Lost Heaven
My lost Heaven!
Has been turned upside down
Dead and buried,
Is the joy which I once found.
My lost Heaven!
I sought refuge down below,
Ain't no ocean,
I wouldn't cross or where I wouldn't go.
As I walk this world
Time unknown,
Got one foot in the grave,
Lord, help me make it home.
I'll carry your pain,
My words be straight and true…
If it leads me to you.
My lost heaven,
As long as the body dreams
Strength through blood,
I feel the fire burn in my veins
Dead and buried,
For the end has run its course.
Dogs of War,
Try never to be lost
As I walk this world
Time unknown,
Got one foot in the grave,
Lord, help me make it home.
I'll carry your pain,
My word be straight and true…
If it leads me to you.
As I walk this world
Time unknown,
Got one foot in the grave,
Lord, help me make it home.
I'll carry your pain,
My word be straight and true…
If it leads me to you.
Zakk Wylde and the Black Label Society, from the album, "1919 Eternal"
Xena walked heavily into the kitchen as her mom finished preparing the morning meal.
"Well," Gabrielle said with a smile. "Nice of you to finally join us?"
"Morning," Xena said thickly. She plopped down on a chair and rested her head in her hands.
"Are you alright?" Gabrielle asked. "You're not sick are you?"
Xena shook her head without raising it.
"What's wrong?" Gabrielle asked, sitting down next to her.
Xena raised her head and brushed her long black hair out of her eyes. Gabrielle immediately saw the bloodshot weariness in them.
"Honey?" she asked.
"I'm fine, mom," Xena said. "Really. I just didn't sleep well last night."
"Why not?" Gabrielle stared at her daughter intently.
Xena merely shrugged. It had just been a stupid nightmare, after all.
"Where's dad and Alex?" she asked quickly, hoping to change the subject.
Gabrielle looked at Xena for a few more seconds, causing the young lady to squirm a little under the scrutiny.
Satisfied that her daughter was alright, she stood up and began warming up some leftover food.
"Dad's working in the barn on one of his projects, and Alex is busy with his chores." Gabrielle said. "Don't go anywhere. You've got studying to do today, remember?"
Xena winced. "Why do I have to learn all that stuff? It's not like I'll ever use it?"
Gabrielle smiled wistfully. "You'd be amazed what you might need as you get older."
She set the warmed plate of food before her and then a cup of juice.
"You sure you don't want to talk about it?" Gabrielle pressed one more time.
Xena's pale blue eyes rolled toward the ceiling. "Jeez mom, it was only a bad dream."
Gabrielle looked at her closely, seeing a combination of her own blood and her best friend all rolled into this slender, strong, package. She could see her best friend whenever she looked in her daughters eyes.
At fourteen, Xena was already as tall as her mom, and looked to get much taller. Just like she had been before.
Gabrielle sighed. "Well, if you change your mind?"
"I know, mom," Xena replied, her fork rearranging the food on her plate. "I know."
Xena stared at the food for a while longer, feeling guilty about not eating. Unfortunately, with the images of her nightmare still fresh in her mind, her appetite was quite taken away.
She forced herself to eat a couple of bites and then pushed the food away. "I'm sorry. I'm just not hungry."
She got up and headed for the door.
"Remember," Gabrielle called after her. "Your father has a few things to go over with you today. Don't go too far."
Xena winced. "I know. Those old books of his. I'm just going to see what he's doing, maybe give him a hand?"
"Okay," Gabrielle replied.
Gabrielle watched her depart and took a deep breath. There were so many similarities between this young woman and her best friend that, sometimes, she forgot that the young woman walking out the front door was actually her daughter.
Even though Xena was physically similar in many ways. Inside, she was a child with no memories of her past life. That much had become obvious as they had watched her growing up. There were moments when she said or did things that were hauntingly familiar to Gabrielle, but she was a child - their child.
David and Gabrielle had both agreed that they would say nothing of Xena's past life unless she discovered it for herself.
In the back of her mind, a part of Gabrielle wanted the old Xena to reawaken in that young frame. At the same time, she dreaded it, knowing that she would lose a daughter by regaining her best friend. The duality of the situation was like slow torture for her.
Xena walked slowly across the yard towards the old barn, her mind still trying to understand the images from her nightmare. It didn't frighten her that she had the dream, but it disturbed her greatly. The image of her mother convulsing on the slab flashed before her eyes again and she shuddered.
She walked into the barn and found her father's workshop empty. The pieces of furniture he was working on waiting patiently for him to return. She studied the craftsmanship with a sense of family pride. As she moved about, her eyes fell on a long, slightly curved and varnished piece of wood leaning in a corner. It was a little over three feet long, and crafted in the shape of a sword. Her father called it a bow kin. A practice weapon. She noted that it was crafted to resemble the finely made eastern sword that hung over the fireplace.
Without knowing why, she stepped over and picked it up, glancing over her shoulder to make sure no one saw her.
She held it in her hand and moved closer to the door, feeling the gentle weight of the object in her hand. Again, something in her clicked. Holding this thing felt so familiar to her, but she couldn't understand why?
She swung the bow kin in a slow arc, watching the edge as it sliced gently through the air.
The movement seemed to captivate her as she moved. She passed absently out into the yard and swung the weapon again, this time across her body and back again in a fluid, deliberate motion. A smile played upon her lips as she moved, completely enthralled.
All of her recent weariness seemed to evaporate as she watched the weapon slice this way and that through the air around her. She imagined holding the real thing in her hands, feeling the cool ivory of the handle and seeing the sunlight flashing on the silver steel of the blade. The polished wood caught the light, though not as brightly, but she could still imagine it.
She continued swinging the weapon in various arcs, reveling in how easily it came to her. She switched hands in mid spin, only to discover that she was as good with it in her left hand.
The speed and complexity of the moves increased as the weapon seemed to take on a life of its own. A smile began playing across her face as she began moving, slowly at first, turning this way and that to ward off imaginary foes. She could almost see the shadowy figures surrounding her. The outside world became a blur as the bow kin continued spinning this way and that, sunlight sparkled hypnotically in her eyes as the blade whizzed past her field of vision.
In a movement almost too quick to believe, she spun low, came up with a sideways slash.
The world had changed in that moment. Smoke drifted across a desolate field strewn with bodies and covered in blood. A figure stood before her, in front of a blasted and smoldering gate, his weapon raised to strike. Her weapon slashed neatly through the leather armor at his middle, laying open his belly in a gout of blood. The innards of the man seemed to explode from within the body as he fell back wards, nearly sliced in two.
The blood rushed up to cover her in a red wave.
With a cry of fear, Xena let the weapon fall to the ground, her heart pounding in her chest. She was back in her yard, standing before the open doors of the barn, the weapon lying at her feet where she had dropped it. The horror of that last moment twisted violently within her belly. Quickly, she ran around to the side of the barn and leaned against the rough planks.
The vomit rushed up suddenly, spewing onto the ground at her feet. She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to force the gruesome image out of her mind, but the gorge rose in her again and she choked on the bile as it vacated her belly.
A hand came to rest on her back, strong and gentle. She spun around in fright, only to see her father standing before her. His face held an expression of concern.
"Hey you?" he said softly. "Are you sick?"
Xena wrapped her arms about the man's waist and hugged him desperately.
"Dad!" she sobbed.
David wrapped his arms about his daughter and held her gently, whispering soothing sounds in her ear.
"What's the matter, baby?" he asked gently.
He led Xena back into the barn, taking up his bow kin on the way and setting it back in the corner.
Xena sank into an unfinished chair while David knelt before her, looking up in her eyes.
"I was messing around with it," Xena confessed, the emotion rising like a wave in her. "Just playing around, and suddenly, I wasn't here anymore! I swung it at this man and he just – and the blood – and all these people were dying!" She broke down into sobs again.
David held her close again, feeling his daughter's desperate fingers through his tunic.
"It's okay, baby," David whispered in her ear. "It's okay. It wasn't real."
"But it was!" Xena protested, looking at him desperately. "I know it was! It was a real place! He was a real person and I killed him!"
"Stop it now," David said gently. "Come on." He smiled up at her, his hand resting on her cheek. "Look around. You're here, at home. Everything's fine. There's no war going on here."
Xena sniffled as she looked at him.
"Well, besides you and your brother, anyway," David finished with a smile.
A soft laugh escaped from her lips and she looked down. "Dad, it was so real!"
"Well," David suggested. "You know that I can see things, right?"
Xena nodded.
"And when I do some of my magic, I can make things appear and disappear sometimes, right?"
"Those are just tricks," Xena replied.
"Yeah," David smiled. "Well, not all of them are tricks."
Xena looked at him questioningly.
"Maybe a little of my magic rubbed off on you?" David suggested.
"Have you ever seen anything like that before?" Xena asked.
David nodded. "Sometimes, yes."
David looked at her for a long time. "Remember how I always told you that I come from someplace far away?"
Xena nodded.
"And that I also came back from a distant future?"
"I remember," Xena nodded. "It's where your books and some of the other things you have came from. Things that no one else has."
"That's right," David nodded. He studied her face for a moment and smiled. "You wanna go down by the pond and talk?"
Before, she hadn't wanted to talk about the dreams, but now, after this waking episode, she felt that maybe she should. She looked up at the man before her and nodded.
"This isn't going to get you out of studying, you know?" David added with a smile.
Xena winced. "I know."
As they made the way towards the pond, Xena's brother, Alexander, came around the building, a pail in his hand.
"Hey!" he called out. "Where are you going?"
"I need to talk to your sister for a bit!" David replied. "Just do what you can, okay?"
Not entirely pleased at being left to complete his tasks alone, Alexander nodded and disappeared into the barn.
"And you'll have to take the afternoon shift, milking the cows too," David added, looking down at his daughter. "You're really racking them up today?"
Normally, the attempt at levity would have brought a sarcastic smile to Xena's face, or in the least, an equally sarcastic reply. When silence was the only response, David looked down at his daughter and frowned.
"Man," he said. "You must have a lot on your mind?"
They reached the pond, and Xena sat down next to the small fire pit, her eyes looking at the ashes with eyes turned inward.
David sat back against the tree and waited.
"Dad?" Xena finally asked. Her blue eyes looked up at him with a haunted light. "Has mom ever been hurt in a fight?"
David shrugged. He picked up several small stones at his feet and began turning them in his hand absently. "Of course. We've both had our share of bumps and scrapes over the years, before and after you were born. As well as the trouble she had when your brother was born."
"No," Xena interjected. "I mean really hurt. You know? Like, almost dead, hurt?"
David thought for a moment. "Well, she got pretty bad, just before we got married," he offered. "She ran a long way and got too dehydrated."
"I don't mean like that either," Xena sighed. "This is so stupid!"
"Xena, baby," David asked gently. "I don't understand what you're looking for?"
Xena fidgeted uncomfortably, reluctant to air her private thoughts. Still, she needed answers.
"I've been having these dreams," she started. "They feel so real, and still, they aren't."
"Like what?" David asked, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees.
Xena shrugged. "Like, I'm riding this horse. A big horse, tan with a white mane and tail. A mare, I think?" She thought for a moment. "I don't know her name, but she was always there."
"Okay," David nodded. "That doesn't sound so bad? You've wanted a horse for a long time?"
"No," Xena said emphatically. "This horse is, or was, real! It was real, dad!"
"Okay," David nodded. "What else?"
Xena shuddered. "Ice."
"Ice?"
Xena nodded. "I wake up, and I'm surrounded by ice. I have to smash my way out of it. I can feel the cold all around me?" She thought furiously. "It's like, I don't know, like I'm in a coffin, or something? And then there's the one with mom, last night."
"What about that one?" David asked.
Xena described the most recent dream in as much detail as she could recall, right up to the part where her mother's death rattle.
David listened, his face calm and passive in spite of the whirling in his head. Of course, he knew about the time that Gabrielle had died briefly in the Temple of Isclipius. Gabrielle had told him that story many years ago. In a panic, Xena had inadvertently jump started Gabrielle's heart and brought her back to life.
David looked at his daughter and nodded. "I can see where that would be scary?"
"Dad," Xena moaned. "I saw mom die! She died! Or maybe she's going to die?" Xena looked at him for a long moment. "Maybe I'm seeing the future?"
"I don't think you're seeing the future, baby," David consoled her.
"How do you know?" Xena asked, her eyes narrowing in suspicion.
"I'll explain in a minute," David replied, buying precious time to collect his thoughts. "What else?"
Xena thought for a moment. "I've had one about you."
"Oh?"
Xena nodded. "I'm in a little camp, just me and the horse I told you about?"
"The mare," David nodded.
"I hear someone walking towards the campfire, so I duck into the brush and move around, coming up behind the person. Then I see him step into the light. He's got these two big packs strapped on his back, okay?"
"I'm with you," David nodded.
"I sneak up behind him and, I have a sword, so I point it at his back, right?" Xena went on. "He turns around and, it's you? Only not you, you know what I mean?"
"Not really?" David asked.
"Well," Xena replied, trying to frame her words. "It was like, you, but you were a lot younger?"
David smiled. "Well, I wasn't always in my forties, you know?"
Xena smiled back, but only for a moment. "You say some things, I say some things, then – I think you mentioned mom – and I get really angry. Then I do something, like, I jab you in the neck, and you freeze up, like you can't move?" She shrugged. "Then I see blood come out of your nose, and I know you're dying!"
"What happens then?" David asked.
"I don't know," Xena replied. "As soon as I realize I just killed you, I wake up?"
"But did you?" David asked, sensing a way to answer her without really answering.
"Of course I did!" Xena replied.
"Think about it," David replied. "You always wake up before the end. You don't know how the story turns out, really?"
"Dad!" Xena protested. "This is real! I know it is!"
"Okay, okay," David held up his hands. "Let's assume, for the sake of argument, that these dreams are real, in some way, fair enough?"
Xena nodded.
"Now," David continued. "You said you jabbed me in the neck and killed me, right?"
Again, Xena nodded.
"But you also said that I was a young man in that dream, right?"
"Right," Xena said.
"Well, then you obviously didn't kill me, did you?" David finished with a fatherly smile. "Because here I sit, a crotchety old geezer, talking with a daughter, I wouldn't have, if you had killed me before you were born, right?"
Xena was about to reply when the logic of the paradox settled in and she laughed in relief.
"You're right," she agreed.
"Now," David said quickly. "I'm not saying that your dreams aren't true in some way, okay?"
"You're not?" Xena asked.
David shook his head. "Dreams are the minds way of dealing with life. Sometimes they can show us things that aren't true, but are at the same time, only in different ways, understand?"
Xena frowned. "No."
"What you see in your dreams can mean other things," David explained. "You see me, or your mom, and we represent something inside you, or close to you. If one of us is hurt, then something inside you is hurting. If one of us is trapped, then something inside you might be trying to get out and express itself."
"I think I get it," Xena replied.
"Good," David smiled and stood up. He looked out at the pond and then tossed the rocks in. "Then let's get going. You've got math to do."
Xena groaned and rose, looking out at the pond.
She froze suddenly. Her eyes were riveted to the spots where the water rippled outward in several concentric circles. She seemed transfixed by the motion. A voice seemed to come from somewhere nearby.
"The rock's still down there, it's part of the lake. On the surface, it may look the same, but it's forever changed."
Xena blinked. "Huh? What?" she looked back at her father.
"I said," David repeated. "The textbook is calling, let's go?"
Xena caught up with him and he wrapped his arm about her shoulder. "Tell me something?" he asked, smiling. "How did I look as a young man?"
"Dad," Xena moaned, smiling in return.
"Was I dashing and debonair?" David continued. "Handsome and strong, with rugged good looks?"
Xena giggled and jabbed and elbow playfully into his ribs.
"How about your mom?" David continued. "Did she look like a young little punk? All cute and cuddly?"
"Will you stop!" Xena laughed, feeling relief flooding over her. "I'm going to tell her you said that!"
As Gabrielle came out of the house, she saw her husband running full speed with Xena in hot pursuit. She smiled when she saw the expressions on both their faces.
"Not bad for an old man, huh?" David shouted behind him as he ran. Xena came flying up behind him. Then with a sudden, youthful burst of speed, she shot past him, and easily vaulted the fence.
David tried to mimic her move and caught his left toe on the bottom rail. With a cry, he went down with a thud and rolled across the yard.
Xena slid to as top and gasped at the same time as Gabrielle, momentarily wondering if David had hurt himself.
They both burst out laughing when they heard his chuckle. He rolled over and sat up, covered in grass.
David brushed the grass out of his graying hair and sat, still laughing.
"Who raised that fence?" he asked in mock anger.
"Are you okay?" Xena asked, laughing.
With a groan, David got back to his feet and brushed off the grass covering his clothing.
"He called you a punk," Xena said to Gabrielle.
Gabrielle's eyebrows rose slightly. "Oh, really?"
David shrugged as Xena darted into the house.
"She left out the part where I called you cute and cuddly," he added, smiling.
"I see," Gabrielle nodded, smiling. "Good save, David." Then her expression changed to one of concern. "You sure you're okay?"
David nodded. "I'm fine. Just a little out of shape, I suppose."
After lunch, the two children retired to the living room, to begin their studies. In a small village like Poditia, there was very little available in the way of education. Most of the children were school by their parents, which made David a rather unique individual.
David's classical education in his own time had afforded him a luxury that only the wealthiest of families could grant. As a result, his two children were receiving the benefits of that education. While Alexander and Xena didn't relish the idea of so much time spent on academics, they understood that they were getting a lot more than most others in the village.
As it was, Xena was already quite fluent in Latin and French, and verse with mathematics and history. Alexander, too, was also academically well rounded compared to his peers.
As Xena was working through her assignment, her eyes kept drifting up to the weapons hanging above the hearth. Her eyes followed the gentle curve of the sheathed sword and she suppressed a shudder as she remembered her episode in the yard that morning.
Beneath the sword were her mother's weapons. The two sais, crossed and mounted on a wood plaque that her father had made, and on either side of them, the two, wicked looking curved knives. Her eyes fixed on those for a long time, as if they stirred something within her.
A gentle tap on her shoulder brought her out of her reverie.
"Hi," David said quietly. He looked up at the weapons and then back at his daughter. He tapped her gently on the side of the head.
"You have to learn how to use this," he said, indicating her mind. "Then you learn how to use those."
"Yes, sir," Xena said sullenly.
David looked over her work and pointed out a few corrections, and then he went over to Alexander and did the same thing.
After that, he left them to work and went into the kitchen.
His light mood vanished once Xena was no longer in sight. He looked at Gabrielle.
"We might have a problem," he said quietly.
Gabrielle frowned. "What kind?"
"Her nightmares," David cast a worried look towards the front room. "They aren't nightmares at all."
"They aren't?" Gabrielle asked.
David stepped close and put his hands on her shoulders. "I think they're memories?"
Gabrielle's eyes widened slightly. "How do you know?"
"Because of the way she describes them," David replied. "She described Argo to the nines, and she also described the night Xena put the pinch on me, when I was on my way back." His eyes flicked back to the open entrance and he continued. "You and I, dinner down by the pond tonight?"
Gabrielle nodded. "In the mean time?"
David looked back towards the children. "I want to try something, once they're done with the schoolwork."
"What do you have in mind?" Gabrielle asked.
"Just watch from the kitchen window," David replied. "And you can tell me what you think."
"Do you think we should tell her?" Gabrielle asked.
"Not yet," David replied. "I know we promised that we would tell her when the time was right, but I don't think we're there just yet. We're close, but not yet."
The work was done, sitting forgotten on the writing board that rested on her lap. Her eyes were again fixed on the weapons hanging over the hearth. The two knives seemed to stare at her, like a pair of menacing eyes, on either side of her mother's sais.
"Excuse me?"
David's voice snapped her from her trance and she blinked.
"You really want to learn, huh?" David asked, looking at her inquisitively.
Xena looked back at the weapons and then nodded.
David pursed his lips and finally gave a nod. "Very well. Come with me, young Jedi."
Xena set the writing board and parchment on the seat and ran after her father.
He emerged from the barn with two of the bow kins in his hand. Tossing one to his daughter he stood in front of her, his weapon swinging in relaxed circles as he loosened up his muscles.
"Okay," he said with a smile. "Just some of the basics."
Gabrielle hovered at the kitchen window as David took Xena through some basic footwork and sword movements.
"Okay?" David said after some time. "Got it?"
"I think so?" Xena replied nervously.
"Okay, we'll go slow." He raised his weapon. He moved in and called out parry numbers at the same time, allowing Xena to block his deliberate and slow attacks.
One, four, five, eight," David said sharply as Xena parried.
"Good," David encouraged her. "Try again. Two, six, twelve, move your feet, now. Don't stand still."
Xena frowned in concentration as she tried to absorb the information. In the back of her mind, something screamed. It was as if a part of her was trying to get to the surface after being underwater for too long.
"You're doing fine, honey," David encouraged her. "A little faster this time, alright?"
She nodded. David stepped in quickly and she managed to block most of his attacks, except for one that struck her shoulder with stinging authority.
A rage boiled up in her so quickly that she was almost overwhelmed by it. Her vision flashed red for an instant as she looked at her father.
David saw the subtle shift in his daughter. He felt the aura around her beginning to change.
"Here it comes," he thought to himself.
To Xena, he said. "Okay, now you come at me. Just do the best you can."
Xena came at him, still unsure. She swung with deliberation. David blocked and countered her attacks easily, smiling as he watched his daughters frustration began to build.
Xena didn't expect to do very well against her father. His reputation as a swordsman was well known in the village. Still, she could feel her temper flaring as she tried over and over to get through his defense.
In the back of her mind she could feel something trying to come out. It was like a persistent voice that kept begging. "Let me! Let me!"
Finally, her father slipped in and swept her feet out from under her. She landed on her back, and the flaring temper suddenly exploded.
Her eyes blazed like blue fire, and she kipped back up to her feet. It was a move that her parents had never seen before. With a cry of rage, she attacked, and this time, there was a speed and fluidity in her movements of someone experienced in combat.
From her concealed vantage point in the kitchen, Gabrielle felt her heart race as she saw this transformation occur. Suddenly, she saw her old friend again. Every move, every expression, even the sudden cry that issued from her lips as she charged in.
"By the Gods," she whispered in awe.
If David had not been planning for this possibility, he might have been in trouble. As it was, he changed tactics easily, and counter attacked with the same speed, ferocity, and precision as his daughter.
The wooden weapons slapped against each other in rapid succession as David danced easily back. The main difference between David and his daughter was that he was fighting a controlled, defensive fight. There was never any intention of him actually hurting her.
Xena, on the other hand, was not letting herself be bound by such considerations. Her weapon spun in her hands and slashed in again and again, or thrust with lightning speed.
Then the two weapons slammed into one another with such force that they both snapped just above the handles.
The snapping of the weapons seemed to also snap Xena out of wherever she had been. She looked down at the two weapons in shock. When she looked back up at her father, her eyes were haunted.
David breathed deeply as he looked at her, also in surprise.
"Dad?" she asked in a frightened voice. "What's going on with me?"
"Well," David offered. "You're a lot stronger than you look, that's for sure. Either that, or I need to get better wood?"
"Stop that!" Xena cried out at him angrily. "I could have hurt you!"
"Xena," David began.
Xena, with tears streaming down her cheeks, fled back into the house.
"Baby!" David called after her. Then he looked over at the window and saw Gabrielle standing there, a haunted expression of her own on her face. David and Gabrielle had a silent conference in those looks, and David nodded in understanding.
Xena lay on her bed, hugging a pillow to her chest and crying. She was frightened. More frightened by recent events than by anything else in her life. She heard the knock on the door frame.
"Go away," she moaned.
"I can't," Gabrielle replied gently. "I'm your mother. That means that I have to do things like this."
"I don't want to talk about it!" Xena cried out. "Just leave me alone!"
"You don't need to talk, honey," Gabrielle replied. "You just need to listen."
Gabrielle moved around Xena and sat down in front of her. The young lady looked up at her with bloodshot, pale blue eyes. Gabrielle saw the tear streaks on her cheeks and gently wiped them away with her finger.
"This morning, you asked me if I had ever been hurt," Gabrielle began. "Your father told me about your dream, with me in the temple and dying in front of you?"
Xena winced at the betrayal.
"You're dream really did happen," Gabrielle said simply. "A long time ago, when I was not much older than you are now."
"It was true?" Xena asked, the betrayal instantly forgotten. "All of it?"
"If what your dad described to me is accurate, yes," Gabrielle said. "There's just one thing you got wrong."
"What?" Xena asked.
"You didn't see me die," Gabrielle smiled. "Well, actually, you did see me die."
Xena's eyes widened and she almost cried out again in fear.
"But!" Gabrielle held up a hand to stop her. "You never saw what happened after, did you?"
Xena shook her head.
"The person you were dreaming about," Gabriele explained. "The one that you saw everything through – your namesake – saved my life that day. She brought me back."
"Your best friend?" Xena asked.
Gabrielle nodded. "I think you've been dreaming about my life with her," Gabrielle offered. "The horse in your dreams? That was Argo, Xena's horse."
Xena's eyes were wide as certain things began to click into place. Then they went back to that haunted expression.
"But why am I dreaming about things that you did with Xena, back when you were a kid?"
Gabrielle shrugged. "I don't know, honey." She was surprised how easily that little falsehood came out. "I know that those were moments that brought Xena and I closer together. They're things that I remember. Maybe your dad is right, and you can see things like that? If you could, this would be about the time you would start to see them. You're at the right age?"
"What about out in the yard just now?" Xena persisted. "I've never used a weapon in my life, and still, I could have hurt dad, even though I know we were just playing around."
Time for another white lie. Gabrielle shrugged again and smiled. "I don't mean to burst your bubble, honey," she said. "But I don't think you could have hurt your father, even if you wanted to. I doubt if you're that good."
"Gee, thanks," Xena sulked.
"You know what I mean," Gabrielle smiled. She looked at her daughter for a few moments more. "Is there anything else?"
"No," Xena said, though it sounded far from convincing.
Gabrielle nodded and rose, heading for the door.
"Mom?" Xena asked suddenly. Gabrielle turned and looked at her, seated on the bed, the pillow still held to her chest. She raised an eyebrow expectantly.
Xena took a deep breath. "Who was Solan?"