Disclaimer :If I owned Blade (which I don't ) you wouldn't see me writing a crap Mickey-take of my own film, that's just crazy talk. But for those muppets that haven't already guessed here I go.
I DO NOT IN ANYWAY OWN BLADE THE CHARACTERS THE MERCHENDICE (OR THE HAIR CUT). So there.
OR the rights of the mini corporation.
Chapter Three
"The village people"
A mini cooper sped down the ally way at an impressive 45 mph, kicking up dust in its wake. In it sat two men. The 'man' (and I use the term loosely) behind the wheel was tall and lean with a yellow polo neck shirt, (because, of course, vampires own the entire clothing industry, and they seem to have an odd penchant for polo neck shirts, just one of those odd quirks of nature). His companion sat uncomfortably scrunched into the small car. He flicked beads of sweat off of his drooping moustache nervously.
"I want you to know, I don't usually go out with strange guys like this, but you seem like a nice guy." The moustached man commented, apparently not content to sit in silence.
The driver sneered slightly, flashing a hint of fang but didn't respond. His eyes flicked yellow momentarily before returning to their normal blue.
The man, not one of natures' quitters, continued blithely "So where are we going anyway?"
"It's a surprise," the vampire murmured after a moment, "It does have the best singers and dancers in the world though," he admitted grudgingly.
The mini came to a slow halt.
The vampire sneered; it was an impressive sneer, a kind of sneer that would have been practiced extensively in front of a mirror (or, in the vampires' case, like-minded friends) to get the exact tone of contempt perfect. It was an artwork of a sneer. "Get out." He snapped. "We're here"
The man "I can't say I take kindly to that tone of voice."
"Get over it" Replied the vampire in a sarcastic voice.
They walked through the door of an old theatre. Inside was a massive ball area. With a bar in the corner, tables everywhere and a dance floor, near the back of the room. But right at the back of the room was a stage. Stood upon it was a man, (or so we think.) He had long bleached hair which brought out the blue in his eyes.
"Welcome. And now for your entertainment let me introduce to you now, live…
IT'S THE VILLAGE PEOPLE." Shouted the man into a micro-phone.
From behind it the village people stood. There backs turned to the audience.
Then as the 5 men slowly turned around, each man, looking scarier than the next, (Which isn't hard when you've got. An Indian, a biker boy, a police man, a builder and a sailor all stood on a stage.)
Then the men started to sing. They sang a song that drives fear into little kids, a song that infects the married population to get up and dance at your cousin's party and embarrass you, a song that everyone knows the words for because as a kid radio two forced you to listen to…
They sang…
The Y.M.C.A
Dramatic, dun dun der
Enter our hero … That's blunt in case you didn't know.
The ceiling glass window smashed as a dark shadowed man wearing orange furry feathers at the bottom of his leather coat he hit the floor curled up in the same way a Hollywood entrance would look like.
As he hit the floor he let out a shriek of pain and curled up into a ball crying, "my ankle, I've twisted my ankle"
Whisper walked in through the front door slapping two vampires's round the face with a spatula, as he did they dropped to the floor and burst into flame.
"If we go in through the front door we'll surprise them"
Whisper said sarcastically under his breath.
"I want to make a dramatic entrance with my new feathers"
Whisper was mimicking blunt.
"Now you've gone a twisted your ankle and it's me to the rescue"
Whisper continued to take the piss.
As one of the village people dived at blunt, whisper threw the spatula at him. The spatula was spinning at an impressive speed until it hit the vampire… with the butt of the spatula.
"Look out behind you" cried Blunt in a high voice, the kind of voice men get when they've been kicked in the family jewels.
Whisper drew from behind his back a long thin weapon that looked like a dildo but in actual fact was a…
(Dramatic dun dun der)
Rolling pin.
As Blunt saw this, the page went fuzzy, he was having a flash back from his child hood, it all came back to him, the mint choc chip, the telling off he was going to get, and oh yeah the rape… (Back to reality)
Whisper did a surprisingly good matrix move smacking the vampire in the head.
The village people ran away as blunt scrambled to his feet.
"It's ok, I'm the good guy" blunt said as he reached his hand out to the guy who was in the opening of the scene.
"It's ok, come with me and I'll get you some milk and cookies" blunt said in a soft voice
The man got up, him and blunt walked out of the front door, he tripped over blunts' feathers.
"I'M ok by the way" whisper shouted but then couldn't be bothered.
He followed them, trailing both his spatula and his rolling pin in a sad and pathetic way.
Well there it is my third chapter. I hope you liked it. Please, please, please write a review so I can find out what you guys/girls think. Flamers will be laughed at...
then disposed off.
I would like to thank my editors, "I'm a happy potato, Zee Germans" with out them there would be so many grammar and spelling mistakes.
Thank you.