Chapter 6

He couldn't even respond. He had missed this relationship, this depth, these emotions. She loved him, just because, not because he had been good at sports or because he was popular or because of anything he did or didn't do. She genuinely loved who he was. But what would she say when she found out that he wasn't that guy, wasn't even who that guy would have become? He couldn't avoid one thing much longer. He was going to have to use the bathroom, and she was going to have to help. He guessed he see how much she loved who he was now.

She was closing the drapes when she realized he had barely moved from the doorway. She walked back toward him and knelt in front of him. "Kevin, what's wrong?" she asked.

"Well, here goes the evening," he thought. "I need to use the restroom." There, he'd finally said it.

"It's there on the left, light is on the right and the toilet is through the second door." She noticed he didn't move. "Is there anything you need? Do you need me to do anything? Sorry, I know you said you'd tell me if you needed help."

"Actually," he began, "I do need your help, and I didn't know how to ask, so maybe I should just shut up and quit trying to control the situation."

She rolled her eyes and followed him into the bath suite. He explained everything he was doing and exactly what he needed her to do. The sink and toilet were in two different rooms. He hadn't encountered that yet. He basically tried to avoid public restrooms if at all possible, keep to the regular schedule, cath at home. She didn't bat an eye as he dealt with the catheter. She just followed his instructions as though he was telling her how to throw a spiral with the football. She was amazing. When he finished he glanced up at her. She appeared to be no worse for the experience. He told her they were done. They both washed up and headed back to the bedroom.

This presented yet another obstacle for him. One king sized bed, slightly higher than the chair, with no sort of bar or anything to help him into it. She was on the phone, requesting extra towels, toothbrush, razor, even pyjamas. She remembered his size, too. When she hung up the phone he reached for her hand and pulled her onto his lap. He kissed her more passionately than he could ever remember kissing anyone. He didn't ever imagine that he could feel this comfortable with anyone ever again, but it was Beth, she was his home. She motioned toward the bed, he nodded, and together they moved on top of the covers and pillows. She just seemed to know exactly how she needed to help him without being overbearing. She was right, they knew each other better than anyone in the world. She whispered in his ear sending chills throughout his body, much like before, but then she grazed his side with her arm, and his entire body seemed awakened in a way he had never felt before, even with her. The Bear had told him about this. They continued their exploration of each other until there was a knock on the door.

Beth jumped up, smoothed her clothing and her hair and walked to the door to retrieve the requested objects. She didn't come right back to him, but instead went into the bathroom. She returned with the toothbrush, a glob of toothpaste on top and two cups. One was full of water and the other was made of paper. He looked a bit perplexed. She explained, "I thought it would be easier for you to brush here instead of going back into the bathroom. You can spit in this cup and rinse with the water." He laughed out loud, but agreed that her idea was very convenient. She pulled the pillows behind him as he pushed himself into a sitting position. He felt a little juvenile as she held the cup for him to spit in, but she just laughed. No one else in the world was quite like her. She left him the pyjamas from the hotel shop, and she moved back into the bathroom to get herself ready for bed.

She stared at her reflection in the mirror. This day had been unbelievable. The very act of running into Kevin was enough in itself, and then he had actually been happy to see her. He'd agreed to spend the evening and now the night with her. She ran her hand through her hair. She was ready for bed, but going back into the bedroom was a big step-for both of them.

He was thankful that she was giving him so much time to get ready. He didn't know if she had any idea how long it would take for him to change, and he really didn't either. As he struggled into the pyjamas, he was thinking about the events of the evening, as well. When the paper's sports editor had asked him if he wanted a ticket to the game, he had wanted to go but had been afraid of his own emotions. He hadn't been to a game above the high school level since the accident, and that was not really his choice to go. He had hoped that his dad would be able to come, too, but he had been called in to work. Kevin had debated whether or not he was going to go alone, yet his sister had insisted. The entire way to Baltimore he had second-guessed himself. He almost turned around about five different times. Finally, he made it to the ballpark.

He parked the car, found his entrance, and followed the usher to his section. It wasn't like when he was growing up, summer days in the bleachers at Shea, but the peanut man was there, and the guy with the hot dogs. The organ music began to play from the scoreboard, and the crowd came to life. For a split second he imagined he was running onto the field, jumping the white third base line, heading to the mound or even second base. He could feel the rosin rag in his hand, smell the leather of his glove as he looked up at the tens of thousands of fans in the stands. He was pulling his cap off his head and wiped his brow with his shirt sleeve. His catcher signaled and the umpire yelled, "PLAY BALL!" And suddenly he was back in the stands, back in reality. He didn't have much time to be depressed, though. The Mariners' lead-off man hit a home run and the intensity of the game never died. He had really enjoyed himself, although he was beginning to feel just a bit sorry for himself as in the ninth as the fans rose to their feet to cheer on the closer. By the time the final out had been played, he was rather pleased with himself for sticking out an emotionally tough situation. Then he heard his name. And here he was now.

She didn't hear any noise from the bedroom, so she assumed he was ready. She walked into the room and toward him now sitting, dressed in the pj's, on the corner of the bed. She smiled. "Hello there," she said huskily. She continued toward him as his phone began to ring. She turned, picked it up from the dresser and handed it to him.

He glanced at the screen, smiled in recognition of the number, flipped it open, and answered it. "Hi, Mom. Yes, I know what time it is. No, I'm actually not coming home tonight. Baltimore. I didn't realize I had to inform you of my every move. No, I just ran into a friend and they asked me to hang out, and then to stay, so I'm going to. I'll see you tomorrow sometime. Everything is fine." And this time he wasn't lying at all.

"Problems?" she asked. He assured her that everything was under control. She crawled into bed beside him and he moved back from the edge. She pulled the covers over them and inched slowly into his embrace. Her face rested against his chest, feeling very much at home. "How are things with your family?" she asked. He wrapped his arms around her and answered.

"Well, it's been an eventful few months. We moved to Arcadia because of dad's job, right? The Chief of Police. It turns out there was a lot more going on in the city government than the mayor or the DA wanted anyone to know about, and my dad just happened to be the guy who uncovered it all. The governor dissolved the municipal government, along with the police force. Dad eventually ended up being a detective again, but it's been hard on him, all the changes and stress. I think he's finally starting to enjoy his job again, you know, putting bad guys in jail and all.

"Mom is teaching art at the high school. She's actually painting again herself. She hadn't really done that since before the accident. She's had pieces in several shows, and her students really seem to connect with her. Plus she gets to spend a lot of time with Joan and Luke, and even though those two would never admit it, but it's good for all three of them.

"Joan will be a junior next year. She had been acting even more strange than is normal for Joan lately. We noticed, but just assumed it was growing up stuff, but it turns out she had been bitten by a tick and had Lyme Disease. She got sick at school and ended up in the hospital for a few days. She's physically okay now, but she's different, more subdued, distant. Mom is pretty worried about her right now, which kinda makes her lay off me a little, but not much. Plus, she has a boyfriend. A kid from one of mom's art classes. Fairly good guy, from what I can tell. She's just trying to have a normal summer, one of the last of her "childhood" I guess.

"And Luke, well, he's pretty much the same as always. He's already gotten a scholarship to college by winning some math contest. Then he and Joan's friend Grace, whom Luke has the world's biggest crush on, won the science fair, so things are going well with him, I guess. He's headed to Space Camp in a few weeks. That's pretty much about all that's going on with us."

They had already discussed her family and what was going on in her life over dinner, so that was over, but she felt she needed to respond. Other than the bit about Rebecca, she hadn't heard much about his social life, and Kevin had always been a very social person. She was worried over his admission that he needed someone to talk to. "Kev, who is your best friend here? If you had two of something, who would you give the other one to?"

He wasn't expecting such a question from her. He thought she'd tell him something about school or her folks, or something in response to his dissertation about the family. He was thinking hard to give her a satisfactory answer. "Uh, I guess one of the guys from my basketball league."

"What's his name?"

She'd called his bluff. "Bear, Barry Caldwell. My dad introduced me to him. He's older than me, but he's been helpful, a friend, I guess."

"You guys hang out a lot?"

"We play ball together once a week or so. The whole team usually goes out after games or practices or whatever."

"But you don't feel like you can talk to him?"

"He knows what I'm going through. He gives me advice on how to deal with things I'm not sure about. He helps keep my emotions in check. He just seems to know when I'm frustrated enough to just give up. And then I run into him on the street and he kicks my ass, so to speak. He doesn't put up with me feeling sorry for myself, so that's good. And Rebecca, she never let me do that either. But we don't really talk too much anymore. She moved me to another department of the paper. I'm actually a reporter, sort of, so I'm not in the office much at all."

"I'm worried about you."

"No, don't be, I'm okay. Really I am. Things are different, but not unbearable. I have a few friends. It's not easy to start over in a new place. But this has been a good place to get my life back together. I got my license, a car, a job, a little bit of a social life, working on the girl, but you know, not all good, but not nearly all bad either. I'm okay. Not great, but definitely okay."

"I'm going back with you tomorrow."

"I, uh, are you sure that's a good idea?"

"It's what I need to do. I need to see you there and make sure that you are really okay."

"You smell differently than you used to."

"Don't change the subject."

"But you do."

"You smell exactly the same, minus the sweat, but I am still coming with you."

"Should we warn the family?"

"Sometimes it's easier to ask for forgiveness than it is to request permission."

"Okay, we'll do it your way."

"Good night, Kevin. I'm so glad I'm here with you."

"Me too."

He reached to his right and turned off the light. He held her a little tighter, kissed the top of her head and before he knew it, she was breathing rhythmically, asleep. He was tired, but he couldn't seem to sleep. Her hand was on his chest, so was her face. Her skin was so soft and the scent of her hair filled the room. He wanted her beside him forever. But forever was a long time away.

He could hear the click of the alarm clock, but he couldn't quite see the numbers. He imagined that only a few minutes had passed, but it felt like hours. He thought he had a Valium in his bag, but there was no way he could reach it, not without disturbing her. His chair was inconveniently out of reach. He felt quite helpless, but if he needed something, he could wake her. He could ask her for help. That was still the most difficult pill for him to swallow. He decided not to disturb her.

He closed his eyes, lay back on the pillow, and tried desperately to sleep. He saw the two of them, dancing. Her dress was long, tight fitting and white, and he was wearing a black suit. Her hair was long and piled high upon her head. She looked up at him and smiled. He leaned down and kissed her. The floor was like water, and suddenly they were falling. He woke with a start and found himself sitting up in the bed. The sun was streaming in through the opened drapes, his chair was beside the bed and he could hear the water running in the shower.

A/N: There's still so much more that's already been written. I've decided to post it all. Even if you don't like it or agree with it, I had to write it down because it wouldn't get out of my head.