Chapter 16
"Helen! I'm so glad to see you. But what are you doing here and how did you know I'd be back today?" Beth exclaimed as Kevin's mother met her at the gate.
"Kevin called me," she admitted. "I wanted to spend some time with you, and I knew you still had quite a bit to do in the house. I have some time before school starts, so I decided to come for a little unannounced visit. Don't worry, I won't make this a habit, though." Helen smiled and grabbed one of Beth's bags from her. "How was your trip?"
"It was great, just really wonderful. Kevin had to work a good bit, but we did have most of last week to spend together. The opening ceremonies were breathtaking. I just keep thinking about what wonderful memories we'll share of our honeymoon. Oh, Helen, I love him so much. I could see apprehension in his eyes as I left him there." Beth felt the tears well up in her own.
Helen placed her arm around Beth's shoulders. "I know, Beth."
Beth really couldn't say anything else because she was afraid she would really start to cry. The two women walked out the sliding doors into the bright sun. Helen directed Beth to the lot where her car was parked, and the two began the drive home. Beth had been on an airplane for almost 18 hours, so she was feeling quite grimy and extremely exhausted, as she hadn't really been able to sleep. She dozed in the front seat as Helen drove them home, waking with a start when the car pulled into the garage. Helen smiled across the seat at her daughter-in-law.
"Why don't you go on in and get in the tub. You look like you could use a good long soak. I'll bring this stuff in and get the laundry going. Then you can nap or whatever you'd like." Helen reached her hand toward Beth who grabbed it. "I know you worry about Kevin. We all do, but he'll be just fine. It's still hard for him. It breaks my heart to think about the struggles he still faces, but he's strong. He loves you, too, sweetie, and more than anything he wants you to be proud of him."
"I am," Beth sighed. She smiled back at Helen and opened the car door. A bath sounded like a marvelous idea. Beth barely made it up to their bathroom, she was suddenly so exhausted. She ran the water, undressed, and eased herself into the warmth. She let her head slip under the water for a few seconds. Wishing Kevin were there as well, Beth resurfaced and quickly washed her body. Using her toe to pull the plug, she watched the water swirl around the drain. Finally she got out of the tub and pulled on her robe. She toweled her hair dry and collapsed on the bed, thankful that Kevin had insisted they put it together first. She was asleep in a matter of minutes.
Helen realized how terribly tired Beth had appeared to be earlier in the car. She hoped the younger woman would be able to get some rest. Helen remembered being a very newlywed. Will was already on the force, and she worried for his safety. She knew how much Beth loved her son and how much she worried about him. There would be tough times ahead for this couple, that's just they way life goes, but Helen believed in the basis of their marriage. They loved one another, and she believed that they would put in the work necessary to make a strong and lasting union.
As Beth was sleeping, Helen continued cleaning and unpacking in the kitchen, living room, and Kevin's office. She really did love the house that Kevin and Beth had chosen. It was definitely bigger than the two of them needed, but she knew that they were hoping to begin filling the place with babies in the near future. She was carefully stacking Beth's wedding china in the cupboard when she heard footsteps on the stairs. Helen reached for two mugs, suspecting that Beth would enjoy a cup of tea.
Beth came in the kitchen and gasped at the progress Helen had made in such a short time. Helen handed her the cup, and the two of them sat down at the kitchen table. Beth was still looking around at the now spotless, organized shelves, drawers, and cabinets.
"Oh! Helen, this place is perfect. I can't believe you did all of this. It looks great," Beth gushed.
"I knew you'd get around to it eventually, but it's such a daunting task to get started. I wanted to help you out a little, besides, once school starts I won't be able to visit much."
"Thank you, Helen. I really appreciate all your help. I was so relieved to see you at the airport. I had no idea how tired I would be," Beth explained.
Helen picked up her mug and suggested that they move into the living room. Beth agreed and joined her. They settled on the overstuffed couch facing the window seat. Beth had barely had time to look over her new home before they had left for China. She glanced quickly around the room but stopped to stare out the window. She gazed at the front yard, which was perfect for playing ball. For a moment she imagined Kevin running after their children out there, but the image caused her to catch her breath. That wouldn't happen. As she turned to Helen, a pained look marred her face.
"Helen, would you tell me about the accident? I only know what I've heard from people at home, and Kevin still doesn't remember much from right afterward. We've talked about it before, but I thought you could help me understand." Beth felt like she was babbling, "I mean, if you don't want to, that's ok, but I need to know."
Helen was silent for a minute. Every day since the accident, she had been praying that when she woke up in the morning it would all have been a terrible nightmare. Yet every morning her son was sitting across the breakfast table in a wheelchair. While Kevin had finally moved forward with his life and accepted what had happened, it had been such a slow process for Helen. She didn't want to revisit those memories, yet Kevin's wife did have the right to know what had happened. She knew that Kevin and Beth had discussed this topic before, but Beth was asking for Helen's memories, things that Kevin didn't remember or know. Oh, God, how she didn't want to do this again, but Beth did need to know. Helen nodded and began.
"You know about the party because you were there. I was getting ready for bed, Will was going to the shower, Joan was watching TV with Luke. Will and Kevin had argued earlier in the day, but later he had told Kevin that he could stay out until one since the game had run late. It was around midnight. We were excited about the game, so we were just starting to wind down. The doorbell rang. I grabbed my robe, unsure about who would be at the door so late. You don't ever imagine it will be something like that. There were two policemen. I didn't know their names. Will was still in the shower. The taller one began to speak. He said that Kevin had been in a car accident, and that they had come to take us to the hospital. I said, 'No, he's at a party. He called us, he always calls.' They explained that his condition was extremely critical, and that they had been instructed to bring us as quickly as possible. Joan says I screamed at some point in time there. I remember falling to the floor. By this time Will had started down the stairs. Joan and Luke came into the foyer. The officer explained to Will what they had just told me. Will said he would follow them in our car. Joan ran upstairs and got my clothes. The ride was very quiet until Joan asked why they were there. Luke answered her so quietly that we could barely hear him, 'Because they think he might die.' None of us could tell him he was wrong."
Helen stood and walked wordlessly into Kevin's office. She returned a few seconds later with a large envelope. She placed it on Beth's lap and continued her story.
"It took us quite a while before we were able to see him, and when we could, that is what we saw." She motioned to the envelope. Beth opened it to reveal photos of Kevin from immediately after the accident. His spine had been stabilized and he had been placed in a Stryker frame. It looked like he'd been strapped into some type of space-looking thing, and it looked uncomfortable. His feet dangled from the edge of the cot-like portion. Dried blood from a nasty cut on his head, now bandaged, was smeared on his face and body. Beth knew the cut had left a scar on his forehead and was most of the reason he wore his hair long in the front. Sometimes she jokingly called him Harry Potter. The images took her breath for a moment. Kevin looked so broken. She had imagined him lying neatly on a clean white bed with perfect stitches. Her hand was covering her mouth as she looked over at Helen who had tear-streaked cheeks.
"It was awful. The only good thing they could tell us was that he was alive. He hadn't been breathing when the paramedics arrived at the scene. They didn't think his brain had been without oxygen long enough to cause damage, but they didn't know. You father was there. He explained that they would keep Kevin sedated until Dr. Slater was able to do the spinal stabilization surgery. He didn't want to give a prognosis before Dr. Slater had a chance to examine Kevin and the test results. He was there, in that thing, it seemed like forever. I sat beside him, held his hand, washed the dried blood off of him. He mumbled, like he was dreaming about something. He said your name, Andy's, Joan's, Luke's, and so many other nonsense things. Finally they decided he was ready for surgery. Dr. Slater sat down with us and explained the procedure. He cautioned us that the preliminary tests showed extensive nerve damage. Surgery wouldn't change that, it was simply necessary to repair the bones so as not to cause any more damage. We said that we understood. Your father told us that Dr. Slater was the best in the business and promised that he would take care of Kevin. The actual operation took about six hours, but it felt like days. Finally Dr. Slater came out. He said that everything had gone well but that the spinal cord had been damaged. He said we'd just have to wait and see when Kevin woke up. Will thanked him and asked if we could see Kev. He wanted to be there when Kevin was waking up. It took about an hour longer, but finally Kevin opened his eyes. He was quite groggy still, but he knew his dad. Will explained what had happened. Kevin asked how badly he had been injured. Will was crying by this time. He really didn't have to tell Kevin. He knew, and then they both cried. I watched from the window not really knowing how we'd be able to go on."
Beth could see the struggle on Helen's face as she attempted to keep her composure. She hated to ask her mother-in-law to continue, but there was so much more to the story that she wanted to hear. Helen took a deep breath and kept going.
"After another two weeks, Kevin was transferred to a rehab facility. Our insurance would only allow him to stay for six weeks. The program was four months long, but we could only afford six weeks. I stayed with him as much as I could. They gave him the Reader's Digest version of living with paraplegia, just the very basics covered as quickly as possible. He had so much to learn, and he was still in a state of shock. He was so frustrated and weak. The therapists could only show him things to do, he was only able to do the most basic of the rehab exercises by himself. He couldn't transfer from the chair to the bed or anything. It was so difficult to watch him in his frustration.
"There was a counselor that he talked to a few times a week, but he was slipping into depression anyway. The doctor wanted to prescribe and antidepressant, but he was already taking so much medication. I thought he just needed to get home and get into a routine. Dr. Slater agreed. We took him home. That first night he asked me if he would ever feel normal again. I told him that of course he would. It would just take time, but deep inside I wasn't sure myself. He needed help to get in and out of bed, go to the bathroom, take a shower, get dressed. It was so humiliating for him to ask for help, but he knew he couldn't do these things by himself. We had to rely on each other. Kevin needed us.
"Then, all of a sudden, he had to think about school. Arizona wasn't able to keep his scholarship. We told him he could do whatever he wanted, but he decided not to go at all, anywhere. We tried to get back to our lives at home for the next year, but it could never be the same. Will was offered the job in Arcadia and we all decided that it was time for a change. It still took Kevin a while longer to believe that he could live a full life.
"He never told us what happened that night between the two of you, if he even remembered until you told him. He tried not to look back, but the loss of your friendship was a void I didn't know if he could ever fill. He dated Rebecca for a little while, but that was just something he had to do to get back into the swing of things. It wasn't until he ran into you, or Joan set you two up, that he began to have dreams again."
Beth and Helen hugged tightly. Beth was wiping tears from her eyes. She thanked Helen for sharing with her this part of her family's life. Helen reminded Beth that it was her family now, too. Beth nodded knowing this was true. She was continually thankful for the Girardi family and their role in her life. Her stomach growled with hunger causing her and Helen to laugh, interrupting the moment.
"I haven't eaten anything since the night before I flew out. I don't even know how long ago that was," Beth admitted. Helen suggested some options, but none of them really seemed appetizing to her. She decided on a bowl of cereal to hold her over until the morning. She selected a box, bowl and milk before sitting down at the table. She was still exhausted. Helen sent her off to bed.
Beth woke the next morning in her own bed. It took her a moment to remember where she was. Suddenly, a wave of nausea swept over her, and she barely made it to the toilet before the scant contents of her stomach came rushing up. Twice more she vomited before she was able to pull herself off of the floor. She rinsed her mouth and grabbed her toothbrush. She rationalized that she must have eaten something that disagreed with her, ignoring the fact that she was three weeks late. She had convinced herself that with the stress of the wedding, move, and trip her schedule had just been thrown off a little. Besides, they had been told that it was virtually impossible for the two of them to conceive without outside help. She had stopped taking the pill then. Oh shit! The pieces were all adding up, and Beth wasn't sure what she was going to do.
Helen had heard Beth in the bathroom adjoining her room. She wanted to check on her but stopped herself. Beth would come to her if she needed help. Instead, Helen went to the kitchen to make some tea. Perhaps it would help settle Beth's stomach. She was just finishing when she heard Beth clear her throat behind her. She turned to face the younger woman.
"Helen, I think I'm pregnant."