Disclaimer: Do you think I own anything? XP

Me: My forth installment of How The Ed Made Christmas! I think it's hilarious! Anyway I'd like to thank all my reviewers and friends! So on with the OOC people in this story!

Chapter 4: Anger Management

Riza was walking in the hall when she heard... Ed! Yes his temper tantrum is on the loose again! Riza had been fed up with his screaming every hour and so now it was time to take action. Codename: Anger Management.

-in the office of Roy Mustang-

"Maes I'm gonna kill you if you don't stop talking about your daughter!" Roy yelled into the receiver of the phone.

"But she's so cute!"

"I. Don't. Care!" Roy said with gritted teeth.

"But-"

Roy hung the phone up and rubbed his head with his gloved hands. To bad Riza barged into the room with her gun out.

"How did you open the door when you can clearly see I locked it!" Roy yelled.

"I shot the lock."

Roy sunk into his chair and stared at the ceiling thinking. Let's take a peek into his thoughts shall we: 'I hate my life, I hate my life, I hate my life, I hate my life, I hate my life...I like Ed...I hate my life, I hate my life..I like donuts and coffee... Why is Riza pointing her gun at me?' "Why are you pointing that thing at me?"

"If you cooperate then you won't get hurt."

"Cooperate? Cooperate! I'm in a league ahead of you and you expect me, Roy Mustang, to cooperate with you! You must be crazy!"

Click

"Of course I'll cooperate with you Riza darling," said Roy as he put his hands up in defense.

Ed by a chance was walking by Roy's office when he heard Roy say: "Riza darling." Ed twitched a little then burst through the door!

Ed shot daggers at Riza. "He's mine you here! Mine, mine, mine, mine!"

Riza stared at Ed puzzled. "What are you talking about?"

"Don't play dumb with me! I heard Roy say "Riza darling," at you!"

Roy thought it was time to but in. "Ed she pointed her gun at me and forced me to cooperate with her about something, she didn't tell me."

"Well this is what I was going to tell you: Ed needs Anger Management," said Riza.

"Do not!" Ed protested.

Riza pointed her gun at him. "Yes you do."

"NO! I DON'T NEED IT!"

Click

"Shoot me then!"

Riza put her gun to the side. "Ed your short."

Ed blew steam out his head and turned red. " COME AND SAY THAT TO MY FACE YOU RETARDED CHINCHY LOOKING SON OF A BI-"

Riza hit him in the back of the head with her elbow and knocked him out. "See told you so."

Roy was gonna strangle Riza for doing that but kept his cool nonetheless. "Your right, so let's go to that psychiatrist."

-In the psychiatrist's room-

Ed woke up in a daze to notice he was bound to a chair. "WHAT THE HELL!"

"Keep your voice down," said the fat psychiatrist with his glasses looking like an owls eye pushed rather closely to his eyes.

"WHO ARE YOU!" Ed demanded to know since he was bound to a chair and had a rather small bump on the back of his head.

"I'm your psychiatrist Ed. Now I'm gonna ask you some questions and show you some ink blots and tell me what you think they are."

"What's your name doc?" Ed asked.

"My name is Dr. Suzziepicklelapalest."

Ed chuckled trying hard not to burst out into a hysterical fit. "Alright Dr. Suzziepicklelapalest. Show me some blots."

Dr. Suzzie..something held up a picture that looked like an upside down butterfly that was splattered against a window.

Ed answered. "It looks like me and Roy kissing!"

Dr. Suzziepicklelapalest looked closley at the picture, shook his head, then got another picture.

"Looks like Riza shooting someone."

The Doctor held another picture up.

"Me and Roy kissing."

Another picture.

"Me and Roy kissing."

Another picture.

"Me and Roy kissing."

Dr. Suzziepicklelapalest put the ink blots away and got out his handy clipboard. "Now Ed this is the questions part of the segment. So answer the questions okay?"

"Sure."

"Railroad crossings, look out for the cars, can you spell that without any R's?"

Ed wondered what the hell that had to do with anything and started to spell the whole sentence without R's. "A-i-l-o-a-d-c-o-s-s-i-n-g...l-o-o-k-"

"I'm afraid your wrong, the answer was that."

"That? That! You asked me to spell it without any R's!" Ed yelled infuriated.

"I said: Railroad crossings look out for the cars, can you spell that without any R's? See I said t-h-a-t," Dr. Suzziepicklelapalest spelled out.

"Whatever."

"Now here's the next question: losersayswhat!" the doc said really fast were you couldn't understand a word.

"What? Dammit!"

The Doctor wrote something down on his clipboard then flipped the page. "Here's the next question: Rose's are red, Violets are blue, what animal goes kyu kyu?"

"What the hell kinda a question is that!"

"Sorry the answer was a rabbit, a rabbit goes kyu kyu," the doctor wrote something else on his board.

Ed was gonna kill this guy! Let's take a peek inside his thoughts shall we...: 'I'm gonna KILL HIM! After I kill him I'm gonna kill Riza 'cause I know she's responsible for everything happening right now! Argh! This guy is a total nutcase! He isn't even giving me real answers! And what animal goes kyu kyu? Answer that bub! Argh! I wonder what he's writing on that clipboard thing? Hmm...'

Now let's take a look on what the Doc is writing! Authoress peers over shoulder of Dr. Suzziepicklelapalest. He's drawing a freaking piece of pie! Honestly..who draws a freaking piece of pie nonetheless! I'm gonna let that one slide for now. Let's get back to the progress now in session.

The psychiatrist started off. "Ed I have on more question: Do you like to be called short?"

Ed's fuse ticked then blew. "NO! DO LIKE BEING CALLED A FATTY FATSO WITH NO COLLEGE DEGREE AND IS A NERD!"

Dr. Suzziepicklelapalest's nerve cracked and began an insult competition. "At least I don't need a ladder just to walk the first step of my doorway!"

Ed's eye twitched. "At least I don't need to shave my back every ten minutes!"

Dr. Suzziepicklelapalest put away his razor and shot back. "When you were little, did your mom put you up for adoption because she thought you were a short little alien!"

"Take that back you geek!"

"Never you alien!"

"Fatty!"

"Midget!"

"Worm!"

"Poperastforg!"

"That's not even a word Fat Ass!"

The Doctor gasped. "Oh no you didn't!"

Ed smirked. "Oh yes I did girlfriend!"

They got into a cat fight flinging their arms everywhere but neither one of them hitting each other.

-5 minutes later-

They were still flinging their arms every where not even once hitting each other! This is getting us nowhere. Let's send Roy in the psychiatrist's office shall we? Ta-Da! Roy pop's out of nowhere and looks around the office.

"Where the hell am I!" Roy asked all mad and stuff.

Ed looked at Roy then forgot he was mad and..pounced Roy! Yes he pounced him because I said so! Now we're moving on...

"Ed get off me!"

"Never!" Ed hung on even tighter and wouldn't let go.

The psychiatrist looked down at the two figures on the floor and decided to continue his drawing on the piece of pie.

-later that day in Roy's office-

Maes barged into the office and pulled out all the pictures of his daughter. Roy, as quickly as maes pulled out the pictures, burned them to crisp. "That wasn't very nice!" Maes whined.

"Life isn't fair. Deal with it like the rest of us," said Roy as he signed papers, the evil papers of no return! Ahem moving on shall we.

"So how are things going with Ed?" Maes said slyly then winked.

"GET OUT!" He put his gloves on and aimed at Maes rear and set it to fire! Yes his rear end is on fire! Ha! Maes shot out of the office so fast you couldn't even say Suzziepicklelapalest.

Just then Ed happened to walk by soon enough to see Maes run out of the room and ran smack into a wall. Ed blinked. Then wondered what the hell just happened.

Ed walked into Roy's office and saw a very pissed of Roy with his teeth clenched together. "Roy you okay there?"

"No I'm not," came the reply.

Ed got an idea. "Then let me make you feel better!" Ed glomped Roy and started to hug him real tight and put motherly kisses on Roy's face.

"Ed!"

"That's my name, don't ware it out!" so the motherly kisses were gone and replaced by a nice long kiss that made everyone go 'aww.' "Now that that's over with...WHAT ARE GETTING ME FOR CHRISTMAS!"

"Christmas is in two days, can't you wait?"

Ed thought about it. "Nope."

"Your hopeless."

"But I'm your hopeless Ed!"

"And it'll always be that way," said the smirking Roy. The audience went 'awww.'

"Hey could you people shut-up! The audience needs to leave so shoo shoo!" The audience left and so Roy and Ed were alone once again. "Now where were we? Oh yea I was about to kiss the hell out of you because I felt like it!" so Ed pounced Roy once again and -er- kissed the hell out of Roy! ...again. I've decided that Roy is now the uke! I'm evil! Mwhahahaha! Back to the story now in session.

After Roy and Ed had there make-out session there, they went to Riza's office. Why? Because I felt they should! They barged into her office to see that Maes and Havoc were tied up and sweating like crazy. Not to mention that Riza had her gun pointing at them. Ed saw Havoc mouth the words 'Help' and so did Maes. Roy and Ed slowly backed away then sprinted into the hallway.

Roy panted a little. "What was Riza doing to them?"

Ed collapsed on the floor fro running so fast. "I have no idea and I think I don't want to find out."

"Your right. Ya wanna go to my house and play DDR?"

"Hell yea! Let's go!"

So they left Riza doing her business of torturing people to go to Roy's house to play DDR. This was a very interesting day. Wonder what's gonna happen on Christmas? Hmm...

Me: Ha! This chapter is really long. It's also hilarious! I have to congratulate myself on this. Anyway for the folks who don't know what DDR is, it's Dance Dance Revolution. Fun game really. I have that game at my Dad's house. Anyway please review for I see all!

PRESS ME TO GLOMP ED AND ROY!