FINALLY. I didn't think this would ever get finished! Yeesh… Sorry it took so long. It was the ending that gave me the most trouble! I redid it three times before I was happy! There will be some serious tones in this one, hopefully it won't be to strange either. I hope it's not too overdone… You'll see what I mean.

To my reviewers…

Google: Many revelations in this one! Yay!

Ruler of Dark and Light: Thank you thank you, please enjoy.

SephirothsGoddess: Allen finally has some luck in here! Yay!

Xenosaga Sister: Ahh, don't worry. Update your stories when inspiration comes to you. Very glad you like!

kikyogirl900: Thaaanks! Peace out.

Deona Lindholm: Yes, Allen doesn't get much appreciation. Poor guy. Nothing on business dudes in this one, but they will come up again fear not!

Wends: chaos has a very interesting wardrobe, yes? Glad you like the seashells.

Rikkali: In my writing experience, keeping characters in character is one of the trickiest things to do. One slip up and it sounds horrible! Gah ne. I liked the sunset scene a lot. When I first read the basis for it I was like "Awwww, that's so cute…" Hey Rikkali, since you always write such long eloquent reviews it's a surprise you haven't written any fics yet. I think you would rock at it! Enjoy the chappy!

Oh yeah, before I forget, Chapter two of Nightmares was posted a little while ago. Check it out if you're bored!

Hmmm, warm, bubbly, inviting, I can see why humans like these "baths" so much.

I was relaxing in the enormous bathtub in our room on the Durandel. The water was practically sloshing over the sides, and the vapors and bubbles filled my nose creating a tingly sensation like the one you get before a sneeze. The temperature was scorching hot, but it soothed and caressed my weary aching back and quadriceps.

Yes, my legs were sore. Very sore. In fact, my entire lower half was one big ache. Why you may ask?

My cheeky better half challenged me to race of all things while heading back to the Elsa from the beach. It was at least a three and a half milerun from start to finish, and he never slowed down his pace once. Naturally, I couldn't just hand victory over to him because I was tired. He would have thought I was a wimp. So I ran that endless distance, and now I was paying the price for it.

Of course, the bout didn't affect chaos at all. I think he could have run another ten miles if he felt like it. He wasn't even winded by the time we got back to the Elsa. Fourteen years ago I could have beaten him easily and not even be tired. That distance isn't even long enough to be a warm-up for a typical Realian soldier. But…I haven't really been physically active for a long time. It made me feel really really…old.

I didn't like that.

Anyway, he at least had enough decency not to wake me up before he left in the morning. He was actually very quiet for my sake. I didn't hear him leave at all. He left me a note saying the Captain was starting to nag about all his time off. He figured he had better go into work to help smooth things over, especially after that little "mite" incident. The Elsa needed a lot of repairs, and who better to fix them than the engineer?

However, that just left me with me, myself, and I, three people I have begun to seriously loathe as of late Much moping and pouting all morning was the result. I mean, what was the point of going out or doing anything if he wasn't there with me?

But, after a while I figured I could stand to get some "alone time" as well as R and R, just this once.

Then I got the idea for a bath. I've heard Shion rave before about how she loves taking nice, long, hot baths, and how relaxing they were. I figured it would work for me too, right?

So I filled up the tub with steaming hot water and even added a few bubbles. Well, more than a few I suppose. I hopped in and almost instantly felt a little better. All the worries and stress I had seemed to wash away with the suds. Funny how the simplest things can be the most enjoyable. Why the heck hadn't I tried this before?

I stole some of chaos' bath stuff from off the counter, figuring he wouldn't mind too much. They were all soaps and shampoos of various kinds, and most smelled rather frilly and fruity. Some smelled like grape, others cherry, and there was one that smelled like an extremely ripe banana. Maybe it was just me, but I thought it was kind of weird to find all that stuff in a guy's bathroom.

Well, neither of us are "ordinary guys," I suppose. At least this solves the mystery of how he always smells so nice…

Not that I've checked or anything.

I experimented with the different bottles and used generous amounts of all of them while lathering myself up. The heavy fruit was almost intoxicating and it hung around the air of the bathroom. I dunked myself under, washing the suds off, then continued to relax in the warm water.

I don't know how long I lay there but it must have been at least an hour or so. By the time I got out the water was cold and my fingers and toes were all wrinkled. Lovely…

But I did feel exceptionally refreshed and squeaky clean. I snagged a towel and dried myself off before pulling on a robe. I stole a glance in the mirror and saw that my hair was all frizzed and tangled from the combination of sleep and a current hair washing. Sighing, I grabbed a brush and began to tackle the snares.

My hair hates me. That's the only explanation I can come up with.

I battled with it for fifteen long minutes, but after the first two I started to get quite frustrated. I seriously considered getting a pair a scissors and just hacking it all off. But then it would look really bad. So I sucked it up and continued to torture my scalp. After lord knows how long, I finally loosened the last tangle. Relieved, I quickly styled it and put the brush to rest.

I don't know how chaos manages to deal with that mess of hair he has. Every single day it always looks so shiny and perfect like something out of a women's fashion magazine. I guess that's why he takes so long getting ready in the morning.

Musing about hair a little more, I yanked on some clothes from the closet and inspected myself in the mirror again. My yellow eyes stared back, causing me to flinch a bit, but other than that I was satisfied I looked half-way decent.

I know chaos said I shouldn't be ashamed of my eyes, but it's really hard not too be. I would trade them for someone else's in a heartbeat.

Speaking of words of wisdom from chaos…

"Then how come you haven't smiled? You never smile. I've seen a sarcastic smirk a few times, but never a smile."

Those words he said to me the other day have been in the back of my mind, bugging me ever since.

How come I haven't smiled yet? It's not like I haven't had a reason too. I guess it just doesn't come naturally to me. I've had that same blank look on my face for as long as I can remember.

Hmm…

Maybe…I just need...some practice?

Glancing around to make sure no one was there spying on me, and at the same time scolding myself for my paranoia, I leaned in closer to the mirror. I stared at my reflection for a long time. I willed my lips to turn upward, like I seen him do so many times before. I felt really silly standing there practicing how to smile, of all things. Figuring it might help not to stare at myself, I turned away to ease the awkwardness.

I shook off my doubts and focused. I forced my mouth to turn upward, forced my lips to get wider and wider. When they couldn't stretch any more, I held the position until my mouth hurt. Satisfied, I turned back to gaze at my triumph.

I looked like some psycho-killer fresh from the insane asylum.

The crazed grin turned into a scowl and I huffed in frustration. I ended up starring at my blank face for another ten minutes, cursing my lack-of-smile in my thoughts. Grumbling, I figured getting out of the room for a while would help clear my head.

I'll practice the smiling thing later.

I stomped down the empty Durandel corridors and did my best not to worry about my award winning facial expressions. At least I had a fabulous frown. As I did, I happened to spot Shion briskly walking in my direction. Her head was down and she didn't make eye contact with me as I came up toward her. This was odd for Shion, who was usually so perky and social. She must be having an off day like I was currently having.

"Shion," I said with a polite nod, passing her by.

"Oh! Canaan, hello," she said in a startled voice, head darting up, "Um, wait…before you go…"

"Hmm?" I asked, stopping to listen.

"Erm, this may seem like a…ah strange question, but…uh, you haven't seen...Allen around lately, have you?"

I raised my eyebrow in surprise.

Allen? Where did that come from?

"I haven't actually, at least not since yesterday. Why?"

"Well..." she stammered, color rising in her cheeks, "You see he left me...the sweetest note in my room the other day, telling me to meet him at the park tonight. He's been acting so strange lately, and, uh, well..."

She shyly smiled, "I guess you don't want to hear about my silly worries. Thank you Canaan."

She bowed respectfully and hurried off.

I was left there slightly dumbfounded.

"Shion," I called to her retreating back.

"Yes?"

"Are you...going to go through with it?"

She grinned, "Of course I am! What kind of person would I be if I didn't?"

True...

"Wish me luck!"

I was once again alone.

That little twit actually went through with it? I thought for sure he would get cold feet. Well, if he can do it, then why can't I? I refuse to think that Allen's a bigger man than I am.

But what can I do to show him?

Hmm hmm hmm...well, at least I know that perhaps…perhaps...there's hope for me after all.

The growling of my stomach eventually led me to the food court. After overly indulging myself in numerous sweets and cakes I got the brilliant idea of bringing chaos some lunch. Not only was it an excuse to see him but a chance to impress him will gifts of fat and sugar. Two brownie points for me. Plus, the thought of him choking down another meal burned to an unrecognizable form by Tony, Hammer, or God forbid Mathews was quite unappealing to me. So I grabbed an assortment of treats for him and headed to the Elsa.

I found him on the bridge, alone.

The others I assumed had left for their break. He was at his station busily typing away on the console. Upon hearing the doors opening, he turned around and smiled when he realized it was me.

"Hello Canaan," he said cheerfully, "What brings you here?"

I held up my bag of goodies. "I brought you some lunch. That junk you're forced to eat everyday should be quarantined by the health department."

His eyes lit up, "Really? Thank you Canaan."

He graciously received his package and dug around in it. "Let's see...cheese, bread, apple, ohh a piece of chocolate cake, two even...how did you know I liked chocolate?"

Lucky guess?

Grinning, he continued, "I feel so pampered. I bet even Jr. doesn't have his lunch hand delivered every day."

I leaned up against the side wall. "Well, don't give me too much credit. All this was secretly confiscated from the Durandel."

He laughed and munched away on his food. "You know, you've been so nice to me lately, I really appreciate it."

My stomach got a familiar fluttery feeling.

Well, at least he noticed something. About time.

Then his smile turned to suspicion.

"Something wrong?" I asked.

He stood up and leaned in close to me. I could hear him take two sharp breaths through his nose.

…?

"Canaan," he said, voice darkening, "Did you use some of my soap on the counter this morning?"

Oh great, is it that obvious? I shouldn't have used so much I guess…

"Well, yeah, so?" I stammered, "I didn't have any of my own, you know."

"Canaaaan!" he pouted, "Did you know how expensive that stuff was?"

"Well, no, I…"

"It cost me a month's salary to get all that! I wish you would have asked me first!"

"Well, it's not like I can call you from the tub and say, 'Hey chaos, I'm in the middle of a bath, can I borrow you're soap?' But you can get new stuff, right?"

"New stuff?"

Slip on the tongue again, darn it.

"Well," I stuttered, "I kinda used up all the rest of it…"

"What! You mean there's none left?"

Trying to save my skin, I did my best to carry on with my defense. "There wasn't very much in each bottle, and I figured you wouldn't mind, and…"

"But there were at least six different bottles!"

"I, uh,"

"Canaan, honestly…"

My eyes turned downward, "I'm sorry," I mumbled, "I'll try to be more careful next time…"

I heard him let out a slow sigh. He shook his head, "Ah, I don't know what I'm going to do with you," he said with soft laughter in his voice.

I didn't say anything.

"Oh, I guess it's no big deal. I'm sorry I got so ruffled," he grinned, "That was a pretty silly thing to get upset about, huh?"

I looked up with a flat stare on my face, "Actually, now that you mention it…"

"Very funny. But hey, I can't stay mad at you for very long anyway."

"I'm glad."

"Good, so that's settled," Then he smirked, "However…"

He reached over a poked me sharply in the stomach, causing me to wince. "That's for using all my soap."

"Hey…" I growled, holding my side, "What was that for? Aren't you supposed to be some sort of holy pacifist or something?"

"What ever gave you that idea?" he asked innocently, "Besides, don't be a baby, it didn't hurt that much."

"Did so. Here," I stated, jabbing his front.

"Ow…hey!"

"You started it."

"But I'm a lot smaller than you! You've got an unfair size advantage!"

"So?" I marveled how cute he got when he was mad. I was beginning to enjoy this.

"So? So! Fine!"

He reached out to clobber me again but I "gracefully" side stepped him. Lucky me, I tripped over my feet from a combination of clumsiness and aching thighs. In an attempt to regain my balance and not go crashing to the ground, I grabbed onto the only thing available for support, which happened to be his arm. But, like he said, I was a lot bigger than him…

We both landed in a tangled heap on the floor.

"Nice Canaan," he grumbled, picking himself up from on...top…of me, "You play dirty while having extremely bad coordination, the perfect combination."

"Sorry…" I apologized, noticing how close his face was to mine. He was sitting on the ground right next to where I lay sprawled out, leaning over my head.

Grinning, he said, "It's okay. Like I said, can't stay mad for too long."

The awkward position we were in didn't seem to bother him at all. Wish the same went for me. Being the typical male that I was, his nearness was rather, well, arousing. He was just so close. I did the best I could to avert my eyes from his lips that formed a smile just above my face. Men are ruled by what they see and, regretfully, that was my case as well. I chided myself furiously for my longings to get so out of hand. But why did he have to be so…desirable? My insides began to clench and I could feel passion and lust begin to cloud my better judgment. I mean, literally, if I leaned only a few more inches up…

I shivered at that thought.

The erotic taboo of kissing another man teased me in the back of my mind. Is it normal, possible, for someone to react like this? Is this really…right? And even besides all that, if I did…kiss him, what would he do? Would he reel away in disgust? Would he…kiss me back? Or would he just sit there in quiet shock?

Hmm, well you know, there's really only one way to find out…

…

Nonononononono, that would be the bad idea to end all bad ideas. Worst case scenario I can picture is that he violently rejects me and our friendship will be ruined. Then he'll probably have KOS-MOS beat me up or something and then she'll dangle him in front of my face for the rest of my miserable life.

However, the best case scenario…

"Are you all right down there Canaan?" he asked, noticing my silence and zoned expression.

I tried to respond, by my voice was lodged in my throat. I could only continue to stare at him. All my inhibitions were long gone. Want and desperation filled me to the brim. As if acting on their own, my face, my lips, carefully, slowly, moved up toward his. I could feel his breath upon my cheek, the warmth of his skin through the thin clothing he wore, and see every glimmer of light in his pure green eyes…

"Canaan?" he asked in confusion, his voice barley above a whisper and his eyes wide with uncertainty.

I moved in closer. There was no turning back now. I was glad I wasn't standing because my arms and legs were turning to jelly. My brain was making a pathetic attempt at reason, telling me this wasn't the way to find out his feelings. But my heart was begging me to continue, wanting to feel his soft lips on mine. Whoever said that the farthest distance between two places was that of the heart and the head…

Please, chaos, don't hate me for this, I can't help it. I love you so much, but this is all I can do to show it…

Five centimeters from his face, four centimeters from his face, three centimeters, two centimeters, one.

Please don't hate me…

I could feel his heartbeat pulsating from his chest. I closed my eyes and leaned in the last few hairbreadths.

Please…

Oh…

I felt my lips press up against something, but, the timing was off, it happened…too early?

My eyes opened to see my face pressed against his bare hand, held up between our lips, blockading my advances.

W…what?

"Canaan," I heard him say, his voice calm and serious, "What in the world are you doing?"

"chaos, I…um…"

"You're not answering my question."

He abruptly stood up and looked down where I still lay. His eyes were filled with hurt, betrayal.

No no, this wasn't suppose to happen like this. Canaan you stupid jerk what have you done?

"Did you think you could do something like that without…permission? Or at least consent? Or maybe a warning?"

"I…"

"What? Did you think I would be some easy catch? A quick thrill? Some toy for your feelings? I don't think so! I can't believe you!"

"It's not like that…." I begged in desperation.

"Then what is it? Answer me that,"

Oh lord, he's so mad, this isn't going right at all…say something.

I breathed in slowly trying to regain my composure. The words that followed were ones I didn't know I had the guts to say.

"I…I…I care about you chaos. A lot. More than anything. You're not some quick thrill to me. I have such respect and concern and devotion…and I'm sorry I picked such a bad way to show it."

Whoa whoa whoa, where did that come from? Now? Now you pick to tell him? Well said, but why now?

I didn't look at his face for fear of what I might see. Horror? Loathing? Detestation?

Hatred?

But…

"You care about me?" he asked in whisper.

"Yes," I said in hopeful relief.

"How…how much?"

"I just tried to kiss you…what do you think?"

He gave a soft uneasy laugh. He calmly sat down again, this time right by my side.

Both of us were silent for a while. But what could either of us say? He now knew that I cared about him. I had set the gears in motion. Or had stopped them forever.

The silence broke.

"No one…had told me they cared for me, or tried to kiss me for that matter, in a very very long time," he said softly, almost shyly.

I looked over to him.

"It's…kinda nice…"

I felt like kissing him all over again.

Restraint, restraint Canaan.

"But, maybe a little sudden."

"Sudden? I've been trying to drop hints for a while now, haven't you noticed? I wouldn't do something of this magnitude unless I thought I was out of ideas."

"Well…Canaan, I don't think I'm…you're…either of us are ready for this."

"Not…ready?"

"No, you, you're still so young emotionally and have so much to go through, and I…well…"

"I'm not asking for commitment or undying devotion, I just…like you. And I want to explore that, a little, that is, if you don't mind…"

"I don't know…"

"Know what? chaos I would appreciate it if you were honest with me. If there's…something…I want to know. But if there's nothing, and I've just ruined everything, then I won't speak of it again and will quietly leave."

He seemed startled by this.

"No no, it isn't that. It's just…well to be honest…" he paused, "To be honest, I…don't really know how I feel about you."

"You don't know? Is that a nicer of way rejecting me?" I asked a little cynically on the verge of breakdown.

"No…no…no Canaan…I don't know…the truth is, it's been a long time since I've felt anything strong for someone else…I've almost forgotten what's it's like…"

"How long?"

"Since…forever."

"That is long…"

He sighed. "I…well…no no, forget it…"

I looked at him intensely. "No, go on. I want to know. Please?"

Silence.

"I can't…really get into details, but, the last person, people, who loved me and cherished me…they were the ones who also betrayed me."

"Betrayed?"

"Sold me out. Deserted me. Left me to the wolves. I think you get the picture."

"chaos…that's horrible…"

"I've since then filled myself with a desire to be kind to everyone, but in truth I've never allowed myself to get too close to someone ever since."

"I never knew that…" I breathed.

"I've never told anyone that…" he replied.

"No one?"

"No one."

"Is that…why you're unsure about your feelings?"

"Yes."

More silence.

"I think, perhaps," I said, "based on my feelings and your lack of, we both need to do a little more exploration in this field."

He smiled. "I think you're right."

A silent promise passed between us, just then, sitting on the cold floor of that bridge. We were both people who had never given or received love or care, or in his case not for a while, and here we were, finally, maybe, getting a chance to share it with another. It was a strange agreement, a strange relationship. Nothing was permanent, nothing was official, but it was there none the less.

"chaos?"

"Yes?"

"No matter where this, whatever "this" is, might lead us, or what may come from it, I don't want it to ruin our friendship okay?"

"All right, me neither."

Silence.

"Sooo…now what?"

"Now? Now I have to get back to work before Matthews gives me another lecture on work ethics. Work ethics, honestly."

He stood up then extended his hand to help me get to my feet.

I was glad to see his humor and good wit were back in place. He was the same smiley chaos, just like the one I had walked in on delivering lunch.

"Okay," he said holding up his right hand, "To make this final…I solemnly swear that I will find my feelings, open up to you more, and won't tease you about anything. For a while."

I mimicked his gesture. "And I solemnly swear to peruse my feelings, to not steal your soap, and not try to kiss you again. For a while."

We both were acting rather childish. But you know what? I don't think either of us cared.

"Well, goodbye for now Canaan."

"Yes, goodbye chaos."

Neither of us moved.

"Are you waiting for something Canaan?"

"No no, all done here."

We didn't budge.

"There's something wrong here. Neither of us are moving."

I cleared my throat, "Well, I have found, in my recent observations, that usually two people with some sort of close relationship exchange a form of small physical intimacy before departure."

"Well spoken," he chuckled, "But I though you just said you weren't going to try to kiss me again."

"It doesn't have to be a kiss."

"Oh really? How about…a hug then?"

"Yes, a hug would be acceptable."

"Good."

"Good."

We rather clumsily squeezed ourselves into each others embrace. It was short, rather awkward, but a most enjoyable experience.

We broke our hug, said our goodbyes, for real this time, and we went our separate ways. He to his station, and I to…somewhere else.

When I left the bridge I leaned onto the wall for support, a little dazed.

Did all that…really just happen?

It did, didn't it?

I…felt joy.

Hope that wasn't too weird…but hey, chaos and Canaan? Not an ordinary relationship. In case you were confused, that whole betrayal thing was speculation on my part for chaos' assumingly "Christian" background. I think you know what I mean. Anyhoo, next chappy will have lots o insight into Canaan's mind as he tries to make heads or tails of their new "relationship." Yay Canaan! Hopefully it will come out a lot faster now that summer is almost here. Yay summer!

Lurve ATA.