Here's the next installment. The song "Cocoon" by Jack Johnson didn't so much serve as an inspiration as I just felt that the two went together well. Let me know what you think. Yes, I'm working on the rest...

Chapter 26

Beth said goodbye to her sister and Clark as they were leaving for the airport. Annie asked where Kevin had gone so quickly, but Beth didn't want to explain everything to her at that very moment. She covered by saying that he hadn't been feeling well earlier, and she was sure that he had just gone upstairs to rest. Annie wasn't exactly believing Beth's poor cover, but she just hugged her sister and whispered in Beth's ear that she would call her later. They thanked the Girardi family for their hospitality, got into the cab, and waved back at the family as they drove away.

Joan walked Beth into the house and up the stairs into her room while the others cleaned up the downstairs. Beth sat on the bed and Joan took the desk chair, moving it to face Beth.

"Are you okay?" Joan asked her sister-in-law.

Beth didn't answer immediately. She knew that Joan would be able to tell if she lied. Yet, she wanted to honor Kevin's wish to not ruin their time with the family. The longer she waited, the more Joan would suspect, though, so she smiled wearily and spoke.

"I think we just need to get home and talk about some things."

Joan nodded her head but didn't look convinced. "Kevin said that he had to be down here by the end of next month. Will that give you enough time to do what you need to do at work and everything?"

Beth decided to be truthful. "I'm not sure. We've talked a little about me staying up there for a while, to work a little longer until we decide what to do about the house. I don't think we should sell it yet, at least not until Kevin's sure this is what he wants to do."

"That seems reasonable, but I was really looking forward to spending more time with you. Grace is going to be so busy when she starts back to work, the baby and all. She's going to need help, I'm sure, but I'll still miss you!" Joan jumped up and hugged Beth.

She returned Joan's embrace, but Beth asked Joan not to reveal her plans to anyone else until she and Kevin had made final decisions. Joan said that she understood. Beth thanked her for being such a good friend. She realized that she hadn't talked to Kevin since they had been outside earlier, so she told Joan she was going to go check on him. Joan said that a nap sounded good to her, too, and Beth left the room.

Beth walked across the hall and opened the door to find Kevin asleep on the bed. She climbed in beside him. He didn't stir as she snuggled up to his body. It was so warm beside him, and she still loved his touch. The thoughts in her head and feelings in her heart were conflicted. She loved her husband dearly, but she needed more than a body in the bed with her. She wished that there could be some way, something that would change things between them. She didn't want her marriage to end, and she knew she would never stop loving him. Certainly there must be some way. She was still running these thoughts through her head when Kevin woke beside her.

"Wha are you doin here?" He asked, still feeling the effects of the sleeping pill.

"I just came to have a nap with you. Is that okay?" She asked as she smoothed his hair.

"Do whatever you want, Beth. I'm going downstairs." He spat, suddenly feeling very much awake.

"Kevin, no. Please don't do this."

"Why not? Because you don't want me to? God forbid I would do anything that you don't want to happen. You know what? I'm just so tired of it. I'm tired of not being what you want!" He finished angrily and moved toward the edge of the bed, but Beth grabbed and pulled him back down.

"We're not letting this end. I'm not letting you believe that I don't want to be with you. If that were the truth I would not be here now. I love you. I love your family. I love our family, and I look forward to raising children with you. I think that you are going to be an amazing father. I truly want that for us. That's why I think we need to take some time just to see how much we love each other, how much we need and depend on each other. It makes logical sense, too. We have to do something with the house, we can't sell it yet. What if you hate your new job? And I have clients to finish with at work. It's going to take me a couple of months to wrap up things. I know that's not the way I presented it to you earlier. I was upset. I don't want to leave you. I'm not leaving you."

Kevin stared up at the ceiling, "Then what is this all about, Beth? What is the bottom line here? Why are you so unhappy? You've told me things that you feel need to change, but if you never give me a chance to change them, then how can I possibly?"

"I know. I'm sorry. That's why I came up here now. I can't be without you, not forever."

"Why are you unhappy?"

"I'm not 16 anymore! I need you to be an equal partner. I'm past the need for football captain or baseball pitcher in my life. I want you to understand and respect me for who I am and who I am trying to become in my personal life and my profession, too. I want you to be happy for me. I'm so proud of you. I love watching you on TV and at your games, but the issues of trust still exist, too. You go off and make these snap decisions about our lives without even consulting me. That really makes me wonder what the entire situation is. And the fact that I had kept information from you, too, made my imagination even more dangerous. Kevin, I've loved you for half of my life, and I'm not about to stop. I don't know what I want us to do or where I want us to be, but I want to be there with you. I don't want to fight you, oppose you."

"Okay. I can go from there. You have to know how much our relationship, our marriage means to me. I think you are wonderful, and I know that you have helped me through some terrible times. You gave me a vision for my life. I can't imagine not being with you. And I mean that because I love you."

Beth shook her head, "But I wasn't there for you, Kevin. I was half a world away with someone else while you were going through the most horrible time of your life. When you were facing the loss of the future you expected, I was flitting around without a care in the world with my 'big man on campus' boyfriend. How does that not factor into this?"

"I betrayed your trust, and then I hurt you even more with my actions and words. I could never blame you for my stupidity or for not being there. We would have never made it through that. No high school relationship would have. And then we got a second chance. It just makes it all even more amazing."

"The story is only amazing if it works out."

"Beth, it's going to. I'm not letting this marriage fail. If you leave me, I'm coming with you."

Beth smiled at his final remark. She had wanted him to fight for their relationship, and it seemed as though he was ready to do this at last. She kissed him and rolled so that she was lying beside him on the bed. She loved him so much! He grabbed her hand and held it as they lay together for quite some time before they felt they could join the family again.

When they finally decided to go back downstairs, they changed into more comfortable clothes and realized that they needed to hurry, as the family always watched movies on Christmas evening starting promptly at six. Beth glanced at the clock on the table, not knowing where the day had gone. Joan knocked on the door to check on the two. Kevin answered and assured her they were on the way. Five minutes later, they were in the living room with everyone for family movie night. It was Grace's turn to choose, but she had deferred to Joan who was pushing for Bad Santa or Elf, two comedic Christmas favorites. The family voted and decided to go with Will Ferrell over Billy Bob Thornton.

When the movie ended, the children loaded into Kevin's car to go look at Christmas lights while their parents put the baby to bed. Adam had already gone home, so the backseat wasn't too crowded. Grace was a little unsure of why Joan hadn't gone with him, but she later mentioned that she would be going to Adam's house the next day for Sunday dinner. The conversation turned pretty quickly to wedding plans when Beth sidestepped Grace's comment about the big move. Joan didn't really have any answers, but tentatively planned for the following Christmas or New Year. Beth offered her wedding folder, which had been used for Jocelyn and Annika's weddings, as well. Joan seemed excited and relieved to have some sort of a start.

Kevin, in true Girardi male form, interrupted the "female" conversation to point out the lights as they moved from street to street. He pulled into a development of especially nice houses on a hill overlooking the city. Some of these homes offered breathtaking displays of nativity scenes, carolers, elves, and every other sort of winter wonderland in yard. Grace compared the sight to the street from the Home Alone movies.

They drove around a little longer, laughing and talking like a carful of teenagers. Beth suggested that they do some impromptu caroling. Someone suggested Grace's house. Luke reminded them that Grace's father was a rabbi, but Beth said they could sing Hanukkah songs. Grace laughed but agreed with Beth that it would be fun. Kevin shook his head skeptically but drove the others to Grace's parents' house as they planned out their song list. They waited for Kevin to join them before they went to the front door. The lights were on, so Grace rang the bell. About a minute later, her father opened the door.

"Gracie? What's all this?" Rabbi Polanski asked.

Grace didn't answer but started the first song. Three songs (including The Twelve Days Of Christmas) later, Grace's mom made it to the door. They finished one more before Mrs. Polanski invited them in for hot chocolate. They happily accepted and went inside. Grace's parents were disappointed that Luke and Grace didn't have the baby with them even though they were able to spend time with her frequently. Joan introduced Beth, since she wasn't sure when or if she had ever met the Polanskis. Kevin had only met them once before, so he took the opportunity to get to know Grace's parents a little better, too. All in all, the fivesome spent nearly an hour at the Polanski residence. Joan realized the late hour and apologized for keeping them from bed. Sarah Polanski smiled and thanked them for their visit. Grace promised to bring Hadassah by during the next week, and the Girardis left the Polanski home.

Back in the car Grace was really pleased with how the caroling had gone. She thanked everyone for spending time with her parents. She said that she wasn't sure the last time she had seen her mom and dad in such a good mood. Luke told her that they would stop by more often with the baby so that she could spend time with them. Her mom had really made an effort to change for the better. She had sought treatment for her alcoholism when Grace was in college, but the family still had not ever been close. Luke tried not to pry into her business, but when Hadassah had been born, their relationship with her grandparents had become everyone's business. Grace had agreed even though she wasn't sure how to begin mending years of hurt. Luke hoped that this might be the start of something good.

They pulled into the Girardis' driveway a little while later. Everyone went up to the bedrooms, but Kevin stopped his mom before they followed the crowd.

"Hey, Beth wants us to go to church in the morning with you."

"Oh, sure. Mass starts at 10:30. We'll be leaving about 10. I think that Grace and Luke are bringing the baby. It will be great to have you and Beth. Maybe I can convince your dad to come, too."

"No, don't impose on him on my account. Beth just really liked Father Mallory last night, and it doesn't make any difference to me if we go or not, but listen, will Lilly be there?"

"Oh, probably. She's getting married this summer, though. I doubt she'll even notice you."

"I'm anxious to see her, but I've never mentioned her to Beth before. I mean, not as anything more than your Catholicism coach if that, even. And she is not in the mood for me to parade old girlfriends in front of her."

"Well, is that what we consider Lilly? Three dates?"

"It was like six, and why were you counting things like that?"

"I pay attention when my son dates my ex-nun friends, okay?"

"Yeah, well, just don't say anything you your son's wife, okay?"

"Kevin, when will you figure this out?"

"Mom, I really wish that I knew. Goodnight."

Kevin went up the steps to join Beth who was already playing with the alarm clock. She asked him what time he wanted to get up and he chose 8 am. They both laughed at their world record shower and dress time of 20 minutes from that morning but agreed that they should probably allow a little while longer for the next day. Still, they had been able to cut down the necessary time needed from well over an hour to about 45 minutes if they both went into the shower together, and if they kept to the business at hand.

Kevin turned off the overhead light and joined Beth in the bed. He double checked the clock and turned off the light on the side table. They both were wide awake, even though it was almost midnight and they had to get up earlier than they had been all week.

Beth started the conversation, "Grace's parents seemed like they really enjoyed the company, didn't they?"

"Yeah, they sure did. I can't imagine that they would be lonely, with Grace and Luke living fairly close by, but I guess people just get busy. Sometimes they forget about people and things that mean a lot to them even when they don't mean to."

"Imagine that."

"I need to tell you something else."