(A/N: Welcome to 99th Platoon: Cops. This was a social event done by the 99th Platoon, and is their collective work. Gappap, our normal fanfiction writer, allowed me to write this up. This is the collective work of the 99th platoon. With that said, enjoy. Oh, and check out Gappap's work. This is written by WWW.)

HUH! Bad boys! Watcha gonna do! Watcha gonna do when they come for you!

Officer Pyst Gores
"Yeah I've been doing this job for...um... about a day or two. I'm supposed to be part of a badass platoon where we kill stuff. This is just my summer job."
Pyst drives around the city.
"A lot of people think its tough being a cop. But I don't find it much of problem. You just got to know how to handle the situation."
The car's radio crackles to life. Pyst picks up the radio and responds.
"We got a complaint from a mother about some drug dealers. Apparently this is their third warning, so I think its time to drop the hammer and dispense some indiscriminate justice!!!"
The cameraman looks at officer Pyst like he's a psycho. Not far from the truth actually. Pyst clears his throat.
"Sorry 'bout that."
The car arrives at the scene of the crime.
"There's the little weasels now."
Nearby, a group of weasels are talking. Listening more closely to their conversation, it's clearly about the best ways to deal drugs.
"Stay back here, this could get ugly."
The cameraman zooms in on Pyst, tracking him with the camera. Pyst draws his gun and runs up to the lead weasel. The weasel turns and Pyst pistol-whips him in the face. Pyst points his gun at the other weasels.
"DOWN! Get down now!"
The weasels obey. Pyst turns his attention back to the lead weasel.
"What's my name?!"
"What?"
Pyst pistol-whips the weasel again. The camera records a very loud cracking sound as the gun hits bone.
"What's my name!?!"
"I don't know!"
Pyst pistol-whips the weasel. Another crack.
"Pyst Dude!"
"What?"
Another crack.
"PYST DUDE!"
"All right! Alright!"
"Now I've been getting some complaints about you dealing drugs, is this true?"
"Maybe..."
"WRONG ANSWER!"
Another crack.
"Now I've been getting some complaints about you dealing drugs, is this true?!"
"NO!"
"If you see a little kid coming up to you to buy drugs, you run for your mother fucking life! Now do you ever want to see me again?"
"No."
"What's my name?"
"I forgot."
Another crack.
"Pyst... Pyst Dude"
"That's right! Now do you ever want to see me- oh wait, you answered that, my bad."
Pyst leaves the weasel on the street bleeding to death and walks up to the camera.
"I feel like I made a difference already, and I didn't have to kill anyone. I like this job!"

Officer Samuel Snickers
"We just got a call about some guys spray-painting some graffiti over on the memorial wall. Lets go check it out."
Snickers drives to the memorial wall. On the way, he flips off the driver of a car that pulls in front of him.
"Umm you guys are going to edit that out right?…"
"Damn. Oh there are the lil punks. Now lets go deliver some badass justice."
Snickers pulls out his nightstick and hits a guy sitting there with a cigarette in his mouth
"Where's the hostage!?!?!?!?"
What the hell are you talking about?
Snickers hits the guy again.
"THE HOSTAGE!!!!!"
"Sir there is no hostage!!"
Snickers turns around to the cop with him. He hits him with the nightstick.
"You're in it too!!!"
Snickers starts hitting all the punks with his nightstick. It looks more like police brutality than dispensing justice. He notices a few spray cans on the ground. He grabs the police car's radio.
"Situation is under control. Over"
He comes over to the camera and covers it up. As the car pulls off, the camera looks at the wall and in large spray painted letters are the words, "Snickers wuz here"

Officer Rico Rodriguez
"Look, Mr. Rodriguez, all you've got to do is drive around, doing your normal thing, in a few hours, you'll forget the camera's even there. Nothing to worry about."
Rodriguez gets into his police car. He sees the camera in the steering wheel.
"What the fuck is this?! I don't believe this shit!"
The radio acts up.
"We've got a 2-11 in progress: 24 Drunkengit road."
"Hey! I know that place! That's Anthrax's pub! They've got a mean 'special mix'!"
"Just get your ass down there."
"I'm on the way. Funny though, Anthrax can usually handle himself."
Rodriguez arrives at the pub. When he enters, Anthrax has a shotgun pointed at the robber.
"Put your hands against the wall!"
"Man, jus' lemme go, I'm not going to do it ever again, I didn't know this is Anthrax's bar."
Anthrax uses the shotgun to point to the neon sign that reads Anthrax's bar.
"Err… Look, you're the 11' fish of the underworld. You've got a whole armory in there you psycho!"
Anthrax arms the shotgun.
"Shutting up."
Rodriguez gets back in his car, turning on the radio.
"All clear down here."

Officer Dark Flame
Dark flips on his radio, listening to Eminem - Till I Collapse. He drives down the road, slowly scanning for signs of trouble. His black Mercedes drives by an alley when something catches his eye. He stops the car, opens the door and runs back to the alley. As he walks down, he sees a weasel raping a young female squirrel. Dark slams his fist into the weasel's jaw. Another weasel jumps out, tackling the panther. Dark reverses it, slamming the assailant into the ground. He ties the weasel's hands together, and moves to the next rapist. He tackles the next weasel to the ground, tying his hands too. The first weasel yells.
"Suck my dick bitch!"
Dark helps the girl to her feet and lets her go. When the girl is out of sight, Dark picks up the one who was raping her. He slams the weasel against a nearby fence. Dark takes both of his chrome 9's and looks at the weasel.
"You told me to suck your dick right? Pull your pants down, I bet you I can't even find it."
The panther puts both 9's together and holds them by the barrels.
"Close your eyes."
The weasel acts accordingly, and Dark slams both handles of the pistol into the weasel's dick. He walks away.
"Next time, I'ma cut your fucking dick off and stick it up that funky ass of yours…bitch!"

Officer Twisted
Twisted drives down the street in his sleek silver corvette when he sees a car doing about 49 on a 50 speed limit highway. He catches up and talks to the driver.
"Pull over you mother fucker!"
"For what?"
"You're over the speed limit!"
"Am not."
"Are too."
"Am not."
"Are too."
"Am not."
"Ah fuck this!"
Twisted pulls out an uzi from inside the car and blows the cars tires out. The car swerves into a ditch while Twisted continues driving as if nothing ever happened.

Officer Thomas "WWW" Warclat
WWW's radio buzzes to life.
"WWW can you investigate this? An actor has been sniffing crack on-set."
"Sure."
WWW arrives at the movie's set. A child actor is found in the corner, flinching.
"Only a weasel would do this!"
WWW hears laughing. He jumps over the set and lands on a weasel, smashing his skull.
"There must be a whole gang back here..."
WWW lunges at another weasel. He falls head first down a trapdoor. When he lands, he sees a weasel raping a squirrel girl. WWW pulls out his handgun and blows the weasels head off. He throws the squirrel girl some clothes and then he runs up the stairs.
"This time they're all going to die!"
The last thing on the tape before it is cut off is WWW pulling submachine guns on a group of weasels.

Officers Rico Rodriguez and Pyst Gores.
Rodriguez is at the wheel; Pyst in the passenger seat and the camera crew is in the back.
"That is so weird, so then what'd you say?"
"I was like 'Get off my lawn!' and the guy was like 'Five dollars!' and I was like 'I told you, the gnomes aren't for sale!' and he's like 'ten dollars!'"
"-kssh- Car 64, robbery in progress at King Street Ave. over -kssh-"
Pyst grabs the radio.
"And what do you want us to do about it?"
"-kssh- Get your asses over there and stop it you jackass! over.-kssh-"
"We'll worry about it later-"
"Hey wait, the donut shop is on King Street Ave.!!!"
"Oh my giddy aunt! Hit the sirens lets roll!"
The car speeds away, sirens blaring.
The car stops in front of the donut shop. Rodriguez and Pyst climb out. Rodriguez grabs the car's shotgun.
"Why do you get the shotgun?"
"Cause I'm in charge!"
The two silently approach the shop.
"Ok, you go in and I'll cover you."
"Wait, why not the other way around?"
"Cause I'm in charge, now go!"
"Hold on, I think you know something your not telling me."
"What?"
"If I step in that donut shop, you're going to use me as a human shield!"
"No I'm not!"
"Well why don't you go in first?"
"Cause I know you would use me as a shield."
"True, very true."
"Okay, tell you what. On three we charge in there, guns a blazing."
"That's fair."
"Alright, one...two...three!"
Pyst kicks the door down and they charge in shooting everything in sight. Civilians and the donut shop workers are wounded. The robbers are nowhere in sight.
"Where the hell are they?!"
One of the workers comes from behind the counter.
"Who?"
"The robbers!"
"There are no robbers here. They're robbing the bank across the street."
The worker points out the window. Sure enough, a group of weasels walk out of the bank with bags of money.
"Aw, we're too late. They got away."
"Yup, no sense chasing them."
"But they're not-"
"I said they got away, now shut up!"
"Hey, you up for some coffee and donuts?"
"Yeah sure, just don't get any of those cream filled things, I can't stand that nasty shit!"