Chapter Fuck I don't know

Tittle: Despair/Separation

Author: Angee

Rating: R

The world was spinning for faye. Not too far away was her husband and the man that made her sick to her stomach. But that wasn't what was making her world spin. It was what her Spike was doing, and that was just sickening. Spike was currently hacking at Vicious's body with Vicious's sword.

He was laying on the floor and Spike hover over him like a predator. Faye couldn't believe her eyes. Yes spike had obviously defeated Vicious, but the ferocity with which he sliced and diced vicious's corpse was horrifying.

On close inspection you could see Vicious had at least three bullet holes on his head, but spike felt it necessary to slice the asshole just to make sure. He was angry. He was a savage.

Faye couldn't take it anymore as her stomach was once again twisting and turning. She found balance on the wall and just gave in and began to throw up. It seems that the moment she did that Spike looked up and stopped.

"Faye" he called out so soft that it scared her. Scared her? This was spike, but the way he looked so, so evil was too much. Her back stiffened and she put a hand to her mouth. She looked towards him and saw the anger, hate, confusion and despair in his mismatched eyes.

She moved back and he took a step forward. When he took another her breath caught in her throat and he noticed. She was afraid of him? Him? How could she? "Goddam Faye"

She hit the wall with her back and became nervous "it's me dam it" he said

"Stay back don't come any closer" he was hurt and angry "what the fuck is wrong with you Faye?"

"You're not my spike, stay back" he growled and shook his head "Fuck woman I just risked my fucking life coming to get you, I just fucking killed the man that has tormented me for nearly all my life, I have disposed of the garbage that dared touch you and all I get is you being afraid of me"

He moved closer and she tried to get away, but he was faster and had her pinned to the wall with his body "get away from me, Spike would never take enjoyment in killing anyone no matter how much he hated that person, get away"

He was pissed and she would know it "Fucking bitch I should have left you here then, that bastard was ten times worse than me. Fine I don't care you could stay with him" he moved back a little. She was angry and hurt. She brought her hand up and smacked him.

That did it and he backhanded her and her face twisted to the side, she couldn't believe it. But everything went black at that moment.

Spike picked her up and with a scowl made his way back to the outside world.. He was beyond pissed. How dare she fear him, but deep down the old spike the one that was part of the syndicate, the ruthless killer before being a bounty hunter, was dancing with joy. His darker side was surfacing and it would be soon.

Once out Jet spotted him and rushed to him with the child asleep in his arms. "God Spike is she okay?" Spike looked at the old man

"How the fuck should I know I'm not a Fucking doctor" he said coldly. Jet was taken aback by his sudden outburst. Spike took a deep breath and looked at the man again "look sorry Jet, but yes she's fine. Just that she fainted I guess from all of the blood. Now let's go home" Jet nodded and both began to walk

"Who's the kid?" Jet stopped remembering the little girl "I think I have an idea of who she belongs to, but I think Faye might be the one to tell us" Spike nodded and they headed for the car.

Spike is acting so differently. Maybe all of this has taken a toll on him.

Fucking vicious, I showed him, no one touches what's mine, no one. Fucking Faye I goddamned saved her ass and she fears me.

When they were home Daisy and Ed were waiting for them, the door opened and Ed bounced with happiness. She ran to them and Spike just glared at the young girl. She moved away from him and focused of her Jet-papa.

Spike placed faye on the couch since she was still out cold. He cursed himself mentally for being so rough with the only person he really cared about at this moment. Daisy noticed the strange way Spike acted with Ed and the way he looked, she didn't like it much.

She then raised a delicate eyebrow at Jet who was holding Sakura "and who is that little angel?" she smiled and walked up to him "yes Jet who is she?"

Jet swallowed hard and then smiled "she said that Faye was her mommy and I just think that you Spike are the father" he looked at Spike waiting to see his reaction. Spike began to laugh and Daisy just looked confused

"My kid? Yeah right. Jet the only kid I'm going to be a father to is the one My faye is carrying" he tenderly moved a strand of hair from Faye's face. He was being possessive, umm what a change.

Jet walked up to him "well she has your eyes and I see some traces of your features in her. But only Faye has the answer to this" he shrugged "where can I put her"

"Take her to the spare room that Ed used to have here, and Jet that kid might have my eyes, but I'm not the only one with such color" Jet chuckled and walked upstairs with both Daisy and Ed following.

Spike began to caress Faye's cheek and kiss her dried lips. He wanted to take away any pain and fear she had. She stirred and he smiled. She opened her eyes and began to adjust to the difference in lighting. She sat up and rubbed her cheek "sorry about hitting you love" she blinked and looked straight into Spike's eyes.

A flash of Anger and hurt passed through her eyes when she focused on him, in his eyes there was fear, and regret. "I think you should get cleaned up, and I'll do the same" he stood up and she just looked at her hands "jet and daisy are upstairs with ed and that child he brought with him" she looked up real fast and there seem to be happiness in her eyes. She stood up shakily and he was going to help her when she moved back. He didn't say anything and let her go.

He was in the bathroom taking his shirt off and the pain in his wound increased. He hissed in pain, but didn't do much. He looked into the mirror and took a deep breath. But the images of what he used to do surfaced. The missions he was sent to and the many innocent people he killed. Then the image of the way he killed vicious also came to his mind. But he was smiling, smiling like it was okay. Then one image he had never seen for he was never there to witness it came into his head. It was of Faye beneath Vicious and the bastard thrusting into her. Her screams and tears. He was angry that he couldn't have done anything to help her.

He gave a growl at the image and punched the mirror. It cracked. He then focused on the things he could break in the bathroom and began to smash anything. The others heard the commotion and rushed to the bathroom. Jet pushed the door and it opened. Spike was breathing hard, he wanted to kill someone, he wanted to punch something. He looked at the wall and punched it hard. Daisy and Ed gasped and Faye she just stood there. Not knowing the real torment he was in and not knowing what she could do.

She felt like she was the problem and would always be. He focused on her and she saw the tears that ran down his cheeks. But he wasn't hiccuping or sobbing. They just ran down the cheeks at their own accord. He dropped to his knees and Jet was by his side "Spike?"

He banged his hands on the floor "he fucking touched her, he touched my faye, he touched my wife" Faye's eyes widened.

Again how did he know. She was planning on never telling him nerve, because this would have been the result. "Jet that bastard touched her and fucked her" not once did he look at her. Daisy felt hurt, angry that her friends were in such pain. She looked at faye whose own tears began to flow down her face. Faye however had a look of distance and it felt like she wanted to get away. She turned to leave and Daisy followed. When they were near the bedroom they heard Spike again

Jet watched as Spike's body trembled "oh god I can hear her screams and I can taste her tears, jet she was calling out for me and I did nothing to stop him nothing" he felt his voice begin to crack.

"Spike it's difficult, but you have her back and you need to be there for her. Imagine what she must be going through. Just calm down and be strong for her" Spike sat against the wall.

Yeah she must be going through hell right now and he was not helping. He wanted to embrace her and kiss away her tears, kiss away her screams. He wiped his face and took a few calming breaths "jet I want to be alone" Jet nodded and left the bathroom.

For three days everyone walked as if they were on egg shells. Jet and Daisy felt it necessary to stay with their friends incase something bad happened. Faye and Spike did not talk to each other or even look at each other. Faye focused her time and energy on Sakura who despite the horror she had been part of was being happy. Ed provided a much needed distraction for the family.

Spike wanted so desperately to talk to his wife, but every time he looked at her that image would play over and over again. The same could be said about faye. On the fourth day he had to at least breath the same air around her.

Faye was in the nursery with sakura. She was sitting on the rocker they bought as she read the child a story. Spike stood by the door and watched them. He was eager for his son to be born already, but they still had a few months to go. That reminded him about the little girl. Who was she exactly? Faye didn't say anything to anyone and it was really creeping him out, because he caught himself watching the child and thinking that indeed there was some weird resemblance. He took a deep breath and

"Faye" she stopped rocking and looked towards the door. Her heart began to ache, not only did she miss him, but she still felt wary of him, that was disappearing though, because now she understood what torment he was going through. For the past three days she had slept in the same room as sakura, and all those nights she cried and fought to keep Vicious and his disgusting hands from her mind.

In the bathroom everything was a different story. Not only was she reminded of that horrible rape but she was also reminded of the way Spike broke down. She would scrub her body so hard that she left red marks. And then she would break down herself and cry till the tears were no longer flowing.

"What is it Spike?" her voice was soft and it held some tender emotion to it. He felt his heart constrict and he let out a breath of air he was holding. He walked in unsure if his company was welcomed or not. The child in his wife's lap looked at him with curious eyes and a sweet smile on her angelic face.

He continued noticing that she had yet to throw him out of the room. He looked around the nursery and it seems she had been busy rearranging the room "you changed the crib's position" it was facing the window instead. She smiled "yes I didn't want it directly by the window I think our son would hate to wake up with the sun on his face"

our son? He thought. That brought a real nice smile to his face, he chuckled "yes that's true, I don't mean to bother you while you are entertaining little Sakura, but I wanted to talk about her" she nodded and looked down at the child who was still looking at the book.

Faye combed some of the child's hair "I know Spike" he sat down on the floor and watched them "Sakura remember what I told you about spike" she nodded. Faye put her on the floor and the child ran to Spike and hugged him

"Spike is daddy" his eyes widened and Faye let her lips curve at the end into a soft smile. He looked at Faye waiting for conformation

"Yes Spike you are her real father, Sakura go down and play with ed okay" the child let go of Spike "okay by daddy bye mommy" she waved at them both and ran down.

He took a deep breath and let everything sink in "my daughter?" he couldn't believe it. The only kid he knew he was the father to was his son and he wasn't even born yet.

Faye began to rock herself again "yes, you see she was the daughter you and Julia created Spike" she watched as his eyes took on different emotions at once. Surprise and denial being some. She sighed and kept rocking, she began to hum and he just sat there.

He sat for nearly twenty minutes without a word, but he had to say something "and why didn't julia tell me?" Faye opened her eyes and looked at him "she wanted to tell you, that's the reason why she came looking for you, but I don't understand why she didn't tell you right away, in any case she is your daughter"

He stood up and walked over to the window and watched as Ed and Sakura were busy running around and playing with the fallen leaves "my daughter huh? Unbelievable" he put a hand to his face and then worked it to his hair as if trying to take the frustration out that way.

It would be hard to get used to this, the days turned to weeks and the first sign of Snow quickly covered the streets. Faye and Spike still did not sleep together, and barely talked to one another. Their only things in common right now were both Sakura and their Son which they had agreed to name Keiji Spigeal. She was six and a half months now.

She was in the nursery when it happened. The thrill of it was amazing. Jet and Daisy were out with Sakura and Ed, that left Spike who refused to leave Faye alone. She was going to put a new curtain when she felt it and she had to stop thinking it was a false alarm, but it happened again.

She became static and quickly thought of going down. She walked down the stairs looking for Spike and found him on the couch "hey spike" she sounded so happy and was sure that there was a big smile on her face

He looked back at her "what is it?" he stood up and she walked up to him and took his hand. She placed it on her stomach "feel that?" she looked into his eyes and he began to smile "when did it begin?" she giggled "so I didn't imagine it, I just felt it a few seconds ago, it's so strange but so cool" he dropped to his knees and put his head where his hand was.

"Well he sure is a good kicker, I think I'm going to buy a lot of punching and kicking bags" he felt her laugh and then felt her soft hands on his hair. He enjoyed this, how long had it been since they had touched. Too long. She removed her hand from his hair and he was disappointed. He straightened and she took a few steps back "well that was what I wanted to show you, I'll make dinner soon when the others return" he silently agreed and she walked back upstairs.

He really wanted to hold her and tell her that everything was okay. And she wanted to do the same, but neither voiced their needs or their desires, and neither made a move to change that, that night.

A/N aww man that really bites....when do you think their be together as they were? I feel so bad for them....and what's the matter with I tried to upload this thing two days ago along with the previous chapter but I couldn't/...well here you go and thanks for the reviews....oh tell me what I should do in order to get them back together.