad. I was thinking about your flesh. I eat that kind of thing."
"Oh, okay. That makes sense."
"It's okay?"
"No, it's not!"
"You said 'okay', right?"
"I meant okay like, okay I know what you mean, not okay you can do what you want."
"I see... so it's not okay, if I eat your flesh?"
"No, I'd really rather you didn't, it's most useful for housing my organs and all in all, summing up my being as a living physical entity."
"Yeah, I know. I'm alive too."
"Then why? Why must it come to this? Why would you want to eat me?"
"It's part of nature... I eat to survive."
"But you're NOT part of nature. You're a werewolf. You are the fruit of dark and forbidden magicks."
"But, those are the creations of man!"
"Exactly. Not natural."
"I'm afraid I disagree on that one. Man is part of nature, therefore anything he can create is natural in its own sense."
"No, it's synthetic. Man-made."
"But man is another part of the planet! Honey is natural, isn't it? Bees make it. Cows make milk. Humans make technology and tools, creations and expressions, designs and methods."
"But it's not the same!!"
"MUST you humans elevate your self-worth by placing yourself above animals, in a different part of natural order? Can't all beings that produce and create just be following their own instinctive designs? Why are humans special?"
"Because we got swords. Guns, swords, fire. Medicine. Uh... politics. Money. We wear freakin' PANTS for crying out loud."
"You know, now that I think of it, the lycanthropic curse of the werewolf surely must be too primitive or ancient and archaic to be the work of man, but rather ancient spirits, or the magic of nature itself. So I'm not really the fruit of man, I don't think."
"Yeah, that's true. I wasn't thinking about that."
"Oh wait. Oh man, I'm so dumb."
"Huh, what?"
"No, you'll laugh."
"No I won't. Tell me."
"No... okay. I just remembered I'm not a werewolf anyway. I'm a wolf man. I wasn't bit or anything, I'm just a monster of sorts, like a merman."
"Oh, you are?"
"Yeah, so the werewolf thing is out the window entirely."
"Well I guess in light of that, you could probably eat me with no real justification on my part for condemning it as improper between humans."
"Ooh... hmm... 'cause, I am fairly hungry. And I tend to eat flesh and not anything else."
"But, uh, just because I have lesser grounds for my attempts to convince you to stop, that doesn't mean I can't or won't still object and resist physically."
"Oh. Oh, yeah, I suppose."
"So you gonna jump at me, then?"
"Jump? Yeah, I can do that."
"I mean, I'm not saying I'm partial to it or anything, it's just-"
"You aren't? You're sure?"
"I mean, it seems like YOU like it, so I figured-"
"Figured I wouldn't mind?"
"No, I just figured it's what you'd want to do."
"Well, I can if you want."
"I told you, I'm impartial! You can do what you want."
"Well I don't think I want to jump anymore then."
"Yes you do, I can tell by looking at you."
"But, but, you were saying you wanted it, then you didn't want it, and you're just trying to make me get upset over all this stuff and-"
"No. No. Listen. You're the only one making you upset. Not me. Don't you blame your personal problems on me."
"What?! I don't have problems... You know what? I think I'm going to jump."
"You do that."
"Yeah, I will! And YOU can't make me feel bad about it anymore."
"I'm not even going to comment on that."
"Well I'm gonna jump."
"Alright. Go ahead."
"...Okay."
The wolfman jumped upwards, powered by the night's curse, and came down to strike Neil with the full force of the moonlight... but Neil wasn't there anymore.
"Hey! Vampire hunter! Where'd you go?!" The wolfman turned around to see... Neil! "HUH?!"
"Oh... I, uh, walked under you when you jumped."
"You WHAT?!"
"Yeah, you left it open like that, so I went ahead and took it."
"You..."
Neil nodded and turned away, walking off down the path.
"You know what? You're, you're an ass." The wolfman stood tall on his padded toes and tilted his neck a bit. "Yeah that's right! I said it! Ass! Get back here! I mean, uh, get outta here! Keep walkin'! Heh, yeah, I'm all that."
And so, Neil continues his quest... but night has fallen, and apparently there's some curse or something that makes monsters stronger and makes strange voices announce that it's a bad night for a curse. Will Neil survive? I bet he will. Who cares?