Tori: After this, I'm writing The Book Of Love
All: Oh joy…
Super Battle Athletes Gundam Wing
Chapter 2
Bye-Bye Illegal Goat Plane!
"I'm dirty and I smell like illegal goats and I wanna go home…" Quatre whined. Duo tossed a handful of hay at him and soon a full-scale war was being waged with dead grass and some of the smaller, more aerodynamic of the illegal goats.
"Whoo-hoo… More sarcastic authorship on Tori's part…" Wu Fei cheered sardonically. For some strange reason, one of the overhead screws managed to work itself loose and bean the angry little teenager in the noggin.
The slapstick humor only held the pilots' attention for a moment though, because after that screw, fifteen others along the ceiling of the plane came unscrewed and rolled one after another down a convenient little pipe, all to bean Wu Fei in the same spot. Again, this did not concern them as much as the fact that the plane was, well, falling apart with them and the illegal goats still onboard.
A shaky voice came over the intercom and announced that the craft would have to make an emergency landing and to assume the crash position. Now, our pilots, being…pilots all knew that all the stupid crash position they advertise does in the event of a crash is shove your spine up into your brain so you die faster. That happy thought under their belts, they assumed said position against my wishes, preferring to die rather than finish out this latest fic of mine.
But then Quatre got an Idea. Notice that 'Idea' is capitalized, because, while it isn't a particularly good idea, it IS one that someone like us would come up with.
This Arab was going to hi-jack the plane. And land it. Safely.
"I'm gonna hi-jack the plane!" Quatre announced and rose to his feet. His fellow goats and the illegal pilots- achem -His fellow pilots and the illegal goats hastily cleared a path for him as he charged at the cockpit's door. After a few solid kicks to the frame, it still refused to budge. Then another Idea occurred to him (again, note the capital 'I'). He leaned down to examine the small sign just above the knob only to realize that it simply read 'Pull'.
Quatre shot the door and walked through it anyway. "I always wondered what'd it'd be like to be Heero for a day…"
Inside the cockpit he saw a hastily-written note that simply said 'There is no black box. There IS no black box!'. A door was swinging open and in the expanse of sky outside it, the blonde boy could just barely catch a glimpse of a disappearing speck and the word "AHHHHHHHHHH…!" trailing in big, bold letters from the doorway to the speck, which Quatre correctly assumed was his last word.
"You alright in there?" came a voice from the body of the plane. Trowa joined him in the small space and after scanning the control panel for a moment, selected an arbitrary button and pressed it. The plane leveled out and glided somewhat noisily but otherwise safely to a stop in the middle of a track field on the ground that was previously far below. "For all your good intentions, Quat, you're pretty useless when it comes down to it."
"I know…" Quatre sighed and they traipsed back to the others.
"Well, the plane's landed. What happened to her?" Trowa said, Duet catching his eye as she was sprawled out on the hay-strewn floor, eyes half-lidded and blood trickling from the corner of her mouth. A goat was curled up next to her and snapped at Duo's braid every time he got too close.
"Oh. Her? She contracted anemia from that goat," Duo replied.
Wu Fei rolled his eyes. "Why can't you just focus, Tori? This story isn't going anywhere!"
Maybe it's just my unique story-telling style…
"And maybe you're on crack," Heero suggested.
Go jump off a curb, kisama.
"Hey! Get this thing off our field!" someone outside the plane called, interrupting what promised to be a rather nonsensical argument between a Gundam pilot and an insomniac.
Confused, Trowa opened the plane's door to find a blonde girl glaring up at them.
"You must be the ugliest girl I've ever seen…" she remarked. Trowa promptly shut the door and turned to face his friends.
"Not-necessarily-bad news: we made it to the Antarctica training camp… Not-necessarily-good news: I think we're supposed to be girls."
"Tori! You disappoint me! The girl who vowed never to succumb to clichés is making us dress as girls? Injustice!" Wu Fei cried, leaping to his feet.
Go stick a fork in a toaster, Fei.
"You're also doing the Wu Fei bashing thing…"
Go stick a fork in a toaster, Fei.
"You just said that."
Well, you haven't done it yet.
"Can we end this here? There's room for this in other chapters…" Duo reasoned.
"Yes, and we can use the time in-between to don our cosplay-"
"-disguises-"
"Right, Trowa, disguises. It's a win-win situation," Heero added.
Sounds like a plan. Wanna go watch 'This Is Otakudom' again?
"YEAH!"
Tori: Another sad little chapter, but this story has become my baby… Something to work on when I'm up at insane hours…
Beep Beep!
Tori: Awww… I forgot to feed my Tamagotchi!
Duet: There is no brick…! There is no brick…! gasp WIIIIIII-AWWWWWWW! CRASH! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Heero: …what possessed you to do that…?
Duet: Andy inspires me.
Duo: Hmmm… This is going to require…and extremely cunning plan!
awkward pause
Duo & Duet: LAND SHARK!
Trowa: Eerie how good a Randy Duo makes…
Wu Fei & Quatre: asleep on couch
All: Lucky bastards…