Van Van the Afro Man

By Blue-Jellee

"Come on babe,
Why don't we paint the town?
And all that jazz".

A sunny afternoon on Planet Z, one of which most people were out enjoying the sunlight. But not Van Flyheight, oh no not he. He was stuck outside doing maintenance to his Blade Liger, whilst singing.

"I'm gonna rouge my knees
And roll my stockings down
And all that jazz".

Van sang away, unaware that he was being watched by a certain blonde haired someone, and her dark haired female friend.

"Start the car
I know a whoopee spot
Where the gin is cold
But the piano's hot.

It's just a noisy hall
Where there's a nightly brawl
And all
That
Jazz".

Adding in some pelvis thrusts, Van was boogying away.

"Slick your hair
And wear your buckle shoes
And all that Jazz".

He thought he heard a giggle in the distance, but he must've imagined it. He took a glance behind him to check nobody was watching, and continued with his song.

"I hear that Father Dip
Is gonna blow the blues
And all that Jazz".

Van was really getting into the dance now. He shook his hips and did a few more pelvic thrusts. 'Oh yeah, baby' he shouted out loud, and continued with his song.

"Hold on, hon
We're gonna bunny hug
I bought some aspirin
Down at United Drug
I case you shake apart
And want a brand new start
To do that.. JAZZ".

Van emphasised the last word by screaming it out as loud as he could muster. He shook his hair and shook his hips. Still unaware that he was being watched, he continued his song.

"And all that Jazz..
and all that jazz..
and all that jazz..".

"Gee, Van really seems to be getting into that dance doesn't he? I reckon we should sign him up for dance classes," a tanned girl known as Moonbay smiled.

"Oh no, Moonbay, I'm really sure he wouldn't like that." The blonde haired girl shook her head. "We should just leave him, if he found out we were watching him, he'd get very upset".

Moonbay threw back her head and laughed. "Oh god Fiona, you're so naïve. Seriously, if Van can stand your drinking of salty coffee and not get upset, I don't think this'll bother him."

"Hey! I resent tha-!" Fiona was cut off by someone singing ahead of her.

"Come on, babe
We're gonna brush the sky
I bet you luck Lindy
Never flew so high
'Cause in the stratosphere
How could he lend an ear
to all that Jazz?"

Van grabbed his crotch and thrust it in a nature reminiscent of Michael Jackson. "OHH YEAH BABY!" he screamed.

"I don't think I can stand this much longer." Moonbay shook her head. "He's just making a complete dufus of himself. She straightened up and cupped her mouth with her hands. "OI VAN!" she yelled out. "I LOVE YOUR DANCING!"

Van froze, unable to move a muscle.

"YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT!" Moonbay continued to shout, much to Van's embarrassment. "FIONA AND I LOVE YOUR DANCING. DON'T STOP ON OUR ACCOUNT."

"Wha- Fiona!" Van spun around as fast as he could. If anything could make his face redder than it already was, it was the sight of the blonde beauty standing next to Moonbay, looking lost for words. 'Great, embarrass yourself in front of the woman you love, you bogan' Van thought angrily.

The aftermath of this little incident was worse than what had happened. Van was so embarrassed at being caught dancing like a hoochie mama by Fiona and Moonbay that he took a shower straight after he got inside, so he could avoid the amused gazes of his friends. He sighed, and leant down to grab a shampoo, not aware of the shampoo he'd actually picked up. He washed his hair twice, and then washed himself all over. After 10 minutes or so, he heard a scream from outside the bathroom.

"OI VAN YOU LOSER, WILL YOU GET OUT OF THE SHOWER SO SOME OF US CAN ENJOY THE HOT WATER? OR ARE YOU TOO BUSY DANCING?" the voice had shouted. Van heard a snicker behind the door, and then footsteps walking away. He sighed, and got out of the shower.

He went straight to bed after that, not wanting to face any of his friends. He had a troubled dream, that a monkey had chased him around trying to steal his underwear. Weird, but not the weirdest dream he'd ever had.

He woke up after 8 hours sleep feeling refreshed. He was feeling good. Today would be a good day. After getting changed, he had just walked out of his bedroom, humming to himself. He was so busy humming to himself he didn't realise Fiona walking near him, and only noticed her presence when he walked into her. "Oh, sorry Fiona, I wasn't paying attention." But it seemed Fiona wasn't paying attention to his apology, either. She was gazing avidly at his hair.

"What? What's wrong, Fiona?'

Fiona was still gazing at his hair. "Oh nothing's wrong with me, Van. Nothing."

Van looked at her. "Wha-?"

Fiona couldn't contain herself anymore, she burst out laughing."

"Wha-. " Van was cut off again.

Fiona gasped, tears running down her cheeks. Holding her stomach, she cried,

"Van, you have an AFRO!"

Hey people. This is a re-write of a story I wrote a few years ago, that I felt needed a bit of a makeover. Please R/R, or I'll tell Van you kissed Fiona without him knowing