When we last saw Neil Belmont, he was on the run from Nazi Gorillas! Yes, Nazi Gorillas. I'm certain of it. I have no need to backtrack to my chapter six file which is sitting right in front of me because I'm sure that the Gorillas were the focus of it.

And so, it begins:

Chapter Seven: Nazi Gorillas Pt 2

Neil took a quick drag of his cigar before clambering over the chain link fence and landing with a thud on the asphault below. Never in his life had he seen such a thing, but it was true - that Air Force Base was overrun - with Nazi Gorillas!

Rubbing his head, Neil sighed and plopped down on the ground. "I wasn't aware that gorillas were capable of such overzealous national pride, nor that one could indoctrinate them with cultural intolerance."

A few explosions went off in the base, rocking the earth and the air and sending the smell of fire everywhere. Air raid sirens began to go off. Neil grudgingly rose to his feet and spat the half-smoked cigar onto the nearby grass. "They'll be coming for me soon. I guess I'd better get moving."

He made his way to a patch of bushes and branches, which he swept away, revealing his jeep. Just as he got in, the fence gate came crashing open and a bunch of Nazi Gorillas on motorcycles came pouring out after him. "Oog heil!" they yelled through streams of spit as they drove straight for Neil, toting Lugers, which their big, thick fingers would hardly fit around.

"It begins!" yelped Neil as he turned the key, starting the jeep and pulling quickly away from the site.

He thought back to the start of all this. He had killed Hitler, but now the Apes wanted to revive Hitler again, sending Europe into an age of darkness and vampirism.

Wait a minute. It wasn't Hitler, it was Dracula.

Sorry, guys. Forget the apes.

Chapter Seven, Part 2: The Castle

Neil took a quick drag of his cigar before stepping across the wooden draw bridge and looking down at the water below. Never in his life had he seen such a thing, but it was true - this castle was overrun - with The Undead!

Rubbing his head, Neil sighed and plopped down on the ground. "I wasn't aware that the undead were capable of such overzealous ability to come to life, nor that one could indoctrinate them with human intolerance."

A few explosions went off in the castle, rocking the earth and the air and sending the smell of fire everywhere. Wolf howls began to go off. Neil grudgingly kept walking and spat the half-smoked cigar onto the nearby grass. "They'll be coming for me soon. I guess I'd better get moving."

He made his way into the castle territory, and swept away some stray hair, revealing his forehead. Just as he got in, the drawbridge came crashing to a close and a bunch of The Undead on motorcycles came pouring in after him. "Oog heil!" they yelled through streams of dust as they drove straight for Neil, toting swords, which their thin, bony fingers would easily fit around.

"It begins!" yelped Neil as he pulled out his sword, starting his feet and pulling quickly away from the site.

He thought back to the start of all this. He had killed Dracula, but now The Undead wanted to revive Dracula again, sending Europe into an age of war and racial oppression.

Chapter Seven, Part Three: The Undead

"Oog heil!" the Undead warriors shouted as they drove around Neil on their motorcycles.

"What is this?" Neil asked, scratching his head. "Do I have to fight you?"

"Oog heil!" they screamed again, drawing closer and closer.

"What the hell is 'Oog Heil'?!" Neil shouted. "Seriously!!"

"...Oog heil?" an undead asked, coming to a sudden hault. The others all crashed into him and went flying everywhere.

"Well, I guess I win," Neil said, moving along.

There was a staircase in front of him that led to a platform. The platform extended for about ten feet before dropping off.

"Ah, so that's how it is. Dracula's first and undoubtedly most deadly of all traps," Neil said as he approached with caution. "But I'll play your game, you rogue."

He came right up to the steps and stared (haha get it, staired?) at them in deep thought for several minutes. He then looked up to the top of the platform. There was a candle there. After that he looked on the underside. There, too, was a candle. Thoughts, instincts from thousands of generations of Belmonts cried out to him, but they fell on deaf ears.

"What... am I... supposed... to DO?!" Neil cried out, staring at both the lower and higher path, each with their own candle and each leading to the same place. "Dracula, you malicious bastard! I'll solve your riddle yet! The only way to endure your trap is to make sure that I take NEITHER path!!"

With that, Neil stepped several feet into the foreground and walked by the stair thingy, missing both candles but avoiding this mysterious "trap" he so greatly feared. With that, Neil continued towards the Castle of Count Adolf Hitler, committed to ending his reign of horror once and for all until the next time he is revived.

What will happen next?! Will Churchill form a treaty or will he hold out for his suffering nation's integrity? Is the yeti real, or did he just make up the rumor about himself for attention? How many Wookiees does it take to screw in a light saber? Can I count to four? Read the next chapter and find out the answers to these and two other presently undisclosed questions!!