The Joys of Spare Time
Chapter 3: Big Heads Kill
Setting: Post-AotC, pre-RotS.
Disclaimer: Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I don't own Star Wars,
And due to artistic license I don't have to make this rhyme. HA!
A/N: I'm sorry for the wait, I really am. Just, with camp and Warped Tour (squeal) and other random crap, I had no tiiiiiiimeee Now, though, I promise I'll try for more regular updates, despite school.
Randomidiot: Actually, I'm more of a dudette, but whatever. Beggers can't be chosers! Thanks for reviewing every chapter.
KrazywithaK: Your comment made me so happy! And it swelled my head so much, I can't fit through the doorway!
Oh dear. Heh.
"What….is it?" Anakin Skywalker wondered aloud to the small rectangular objects in his master's palm.
"I was hoping you could tell me that", Obi-Wan remarked dryly towards his former Padawan, who could only offer an admonitory shrug. His master often received gifts on missions; people took a liking to him. These "gifts", however, being from a fairly primitive yet hostile planet, raised an eyebrow. Or two, because, no matter how hard he tried, Obi-Wan could never do that wiggly-eyebrow-thing.
The Master pressed on.
"I've done some extensive research, and, based on the observation that it is neither toxic nor combustible, I have concluded that it may be a candy of some sort".
He met Anakin's eye to find in it a familiar glint of mischief, a touch of a smile coming to the corners of his mouth.
"Only one way to find out".
Several Days Earlier
"May the Force be with you".
"And also with you, masters".
Obi-Wan bowed deeply to the holoprojected images of Yoda and the rest of the Jedi council before the transmission flickered to a close. Arfour burbled impatiently as the Jedi hopped gracefully onto the wing of his starfighter…only to trip on the hem of his robe and crash unceremoniously on the ground.
Glancing around to find that no one (besides Arfour, who really didn't count) had witnessed this spectacular display, Obi-Wan sighed heavily, dusting himself off and attempting once again to get into his transport without (BAD PUN ALERT) grievous (get it? Get it? Hahahaha!) injury.
Having accomplished this, Obi-Wan checked his controls with a single deft Force-sweep. Everything seemed in order—aside from a loose wire, and the floor of the cockpit being oddly sticky…
Obi-Wan stood and inspected the bottom of his boot to find it connected to the durasteel by a stretchy, pink strand of...
Well, he wasn't entirely sure of what it was, but we'll cut him a break. His poor boots have been horribly abused for the past chapter, and now this.
Anyway, Obi-Wan drew his lightsaber, activated it, and sliced cleanly through the wobbly pink thing. Dousing his blade, he got down on his hands and knees to get a better look under the control panel. There, he found two small pink objects wrapped in wax paper, along with a note in a language unknown to him.
The Jedi, unwilling to touch the little rectangles himself, force-guided them onto the dashboard. As he went to follow them, however, he brushed against the broken wire…
Obi-Wan returned to the Jedi Temple that day wearing both a sour expression and a very bad hairdo.
Meanwhile...
Obi-Wan recognized immediately the odd consistency of the candy. So did his boot, albeit with much more resentment. Admittedly, it tasted sweet, especially for two Jedi used to blander fare. "Don't swallow", Obi-Wan reminded his Padawan sternly. Or, as sternly as is possible when eating candy. It had a peculiar way of making one feel as if they're doing something right.
Anakin made no verbal reply, but simply rolled his eyes and made a determined expression as he tried to blow a bubble. A miniscule pink sphere emerged before snapping loudly and startling both Jedi.
Finding this interesting, Obi-Wan tried for a bubble as well. His got to about the size of a ping-pong ball before deflating sadly. Anakin tried again, his bubble slightly larger.
It went like this for several minutes before they bother decided they were thoroughly bored with baby bubbles. It was time to take out the big guns.
Anakin inhaled deeply, employing the Force to increase the capacity of his lungs; he then properly positioned the wad of gum and blew, softly but steadily. His bubble grew to the size of a datapad before going limp with a soft fwump. Obi-Wan followed his lead, blowing a bubble to slightly hazardous dimensions.
This, dear reader, was where it stopped being an investigation and started becoming a testosterone-fueled 'macho-er-than-thou'-type shenanigan. Yes, I realize that 'macho-er' is not a word, but if you tilt your head sideways and squint one eye, it can pass for one.
Anakin, trying not to show his amazement at Obi-Wan's monstrous bubble, attempted to blow one of his own; however, his concentration had faltered, and the bubble-attempt was no better than his very first.
His expression smug, Obi-Wan capitalized upon his powers once again, using the Force equivalent of steroids on his unfortunate bubble to make it grow larger than any of it's predecessors; larger, even, than Obi-Wan's excessively large head!
However, due in part to the sheer overlarge-ness of Obi-Wan's head, both literally and metaphorically, the Force was getting sick of being played with…
The Force, like most other deities, doesn't mind lending power now and then to righteous individuals. It's a good guy. Force. Thing. Whatever.
What the Force does mind is when those righteous people use it for not-so-righteous pursuits, such as bubble blowing. Then it gets angry.
Especially when the people using it have, for sake of sounding like a broken record, really big heads.
Obi-Wan's awesome bubble held it's shape for a single, glorious parsec before obliterating all over Obi-Wan's face.
It was truly spectacular.
Thoroughly amused by the sight of his master in a sticky pink wrapper, Anakin burst into uncharacteristically high-pitched, hysterical laughter.
This confused Obi-Wan even more than the fact that he was now seeing pink. Was it really funny enough to make his uber-masculine Padawan laugh like a little girl?
But let us not forget that Anakin also used the force to blow obscenely large bubbles. He had to be punished as well.
The Padawan's laughter subsided long enough for him to mime blowing a bubble and having it explode all over him.
But it wasn't quite a mime, seeing as how it actually happened.
"What do we do now?" said Pink!Obi-Wan dully to Pink!Anakin. Pink!Anakin lowered his pink!head and observed grimly, "there's no way I can get it out of my hair". Obi-Wan nodded in agreement. His pink!hair had joined his boot in the crusade against anything remotely resembling bubblegum.
Obi-Wan looked up at his Pink!Padawan, who retuned his gaze with stolid dtermination.
"We'll have to shave".
Two cloaked figures traipsed side-by-side through the Temple Gardens. Crisis had brought them closer, and they had abandoned the typical master-padawan formation. They were equal now, down to every last hair on their heads.
Or lack-thereof.
At least Mace Windu was delighted. His hairdo had finally come into style.
A/N: Oh. My. God. What is wrong with me? xD