The Incredibly True Adventure of 2 Witches in Love
Chapter 4
By JewWitch
Spoilers for Charmed Centennial
The entire Scooby gang was gathered around the large table in the back of the Magic Shop when Leo orbed in with Prue, a travel bag slung over her shoulder.
"Hey babe," Faith said happily, bouncing up from her seat with a zeal that belied the hours of research she'd passed without moving from that spot.
"Hi yourself," Prue purred, her bag slipping off her shoulder as Faith leapt into her arms and kissed her.
"I thought Phoebe was bringing you," Dawn said sullenly from the table, hunched over her homework. "Did something happen?"
"The same something that always happens," Prue smirked, finally pulling away from Faith's enthusiastic greeting. "She and Paige can't keep their hands off-- mmph!" Prue squawked indignantly when Faith clamped a hand over her mouth, raising one eyebrow at her darkly.
"It's none of your business anyway, half-pint," Faith said to Dawn, picking up Prue's bag and tossing it easily over her shoulder. "Are you guys cool if super-witch an' me jam now?"
"Go on, have fun," Buffy said with a distracted wave of her hand. "If we turn up anything important, we'll call you."
"Word up, B," Faith grinned. With a few hurried goodbyes, the witch and the slayer were out the door and strolling down the well-lit streets of Sunnydale, hand in hand.
"So what's the monster of the week?" Prue asked casually, desperately grasping for something to say to distract herself from the tiny electric currents running up her neck every time Faith grazed her thumb over the back of her hand. "Anything I can help with?"
"No shop talk, P. We promised," Faith reminded her, her tone brokering no room for argument. "This isn't a business trip, is it?"
"I sure hope not," Prue purred, stopping in the middle of the street to wrap her arms around Faith's neck. "Cause I'd hate to have to charge you for what we're about to do…" Faith's laughter vibrated against Prue's lips as the two shared a long, deep kiss.
"What makes you think you'd be the one charging?" Faith said saucily, with a wink.
"C'mon, tough stuff, take me home already," Prue grinned, pulling Faith down the street with a goofy smile plastered to her face. "Hey," she added abruptly, "what's up with Dawn? Why's she so jumpy about who's orbing me here?" Faith looked at Prue as if she were an exceptionally slow child.
"You're kidding, right?" Prue blinked innocently at her girlfriend. "Jesus, P, how can you be such as ass-kicking superhero, and be so freakin' clueless at the same time?"
"So clue me in, Sherlock," Prue shrugged, resuming a leisurely pace down Main Street.
"Little Dawnie's got the hots for your sister, dummy," Faith snickered with a shake of her head.
"What? No way," Prue said dismissively.
"Seriously, babe, are you totally blind? The half-pint's as useless as a three-legged-dog around here every time Junior Witch shows up! Has been ever since she saved her from Glory…you know, the whole hero thing can be pretty sexy."
"You don't say," Prue drawled, backing Faith up against the wall with a predatory grin.
With a hurried goodbye to the scoobies, Leo rushed to orb back to the manor, turning full-circle around the attic as soon as he was solid again to assess whatever threat might be lurking.
"Paige?" He called tentatively. There was no response. "Paige," he said again, more firmly. "I know you're here; you summoned me." Suddenly, Leo's world was reduced to a single, screaming bolt of pain that lanced through his body, seemingly out of nowhere. He gasped, falling to his knees as a crackling, golden light washed through him, ending with an enormous explosion that sent his orbs flying in every direction. A moment later, Paige appeared out of thin air.
"Now that, my friend, is a vanquish!" Paige exclaimed triumphantly. Leo orbed back in with an exasperated expression.
"Paige," he whined, "I would appreciate it if you wouldn't practice your vanquishes on me. I know I'm already dead, but it still hurts!"
"I'm sorry, Leo, but I had to be sure it would work before I went out and tried it on Cole."
"Cole?" Leo repeated blankly. "Piper didn't mention anything--"
"No, I'm doing this solo," Paige said grimly, her jaw set in a hard line. "I'm not letting him mess up Phoebe's life any more than he already has. It ends now, Leo."
"Paige, you can't just run off half-cocked and take a demon like Cole down all by yourself," Leo said incredulously. "This is something for all of us to handle together."
"Yeah, well, while the committee's still out of session, Cole is coming after Phoebe at school, spying on us in our bedroom, and generally making her life a living hell. I'm not gonna sit around and wait for him to steal her soul for good, Leo. I'm doing this…with or without your support." Leo sighed. Having known Paige longer than any of them, he could easily see that she wasn't about to back down…it was her stubborn streak that allowed her to contend with life in the Halliwell manor on a day to day basis, without suffering any permanent psychological damage.
"Just be careful, okay?" he pleaded.
And Paige was careful…at least, up until the moment Cole exploded into a thousand tiny bits of goo. She was so sure it was over, then, that she'd won, and that Phoebe was finally free of her demon-ex, that she became careless, orbing into the middle of Cole's penthouse with a smirk of triumph plastered on her face.
"I did it!" she exclaimed happily, crossing her arms over her chest victoriously. Then she noticed the many tiny pieces of Cole beginning to vibrate, buzzing quietly, then louder, until they resembled a swarm of angry bees swirling into the air around her. "Uh-oh…" Paige murmured, her eyes widening as the swarm rushed at her. She orbed out just as the impact forced her backwards through the glass doors, a blow that would've crushed her spinal column had she been in her normal, human form. As a ball of orbs, she was simply knocked backwards with the force of a discharging cannon, hurtling through the air until she landed with a resounding splash in the freezing waters of the bay. She came up spluttering, too shell-shocked to realize how lucky she'd been to get out with her life. For a moment she just stared out at the city skyline, blinking the water out of her eyes. Then she sneezed. Phoebe is gonna kill me, she thought with a groan.
"And breathe…two, three, four…and relax…two, three, four…" Phoebe hummed quietly as Piper attempted to balance on the giant inflatable ball, eyes closed. A moment after she let the breath out, Piper slipped sideways off the ball, and fell to the hardwood floor with a loud thud.
"Oof," Piper groaned, arms wrapped around her swollen belly.
"Okay, back on the ball," Phoebe commanded her sister authoritatively.
"You get back on the ball, I quit!" Piper exclaimed indignantly, kicking the ball sullenly across the room.
"I know it's hard at first, Piper, but the birthing ball really can make things a lot easier…especially for home births," Eve, the midwife, said sweetly. Piper rolled her eyes, her trademark sardonic expression firmly in place.
"Hospital, people! How many times do I have to tell you crazy people? Hospital, I'm going to the hospital!"
"What about a water birth?" Phoebe asked the young midwife, completely ignoring her sister as if she hadn't even spoken. "Can we do that at home?"
"Sure," Eve shrugged, "We can rent a tub…hey, where's the rest of the family, anyway? I thought you all wanted to be here for the rest of our sessions. Where are Prue and Paige?"
"Oh, Prue's visiting her honey down in Sunnydale this weekend…and Paigey's just having a slow morning, I guess. She was in the shower when I got up," Phoebe shrugged.
"Speak of the devil," Piper said wryly as Paige came bouncing down the stairs.
"Hey, everybody, sorry I'm late…I had a little trouble getting going this morning."
"Late night?" Leo asked pointedly. Paige narrowed her eyes at him.
"As a matter of fact, yes," she said curtly.
"That's okay, we're just getting started," Eve said with a wave of her hand. Leaning over her bag, she came up with a cruel looking instrument that resembled nothing so much as a demonic dildo, with a built-in suction cup.
"What the hell is that?" Piper gasped in horror.
"Nipple enhancer," Eve replied with another innocent smile. "For breastfeeding," she added. Piper was utterly speechless, while Phoebe and Paige just laughed. Then Paige's laughter twisted abruptly into a sharp intake of breath as she bent forward with a loud sneeze, cupping her hands over her face a moment before she orbed out. Everyone froze, except for Eve, who was still hunched over her bag. Then Paige orbed back in, looking slightly abashed.
"Bless you," Phoebe said pointedly, glancing back at Eve, who was straightening up with the mild expression of someone who had not just seen a person disappear into thin air.
"Thanks," Paige mumbled, sniffling meekly.
"A little ginger root and raspberry leaf will take care of that cold," Eve said with a wink. "Old gypsy remedy."
"I think we've got some of that in the kitchen. Why dontcha go see if we've got some of that in the kitchen?" Piper said hurriedly, with a very fake smile. Eve looked at Piper oddly for a moment, but recovered herself quickly.
"Sure," she shrugged. "I'll be right back." The moment the midwife was out of the room, Piper grabbed Paige firmly by her upper arm and dragged her out to the conservatory, with Phoebe and Leo hot on their heels.
"Hello," Piper hissed, "mixed company, Paige! What were you thinking coming down here?"
"What, you expect me to stay in bed all day just cause of a little cold? Anyway, we did save Eve's gypsy clan; I think she'd be fine with it."
"Yeah, well, it's one thing to know, and it's another thing to actually see it," Phoebe pointed out. Paige shrugged, conceding the point.
"I'm more interested in why it happened," Leo said with a glare. "What caused it." Paige glared back at him, knowing she was caught now that Phoebe and Piper were both looking quizzically at her. "I think you should tell them," Leo persisted.
"Fine," she said tersely. She directed her next statement at her girlfriend's trusting brown eyes. "I tried to vanquish Cole last night," she admitted grumpily, her voice taking on the sullen edge of a petulant child.
"I tried to talk her out of it," Leo added, quick to avoid the Charmed Ones' wrath. Phoebe and Piper both made small, incredulous sounds of disapproval, but Paige cut them off. "Don't gang up on me and do the guilt thing-- I knew what I was doing, and it almost worked…until I got all wet," she admitted bashfully.
"Paige, you could've been killed," Phoebe said softly with a shake of her head.
"So what else is new?" Paige shrugged. "I just wanted to give you a little peace."
"That's very sweet, baby, but I don't need Cole to be vanquished for that…I just need you, preferably in one piece."
"Besides, I thought we all agreed to take a break from vanquishes during my last trimester," Piper reminded her sternly.
"All the more reason I didn't want to bother you," Paige said with a shrug as Phoebe gently took her hand.
"Well you should have, cause this is not something you can do by yourself," Piper said flatly.
"Well obviously I disagreed," Paige fumed, wrenching her hand from Phoebe's and turning on her heels to stalk from the room.
By the time Phoebe, Piper and Leo arrived at P3 that night, they had gotten over their anger of the morning confrontation, though they were still concerned about it, Phoebe most of all. She had wanted to go after Paige, but Piper had encouraged her to give her girlfriend some space, reminding her that Paige was still adjusting to living full-time at the manor. Phoebe knew it was hard to balance her own needs with the needs of her sisters, her brother-in-law, and their lives as witches, but still, she always came back to an unflappable sense of knowing that in the end, it was all worth it. She just hoped that Paige felt the same.
"A toast," Piper said brightly, shaking Phoebe out of her meandering thoughts as she raised her fluted glass of sparking cider. "To lieutenant Morris."
"Long overdue," Phoebe agreed.
"Wait," Darryl shook his head, "Shouldn't we wait for Paige?"
"Oh, I don't think she's gonna make it…she's got a really bad cold," Phoebe explained with a nervous smile.
"No kidding," Piper mumbled under her breath.
"Okay, uh…cheers!" Phoebe squeaked, raising her glass. Piper, Leo, Darryl and his wife Sheila all followed suit. Then Phoebe looked up towards the door, and choked on her cider. "Uh…I'll be right back," she said quickly, with a pointed glare at Piper.
"You will?" Piper cocked her head, then followed Phoebe's gaze to the doorway, where Paige was taking off her coat with a bright smile. "You will," Piper agreed firmly, making a shooing motion with her hands. "Leo and I will keep pouring." Phoebe scurried quickly over to the entrance to the club, where her girlfriend greeted her with a grin.
"Hi baby," Paige purred, with an appreciative glance at Phoebe's low-cut, strapless halter top. "You look amazing tonight."
"Paige!" Phoebe hissed. "Are you out of your mind? What are you doing here?"
"I'm…coming to Darryl's party?" Paige said hesitantly, taking a step back from Phoebe's agitated form with a confused look in her large brown eyes.
"The sneezing, Paigey, the sneezing," Phoebe reminded her in an undertone, looking around the crowded club nervously.
"Oh, that?" Paige laughed in relief, waving her hand dismissively. "Nah, Eve's little miracle cure worked great-- I haven't sneezed all day," she assured her girlfriend, glancing over Phoebe's shoulder to where their party was seated. "Is that Darryl's wife? She's cute!"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa--" Phoebe stopped Paige's progress with both hands on her shoulders. "First, we need to talk."
"Pheebs, I was just saying that she and Darryl make a cute couple…you know I'd never give another girl the time of day, silly witch."
"No, it's not that," Phoebe said with a shake of her head, her eyes growing serious. "It's about this morning…you seemed really upset when you left."
"Oh, I was just having a girly mood, you know," Paige said dismissively, avoiding Phoebe's eyes.
"I think we both know it's a little bit more than that," Phoebe said softly, taking Paige's hand gently in her own and leaning down to catch her gaze, which was currently directed at the floor. "No lies, remember?"
"Okay," Paige sighed softly. "You really wanna know?"
"Of course I do, baby."
"It's just that…I've been feeling a little…suppressed lately. It's not you; you know you're the best thing that's ever happened to me, Phoebe…you do know that, right?"
"Of course," Phoebe nodded, giving Paige's hand a reassuring squeeze. "But…there's a but." Paige sighed and looked up from the floor.
"It's just, we never have any privacy at the manor," she said finally, eyes wide and earnest. "Don't you ever wish we could just be naked all day long? Don't you wanna screw on the kitchen table, and not have to worry about someone walking in on us? Aren't you sick of getting yelled at when we're in the shower for using all the hot water, or Prue using her powers to open the locks? I just think…" she said this last part with difficulty, as Phoebe was looking at her with a deer-caught-in-the-headlights expression. "I think that it's time…we started looking for our own place to live."
Phoebe's jaw hung open for several long moments, as she stared blankly back at Paige's anxious face. She was finally snapped out of her stupor when Paige's eyes fluttered, and her hands moved up to hover uncertainly over her mouth.
"Paige, don't. Don't you dare!" Phoebe exclaimed, knowing as she did so that ordering someone not to sneeze was completely and utterly pointless. Paige made a small, squeaky sound of distress, pinching her nose hard and squeezing her eyes shut. "Okay, uh…back room! Back room!" Phoebe squealed, jumping up from her seat and grabbing Paige's free hand, dragging her unceremoniously across the dance floor. Paige was trying with all her might to hold in the sneeze that was tickling the back of her nose, but it was a losing battle. This is so stupid! She thought furiously. Paige heard the door slamming behind Phoebe just as she doubled over, her long black hair spilling over her face.
"Ah-choo!" Paige could feel her body quickly dissolving into the air around her, then jerking back just as suddenly. It didn't normally hurt, but sometimes when it happened involuntarily like this, it made her feel a little sore, like getting hit in the chest. "Ugh," She groaned, her eyes blinking open, "Major sneeze…hey, who turned out the lights-- and the heat?" Paige pulled on her jacket as a shiver passed through her body, along with a strange, sinking feeling of foreboding. She turned automatically toward her girlfriend, but found only empty space.
"Phoebe?" Paige called tentatively. "Phoebe!" She yelled again, turning in a full circle in the small, dark room to confirm that she was completely alone. Something is very wrong here. She couldn't stop the thought from popping into her mind as she reached for the door, which fell off its hinges the moment she touched it. She jumped when it hit the floor, sending up a huge cloud of dust into the room around it, which looked very different than it had a few moments before.
"What the hell?" Paige gasped, looking around at the decrepit club, dark, dank and empty, covered in trash and cobwebs. "Phoebe!" She called again into the vast, empty room. "Piper…? Leo!" A small pile of rubbish moved then, startling Paige into a fighting stance, but it was only a man, short and very dirty, obviously homeless.
"This is my crib!" He growled, with a predatory look at Paige.
"Your crib?" Paige repeated incredulously. "This is my sister-in-law's club!" The man snarled, pulling out a small switchblade and pointing it at Paige threateningly. Paige tried to orb the knife from his hand, but nothing happened. Then she tried to orb out. Again, nothing. "What the hell is wrong with my powers? Leo!" She shouted again, ducking as the man rushed her, and quickly disarming him with a karate move that Phoebe had shown her just last week. Finding himself flat on his back and without his blade, the dirty little man seemed to decide that squatting in P3 wasn't worth whatever Paige might do to him, and fled. As he retreated, a large swirl of blue orbs heralded Leo's arrival. He looked different somehow-- had he changed his clothes? And suddenly stopped shaving?
"It's about time!" Paige exclaimed, stalking up to him indignantly. "Dammit, where the hell have you been? Where's Phoebe?"
"P…Paige?" Leo gasped, staring wide-eyed at the girl in front of him.
"Of course it's me…Leo, what is the matter with you?" Paige asked, bewildered.
"But you-- you--" Leo shook his head.
"Dammit, Leo, what?" Paige exclaimed, throwing her hands up in the air.
"You're dead," Leo said softly.