Alex couldn't believe how badly that had gone. She was lying in her apartment, unable to sleep. She had gone back for Marissa, and she had returned with less than she started out with. Marissa was further away from her than she had realised.

She started out with a lie. " Had some things to take care of." She didn't. She'd gone back there hoping Marissa wouldn't have moved on.

She had though, and the image of Marissa with Ryan, kissing Ryan, touching Ryan, was burning her eyelids. Every time she thought of Marissa now it was with Ryan attached, his face mocking her over Marissa's shoulder.

It wasn't supposed to be this way. People weren't supposed to be made like paper, so they just fell apart when they were ripped. The backdrop of thunder and lightning seemed awfully appropriate now. The crashing sound reminded Alex of how her heart was breaking, the lightning ripping the sky apart reminding her of how her heart was being torn.

She turned over. Storms had always induced this restlessness in her, sometimes in a good way, sometimes in a bad way. This time, was the worse she'd ever been. How many times could one girl break her heart? She honestly felt that every time she thought of her, her heart was breaking all over again. She wondered how many pieces it would be left in, and who would help her to fix it.

She wanted it to be Marissa, that was her original intention today. Jodie, much to her surprise, had been great to her, proclaiming that she was over her, and she wanted things to be the way they were when they were friends. So far, it was working. Then again, she thought the same thing about her and Marissa's relationship. Jodie was the one to tell her to go back. She'd thought it was a good idea at the time. She laughed at that thought, her laugh sounding harsh and unexpected. Now wasn't a time for laughing, it seemed.

She'd hope Marissa was happy with Ryan, if she were any other ex. But it was Marissa, and Alex couldn't just dismiss her that way. She couldn't hope that she was happy with Ryan, either, because all she could think about was how he wasn't good enough for her.

" Apparently I was the one not good enough for her," she said out loud, bitterly.

" Bitterness doesn't suit you, Alex," said Jodie from her position in the doorway.

" It didn't go well?"

" What do you think, Jodie?" spat out Alex.

" I'm sorry," said Jodie, genuinely. " I really am. I hate seeing you like this, Alex."

" I hate feeling like this," said Alex.

" So what happened?"
" I really don't want to talk about it," said Alex, turning away from Jodie, effectively dismissing her. Jodie looked a little upset. Despite the fact that their relationship had been a complete disaster, Alex was still her friend. She left silently, looking back at Alex one more time, to see her huddled as close to the wall as possible, undoubtedly trying to block out the world.

In Newport, Marissa was doing the same; only she was trying to block out the word with alcohol. She was sat on the beach, in the spot where she and Alex had shared their first kiss, the necklace dangling awkwardly from her wrist, spinning in circles, like she imagined her feelings would be if they were visible.

Summer was approaching from a distance, Marissa noticed. She couldn't deal with this. She wanted to stand up and run away, but she knew she wouldn't get anywhere.

" Coop, I've been looking for you everywh…"she trailed off as she saw the bottle of Vodka carelessly held in Marissa's left hand, almost as if she didn't quite realise it was there.

" Drinking alone, again, Marissa?"

Marissa looked at her, her eyes bloodshot and heavy, partly due to the alcohol, the look completed by her tears. They had seemed endless tonight; she'd felt like she'd never stop crying.

" I miss her," she said, so quietly that Summer almost didn't hear it.

Summer sat down beside her, gently taking the bottle of alcohol from her unresisting grasp. She'd been wondering when Marissa would finally mention her.

" Why now?" asked Summer. " I thought you were moving on."

Marissa shook her head. " Summer, I never moved an inch," she said, staring out at the ocean once more. She wished Alex would come back, like the sea returned, its presence overwhelming. That was how Marissa had felt. Like the beach in relation to the sea. Not anymore, because Alex was like a tide that was always turning away from her.

" You and Ryan?" asked Summer gently.

Marissa closed her eyes.

" All I can think about is her."

" Do you love her?"

Marissa rubbed her hand across her eyes tiredly. She was tired, tired of pretending. She nodded slowly, feeling that it was not enough to describe how she felt for Alex, she added, " She's my everything. Was my everything," she amended.

" I saw her today."

" What happened?"

" I screwed up, like I always do," she said.

" What are you going to do?" asked Summer.

" Nothing," said Marissa, standing up and brushing the sand off herself. " We didn't have this conversation, right, Sum?"

" Coop…"

" Right, Sum?" Marissa repeated.

" Fine," sighed Summer. She'd deal with this later; Marissa could have her way for now.

Marissa looked at where she'd been sat once more.

" That's where she first kissed me," she said in a low tone.

Summer looked surprised. She thought Marissa's words meant that this discussion was over. Glad Marissa was opening up, though, she looked at her encouragingly.

" And he makes me feel empty, Sum," she said.

" Why do you stay with him?"

" It's safe. And I can pretend that it's her that's touching me, her telling me that she loves me, if I close my eyes and think hard enough."

Summer looked at her, saddened by the comment. She wanted Marissa to be genuinely happy, not to make do with what she now realised to be a lie.