Ahhh, le summer iz here. And guess what? I finally finished Xenosaga Ep. II! YAAAAY! Dang the ending was good! But I have a question: who was that dude in white at the very very end who called Wilhelm "partner?" And was it my imagination or was that chaos' voice who sad the stuff on the weaver of the eternal Z thingy? Bleah…now I have to wait until the third one! Grrr. After finishing it I felt all giddy and of course glued myself to the computer to finish this. A bit philosophical this fic might become now I know the ending, but not too much. This might sound werid, but my ending makes a lot more sense now I know how the actual game ends! One more thing: I've been spelling "Durandel" wrong, it's "Durandal" with an "a." Eeeeee. I'll have to fix that during my uber editing I plan on doing once this fic is finished.

To my reviewers…

YuhiruK.A.A.K.J.: That would be awesome if you decided to make your own Cc fic! Rock on! What ideas do you have? I can't wait to read it!

Shair: Hehe. Planting trees are good! Cause without them, we would probably all suffocate, and then I couldn't update! Ah!

kikyogirl900: chaos was just surprised, like you said. I'd be a little freaked if one of my good friends tried to smooch me…

Xeora: Veeeery close I can assure thee.

Ruler of Dark and Light: Never fear. Moui grand kissy kissing will come later.

KOS-MOS rox: Hehe. A big S/A fan like you is probably gonna like this chapter!

KBkyle92: Since you were reviewer numba one, and gave good feedback after my "Oh dear are people going to like this" chapter, it made life a lot easier! Thanx!

YAY! ATA has gotten to fifty reviews! Thank thank thank you! Just one last thing: this chapter is mostly just progress. Much fun in next though!

Okay okay, let's go over this one more time to make sure you've got it right…

You bring him lunch, which he likes and compliments you on…

He notices you've used his soap, he gets fussy and starts poking you…

You fall down in big heap, and you, with your stupid testosterone, try to KISS him…

He…rejects the kiss…and then you finally tell him your feelings…

Most of them…

He tells you he's unsure of his…you become, well you're not exactly sure what you would call it…

Then you both hug…

And that was pretty much it…

All in all, a very delightful and eventful day in my oh so humble opinion.

But trying to make heads or tails of it is really hurting my already confused head…

Or maybe it's because I keep walking around in circles.

Ten laps later around the cabin area and I wasn't even close to grasping the events taken place. The fact that I had just tried to kiss him didn't seem to want to register in my mind. I had this awful tugging feeling that I would suddenly wake up and have it all be another dream. But then I would pinch myself to remind me this was all totally reality.

Just yesterday for goodness sakes we were lounging under an umbrella "just friends." And then all that…I guess we're now...

My pacing ceased.

Wait a minute, what are we now?

…

Definitely not just friends…but not "lovers" either…

Hmmm…

Boyfriends?

…yes I guess that's it…

But technically it's not quite official…so…

Temporary boyfriends?

Naw…

How about…Experimental Boyfriends?

Then again this is just a work in progress.

So…Semi Experimental Boyfriends.

Yeah, there we go.

Wonder if he would like that…

My pace continued. I felt slightly happier now that I was making progress.

This…is good. I've told him I like him, not love…yet…but at least he knows the half of it. He doesn't know what he feels yet…but it will come with time, right? I'll be patient, I can wait for him. All I need to do now is show him plenty of affection so he'll stay open to me. Won't have a problem doing that, but I just need to control myself a little better. I nearly scared him away when I tried to kiss him. So none of that. I'll keep my hands to myself. Most of the time.

You know…

I couldn't help but notice that throughout our entire conversation it seemed besides the point that we were both guys…

Huh…wonder why? I thought that would be a bigger issue. Not that I'm complaining too much but still…

…

He might…like both. Guys and girls. That's possible, right? It's probably something like that.

Good. On to the next problem…

What about everyone else? I don't know their standpoint on things like this. Lord knows these turn of events will be a bit of a surprise. I can only hope they're as open minded as I think they are. I don't really care what they think of me, mind you. But if they look at chaos any differently I will have a problem with it.

But apart from all that…

My face allowed me to make a tiny…tiny smile.

Things are starting to get brighter.

So much had gone wrong and so much had gone right.

Just one more question left unsolved…

Is it really possible to be rejected and accepted…at the same time…by the same person…in one brief instant of failure and success?

Maybe there are no true answers.

And that is the way of the Universe my friend.

The days skipped by merrily.

Three days actually. Three glorious perfect spotless flawless days…

Since that…"incident" shall we say.

I didn't get any sleep that day. After I finished pondering in circles around the Elsa, I went to the Durandal and pondered some more. When I finished pondering there, I went and pondered on the Kukai Foundation until the sun rose up.

Cursed pondering.

The real treat was getting back to the Elsa and have a relatively anxious chaos from my all-nighter squish me into a massive bear hug.

"I was worried about you," he said.

Ahhhhhh…

We ended up staying in our room all morning and talking. About…nothing really. Those really are the best kinds of conversations.

Since then we have become inseparable. Even more so than before. Well, actually I follow and cling to him everywhere and he puts up with it in his nice chaos way.

"Oh, there goes chaos and his shadow," Jr. teases whenever he sees us.

But still, it's just so…wonderful, I mean I've gotten to know him so much better than before. Well, most of the "knowledge" I've acquired are mostly pointless and silly things I've happened to notice while stalking him. As long as it's something I can work with.

As I have said many times before, when one asks him a question he doesn't particularly want to answer he usually changes the subject, asks you another question in return, or give some vague response. But I'm proud of myself. I've picked his mazy little head the best I can.

For example: Did you know he's ambidextrous? At least I think he is. He switches his hands a lot when he works and when he fights. I don't think he has a set dominant hand. When I asked him he said he had never really thought about it.

I've heard stories before on his Gnosis "disappearing act." Surprisingly, he gave me more than the "It's something I can do" speech. He said that he's not entirely sure on how it works or where the Gnosis goes. He discovered he could do it by mere accident. Or so he says. He told me he wished he could use it more often and be useful…but it really wears him out after just one trial. Even though he doesn't show it.

I even got the guts to ask him about his miniscule shorts. He says they're comfortable and fit him nicely since he has such a skinny figure.

However, he still didn't answer all I asked. Like his age.

"You wouldn't believe me even if I told you," was his only reply.

He must be really really old. I think.

So there you have it. My chaos in a nutshell. More or less. Most likely less than more though.

He's had his share of questions too. Some…less desirable than others.

The other day…for example…

"Canaan, can Realians have children?"

I sputtered into my morning glass of orange juice.

"W…wha…I beg your pardon?"

"Can Realians have children?" he repeated.

"Um um…er…why do you want to know?"

"I'm just curious. Or have I hit another sensitive spot eh?"

I flinched and cleared my throat. "Emmmmmm…well no. We can't have children. It's genetically impossible. We're born from test tubes, not wombs."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Interesting. Does that mean you can't have se..."

"AHH, whoa, no no no."

"What? No you can't have s…"

"NO. I mean yes…I mean...don't go there. I'm not answering that."

"Why?" He had a large grin on his face.

"Cut it out," I pouted, "I thought you said you weren't going to tease me any more."

"For a while, remember?"

"Hey…"

"There's no need to be shy!"

I slouched in my chair.

"You're so mean to me…" I pouted.

"Ohhhh, Canaan, I didn't mean it. I'm sorry."

"Hmmmrrr."

Along with frequent interrogations on both our parts, and in between the harmless mocking, he's actually become quite intimate with me. I don't have to make up an excuse to hug or hold him and he doesn't seem to mind. It's never gone beyond that though.

I also told him about the title I've thought up for us: "Semi Experimental Boyfriends." He adored it, much to my delight.

Another thing happened. A big thing. Certainly caught me by total surprise. The morning after…that day, Allen comes marching onto the bridge all manly like. Everyone was there and paid no mind to him at first. Then he says in a deep booming voice…and I quote…

"I've just had a date with Shion and it went perfectly!"

Well my mouth dropped.

After Jr. received a few smacks to the head for calling his secretary and asking if the universe was coming to an end, all of us rampaged Allen with questions, like where did you go, what did you say, is there another date, did you get a kiss, the normal stuff.

"A fancy restaurant on the Foundation, deep thoughts of love and affection, yes, and sadly no."

All of us were quite impressed. We gave him his congratulations and rightfully so. The now prideful Allen ended up bragging to every crewmember, soldier, civilian, and Realian he could find about the whole affair. It was the juicy gossip of the week, the "buzz" going around. Allen and Shion were getting quite a bit of attention from all of it, mostly from Allen's reputation of having the absolute worst luck with her. Neither minded. They both seemed to enjoy it immensely.

Naturally, with all the fuss about them no one had time to notice that chaos and I were becoming quite friendly with each other. But perhaps it was better that way. One shocker at a time.

What I did have the chance to do was meet with Allen privately and exchange notes on our "progress." It was actually kind of fun. He was dumbstruck when I told him that I tried to kiss chaos in broad daylight on the bridge no less.

"What if someone like Mathews or MOMO walked in on you two? You're a brave person Canaan, brave, but foolish."

"And why is that?"

"You can't just kiss someone casually nowadays! If I tried that move on Shion should would have slapped me! You should be very grateful that chaos didn't knock you out cold! You need to give some warning! Get permission!"

"Oh really? That's smart Allen. The next time I'll just say "chaos, I am feeling lustful, desirous, and overall turned on by your absolute loveliness. May I please take you in some dark obscure corner and make out with you within an inch of your life?"

"That's not what I meant!"

We bantered back and forth for a while. In the end though there was a set air of competition about the whole thing. Who could get the first kiss fastest. Allen already had one up on me with the "official" date, but I was concocting up things of my own. This was starting to get interesting…

Oh, have I had my fantasies about what our first kiss will be like. If it comes that is…but I can dream. My favorite so far is the one where I sweep him up gracefully on a dark, deserted street, with the rain pouring down all around us, and a full moon overhead. I romantically tilt him back and kiss him full force on the mouth.

Rather simple, rather cliché, but rather charming, in my opinion.

Like everything, there are always the not so good moments. This didn't come from an outside source. The little gremlin in my plan came from my own mind and thoughts. This…little annoying voice…well just hear it for yourself.

…

Hey…hey…HEY. Are you insane?

What?

Will you knock it off already lover boy? You're starting to make me sick.

Hush.

I will not hush. You're acting irresponsible, out of control, demented even. What has gotten into you?

Go away. Now. I don't have to deal with this.

He's just humoring you because it fancies him. That's all. So stupid really.

Shut up.

He's just desperate for any kind of attention. Poor guy. He got stuck with you of all people.

…

These crazy random moments of unbearable doubt are the only things spoiling my day. It's like this nagging voice in the back of my head is the old Canaan, the stuffy bitter monotone stone cold one, which refuses to rest. It's crazy. The thing that works me up the most is…what if that voice is right? What if I am acting demented? What if he decides he doesn't like me? What if…

I'm going to make everything work out. Don't worry.

It had been one week exactly since I had received feelings and found I loved him. And it was all his doing technically.

I decided to do something special.

Happy Anniversary love.

Heh. Sorry for the relative shortness. BTW, most of those "chaos comments" like how he might be ambidextrous came from "Heaven Unsolved," an incredibly spiffy shrine to chaos! It's got screenshots, doujinshi, fanart, and my favorite: screenshots from Xenosaga the anime! chaos is SOOOOOOO cute in it! Go see what I mean! SO KAWAII! Sorry I couldn't resist.

Cheers-ATA,