This chapter is dedicated to my love -Iceprincess85. Read her stories now, or else I'll tell Inuyasha you're being mean to Kagome and he'll hurt you.
'What the hell is on Van's head?' Moonbay thought wildly. 'It looks pathetic'.
Fiona sighed, and continued. "He kind has an afro now..".
Chapter 3: Dr. Norbert Pootius, PhD
Van Van the Afro Man by Blue Jellee
Disclaimer: I do not own Zoids, but I really wish I did.. so if the creators are willing to sell .. (as if). I also did not write the lyrics in this chapter; they are from My Humps by the Black Eyed Peas.
Van was sitting on his bed, habitually glancing at his bedroom door as though he were expecting somebody to barge through it. In reality, he was merely deep in thought about his current predicament. A few days had passed since Van's friends had witnessed his afro, and he'd been avoiding everybody; staying in his room and ignoring knocks on his door, only letting in Fiona every now and then to talk, since she was the only one polite enough not to laugh when she saw him.
He hadn't yet been successful in removing the afro; he hadn't ever known anybody who'd come across the same problem, so he couldn't ask for advice. Moonbay and Irvine were all for letting Van keep the afro, claiming they needed something 'funny' to look at every now and then to lift their spirits. As for Fiona, she was all willing to help Van get rid of it. Fiona had prepensely suggested that Van should go and see a hair specialist, and he, somewhat reluctantly, agreed. "It may be the only way to get rid of that thing, Van" Fiona had said just the day earlier, "please go?" Not wanting to disappoint Fiona, Van had agreed.
The day before Van was due at the hair specialist arrived in great hurry, and Van wasn't sure he could hold out much longer with his afro. It was true that Van was now getting used to his afro, but that did not mean he liked it. It definitely did not. And so, Van thought, the best way to get rid of all the pent up stress was to sing. Singing always helped.
"What you gon' do with all that junk?
All that junk inside your trunk?"
Van lifted himself off of his bed, grabbed one of Fiona's hairbrushes that she had left in his room recently, and started singing into it.
"I'ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump. "
'Ooh yeah' Van thought. 'This is great'.
"My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,
My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely little lumps."
Van was getting louder now; louder with each word.
"I drive these scrubbers crazy,
I do it on the daily,
They treat me really nicely,
They buy me all these ice-ys.
Dolce & Gabbana,
Fendi and then Donna
Karen, they be sharin'
All their money got me wearin'
Fly gearrr but I ain't askin,"
Van started doing the whole pelvic thrust thing; swaying his hips to and forth, side to side.
"They say they love my ass 'n,"
Van slapped himself on the butt, and continued.
"Se7en Jeans, True Religion,
I say no, but they keep givin'
So I keep on takin'
And no I ain't fakin'
We can keep on datin'
I keep on demonstrating."
"Um.. what are you doing, Van?" a voice came from behind Van. He jumped 10 feet in the air, and turned around.
"WHAT are you doing here!" Van shouted, blushing furiously.
"My gosh, Van, no need to be rude." Fiona tilted her head awkwardly at Van. "I was just asking a question. Anyway, I just came in here to see if you were alright, but I guess you are, so I'll leave." Fiona turned her back on Van and walked out of the room. 'Well that went well' Van thought sarcastically, and threw himself on the bed.
"Here we are" Fiona turned and smiled at Van, who nodded glumly. "The doctor's name is.." Fiona looked down at the piece of paper in her hand, "Dr. Pootius".
Van was shunned out of his state of total misery by the words that came out of Fiona's mouth. "Dr POOTIUS? What kind of name is Pootius, anyway? His mum sure didn't love him…"
"Van! I'm surprised at you. Since when have you judged a person by their name?" Fiona scolded loudly, glaring at Van.
"Never, not until now. But I've never heard of a person with such a stupid last name. What's his first name, do you know?"
Fiona rolled her eyes. "Yes, I do know, but I'm not saying. You'll only make fun of him."
"What? I will not!"
"Yes you will"
"No I won't"
"You will!"
"Won't!"
"Fine! It's Norbert. Norbert Pootius.. happy?"
A loud burst of laughter came from Van. He couldn't talk because he was laughing so hard.
"Ugh, I am never taking you anywhere again, got it? Are you listening to me?" Fiona added, glaring at Van who was still in fits of laughter.
"Norbert…Pootius..!" Van gasped, now rolling on the floor laughing. "What, his mum and dad didn't love him? Poor guy!" tears fell from Van's cheeks as he continued laughing.
"At least he isn't the one with the afro!"
That shut Van up.
"Welcome, welcome!" Dr Pootius exclaimed, welcoming Van and Fiona into his office. "Nice to see you both! Now, what has happened to you?" Dr Pootius shot an amused look at Van, who mumbled something incomprehensible underneath his breath.
"He.. erm.. kind of had an accident, with the shampoo" Fiona spoke slowly, glancing at Van as though waiting for some sort of a negative reaction from him.
"Aah.. well, there's nothing I can do about that!. Now, have you two been having safe sex?" Dr Pootius examined Van and Fiona through his square spectacles.
"What do you mean, you can't do anything about it! And.. huh? Safe sex? What do you mean?" Van leapt to his feet, glaring at Dr Pootius.
"Aah, safe sex can be defined as the act of using some sort of protect-"
"I KNOW WHAT SAFE SEX IS, YOU IMBECILE! I MEANT WHAT-DO-YOU-MEAN-YOU-CAN'T-FIX-THIS-AFRO?" Van shouted, his fists curling into a ball.
"Ahh, my young man! Why don't you calm yourself now.. that's a boy. Sit down and we can have a nice talk boy to boy"
"Don't you mean man to man!" Van shot at Dr Pootius, and sat down.
"Yes, I guess I did. Now, what I mean is that I am not a hair specialist. No, my dear boy" he added at the look of disgust on Van's face, "I am a sex specialist".
"WHAT!" Van and Fiona shot out at the same time, both arising to their feet.
"Aah, a sex specialist can be defined as an expert who helps peo-"
"WE KNOW WHAT A SEX SPECIALIST IS! WE MEANT WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE NOT A HAIR SPECIALIST!" Van and Fiona screamed out at the same time.
"Aah, I can see we are going to meet some difficulties here today" Dr Pootius sighed, and took a sip of his coffee.
Thanks to everybody who reviewed, I really appreciate it. Please review this chapter, constructive criticism is welcome :D