Tori: Peter…must be a WARLOCK!

Relena & Tori: Hehehe…

Relena: snort Dildo fire!

Both: WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Duet: That is SO inappropriate, you two. grins

Relena: hugs Tori Jealous?

Heero: Leave my girl alone, ya damn lesbian.

Tori, Relena & Duet: blink blink

Tori: whispers …which one of us is he talking to?

Heero: -- I'm gonna go sit in the non-lesbian corner with Kim and Jess now…

Super Battle Athletes Gundam Wing

Chapter 5

Where the hell did I leave off? I could open the previous chapter and check but… I am one seriously lazy bitch right now, so I'll just make some shit up.

Duo munched happily on his half-frozen waffle as he peered around at new surroundings. The room, uniforms, and broken toaster they'd provided him with were very much to his liking, but he would never admit it. I mean, what self-respecting boy would ever admit out loud that he liked wearing girls' clothing? Besides-

"But Tori… Everyone knows I like wearing girl clothes. I went to school in a mini-skirt and fishnets once."

Sorry… forgot you had no self-respect. ANYHOO! … … … Shit… What was I talking about? Ah yes! Trowa…

"No, you were talking about me!" Duo protested.

Shut it, you wanker.

The Russian boy sat quietly in the hallway outside his room wearing the pink school uniform that had been provided, minus the shoes of course because they were, well, on the other side of the door. The door that Trowa, in spite of all the intelligence that filled his head, was unable to open. He tried staring at it, standing awkwardly in front of it, mumbling at it…even slowly approaching it as if it were one of the automatic doors back home. Nothing seemed to be working, so he sat in the hallway and watched as girls walked to and fro, willy-nilly in and out of their rooms like it was easy as apple pie. The triangle-shaped pocket door was the absolute center of his thoughts… which was unfortunate for Quatre.

The blonde boy-dressed-as-girl approached him slowly and knelt down beside him. "Trowa?" he asked, and lifted a hand to touch the older boy's face.

"Not now, Scribbles. I'm pondering."

Quatre flinched. "Fine. I just need to get something out of your room." He stood and approached the door, which opened courteously. Trowa leapt to his feet and tried to follow, but it snapped shut and chuckled menacingly.

"Oh, I can tell you right now…we are NOT gonna get along," Trowa hissed and kicked at the track the door slid on.

On the other side, Quatre knocked. "Trowa, I'm stuck and the door won't open!"

Trowa gasped. "Listen here, door! You let go of my boyfriend right now!" The door slid open just a bit and Trowa slipped his fingers in the crack and pulled. It slammed shut again and Trowa's eyes bulged. "YE-AHHHHHHHHHHHH! THE SON OF A BITCH BIT ME!"

"Don't be silly, Trowa! You just got your hand stuck. The door can't bite you," Quatre reasoned. He reached to assist his friend on the other side of the entrance, but the door growled menacingly and he quickly drew his hand back. "Okay… It's biting you."

Trowa thought for a minute, fighting back the pain in an attempt to form a rational plan. He quickly gave up on that and settled for yelling "HEEEEEEEEEEEEELP! SOMEONE! ANYONE! HEEEEEEEEEEEELP!"

The door soon grew tired of his yelling and opened just enough for Trowa to free his hand and Quatre to slip out, then it slammed shut again.

"You might wanna get that door checked out…make sure it's had its rabies shot," the blonde grumbled and walked off down the hall, a recently-retrieved pair of boxers slung over his shoulder. Trowa shook his hand out, then inspected the damage. He decided it warranted some medical attention seeing as there was blood all over the door and his hand and sleeve, so he set out in search of the nurse.

"This fic is so stupid," Wu Fei mumbled to the short haired girl sitting on the floor behind him as he brushed his hair in front of the dresser mirror. "This is, what, the fifth chapter? There has been hardly ANY forward progression!"

"Mmm hmmm..." Ichino agreed, preoccupied with disassembling the bag Heero had left in the room before his morning adventure. She separated the contents into piles of clothes, weapons, hentai and bondage paraphernalia.

"Are you even listening to me?" Wu Fei spun around on his chair to look at her. "Oooo, Heero's gonna kill you."

"Hmph."

"Ichino?"

"Sorry, I don't want to say much. The more I talk, the more the authoress will make fun of Osaka," Ichino replied, her words heavy with an Osaka accent. Now, there's nothing wrong with being from Osaka…and people from Osaka are a lot more friendly than, say, people from Tokyo, but… They're so much fun to tease. I mean, all you have to say is something like 'Wow! Those Tigers lost again, eh? They really suck.' And they'll go all "I'll kill your family" on your ass and-

"OKAY, BITCH! Pick on me all you want, but leave baseball out of this!"

See?

"Tori, quit picking on the characters! It's bad enough that you pick on us, but at least we can beat you up in real life. These Battle Athletes girls are totally defenseless," Wu Fei reasoned.

Alright, Squeaky…

"Ookini, Wu Fei."

HAHA! OOKINI!

"TORI! STOP MAKING FUN OF OSAKA PEOPLE!"

Oops. The authoress humbly apologizes to Osaka, baseball, and the colors yellow and black.

Tori: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I UPDATED!

All: stare at Tori

Tori: o.o Right o… Back to Abnormal Psych…