A/N: -Hides face in hands- Don't kill me! I know it took me forever to update, but I have a good reason! I was grounded because I didn't wear my orthodontic rubber bands for about 5 days, because I use not wearing my rubber bands as a way to rebel against The Man. You should all take pity on me because I'm so incredibly ignorant that the only way I can rebel is to not wear my rubber bands!
-Sighs- I'm pathetic.
Ok, so yeah, it took me forever to write this one, and let me tell you, I hate it by far the most. Ugh, it's not that it's bad, it's just that I had this overwhelming urge to finish this chapter and just get it out of the way. So if it sucks, never fear! It won't happen again.
Thanks to Anjali, Zemmie, clickhere, Akt5us, and K for reviewing! Cookies to you! As for the other 61 people who didn't review...moo.
Shattered Serenity: I miss your reviews! PLEASE UPDATE DRINK UP ME HEARTIES! IT'S BEEN FOREVER!
Ok, now that I'm done ranting...on with chapter 6!
Disclaimer: I just finished rereading HBP. If I was JKR, it woulda not ended like that. No way. -Sobs-
Baby, don't let him go
Lily was sitting at a small table located near a large fireplace in the kitchens. Her chin was resting on her hand, her elbow propped up on the table. Her shirt was wrinkled from sleeping in it and her fiery hair was mused. She looked exhausted.
After she had dragged James into the kitchens, a crowd of house elves had surrounded them, asking if the two wanted anything. James had offered to get something for them to eat, so Lily went and sat down. And, 10 minutes later, she was still sitting there waiting for James and her food.
She massaged her grumbling stomach. God, what's taking him so long? I'm starving, she thought, glancing over at the house elves. They seemed to be hard at work. Probably getting ready for breakfast, Lily concluded, then went to check her watch to see what time it was. Of course, her watch was still in her dorm. She hadn't worn it on Christmas.
After a few more minutes went by, Lily's impatience got the better of her. She stood, stretched, and then went off to find James and her much needed food. She walked slowly through aisles of cupboards and elves, but there was still no sign of her so-called companion.
Lily looked around every few steps to make sure she didn't miss him somewhere. But instead of finding a boy with black messy hair and glasses, her eyes landed on a window. After checking to make sure she didn't somehow mistake James for a house elf, she walked towards it and put her hands on the sill.
The outside sky was streaked with pink and red. It must be almost sunrise, Lily thought. She continued to look at the sky, watching the sun rays and the moonlight battle for control over the sky. Eventually her gaze shifted toward the school grounds. Hagrid was tending to some animal in his pen. Lily felt bad for him, being outside so early and in winter. Granted, there hadn't been any snow yet that year, which was very odd for a place so far north. It usually snowed in October. It's probably got something to do with global warming or whatever it's called, Lily decided, crossing her arms on the sill and leaning in. It's too bad, too. I really like Hogwarts when there's snow everywhere. Maybe it'll snow this week, or maybe even today. That'd be wicked. I could use some cheering up about now...
Lily blinked. No, she thought. It can't be...
A small, white snowflake drifted down and landed on the outdoor window ledge. Lily stared at it with her mouth slightly open, her hot breath fogging up the glass window panes.
Then came another one. And another. Soon snowflakes were swirling down to the grounds below, slowly beginning to coat all of Hogwarts in a thin blanket of white.
Lily heard James' voice from behind her. "Oh, there you are. I thought you'd left. The house elves are almost done with the food-"
"It's snowing..." Lily said quietly, a small smile coming over her face. "It's snowing!" She repeated louder, her smile growing. "I knew it would snow today, I knew it!" She stood there happily for a few minutes, taking in the beauty of the drifting flakes, before asking James, "Tell me, when the snow melts, what does it become?"
James stared at the back of her head, slightly caught off guard by her question. "Um, snow becomes water, right?"
"No," Lily said, turning toward him, her smile still in place, "It becomes spring!" She turned back to the window. "See, in everything, there's some form of ice and snow, like in winter. And then there's always something that can melt it. It's spring. I think spring is my favorite season. Everything comes to life and the world is just so...breathtakingly beautiful." Lily sighed. She watched as several more snowflakes fell.
"Hey, what time is it?" Lily asked suddenly, turning back to James.
"Uh," He said, staring at her. He quickly snapped out of his trance and checked his watch. "Oh, 5:37."
"Hm. We should probably eat, then." Lily said, turning from him and heading back towards the table. James walked beside her, but the two remained silent until Lily exclaimed, "Whoa!"
On the table sat a feast equal in every way to the feast served on Christmas. There was a steaming roast turkey, a heaping bowl of mashed potatoes, biscuits, gravy, corn, cranberry sauce and stuffing, but that was just the main course. On the table next to there's was treacle tart, cherry strudel, pumpkin pie, chocolate-chip cookies, pumpkin pasties and cauldron cakes. 'Whoa' didn't really seem to do the meal justice.
"It's like Thanksgiving at great-aunt Estle's house all over again..." Lily said, her widened eyes taking it all in.
"I thought you'd like it," James said, taking a seat at the small table. "Dig in!" He started to fill his plate.
Lily sat down in a daze, examining all the food. It was then that remembered how hungry she was. In a split second, her plate was filled and she was happily munching on a large slice of turkey. It tasted so good that her mouth watered.
"It's delicious!" James exclaimed, taking second helping of everything.
"For once, I agree with you, Potter." Lily said, shoveling mashed potatoes into her mouth. (Hey, teenage girls have to eat too, you know.)
After cleaning his plate a second time, James asked, "So where'd you come up with that snow analogy? It was really...insightful."
Lily looked up at him from her stuffing. "My grandmother asked me what becomes of snow a long time ago, before I came here," she answered, looking back down at her plate, a small smile coming onto her face from the memory. "I told her it became water, because we had just gone over changes of matter in science class at my muggle elementary school. But my grandma shook her head and told me that nearly everyone thinks that, but they're wrong. She told me of how everything has something resembling snow within it. Iciness, I guess. But then she told me that no matter how much of a lost cause that thing or person seems to be, spring will always come, without fail. Because even if there are layers and layers of snow surrounding something, there's always something, or someone for that matter, who can melt it away. It's really nice to think about, huh?" She said, looking back up at James. To her surprise, she saw admiration in his eyes.
"You were really close to your grandmother, weren't you?" He asked softly.
Lily looked at James for a moment, as if scrutinizing him. She then sighed and turned her head to the large fire place and the flames glowing in the grate. "Yes. Like I said earlier, she was the only family member I had who ever really cared about me. See, when I was little, my parents would go away a lot on business. And every time, Petunia and I would be sent to our grandma's. I always loved it there. My grandma lived on about three acres, half field, half forest. I'd go and wander in the woods or pick flowers or vegetables with my grandma. She taught me how to sew and how to cook and bake there. We'd go to drive-in theatres and bowling alleys, even to flea markets. My grandma and I did so much together. She was the only family member who really knew me, the real me...
"But Petunia hated it there. She only ever wanted to hang out with her friends, never with me or our grandmother. I guess it's 'cuz she's four years older and I wasn't cool enough for her standards. She'd complain constantly about being there, so mum and dad started taking less business trips so that we didn't have to go there. Eventually, dad got a new job and mum stopped working, so the only time I'd ever see grandma was on holidays. And then I came here, and I got to see her even less. And now..." Lily's voice broke and she brought her arm up to wipe away her stray tears. She continued. "And now, I'll never see her again. Sometimes...sometime I wish I wasn't a witch, so that I could've been with her when she...when she died. If I'd been home, I woulda seen the signs and known that my parents' marriage was falling apart, too. I just...I just wish that it didn't have to be like this." Lily turned back to her food, which by now was slightly cool. "But I doubt you can understand that." She said suddenly. "It must be easier to listen to someone say all of this than to actually live it."
James thought for a moment. "We all have our problems, you know." Lily looked up at him. "Even me. See, I'm from an old rich wizarding family. My dad works in the Ministry, so he's gone a lot, like your parents. My mum stays at home, but she's really into her social circles of friends and is always off at some tea party or other social gathering. When I was little, my dad would take me to work with him because he wanted me to work in the Ministry just like him.
"But when I was 11, right before I came to Hogwarts, my dad took me to work and I watched him fire someone. It was a middle-aged lady, and she was being fired for sending an owl out too late or something stupid like that. He yelled at her a lot and she kept begging him to let her stay. She kept saying that she was a single mom who had a family to support. She said to him, 'Please sir, I have to send my child to Hogwarts this year, and I can't even pay for his books as it is! Please, what if it was your son who wouldn't be able to have school books and robes?' My dad yelled back, (James adopted a deeper voice) 'Don't you dare compare my family to yours they're on completely different levels.' Then he left the lady in tears and slammed the door. I later found out that that was Remus's mother.
"My dad always said, 'James, you need to know that there are people in this world who don't deserve our sympathy. They're the low life scum who can't do what they're told. When you work here, show them no mercy. If they want success, they have to work for it, like our family has. And if they can't keep a job, then they're not worth the effort.'"
James took up looking at the fire. "After that, I realized that I didn't want to be anything like my dad. I never wanted to think that I was better than someone just because I was richer or had 'better blood'. It doesn't matter. People have to help people, all of them." He shook his head. "I knew that I never wanted to work in the Ministry, so I joined the Quidditch team. My dad wasn't too thrilled. He told me not to waste my time on such petty hobbies. Then Sirius's parent's kicked him out of his house. I offered to let him stay at my place, and apparently my parents' brains were malfunctioning that day, 'cuz they said yes without a fuss, and now Sirius lives with me."
Lily gazed at him. "I guess it's hard to imagine you not having a perfect life. I mean, you've got all the money one could ever dream about, pure blood, and great friends. It seems like you've got it made."
James looked at her sadly. "Just because someone's life seems great doesn't mean it is," he said, a pained smile spreading across his face.
"I'm sorry," Lily said, her eyes on the ground. "I guess I just prejudged you, is all."
'Thanks, but you don't have to apologize. You're not the first to do so." James said, cutting himself a slice of pumpkin pie. "Want some?" He asked, poising to cut her a piece.
"Sure," she said, handing him her plate. "You said Sirius lives with you. Why? And if he does, then why isn't he here too?"
James handed her plate back. "His parents kicked him out, partially because he's in Gryffindor, partially 'cuz he's not a Death Eater. But it's not really my business, so you can ask him about the rest." He took a bite of pie. "And he's not here now 'cuz his uncle died and left him something on his will. Apparently, Sirius was his favorite nephew."
"So then I guess he and I are in similar situations here." Lily said, after swallowing a piece of her pie. "It must've been awful to be kicked out of his house. By his own parent, especially."
"Well, to tell you the truth, I don't think Sirius cares. He hates his family, and they hate him back." James replied.
"That's gotta be really hard, knowing that your family hates you, and then hating them back."
"But your sister doesn't like you, and you're okay with it," James said, taking a bite of his crust.
"Yeah, but I do care about that. I feel really bad about it, because I didn't do anything to make her hate me. Aside from being a witch." Lily said, finishing up the last of her pie.
James looked slightly angry on her behalf. "She's just jealous. And if I were you I'd forget about her. If she doesn't like you for who you are as opposed to what you are, then she's not worth your time."
Lily reddened slightly. "She's not jealous. She's glad not to be a 'freak'."
"You're not a freak." James said, looking her directly in the eye. "And even if you were, there are a hell of a lot of us 'freaks', as your sister so quaintly put it, who'll help you stop her from thinking that."
Lily took in the meaning of his words. Looking down at her clean plate, she said "I don't...She can think whatever she wants, but despite what I said earlier, I love being a witch. I was born to be who I am now. And I'm glad," She looked up and smiled at James, "That there are people out there that do care a bit."
"Just a bit." James said, smiling back.
Just give him a chance to grow
After being escorted back to her dorm by a very willing James, taking a shower and changing her clothes, Lily sent letters out to Claire, Alice and Sarah, explaining what had happened and telling them that she was okay. They each read:
Dear Claire, Alice and Sarah,
I really wish that I didn't have to tell you this in a letter, but there's no helping it. Last night, I got a letter from my mother. My grandmother died of a heart attack on Christmas day. And apparently, her death jolted my parents into realizing that they want a divorce.
Don't worry, I'm doing okay. There was an...odd occurrence that really helped me get over it a bit, so I'm much better than I was when I first found out. (I'll explain when you get back.) I'm gonna be alright. I promise.
Hope your holiday's going well, and wishing the best,
Lily
Late in the evening when break finished, Lily exited the Heads' dorms with her belongings only to crash into a very concerned looking Claire. After wrenching Lily's box out of her arms, Claire enveloped Lily in a bone crushing hug. Lily, who was trying to free herself from Claire's grasp, looked up just in time to see Alice and Sarah run up to hug her as well. After being squeezed to death by her friends, Lily piped up. "Um, guys? Why don't we go back to the dorm?"
Claire, Alice and Sarah exchanged looks. "Okay," Claire said, pulling out the letter and waving it in Lily's face. "But we're gonna talk aboutthis there. I've been agonizing overit for 2 and a half days. Could your letter have been anymore vague?"
"Well, I could've not sent a letter. Then you'd just be really surprised, so be thankful I warned you in advance," Lily replied, picking her box back up off the ground.
"Uh, Lily?" Sarah asked, watching her friend struggle with her belongings. "Why don't you just levitate the box back?"
"Huh? Oh, good question. I didn't think about it. I'll just do that now..." Lily replied. Her three friends looked at each other once again: What on earth was wrong with Lily?
As they neared the Gryffindor common room, Lily stopped suddenly and turned to Claire, Alice and Sarah. "Look, if anything...out of the ordinary happens in the common room, don't say anything. I'll tell you when we get to our room, okay?"
Claire raised her eyebrows. "Lily, what are you-"
"Claire, please don't ask. I'll tell you when we get to the room. I promise." And with that, she gave the password ("Chimeara.") and climbed through the portrait hole, the others following in bewildered silence.
About halfway through the common room, their path was interrupted by a cheery looking Sirius Black, who said, "My, it's Little Red Riding Hood! Just who I've been searching for! Do my ears deceive me, or have you been warming up to our dear Jamsie?"
Lily rolled her eyes while three jaws dropped simultaneously behind her. "Where did you hear that?" She asked, her eyes darting quickly to James and back. He was watching her again.
"When I came back to our lovely school, I heard some young Hufflepuffs giggling about the Head Boy and Head Girl. So, being the wonderfully charming person that I am, I coaxed them into telling me what they were talking about. And you wouldn't believe what they said." Sirius replied, making dramatic arm movements and speaking loud enough as to attract the attention of the entire common room.
"They told me that James Potter and Lily Evans spent a lot of their time over the holidays together. They were seen walking down the hall and sitting at dinner together. Prongs would comment on the matter, but what do you have to say, Lilykins?" He asked, pointing at Lily, who felt that the common room had suddenly gotten way too crowded.
"Look Black-" She started, only to be cut off by a familiar voice.
"Leave her alone, Sirius. Hufflepuff house is the gossip capital of this school. You should know better than to believe anything they're talking about." James said, coming up to stand between Lily and Sirius.
"So you're not an item, then?" Sirius asked, looking almost crestfallen.
"We were going over information for the prefects meetings. It's not like that's completely out of the ordinary," Lily said, hoping that her voice sounded convincing. "And no we're not an 'item', as you put it."
Sirius huffed and went back to the table that he and the other Maraurderers were sitting at. Lily looked momentarily at James and gave him a grateful smile. He nodded his head in return and joined his friends at their table.
Claire took this moment to speak. "To the dorm then, Lily?" She asked, no patience in her voice what-so-ever.
"Right," Lily replied, following her friends as the ascended quickly up the stairs.
Once they entered the room, Claire, Alice and Sarah turned to Lily and said, "Spill."
Lily took a deep breath. "Okay, but I think you're gonna want to sit down for this one..." And with that, she told them everything. How she'd avoided James up until Christmas dinner, how she'd gotten her letter, how she'd sobbed herself to sleep on top of him, how he'd treated her to breakfast, and how over the last few days hehadn't strayed too far from her side, just in case she wanted to talk about things. As she was speaking, Claire, Alice and Sarah each took on bewildered looks. James Potter, being nice to Lily Evans? What the hell?
"And so now, everyone's back, and I don't know what to do." Lily said, sitting down. After getting a glimpse of a different James Potter, she'd actually started to not despise his presence, perhaps even consider him a (Dare I say it?) friend. But since everyone had come back, would he resume his usual annoying antics?
"Lily, if you're so concerned about all of this, you should talk toJames about it, not us," Sarah said, putting her hand on Lily's shoulder.
"Sarah's right, Lils. We can help you through this, but I think it'd make you feel better if you talked to him." Claire agreed. Alice, who was sitting next to Claire, nodded.
"Look guys - I appreciate what you're trying to do here, but I think I just need time to myself for a while. You know, sort out my thoughts and stuff." Lily said, standing up and grabbing her pajamas. "And besides, I'm a bit tired. I may just turn in for the night."
"Ok, fine," Claire said stubbornly. "But I still think you should talk to him."
"Seconded." Alice added.
After a few minutes in the bathroom, Lily was in bed with the new novel she'd gotten for Christmas. Once everyone else was in bed, she placed her book back on her night stand. Sliding under the covers, she said,"It feels so nice to be back in my bed."
"Yeah," said Alice. "I had to use the guest bedroom at my house. I will never forgive my parents for that mattress."
Lily sighed, thinking. It was really nice to be back with her friends again. But something kept nagging at her, almost as if she'd forgotten to do something...
"Hey Lily?" Claire asked suddenly.
"Yeah?"
"Are you starting to fall for Potter?"
Lily blinked and rolled to face her friend. "Where'd you get that idea?"
"Are you gonna answer the question?"
"You should already know the answer," Lily said, turning back onto her back.
"Yes, but my answer may be very different from your own."
"I doubt it," Lily said. To show that the conversation was over, she yawned hugely and rolled onto her stomach, closing her eyes. "G'night, guys." She said.
"Night," the other three answered.
They lay in silence for several minutes until Lily was almost asleep, when Sarah said, "Hey Lily?"
Lily groaned as if to say, 'What?'
"You thanked Potter for helping you through all of that, didn't you?"
Lily's eyes snapped open. Shit!
-Sighs- Ok, so it wasn't that bad. But I think the ending is a tad rushed. Oh well.
Alright, I spent 3 weeks agonizing over whether or not I'd have any reviewers left after this, so to show you care, which you may or may not, PLEASE REVIEW!
Hugs and fuzzles
MM360